Low self-esteem

[Shadolus]

What's the best way to handle having low self-esteem? I'm not going to get into details, but I pretty much don't like the way I look. It effects the way I act around others, and I Know what the Bible says about it, like that God looks at our heart and not our outward appearance. I know thats true, but sometimes I just can't help feeling unattractive and it effects my walk, including looking for a girlfriend. I guess some days are better than others and I'm not overly depressed about it, but it certainly effects me. (on a side note I don't feel intelligent either, but I guess that's for a different thread)

I'm not looking for scripture on this topic, b/c I feel in this case someone who's had experience with overcoming low self-esteem is more appropriate in this scenario (not that scripture won't be accepted, it can't hurt) Thanks for all who answer, I appreciate the responces.

 

[freeport]

What's the best way to handle having low self-esteem? I'm not going to get into details, but I pretty much don't like the way I look. It effects the way I act around others, and I Know what the Bible says about it, like that God looks at our heart and not our outward appearance. I know thats true, but sometimes I just can't help feeling unattractive and it effects my walk, including looking for a girlfriend. I guess some days are better than others and I'm not overly depressed about it, but it certainly effects me. (on a side note I don't feel intelligent either, but I guess that's for a different thread)

I'm not looking for scripture on this topic, b/c I feel in this case someone who's had experience with overcoming low self-esteem is more appropriate in this scenario (not that scripture won't be accepted, it can't hurt) Thanks for all who answer, I appreciate the responces.

Working out can help your self-esteem in the physical way.

What is "self-esteem" however? It is confidence, calmness. I went into town today for a job interview and had to dress up. While I am a professional, I never have had to dress up. I struggled with feeling out of place. How do I sit? How do I carry myself? How do I not look like I completely new at this?

And I just relaxed, looked around, and remembered to calm my heart, and trust in the Lord.

I find that when I am full of anxiousness, that transmits. When you are emptied of anxiousness, that transmits as well. We have a choice to make to empty ourselves of anxiousness and dispel all anxious thoughts.

People can tell when someone is calm and relaxed. And they can pick up when someone is anxious, fearful. As Christians we need to walk in the Spirit and recognize anxiousness for what it is.

What is it we are anxious about? Have we done something wrong? No. Are we concerned about people not accepting us? And so on. Has it been ridicule from our past? Forget it. Put it out of mind. Be a new person, dead to the past.

As for looking for a girlfriend: forget about it. Look to God for a girlfriend. God is in charge of that. Put your faith in Him to bring to you the right girlfriend and He will surely do that -- even soon, if you believe. Maybe at a cafe. Maybe at some group you go to. Maybe in a class.

If you have passions, pray to God to do so, and do not look to your own looks or intelligence to bring that.

Lastly, do pay attention to your appearance. I have known meek guys that just let themselves get killed by nonsensical internal voices. They don't know to throw that out. And they do things such as avoiding all suggestions from their peers about their appearance. It can really get arrogant.

That said, don't go overboard. Personally, I dress about as casually as possible and often just pop out of bed. But, I do straight my hair and try and make sure my casual clothes do not offend nor arouse anything unusual: I fit in enough to not be a stranger.

Do keep your hair.

Some people really just dress and keep their hair in a way totally different then everyone else around them. That sends a message they feel different and consider themselves different then everyone else. We should 'be all things to all people'. (Sorry, scripture.)

 

[alatir]

I don't know, people are too much introverted nowadays and look always something to boost their self-esteem, that's how the advertising industry works. But when you read old Puritan writers (e.g. John Owen, Jonathan Edwards) they were very honest about the sinful human nature. You can't find anything to esteemable in your flesh. We are not supposed to esteem our sinful nature, we must have more God-esteem than self-esteem. And through seeing more of Christ's excellency we'll have more confidence in God. When we esteem Jesus much, we esteem ourselves because we are united with Him in the Spirit. I think when you're full of esteem for Christ that will draw attention from a godly woman whom the Lord has appointed to be your wife, because she will sense the Spirit of Christ in you.

