Marriage after divorce? Other related questions.

[ChildOfGod1115]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here, Southern Baptist, and have a few questions. I was saved and baptized about a year ago. I was married for 5 years the only time I've been married. We got married in 2007. We had 3 children, and it turned out he was living a secret life and was a pedophile. He's currently serving 60 years in prison and will never have contact with the children. I divorced him, because not only is that sick and disgusting and a danger to my children, but also a type of infidelity, which seems silly to say with the dangers of his crimes, but is true, I guess. I was not saved at this time.

Again, while I was not saved, after the divorce I got into a relationship with a man that I've known about half my life. He is an atheist and we lived in sin for a long time. We broke up a while ago, but I'm waiting for disability and can't financially support my family, so he has agreed to stay at the house and help provide for the house and the kids. We live with my mother, who is retired but doesn't make much money and it's not her job to take care of my family, ya know? Since he and I broke up, we have been co-parenting since he's the only daddy the kids know and I have moved into the living room and he has kept the bedroom. We are in no way in a romantic relationship anymore but by him living here, are we still considered as living in sin? I know I need to pray for forgiveness for living in sin when we were romantically together.

Fast-forward to now and I am in a relationship with a wonderful Godly man that works hard, believes a woman should not have to work and instead stay home to tend to the children and the home (which I also believe), and we have begun talking about marriage. He is divorced due to the infidelity of his wife.

I believe both of our divorces are fine according to the Bible because of the infidelity of our partners, but what about marriage for us? I don't believe it would be wrong for us to get married, but could someone point me to some passages in the Bible about it? I would really appreciate it. I want all things right according to God.

 

[Kenny'sID]

We are in no way in a romantic relationship anymore but by him living here, are we still considered as living in sin?

No sin there...

I believe both of our divorces are fine according to the Bible because of the infidelity of our partners, but what about marriage for us? I don't believe it would be wrong for us to get married, but could someone point me to some passages in the Bible about it? I would really appreciate it. I want all things right according to God.

In that paragraph you already stated the type passages that would make your marriage ok, at least as far as I can tell. IOW, what verses did you get the idea you can remarry because of infidelity? and those would be the ones you seek. Or are you looking for others to substantiate it's ok?

I don't recall were the obvious verses are but I'll look, maybe that's all you are asking.

And glad to see this is important to you.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Matthew 19:9King James Version (KJV)

9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Using this one with reverse roles would work, thing is, that actually states "fornication".Seems I've seen this discussed here before, and the verse may mean infidelity. So ,maybe someone can clear that up or offer a verse that is more clear on the subject.

 

[ChildOfGod1115]

In that paragraph you already stated the type passages that would make your marriage ok, at least as far as I can tell. IOW, what verses did you get the idea you can remarry because of infidelity? and those would be the ones you seek. Or are you looking for others to substantiate it's ok?

Thank you for your reply! I was wondering if us both being divorced, even with the infidelity on the parts of our partners, would be a problem in the eyes of God.

Matthew 19:9King James Version (KJV)

9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

I believe this is what I was looking for! "Except it be for fornication" means the fornication of our previous partners, so our marriage would not be considered adulterous. Thank you for this!

 

[frienden thalord]

Matthew 19:9King James Version (KJV)

9 And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.

Using this one with reverse roles would work, thing is, that actually states "fornication".Seems I've seen this discussed here before, and the verse may mean infidelity. So ,maybe someone can clear that up or offer a verse that is more clear on the subject.

Kenny it means if the spouse or husband cheats on the other one. physical fornication.
death or fornication is the only grounds for a marriage not to be counted as adultery.
If both spouses cheated , physical fornication , sex etc . then one could remarry. ONLY if the other one was never married OR
if their spouse cheated sex etc too. the ONLY way , well that and death.
Jesus said save for fornication. and well death is a known .
ONLY way. or its adultery and will be so long as the first spouse lives. as paul well knew.
I am happy this person actually asked . Most just justify why , no matter what the cause.

 

[PollyJetix]

You will find a wide array of opinions on this subject in here.
Some will believe as I was raised to believe: that any remarriage after divorce is adultery.
I was raised to believe that if anyone was remarried after divorce, they were living in continual adultery... (that position depends on parsing the Greek very carefully... and mistakenly, according to Greek professors)... and that to be in the perfect will of God, they would need to divorce their current marriage partner, and remarry their original partner.

I have come to understand it far differently.
If Jesus were saying that, then He would have not only destroyed the law of Deuteronomy 24:1-4... He would have been turning the abomination of verse 4 into a commandment of the New Covenant.

But he said He did not come to destroy the law or the prophets.

