Lutheran Jokes

[doulos_tou_kuriou]

I don't know about you all but I'm all for making fun of myself. So here it shall begin. Any Lutheran jokes you can think of (including if some of you know the "you might be a lutheran if..." sayings).

 

[doulos_tou_kuriou]

So Luther, Zwingli, and Pope Leo walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender asks if they would like to try a wine. They all nod. So the bartender asks them what kind of wine they would like.
Pope Leo immediately replies, "It does not matter what kind of wine you get, for once I bless it it shall no longer be wine but become the very blood of Christ."
Luther immediately interrupts, "Nonsense, for although the blood of Christ will really be present in, with, and under the wine, the wine will still remain. Therefore let us order the finest, sweetest wine they have so that we may thoroughly enjoy the gift of God."
Zwingli then shakes his head, "You two are nuts! It is only wine and a sign of Christ's blood. Therefore we should order the most bitter wine they have in order to better remember and think on his suffering and death."
The three continued to argue in circles for a while until Luther paused, looked at the bartender and replied, "I'll have a Sam Adams."


...Samuel Adams; an ecumenical beer!

 

[doulos_tou_kuriou]

You might be a Lutheran if...

...a meeting isn't a meeting unless it lasts three hours.

...when you hear someone mention the colors "red and green" you don't think of Christmas you think of a battle over hymnals.

...You consider a WELS bride and a LCMS groom a mixed marriage.

...The term "Jello-salad" is redundant.

...whenever something changes, the old way was better.

...the only German you know is the four verses of "Silent Night" which you know by memory.

...your church is heavily divided over whether it's a "hot-dish" or a "casserole"

...the church burns down and you run in to save the coffee pots.

 

[seajoy]

You can always tell a WELS'er from afar off - but up close, you can't tell him anything.

 

[doulos_tou_kuriou]

How many Lutherans does it take to light a fire?

depends on what their burning.

 

[doulos_tou_kuriou]

How many Lutherans does it take to build a church?

enough to create a building committee.

 

[doulos_tou_kuriou]

A Lutheran Pastor was teaching his confirmation class about the sacraments of the church when he noticed that little Johnny was not paying attention in the back. He decided he would call the boy out in order to get him to start paying attention.
"Little Johnny," he cried. Little Johnny looked up. "Pay attention, the sacraments are very important to the church."
"I know," Little Johnny said.
"Then how many sacraments are there in the Lutheran church?" the Pastor asked.
Little Johnny panicked and thought of what his parents considered very important in church. Then he took a breath and replied, "Two."
The pastor was impressed, he could not believe he got it right. "And what are those two sacraments?" he asked.
Confident now that he had it right little Johnny replied, "Coffee and potlucks."

 

[Zecryphon]

Cinderella, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo were sitting around talking, as they do.
Cinderella said, " I am the most beautiful woman in the world, and that makes me feel great."
Tom Thumb says, "I am the smallest person in the world, and that makes ME feel great"
Quasimodo says, "I am the most miserable, tight-fisted, ugliest person in the world, and I'm proud of it!"
"But a thought has just occurred to me. How do we know this for sure?"
"I know." said Tom Thumb. "Let's go and see Merlin the Magician. He has a crystal ball and will be able to see if what we say is true."
So off they trot down the yellow brick road.
Cinderella goes in first. After a while she comes out. Put's her arms in the air, and sighs "it's true, I am the most beautiful!"
Tom goes in and soon comes out punching the air, "And I'm the smallest!"
Quasimodo goes in and there is suddenly a loud scream.
He comes out and says, "Who's C.F.W. Walther??!!."

 

[Zecryphon]

How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?











Change?

 

[doulos_tou_kuriou]

How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?

I don't know, but it's bound to lead to a split

 

[doulos_tou_kuriou]

How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?




Change?