 

[childofGod31]

What's the best way to handle having low self-esteem? I'm not going to get into details, but I pretty much don't like the way I look. It effects the way I act around others, and I Know what the Bible says about it, like that God looks at our heart and not our outward appearance. I know thats true, but sometimes I just can't help feeling unattractive and it effects my walk, including looking for a girlfriend. I guess some days are better than others and I'm not overly depressed about it, but it certainly effects me. (on a side note I don't feel intelligent either, but I guess that's for a different thread)

I'm not looking for scripture on this topic, b/c I feel in this case someone who's had experience with overcoming low self-esteem is more appropriate in this scenario (not that scripture won't be accepted, it can't hurt) Thanks for all who answer, I appreciate the responces.

I don't know if this will help, but picture yourself (you, your personality) outside the body. Picture that the body is like clothes that you could change and that you simply got to wear this really bad suit for now (because when they were handing out the suit at the "salvation army", I guess they ran out of good ones....)

Picture yourself putting on this suit and then looking in the mirror and thinking: oh, no, this doesn't look good on me.... maybe you can train yourself to separate YOU from your body.

Soon Jesus will come and we will have perfect beauty. I know that might not help for not. But there is one more thing:

Do you know the story Prince and the Pauper? The prince and the pauper were identical in looks so they switched places. The prince lived a beggar's life. So this is who we are. We are royalty in disguise. The bodies hide who we are and how beautiful we are. Imagine you are a SON of the MOST HIGH GOD. And you ARE perfect in beauty. But for now, you must wear this suit (and perhaps it will humble you, humility is important after all, since satan became too proud and then look what happened...)

 

[LST 1154]

"I pretty much don't like the way I look."

That sums up about 95% of humanity. I'm wondering what it is exactly? Big nose? Ears that stick out? Acne scars? Or maybe your overweight? You can't do anything about the nose, ears or scars (unless your rich ) but you can stop overeating and start excercising which will boost your metabolism, lower your blood pressure, raise your melatonin and just generally make you feel better about yourself, and when you feel good about yourself you will project that to others around you, and especially the female of the species!!! Heck, you might even meet "Miss Perfect" at the gym (where she is looking for Mr. Perfect!!!)

LST 1154

 

[nngraves777]

Hey dont worry about your looks I think of how God looks at you he says we are chlidren of the most high God! Kings and Queens we are! So act like it walk with your head up high knowing you are saved and one day will enter into heaven living like kings and queens! One day in the twinkling of an eye we will be transformed and until then praise God for being alive,able to see all his glory. God bless you and if you need to talk just Pm me anytime,

 

[Shadolus]

Thanks everyone for the responces. I'm blown away every time I see the quality and length of the replies in here. I read um all carefully and they are all full of wisdom, inwhich I take to heart what each and everyone of you guys and gals said. One question though; why does God allow some to be better looking than others, espcially ones that don't deserve it? (yes I know he doesn't look at it that way, but he knows how it effects us until we learn otherwise)

 

[LST 1154]

One question though; why does God allow some to be better looking than others, espcially ones that don't deserve it? (yes I know he doesn't look at it that way, but he knows how it effects us until we learn otherwise)

Jake,

I have often wondered that myself.

My favorite movie is The Ten Commandments staring Charleton Heston as Moses and in that movie Joshua's girlfriend is taken from him by a fellow Hebrew (Dathan, a traitor) because she was so beautiful (and that she was!!!) Anyway, he says something after she is taken that I think is true. He said "beauty is a curse to our women." I believe this is true.

LST 1154

 

[Playfair]

What's the best way to handle having low self-esteem? I'm not going to get into details, but I pretty much don't like the way I look. It effects the way I act around others, and I Know what the Bible says about it, like that God looks at our heart and not our outward appearance. I know thats true, but sometimes I just can't help feeling unattractive and it effects my walk, including looking for a girlfriend. I guess some days are better than others and I'm not overly depressed about it, but it certainly effects me. (on a side note I don't feel intelligent either, but I guess that's for a different thread)

I'm not looking for scripture on this topic, b/c I feel in this case someone who's had experience with overcoming low self-esteem is more appropriate in this scenario (not that scripture won't be accepted, it can't hurt) Thanks for all who answer, I appreciate the responces.

