- May 26, 2015
- 8
- 4
- 26
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Nazarene
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Republican
Hi, I'm 16 and a long while back I was exploring functions of a computer. Well, I ran across the "Web History" area. Now, you may condemn me for snooping, but at the time I was merely curious with genuinely good intentions. Now, what I ran across shocked me. Before my eyes, I had seen many porn sites listed. I was completely and utterly disgusted. So I turned off the computer. For a couple of months afterwards, i had monitored the history, and every couple of days it would show up again. Keep in mind that this was at least a year ago, if not longer, when this happened. Then, one day, when I had opened up the computer, my dad had forgot to close the porn website! So I had to quickly think; then I called my dad and said, "Dad, I think there's a virus on here!", with full knowledge that it indeed was not. He quickly came out and shut it off and didn't say anything. (Now, normally my dad gets extremely frustrated and mad at computer viruses, but he acted like nothing was wrong. I just wanted to see how he would react). About a month went by and I half-heartedly brought it up to my mom. It went something like this, "Mom, I think there might be a virus on the computer, because I found porn websites in the computer history. Either that, or someone's watching porn. And I know it's not you or Joe (my little brother, too young to know about porn)." She just kinda laughed it off and said, "It's probably a virus". So then, for months after that, I hadn't seen any porn on the computer history. Keep in mind both my parents are christians, but my dad tends to live more by the world than by Christ.
But, a couple of days ago, I found another way to check to history (Google search history or something.) It turns out my dad watches the minimum twice a week, and the maximum every other day! The worst part is, he talks to me about how he wishes my mom would lose weight and how she doesn't wanna have sex anymore, and when they do "do it", she can't hardly do anything because she's so fat, and that he can't help but look at other women and sometimes even flirt with them. But then, the websites he looks up are BBW porn sites ("Big Beautiful Women"), so how can he fat shame my mom so badly behind her back, and then be so hypocritical to watch other big women on porn sites? One of the worst parts is, every Wednesday, we want him to go to church with us but he declines. But, as I found out, Google shows the time each website was used, and while we're going to church worshipping Christ, he uses this time to watch porn most often. And while me and my mom were out shopping and my brother at school, at 2:30 pm today he was watching Redtube.
So yeah, I'm completely disgusted and utterly horrified, including a scarred beyond repair mind. Are most men like this? This distrustful, dishonorable, etc? It's made me to the point where I can't even have a boyfriend. It's tearing me up inside. I have no one else to talk to this about. And please don't take this as a joke and say, "It's normal, all guys watch porn!" Because my problems with my "Christian" dad go deeper than the porn itself. And we have a very close relationship for the most part. But after I found this, I've felt very distant from him. I can't even look him in the eyes. And the thing I don't understand is, he very strict on me. He won't let me go out with my friends hardly anywhere, or go anywhere by myself, and makes me dress how he wants. (I don't dress provocatively, but I do wear a lot of black.) Also, these past couple of days it has been very hard taking him seriously. If he yells at me for something I've done wrong, I think in my head, "at least I don't watch porn!". I just need help, peace, and guidance. I am SO grateful for anyone that responds to this seriously and has read my awfully long problem up to this point. Thanks, and God bless.
But, a couple of days ago, I found another way to check to history (Google search history or something.) It turns out my dad watches the minimum twice a week, and the maximum every other day! The worst part is, he talks to me about how he wishes my mom would lose weight and how she doesn't wanna have sex anymore, and when they do "do it", she can't hardly do anything because she's so fat, and that he can't help but look at other women and sometimes even flirt with them. But then, the websites he looks up are BBW porn sites ("Big Beautiful Women"), so how can he fat shame my mom so badly behind her back, and then be so hypocritical to watch other big women on porn sites? One of the worst parts is, every Wednesday, we want him to go to church with us but he declines. But, as I found out, Google shows the time each website was used, and while we're going to church worshipping Christ, he uses this time to watch porn most often. And while me and my mom were out shopping and my brother at school, at 2:30 pm today he was watching Redtube.
So yeah, I'm completely disgusted and utterly horrified, including a scarred beyond repair mind. Are most men like this? This distrustful, dishonorable, etc? It's made me to the point where I can't even have a boyfriend. It's tearing me up inside. I have no one else to talk to this about. And please don't take this as a joke and say, "It's normal, all guys watch porn!" Because my problems with my "Christian" dad go deeper than the porn itself. And we have a very close relationship for the most part. But after I found this, I've felt very distant from him. I can't even look him in the eyes. And the thing I don't understand is, he very strict on me. He won't let me go out with my friends hardly anywhere, or go anywhere by myself, and makes me dress how he wants. (I don't dress provocatively, but I do wear a lot of black.) Also, these past couple of days it has been very hard taking him seriously. If he yells at me for something I've done wrong, I think in my head, "at least I don't watch porn!". I just need help, peace, and guidance. I am SO grateful for anyone that responds to this seriously and has read my awfully long problem up to this point. Thanks, and God bless.