All that He said aligned perfectly with what was written in the Old Testament, concerning divorce and remarriage.
And all that Paul said on the subject, also aligns perfectly with God's Word, given once, which never changes.

Paul said in 1 Cor 7:8, that those who were "unmarried and widows" ought to marry, if they feel that single life is too difficult for them. And 3 verses later, Paul defines an "unmarried" woman, as one who is separated from her husband.

Now, it is very important to realize that Paul gave very different rules to those who are married to Christians, compared to the ones he gave to those who are married to non-Christians.
1 Corinthians 7:10 and 11 are written to those who have believing partners. True Christians.
Verse 12 begins a section with very different rules for those whose partners are not Christians.

Read it, and let it speak to you.

Down further it says this:
1Cor 7:27-28 Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned...

Now take out all the punctuation and verse divisions.
That's how it was written.
And in the Greek, the word translated "loosed" twice in verse 27, actually means "broken." This is the word used to refer to divorce, not death. There's a different Greek word translated "loosed" that means "dissolved", used in Romans 7:2, where it talks about a woman being loosed from her husband in death.

So, no. Neither the Old, nor the New Testament condemns you.
Jesus came to loose the heavy burdens. Not to put heavier ones on betrayed and hurt women.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Kenny it means if the spouse or husband cheats on the other one. physical fornication.
death or fornication is the only grounds for a marriage not to be counted as adultery.
If both spouses cheated , physical fornication , sex etc . then one could remarry. ONLY if the other one was never married OR
if their spouse cheated sex etc too. the ONLY way , well that and death.
Jesus said save for fornication. and well death is a known .
ONLY way. or its adultery and will be so long as the first spouse lives. as paul well knew.
I am happy this person actually asked . Most just justify why , no matter what the cause.

But fornication is defined as sex before marriage, at least as I've always understood it. So in the example verse, it would mean the woman turned out to not be a virgin.

See the confusion there, Frienden? My concern is that people may have decided to define fornication differently, and change the whole meaning of that for selfish reasons.

Then, to further confuse things, there is this article I was just reading, and it replaces the KJV's fornication with “sexual immorality”. Why?

Is man messing this one up too, and all this time I assumed adultery was grounds for divorce, it really is not? At the very least you can see how it's confusing at best.

 

[frienden thalord]

Paul used the word fornication when having sex with harlots as well.
the body is for the LORD not for fornication.
IF fornication is sex only before marriage . then anyone who has had sex before marriage cant be married period.
I don't remarry cause I put away my wife years ago . Over fourteen. been single ever since.
IF any puts away his wife, save for fornication and marries another he commits adultery. means what it says.
IN fact even if a husband puts away his wife , and she marries another, she will be called an adulteress so long as the first husband lives.
in that case, better get a divorce and be restored and stay single.
The early church took very serious the sayings of JESUS. as we all should.
Its that serious Kenny. But don't you worry about my joy one ounce. I have pure joy just living His sayings.
You on the right track Kenny. Just don't over think . I know a lady who stayed faithful to her husband who cheated on her
and she won Him to Christ in the end. She knows remarriage is adultery as well. we can leave our spouses but we have to reamin single
as paul said or be restored back to the spouse. Me, i stay single. I got the divorce a few years before coming to Christ .
Then once i came i knew i woulod be single due to the adultery thing. but i had no loss of joy over it, just fulfillment
by lving his sayings. man what peace and joy.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Paul used the word fornication when having sex with harlots as well.
the body is for the LORD not for fornication.
IF fornication is sex only before marriage . then anyone who has had sex before marriage cant be married period.
I don't remarry cause I put away my wife years ago . Over fourteen. been single ever since.
IF any puts away his wife, save for fornication and marries another he commits adultery. means what it says.
IN fact even if a husband puts away his wife , and she marries another, she will be called an adulteress so long as the first husband lives.
in that case, better get a divorce and be restored and stay single.
The early church took very serious the sayings of JESUS. as we all should.
Its that serious Kenny. But don't you worry about my joy one ounce. I have pure joy just living His sayings.
You on the right track Kenny. Just don't over think . I know a lady who stayed faithful to her husband who cheated on her
and she won Him to Christ in the end. She knows remarriage is adultery as well. we can leave our spouses but we have to reamin single
as paul said or be restored back to the spouse. Me, i stay single. I got the divorce a few years before coming to Christ .
Then once i came i knew i woulod be single due to the adultery thing. but i had no loss of joy over it, just fulfillment
by lving his sayings. man what peace and joy.

If you say so, I won't worry about you, but this whole thing worries me for others. What a terrible realization to know they must go back or stay single.