I utterly hate myself so there you go! LOL.... It's true. Same thing, ugly on the outside, hated and shunned, ya that is about it. My whole life. So there ya go. Doesn't help. But hey your not alone. you got company. I can see a literal wound, almost in a vision, spiritually in myself anyways. God ripped the scab off. I don't know. what do you do. Is there an answer? God is the easy and obvious answer, and true don't get me wrong, but God is great, who and what I am is not. So there ya go.

 

[Shadolus]

I utterly hate myself so there you go! LOL.... It's true. Same thing, ugly on the outside, hated and shunned, ya that is about it. My whole life. So there ya go. Doesn't help. But hey your not alone. you got company. I can see a literal wound, almost in a vision, spiritually in myself anyways. God ripped the scab off. I don't know. what do you do. Is there an answer? God is the easy and obvious answer, and true don't get me wrong, but God is great, who and what I am is not. So there ya go.

God has all things, including bad times or negative things we experience, to come together for good. That being said, I'm not sure of your age, but in due time you and I will learn God's reasoning. Who are we to question why God does what he does, but it is our duty as Christians to trust in his judgement. The emotions I'm dealing with now will pass and in the mean time we must not feel self pity, but rather seek God's wisdom and understanding. In the big picture looks really don't matter, all beauty will fade like the flowers, but our spirit will live for eternity in the Lord's presence (and Paul says we will be given new perfect bodys, whoo hoo!) So simply put, we have to trust God's word and have faith. Check out Jeremiah 29:11 in my signiture.

 

[favoredbyGod]

Its easier said than done, but just try to have confidence. No, I don't particularly like everything about myself either, but I don't let it outwardly affect my confidence. If you have to write complimentary notes to yourself everyday until you start to believe it, then do it.
Pray that God helps your self esteem increase and help you to be content with the things that you are not able to change.

 

[freeport]

Thanks everyone for the responces. I'm blown away every time I see the quality and length of the replies in here. I read um all carefully and they are all full of wisdom, inwhich I take to heart what each and everyone of you guys and gals said. One question though; why does God allow some to be better looking than others, espcially ones that don't deserve it? (yes I know he doesn't look at it that way, but he knows how it effects us until we learn otherwise)

You probably aren't as bad looking as you think, frankly. It is rare that I actually meet someone I would think of as ugly. Usually people are too skinny, out of shape, or don't keep up with their appearance as they need to for effective social interaction.

(Usually, the "ugly" people are older. And they don't care about such things, nor do I consider them by their outward appearance.)

When you are a kid you might have been internally focused and not kept up with yourself as the so-called "beautiful people" did. That is all many of them have. Or, many of them are good people, and they simply were more educated in keeping themselves up.

If you are overweight or too skinny: lose the fat or work out. I went from super skinny to very muscular in just a few months. When I would tell some of my friends that struggle with that... they simply did not believe me. But, it is true. (And sadly they would never take my advice, looking down on 'people who work out'.)

(Now I am more back to my skinny self and like it.)

The main thing, however, is to be confident inside. In one's youth one hasn't really done anything. I have to tell you however, you never really do anything at all. That is a facade the world puts on us that 'we are what we do and what we have accomplished'. We are who we are in Christ Jesus.

We should not live, but Christ Jesus should live in us.

I found I was actually able to work out as heavy and fast as I did because of the Spirit of Christ who never gives up, believes, and tackles all challenges.

 

[Playfair]

.

 

[freeport]

Oh I know all of that buddy. That is all great, but that doesn't solve the issue. I know who God is, and I know how He sees me. That isn't the issue. At the end of the day, I guess I will see where this adventure takes me. Right now I am not my own biggest fan though. Quite hate myself actually.

Anyways, you seem to have a good spiritual grasp on things. That is good. I understand all of this but I am kind of left in a larch. You are right though, All things work together for the good, I needed to hear that. Gracias, bro.

Luke 14:25-27 (New International Version)

The Cost of Being a Disciple

25Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: 26"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. 27And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.

 

[wonderwaleye]

What's the best way to handle having low self-esteem? I'm not going to get into details, but I pretty much don't like the way I VANITY. It effects the way I act around others, and I Know what the Bible says about it, like that God looks at our heart and not our outward appearance. I know thats true, but sometimes I just can't help feeling VANITY and it effects my walk, including looking for a girlfriend. I guess some days are better than others and I'm not overly depressed about it, but it certainly effects me. (on a side note I don't feel VANITY either, but I guess that's for a different thread)

I'm not looking for scripture on this topic, b/c I feel in this case someone who's had experience with overcoming VANITY is more appropriate in this scenario (not that scripture won't be accepted, it can't hurt) Thanks for all who answer, I appreciate the responces.

