Marrying a non believer

[Andrew1994]

I am a Christian male, and I am attached to the church since I was a little kid. I have fallen in love with a girl , our love story is amazing. It's very unusual because it's a long distance relationship and it is lasting for more than 3 years till now. The girl is amazing . She is kind , loving and caring . She decided to leave everything behind and to come and live with me in my country. I am aware by the big sacrifice she is doing. Specially because the two counties are totally different in almost everything . I love everything about her , but the fact that she isn't a believer bothers me. She was raised as a Catholic Christian and was baptized. But later on she decided to go in a different path . Now, she says that she doesn't know if God exist or not. She doesn't deny the existence but she says she doesn't know. Still, she respects that I go to the church and that I practise . she also agreed that she can come with me to attend Mass every while , that we can go to consult priest if we need to repent about something and also to raise the kids as Christians. We are planning to marry . And we agreed that we will marry in the church going through all the procedures to be done like any other marriage between 2 christians . I would like to know is our marriage considered unequally yoked? Or is it considered equally yolked since that it was done in the church with all the procedures that are normally done, even if she isn't a true believer .
She will also be baptized again before we marry.

she loves me sincerely . We just can't imagine our lives without each other . When we talked about this issue and she felt like I was worried . She begged me to not leave her , that her life would be hell and destroyed . I really love her and I can't tolerate the idea of destroying her life .

 

[Paul James]

I am a Christian male, and I am attached to the church since I was a little kid. I have fallen in love with a girl , our love story is amazing. It's very unusual because it's a long distance relationship and it is lasting for more than 3 years till now. The girl is amazing . She is kind , loving and caring . She decided to leave everything behind and to come and live with me in my country. I am aware by the big sacrifice she is doing. Specially because the two counties are totally different in almost everything . I love everything about her , but the fact that she isn't a believer bothers me. She was raised as a Catholic Christian and was baptized. But later on she decided to go in a different path . Now, she says that she doesn't know if God exist or not. She doesn't deny the existence but she says she doesn't know. Still, she respects that I go to the church and that I practise . she also agreed that she can come with me to attend Mass every while , that we can go to consult priest if we need to repent about something and also to raise the kids as Christians. We are planning to marry . And we agreed that we will marry in the church going through all the procedures to be done like any other marriage between 2 christians . I would like to know is our marriage considered unequally yoked? Or is it considered equally yolked since that it was done in the church with all the procedures that are normally done, even if she isn't a true believer .
She will also be baptized again before we marry.

she loves me sincerely . We just can't imagine our lives without each other . When we talked about this issue and she felt like I was worried . She begged me to not leave her , that her life would be hell and destroyed . I really love her and I can't tolerate the idea of destroying her life .

If she is prepared to accept you without you having to compromise your faith in Christ or to hinder your work for the Lord in any way, then you might be the means of getting her back to a sound faith in Christ.

I have a friend who married a professing Christian who demonstrated all the right things, went to the same church, walked the walk and talked the talk, and was assured that they were totally suited to each other spiritually. After eight years, she decided that she couldn't make him the Christian she thought he should be, and walked out of the marriage. Ten years later, he married again to a woman of good and faithful character who did not share the same particular strict Christian faith as he did, but he did not compromise his faith and she accepted him as he was and did not hinder him doing the will of God in his life. They have now been happily married for 30 years, and he says that it is the best decision he ever made.

 

[Jesus is my Superhero]

As one who believes in being my brother's keeper, my advice is that you are treading on dangerous grounds. A wrong decision here could change your life dramatically, for decades perhaps, if you were
to father children with her. Think long and hard and much praying and fasting.

 

[Paul James]

As one who believes in being my brother's keeper, my advice is that you are treading on dangerous grounds. A wrong decision here could change your life dramatically, for decades perhaps, if you were
to father children with her. Think long and hard and much praying and fasting.

The problem with that strict approach is that someone who professes Christianity may not be what they appear to be, and someone who might not appear to be as spiritual, may turn out to have a much better character and make a better wife. The important thing is that one does not compromise his or her Christian walk with the Lord in order to marry someone who might not share it to the degree which they maybe should. But yes, it would be dangerous for a Christian to marry an agnostic or an atheist, because that would be inviting trouble and strife in a marriage and would end up corrupting the person's faith in Christ and making him or her unfruitful for the lord through the stress of having to cope with a spouse who is a total unbeliever and opposed to the gospel.

It appears that this is not the case with the OP.