On what Paul said about the harlots, were they unmarried harlots? Easy to see where I'm going with that, but the one thing that makes sense it no one could be married if they had had sex, but for all I know, that is a fact. Seems there is scripture somewhere that states God considers anyone who has done deed married, but I've have to find it before I can comment much more on that.

Not overthinking at this point, just looking at every angle and just exactly what the Bible says on this as sometimes we find what has been taught, isn't necessarily the truth, but no surprise there.

Your situation brought up a question, If your wife has had sex with anyone aside from you since your divorce, and because God still considers her your wife, wouldn't that release you from the marriage contract? I mean that would still be adultery because again, technically she is still married to you.

 

[ValleyGal]

This site offers a great study on divorce and remarriage:
www.divorcehope.com

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here, Southern Baptist, and have a few questions. I was saved and baptized about a year ago. I was married for 5 years the only time I've been married. We got married in 2007. We had 3 children, and it turned out he was living a secret life and was a pedophile. He's currently serving 60 years in prison and will never have contact with the children. I divorced him, because not only is that sick and disgusting and a danger to my children, but also a type of infidelity, which seems silly to say with the dangers of his crimes, but is true, I guess. I was not saved at this time.

Again, while I was not saved, after the divorce I got into a relationship with a man that I've known about half my life. He is an atheist and we lived in sin for a long time. We broke up a while ago, but I'm waiting for disability and can't financially support my family, so he has agreed to stay at the house and help provide for the house and the kids. We live with my mother, who is retired but doesn't make much money and it's not her job to take care of my family, ya know? Since he and I broke up, we have been co-parenting since he's the only daddy the kids know and I have moved into the living room and he has kept the bedroom. We are in no way in a romantic relationship anymore but by him living here, are we still considered as living in sin? I know I need to pray for forgiveness for living in sin when we were romantically together.

Fast-forward to now and I am in a relationship with a wonderful Godly man that works hard, believes a woman should not have to work and instead stay home to tend to the children and the home (which I also believe), and we have begun talking about marriage. He is divorced due to the infidelity of his wife.
Have you read their divorce papers? If you haven't, do so.
Also, do a full background check on him.
I'm advising this because if I'd of done that before I married the first time,
that marriage wouldn't of taken place due to what I'd later find out about
my first husband...who was hiding the fact he was a three time felon.
Three time felons aren't allowed to adopt children...I found
out about my first husband when the adoption agency did the full background
checks...he'd never said a word until after the adoption agency made that
truth and a few others known.

 

[DiscipleHeLovesToo]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here, Southern Baptist, and have a few questions. I was saved and baptized about a year ago. I was married for 5 years the only time I've been married. We got married in 2007. We had 3 children, and it turned out he was living a secret life and was a pedophile. He's currently serving 60 years in prison and will never have contact with the children. I divorced him, because not only is that sick and disgusting and a danger to my children, but also a type of infidelity, which seems silly to say with the dangers of his crimes, but is true, I guess. I was not saved at this time.

Again, while I was not saved, after the divorce I got into a relationship with a man that I've known about half my life. He is an atheist and we lived in sin for a long time. We broke up a while ago, but I'm waiting for disability and can't financially support my family, so he has agreed to stay at the house and help provide for the house and the kids. We live with my mother, who is retired but doesn't make much money and it's not her job to take care of my family, ya know? Since he and I broke up, we have been co-parenting since he's the only daddy the kids know and I have moved into the living room and he has kept the bedroom. We are in no way in a romantic relationship anymore but by him living here, are we still considered as living in sin? I know I need to pray for forgiveness for living in sin when we were romantically together.

Fast-forward to now and I am in a relationship with a wonderful Godly man that works hard, believes a woman should not have to work and instead stay home to tend to the children and the home (which I also believe), and we have begun talking about marriage. He is divorced due to the infidelity of his wife.

I believe both of our divorces are fine according to the Bible because of the infidelity of our partners, but what about marriage for us? I don't believe it would be wrong for us to get married, but could someone point me to some passages in the Bible about it? I would really appreciate it. I want all things right according to God.

remember David; he committed adultery with Bathsheba, the wife of one of his faithful soldiers, Uriah the Hittite. then when David found that Bathsheba was pregnant, he brought Uriah from the battle in hopes that Uriah would 'go into' his wife and think that the child she already carried was his instead of David's - and when Uriah's faithfulness to David caused him to forsake being with his wife when his fellows were still in battle, David arranged for Uriah to fall in battle, and he took Bathsheba for his own wife - this brought David many troubles at first, yet once David repented before God, his wife Bathsheba bore Solomon, who became King of Israel after David; and God called David 'a man after His own heart'.