Try reading the VANITY BOOK in GOD'S WORD. Do you know which BOOK I'm talking about?


LOVE


steven

 

[freeport]

Try reading the VANITY BOOK in GOD'S WORD. Do you know which BOOK I'm talking about?


LOVE


steven

Have you ever wondered what he means by 'everything is vanity'?

If that is absolutely true, then what does that mean.

 

[wayfaring man]

Hi Jake ,

Faces are often much more attractive when lit with a friendly , cheerful smile .

Marketing agencies try to claim one feels good because of how they look ... but outward looks are largely fleeting , and therefore largely vanity ... so if one's feeling good is primarily based on looking good , it may keep the beauty industry busy , but sets the shallower minded among us up for a fall . The truth is better represented by attributing looking good to feeling good , once when surrounded by teens , ( who are usually the most concerned with looks , out of any age group ) , this word came to mind -

You look good because you feel good .

And you feel good because you do good .

And you do good because The Lord has done Great Things for you !

******************************************************************

Furthermore , those of us who , as human beings , lack stunning physical appearance have more in common with Jesus as a man , who is described as -

...He has no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him. <---> Isaiah 53:2

Lucifer however , on the other end of the spectrum is described as -

Thine heart was lifted up because of thy beauty, thou hast corrupted thy wisdom by reason of thy brightness... <---> Ezekiel 28:17

Additionally , of women , for whom looks generally even play a greater role than they do for men , it is said -

Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the LORD, she shall be praised. <-----> Proverbs 31:30

And finally loving oneself can have a negative context , even as hating oneself can have a positive context , because if we're happy with our life as a mortal sinner , there's little motivation for forsaking our self-centered life to follow Christ .

This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
For men shall be lovers of their own selves... <---> 2nd Timothy 3:1+2

He that loves his life shall lose it; and he that hates his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal. <-----> John 12:25

Not really ironically , what we would desire as carnal , we find detestable as spiritual , because the carnal is willing to sacrifice the future for the immediate , but the spiritual is willing to sacrifice the immediate for the eternal .

Not presently being endowed with really good looks helps us to realize ( along with about 10 million other things ) , that this is not the life .

And since God is a God of compensation , it makes sense that those who are the most humbled by their looks , their level of natural giftedness , station in life , etc. will be the ones who shine the brightest in the life and world to come .

At the same time came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?
And Jesus called a little child unto him, and set him in the midst of them,
And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.
Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child, the same is greatest in the kingdom of heaven. <-----> Matthew 18:1-4

Thanks Be to God !

Hope this is helpful .

wm

 

[Shadolus]

Thanks again for the replies---

wayfaring man that was a good post. You got to the true matter at hand in a Christ loving way. It made good sence, and I'm sure anyone with stunning looks have a much harder time looking to Jesus Christ as their savior, because they are more self-focused. Keep on giving advice, for God has blessed you with a gift to do so.

 

[IamGodsProperty]

It's good also to surround yourself with good,positive people. Talk to God daily and ask Him to fill you with His love,and His spirit. I find that keeping my mind stayed upon Him, keeps my mind less on me

 

[PT Calvinist]

Romans 13:9 "For the commandments say, 'You must not commit adultery. You must not murder. You must not steal. You must not vocer.' These-and other such commandments-are summed up in this one commandment: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' "
Somehow many of us have gotten the idea that self-love is wrong.....But if this were the case, it would be pointless to love our neighbors as ourselves. But Pauls explains what he means by self-love. Even if you do have a low self-esteem, you probably don't willingly let yourself go hungry. You take care of your body and may even exercise. You clothe yourself reasonably well. You make sure there's a roof over your head. You try not to let yourself be cheated or injured. This is the kind of love we need to have for our neighbors. Do we see that others are fed, clothed, and housed as well as they can be? Are we concerned about issues of social justice? Loving others as ourselves means actively working to see that their needs are met. Interestingly, people who focus on others rather than on themselves rarely suffer from low self-esteem.