 

[Aussie Pete]

I am a Christian male, and I am attached to the church since I was a little kid. I have fallen in love with a girl , our love story is amazing. It's very unusual because it's a long distance relationship and it is lasting for more than 3 years till now. The girl is amazing . She is kind , loving and caring . She decided to leave everything behind and to come and live with me in my country. I am aware by the big sacrifice she is doing. Specially because the two counties are totally different in almost everything . I love everything about her , but the fact that she isn't a believer bothers me. She was raised as a Catholic Christian and was baptized. But later on she decided to go in a different path . Now, she says that she doesn't know if God exist or not. She doesn't deny the existence but she says she doesn't know. Still, she respects that I go to the church and that I practise . she also agreed that she can come with me to attend Mass every while , that we can go to consult priest if we need to repent about something and also to raise the kids as Christians. We are planning to marry . And we agreed that we will marry in the church going through all the procedures to be done like any other marriage between 2 christians . I would like to know is our marriage considered unequally yoked? Or is it considered equally yolked since that it was done in the church with all the procedures that are normally done, even if she isn't a true believer .
She will also be baptized again before we marry.

she loves me sincerely . We just can't imagine our lives without each other . When we talked about this issue and she felt like I was worried . She begged me to not leave her , that her life would be hell and destroyed . I really love her and I can't tolerate the idea of destroying her life .

I'm 69. I've been saved for 49 years. I've seen a lot in that time. I've seen many relationships where one is a Christian and the other is not. It rarely ends well. Either the Christian gives up (usually a woman married to an unbeliever) or the relationship founders. The Bible advises against such marriages for a reason. You can ask God to show you the truth about the relationship.

I speak from experience. I married someone who seemed Christian enough. I did not know her as well as I should. The first week of our marriage I had reason to ask myself, "What have I done!" 9 years and two children later, it came to an end. And not at all well. It's not worth it.

 

[Andrew1994]

I'm 69. I've been saved for 49 years. I've seen a lot in that time. I've seen many relationships where one is a Christian and the other is not. It rarely ends well. Either the Christian gives up (usually a woman married to an unbeliever) or the relationship founders. The Bible advises against such marriages for a reason. You can ask God to show you the truth about the relationship.

I speak from experience. I married someone who seemed Christian enough. I did not know her as well as I should. The first week of our marriage I had reason to ask myself, "What have I done!" 9 years and two children later, it came to an end. And not at all well. It's not worth it.

 

[Andrew1994]

I'm 69. I've been saved for 49 years. I've seen a lot in that time. I've seen many relationships where one is a Christian and the other is not. It rarely ends well. Either the Christian gives up (usually a woman married to an unbeliever) or the relationship founders. The Bible advises against such marriages for a reason. You can ask God to show you the truth about the relationship.

I speak from experience. I married someone who seemed Christian enough. I did not know her as well as I should. The first week of our marriage I had reason to ask myself, "What have I done!" 9 years and two children later, it came to an end. And not at all well. It's not worth it.

Can I kindly ask , what happened during the first week from her side , that lead you to feel like that?

 

[Paul James]

My marriage has lasted 30 years, even though my wife is not the same level of belief that I am, and it is because I have never lectured her or tried to convert her. I just accept her as she is, and there is so much in her character and faithfulness that makes her a great wife. She has come to church and heard me preach the gospel, and when I wrote a book about the true gospel, I got her to proof read it (very sneaky way of getting her to read the gospel without causing strife by preaching to her), and so I am trusting that she will hide these things in her heart.

 

[Sketcher]

Well, being baptized before the marriage would technically eliminate unequal yoking if the baptism is appropriate. But it's not appropriate if she, a thinking and reasoning adult, doesn't believe in God and want to follow him.

 

[Aussie Pete]

Can I kindly ask , what happened during the first week from her side , that lead you to feel like that?

I was on the roof cleaning gutters of the house. There was a backyard incinerator that we were using to burn off prunings, leaves and such. It got a bit smokey and blew over a neighbour's yard. She was not happy as she'd hung out her washing. She said as much to my wife. The response was "Mind your own business, you silly old bat". Not what I was expecting from the woman of my dreams.

 

[bèlla]

I don't think you can answer this without an honest assessment of your beliefs and their manifestation in your life. Many profess convictions they aren't actively following. Agreement would be a better descriptor.

What has changed in light of your faith?
What are you accommodating?
What have you set aside?

Giving yourself a stringent mandate you aren't holding to while single is unrealistic. What you're doing today is will probably continue. Distinguishing between ideal and truth is a must.

That doesn't imply blanket support for unequally yoked relationships. But it might explain how someone permitted its continuance and why they're contemplating marriage.

The question isn't whether you should wed but who is occupying the helm. You or God. You can't have both. One must yield to the other.

When I faced a similar decision I chose God. It was the right decision and my life has grown by leaps and bounds since that time. The feelings departed and I met someone later on.

Saying yes to him would be admitting there's nothing else. He's as good as it gets. God can't restore my heart and allow me to love again. And that's untrue.

This is my conviction:

"But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD." —Joshua 24:15

~Bella