When Jesus paid the price for the sins of the whole world, all the sins of everyone who lives today in a flesh body were future sins. if you feel that you may have sinned in marriage, receive your already-available forgiveness, and put it behind you. Seek God's leading about whether to marry, and who to marry, and follow peace in perceiving His direction. and don't accept disability - God not only released the power to forgive through Jesus at the cross, but He also released the power to heal and make whole through Jesus at the whipping post.

this will help you receive the healing that God made available to you through Jesus:

Audio Teachings - Andrew Wommack Ministries

Audio Teachings - Andrew Wommack Ministries

Moore Life Ministries - Branson, MO
Receiving And Ministering Healing

 

[RaymondG]

You stated that you don't believe something is wrong and then ask for someone to find a verse that proves you are right in your belief. This is the wrong way to go about finding the truth....as one can easily pull a verse that would suggest you are wrong as well.

 

[ChildOfGod1115]

Thank you all for your comments. They've been very thought-provoking and insightful. I'm still a relatively new Christian and I figured it would be nice to get the opinions of like-minded people. My pastor actually touched on this subject today in a round-about way and it made me feel a lot better. I'll be visiting all the links as soon as I have a chance. The kids keep me busy.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

This is a tough one. Usually I'd say your in sin if you remarry because you're still married in Gods eyes. But since you weren't saved at the time I'm not sure where that places you. So in terms of if your really still married or not I honestly don't know the answer.

as for the guy your not with, but living with. If your not having sex and what not then I don't think its a sin. I mean sure it may cause temptations (even if your not in a relationship), but technically its not a sin.

As for this new man who is christian... are you with this man WHILE still having your former BF living with you and your mom? How does your christian BF feel about that? That would be really awkward for me and I don't know how trusting I'd be if I found out my GF is living with her ex-bf. I know this first hand since my ex-fiance WAS living with her ex-bf.

Assuming I read it wrong and your not living with that guy anymore then ignore that last paragraph lol.

Lastly as for the new guy and being divorced, have you talked to his ex? Not saying hes a liar but there are two sides to every story. So many times I've seen people who are divorced only talk about the bad of their spouse, but never their own flaws. Even flaws that really lead to the divorce. Again not all divorced people lie of course. Just saying know facts before you jump into this.

If this guy was married before and was a christian then in Gods eyes he is still married to her. Only legally in humans eyes is he divorced. So for him he is committing adultery with his ex, with you. And you are participating in it.

Now I realize its easy to say such things when someone like myself is married and never been divorced. And God forbid that ever happened, I'd live alone the rest of my life since I fear being remarrying and finding out when I stand before God that I was in sin for remarrying. I don't think it would send me to hell, but I do know I would lose alot of "rewards" in heaven. By rewards I don't mean literal rewards (like we think of as humans).

In the end its up to you to decide. We all at times are willing to not call something we do a sin because we don't want to accept it is. And yes that includes me. I committed so many sins over and over because I was telling myself that what others said wasn't truth. Turns out I was wrong. I'd pray it over, ask God for guidance. Maybe ask a few pastors or elders what they think of the subject. I'd also for sake of conversation point on that every time someone divorces, it increases their risk of divorce on the next marriage (no matter who divorced who). By the third marriage its like a 77% chance of divorce happening again.

 

[FireDragon76]

Thank you all for your comments. They've been very thought-provoking and insightful. I'm still a relatively new Christian and I figured it would be nice to get the opinions of like-minded people. My pastor actually touched on this subject today in a round-about way and it made me feel a lot better. I'll be visiting all the links as soon as I have a chance. The kids keep me busy.

I'm a Lutheran and our church teaches that while divorces are not ideal, sometimes they are inevitable. We are a church about healing and forgiveness, including for the remarried.

 

[macek]

Praying for you and your ex-husband.. pedophilia is a terrible sin that rots the soul, he will need lots of prayers so keep him on your prayers list so he, too may be saved, Lord willing.

 

[paul1149]

I believe this is what I was looking for! "Except it be for fornication" means the fornication of our previous partners, so our marriage would not be considered adulterous.

Some of us take the fornication exception to be synecdoche, that is, shorthand that also includes other profound violations of the marital covenant, such as abandonment or abuse. But if I understand correctly, you fulfill the requirements of the exception.

There are other factors as well. You can consider the discourse in 1Cor 7, where Paul separates out different situations. In the case of marriage to an unbeliever the criteria for divorce is much more lax than when between two Christians. He ends that section by saying, "you are not bound", and "we are called to peace". There's a lot more there, but that's the gist of it.

I commend you for the direction you're moving in. Blessings.