Lost, hurt, and confused in the face of infidelity

[ladyprima]

My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We got married after knowing each other for only 6 weeks. He was able to then get a green card and joined the military shortly after. I never wanted to be a military wife, but he joined anyway without my consent or involvement. He was gone for 10 months and when he came back, things were strained between us. We went to marital counseling with the church and later that year had our wedding ceremony. He left shortly after for a 2-year deployment. He just confessed to me that since last August, he has slept with 12 women and had an 8-month girlfriend. Now he wants to work through things and we are going to professional counseling.

I'm sick to my stomach. I'm trying to have faith and move through this and reconcile, but I am so scared and hurt. I don't know if I can come back from this, but I believe in God's power. I would love to hear, if anyone is willing, stories of unfaithful spouses where they made it and ones where they walked away. I am so lost and confused, everyday is different. I'm trying to find community and someone who can explain to me what I am feeling.

 

[Armchair Apologist]

My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We got married after knowing each other for only 6 weeks. He was able to then get a green card and joined the military shortly after. I never wanted to be a military wife, but he joined anyway without my consent or involvement. He was gone for 10 months and when he came back, things were strained between us. We went to marital counseling with the church and later that year had our wedding ceremony. He left shortly after for a 2-year deployment. He just confessed to me that since last August, he has slept with 12 women and had an 8-month girlfriend. Now he wants to work through things and we are going to professional counseling.

I'm sick to my stomach. I'm trying to have faith and move through this and reconcile, but I am so scared and hurt. I don't know if I can come back from this, but I believe in God's power. I would love to hear, if anyone is willing, stories of unfaithful spouses where they made it and ones where they walked away. I am so lost and confused, everyday is different. I'm trying to find community and someone who can explain to me what I am feeling.

I am genuinely sorry you are going through this! The facts are that you married a man after knowing him only 6 weeks which means you pretty much married a "stranger" that you did not know very well then and likely still do not know. Seems to me this man is not at all who he says he is or claims to be. From what you are saying here, he is a serial adulterer who has betrayed your trust so what makes you think you can trust him now?

Rather than seeking advice on a public forum, PLEASE consult your pastor and ensure he is properly trained and able to give you sound, biblical advice! My personal advice is that you absolutely SHOULD NOT be quick to "forgive and forget" and try to pretend this never happened! He needs disciplinary action from the leaders of the church and if they will not hold him accountable for his actions, you are not in a good church environment. He needs to demonstrate credible evidence of repentance for a significant season of time determined by the eldership of your church and when the elders determine that he has demonstrated personal character befitting that of a genuine, regenerate Christian, perhaps the two of you may have something upon which you may build a relationship. It is up to you though, if you want to wait for him to get his act straight.

 

[Paul4JC]

Sorry for your situation. I believe (based on my understanding of the Bible) that when he slept with the other women and took a girlfriend, he divorced you by way of adultery. You are free to leave him and remarry.