my husband and skimpy bars

[confusedmum]

Hi, I am bitterly upset. I have just found out my husband has been visiting skimpy bars after work on a Thusday night. He says he and his friends 'sit in the beer garden' and dont go in the pub. I dont believe him. We had a discussion similar to this a year ago and he promised he wouldnt visit skimpy bars again. I feel totally let down especially because he cant see he is doing anything wrong and I am the one 'with the problem'. Am I the one with the problem? Is it ok for him to visit these pubs? He has me at home why does he need to visit them? I have just told him that he has to make a choice: me and my feelings or 'peer' pressure from his friends to go to the skimpy pubs. Am I right or wrong? I am trying to pray but im too confused....

 

[IKTCA]

I have just told him that he has to make a choice: me and my feelings or 'peer' pressure from his friends to go to the skimpy pubs. Am I right or wrong? I am trying to pray but im too confused....

You did right. There is nothing wrong with you. No need to feel confused.

I know my wife was (and still is) the reason why I couldn't (and cannot) go astray. I may be capable of many evil deeds, but I cannot betray her. I am certain your husband is the same. You were the tall barrier that kept him from the skimpy bar until now (or as often as he wanted to). I hope what you said restored the barrier in his mind.

He may deny he did wrong. But his own deed (that he kept it from you) reveals his guilt.

Pray to the Lord that you are restored to his peace. Exhibit the peace and gently push your husband to seek the Lord for the same peace that governs your heart.

Rupert

 

[fulltime]

Confusedmum, I would say that there is nothing wrong with you. It is a hard situation when the trust issue gets involved. Lust and evil desires are always there. I would agree with IKTCA to get him involved in church and away from the bar seen. Goodluck I will pray that it will get better for you.

 

[Robinsegg]

Are you talking about a place where women take off their clothing, or a place where they are dressed to show off their "assets"? If it's the first, I'd say that hubby is absolutely wrong in going there . . . even if he's just going "because the guys are", as we are to flee the appearance of evil.

If, however, he's going to a place like "Hooters", where they simply dress the women in small tops and shorts . . . That's a more complicated issue. Hubby thought he was going to have to go to one of these places for a business meeting. Since I trust my husband, I gave him my blessing (the meeting ended up being elsewhere, possibly due to hubby's comments to his boss). However, going there each week could be a problem.

So, you have to decide:
1. What do you feel is wrong about the situation.
2. Why does he feel he should be doing this.
3. Why does this hurt you so badly.
4. How can you bring the subject to hubby so he understands where you're coming from.
5. Do you trust your hubby.

Rachel

 

[cory533]

I often find that women in this situation see it completely backward from the way it often is. women often think if he's looking it must be because I don't messure up. when in reallity if you don't mesure up it is because he is looking. let me clarify If I only have eyes for my wife other women don't interest me and I only olow them a fleeting glance then there is no more beautiful woman on earth. If I get caught up in the "I'm married not dead" earthly stupidity and then allow myself to look, the strange and exotic will always win out. Then my wife cannot compare to fantasy and I will be discontented. The point being don't feel bad or self conscious because he's a self indulgent pig, it's about his uncontrolled lust and he needs to stop it before he degrades himself more and devalues the wonderful woman he already has. looking leads to touching touching leads to... beer drinking. Anyway sin is never satisfied it always builds if allowed to fester. NOTE; the aforementioned self indulgent pig was a generic reference and did not refer to any particular self indulgent pig.

 

[confused2007]

You are absolutely RIGHT. I wouldn't trust my husband if he were drinking beer at a skimpy bar. People get stupid when they drink a lot of beer. And there is no reason that he should be looking at other women's bodies. That's childish and degrading. He needs to grow up!

My suggestion, if it's okay with you: A couples night out after work (everyone bring the wives and girlfriends) and go bowling or host a "game night". YOU are a couple, that's what couples do.