Perhaps we should form a New Light bulb committee to:
1) determine first if they need a new light bulb
2) If they determine they need one debate if it is worth the change
3) Research different light bulbs and present their findings to the church council who can make a recommendation for the congregational vote in November.
4) determine if they need a "change the light bulb team" to help turn the ladder while someone holds the bulb.
5) Arrange a service of dedication for the new light bulb
6) propose to the budget committee an estimated yearly cost for keeping the new bulb lit (which will ultimately be cut from the budget in 2012)
7) Find an appropriate Martin Luther quote about light to put on the bulletin the first Sunday of the new bulb so everyone knows what "Luther would have thought about a new light bulb"
8) call the seminary to make sure it is not unconfessional to use a light bulb that may have been made by Catholics.
9) seek out private donors in order to avoid a capital campaign fund to afford a new bulb.

 

[DaRev]

Cinderella, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo were sitting around talking, as they do.
Cinderella said, " I am the most beautiful woman in the world, and that makes me feel great."
Tom Thumb says, "I am the smallest person in the world, and that makes ME feel great"
Quasimodo says, "I am the most miserable, tight-fisted, ugliest person in the world, and I'm proud of it!"
"But a thought has just occurred to me. How do we know this for sure?"
"I know." said Tom Thumb. "Let's go and see Merlin the Magician. He has a crystal ball and will be able to see if what we say is true."
So off they trot down the yellow brick road.
Cinderella goes in first. After a while she comes out. Put's her arms in the air, and sighs "it's true, I am the most beautiful!"
Tom goes in and soon comes out punching the air, "And I'm the smallest!"
Quasimodo goes in and there is suddenly a loud scream.
He comes out and says, "Who's C.F.W. Walther??!!."

Ummm...


...Not funny.

 

[Tangible]

Steadfast Lutherans.

 

[RadMan]

Cinderella, Tom Thumb and Quasimodo were sitting around talking, as they do.
Cinderella said, " I am the most beautiful woman in the world, and that makes me feel great."
Tom Thumb says, "I am the smallest person in the world, and that makes ME feel great"
Quasimodo says, "I am the most miserable, tight-fisted, ugliest person in the world, and I'm proud of it!"
"But a thought has just occurred to me. How do we know this for sure?"
"I know." said Tom Thumb. "Let's go and see Merlin the Magician. He has a crystal ball and will be able to see if what we say is true."
So off they trot down the yellow brick road.
Cinderella goes in first. After a while she comes out. Put's her arms in the air, and sighs "it's true, I am the most beautiful!"
Tom goes in and soon comes out punching the air, "And I'm the smallest!"
Quasimodo goes in and there is suddenly a loud scream.
He comes out and says, "Who's C.F.W. Walther??!!."

:o

 

[RadMan]

Steadfast Lutherans.

What's with this Walther bashing?

 

[AngelusSax]

What's with this Walther bashing?

Eh, it's just humor. I don't think there's malicious intent involved.

Anyway, let's see...

You know you're a Lutheran if, when watching Star Wars, when they say "may the Force be with you," you automatically reply "and also with you".

 

[JTornado1]

You might be a Lutheran if you notice the Kool Aid stock shoots up during the Vacation Bible School season.

 

[doulos_tou_kuriou]

You might be a Lutheran if

you pick your Jello flavors according to the liturgical season.

 

[Zecryphon]

Perhaps we should form a New Light bulb committee to:
1) determine first if they need a new light bulb
2) If they determine they need one debate if it is worth the change
3) Research different light bulbs and present their findings to the church council who can make a recommendation for the congregational vote in November.
4) determine if they need a "change the light bulb team" to help turn the ladder while someone holds the bulb.
5) Arrange a service of dedication for the new light bulb
6) propose to the budget committee an estimated yearly cost for keeping the new bulb lit (which will ultimately be cut from the budget in 2012)
7) Find an appropriate Martin Luther quote about light to put on the bulletin the first Sunday of the new bulb so everyone knows what "Luther would have thought about a new light bulb"
8) call the seminary to make sure it is not unconfessional to use a light bulb that may have been made by Catholics.
9) seek out private donors in order to avoid a capital campaign fund to afford a new bulb.

The above would probably be a waste of time because you know someone's grandfather or great-grandfather donated that light bulb to the church, therefore it can never ever be removed and if any such talk of removal or replacement of the aforementioned bulb continues... well there's your church split.

 

[Zecryphon]

What's with this Walther bashing?

This is a joke thread, so I posted a Lutheran joke that I heard told by an LCMS pastor. You think the post is basing, report it.