Last one, I promise ;) FOR ALL PARENTS RE: spanking

[LovesOfMyLife]

What do you think about spanking with an object (for example : a belt, a spoon, a switch, etc)?

You know how I feel about this, but how do YOU feel?

 

[Serving4Christ]

OOOOhhh, I have to be very careful with this one.

My soon to be ex, took a wooden spoon OFTEn to the rears of my children. It filled me with rage. I'm not one for using any weapon against a child.

She progressed from spaking them on the bottom, to the legs. She then progressed to the hands, face, cheeks, and lips. SICKENS ME.

From there she went to choking my 9-year old son.

I am in no way stating that all parents who spank will go from spanking to choking, okay...it's time for me to egress from this.

I do not believe in using weapons...

 

[Whitestone]

I can understand and appreciate when kids had to get the belt,paddle, or cut a switch. Going to get the item was 90% of the punishment.

However when using a pain compliance type punishment, I do not think using an item to make it hurt more is useful. It should be the shock of spanking that should make them realize that they are being punished not the pain or inability to sit properly for a few days.

On a side note, never spank when you are angry, just when you know that the child needs to be reprimanded.

 

[Princessperky]

I rarely ever spank I know a light tap from a slap due to the pain in MY hand, with an object it sort of loses its control on ME. But I know others feel that it takes the discipline away from the parent, leaving it in the object, but I don't want that. I (well DH and I) give the rewards and the punishment (and I much prefer the rewards!)

I second the anger thing, it should be a logical succesion of consecuence(err consequence, umm hope you know what I am trying to say here!), not me losing control.

In my house we use the truck thing, first we take a truck (or whatever, DD uses cubes) Then we take a truck and a Time out, then we take a truck and a time out and a swat on the behind. Generally unless he is REALLY testing me it never has to get that far. (this is for repeat in a short period of time, not new days, I can't remember tat long .)

 

[Katydid]

I use a switch. My reasons are actually very similar as those who believe in not using any item. With a switch, I don't have to use any pressure, therefore, no actual pain, just a sting. With a hand on a diapered bottom, you usually feel the need to swat three times or more, with a switch, on the upper thigh right below the diaper, there is just enough sting to gain attention, but not so much as to cause a mark or any lasting pain. I don't buy the whole, "the object takes the anger away from the parent and places it on the object" philosophy, but.... I do believe that my children know when they will get a swat. Momma can't just haul off and whap them, I have to get the switch, they see this happen. They won't flinch if I yawn at the dinner table. They won't fear my BARE hand, because they will know that they are only going to get a swat IF I have the switch in my hand.

 

[andiesmama]

I use a switch. My reasons are actually very similar as those who believe in not using any item. With a switch, I don't have to use any pressure, therefore, no actual pain, just a sting. With a hand on a diapered bottom, you usually feel the need to swat three times or more, with a switch, on the upper thigh right below the diaper, there is just enough sting to gain attention, but not so much as to cause a mark or any lasting pain. I don't buy the whole, "the object takes the anger away from the parent and places it on the object" philosophy, but.... I do believe that my children know when they will get a swat. Momma can't just haul off and whap them, I have to get the switch, they see this happen. They won't flinch if I yawn at the dinner table. They won't fear my BARE hand, because they will know that they are only going to get a swat IF I have the switch in my hand.

I've been against using an object for spanking, but you've given me food for thought, here...thanks!

 

[sara elizabeth]

I use a wooden spoon that causes a sting, but does not leave bruises. Using a flexible object (that will sting) requires much less force than spanking with a hand. The force of a hand can actually cause damage to the spine.

 

[LovesOfMyLife]

So you don't think that spanking with a switch or a wooden spoon is cruel in any way? In fact, it seems as if you (katydid and sara elizabeth) think spanking with your hand is cruel. Interesting.

Out of curiosity : what made you decide to use objects instead of your hands? Does it help you calm down before you hit them to have to get an object, or is it a matter of transference (as someone else implied)? Just wondering!

 

[forgivenmuch]

how can anyone hit there child with a weapon? i really think you are taking this spanking thing to far, you have had 2 or 3 post about this already and the ones that dont believe in spanking really has a hard time with knowing parents uses weapons on their children. i think this is a bad post to continute on the spaking/ what do you use to do it with. i am really sadden that people have to get together and decide what to use to spank there child with. when you get so into it all like this person is, that is abuse, that would be like me saying.. yeh i spank so lets see what weapon can get the worst sting, im just so against that.

 

[lucypevensie]

I don't have strong feelings either way whether an object should be used or not. I've done both.

 

[LovesOfMyLife]

how can anyone hit there child with a weapon? i really think you are taking this spanking thing to far, you have had 2 or 3 post about this already and the ones that dont believe in spanking really has a hard time with knowing parents uses weapons on their children. i think this is a bad post to continute on the spaking/ what do you use to do it with. i am really sadden that people have to get together and decide what to use to spank there child with. when you get so into it all like this person is, that is abuse, that would be like me saying.. yeh i spank so lets see what weapon can get the worst sting, im just so against that.

Um, OK first of all : I am anti-spanking (thought I'd made that clear)

Second : the spanking thing has been on the forefront of my mind mainly because someone has implied to me (in real life) that because my DH and I choose not to spank our children for silly infractions or normal daily "kid stuff" but choose to reserve a spanking (should it EVER become necessary, God willing it WON'T) for something MAJOR....well, this person implied that we are not "good Christians." And that bothers me.

Third : I think spanking with an object is horrendous. I've also made that clear (or so I thought). All I was asking for here was the opinion of parents who use an object to spank their kids : why do they use it/what is their reasoning.

Again, sorry if you misunderstood.

 

[Katydid]

So you don't think that spanking with a switch or a wooden spoon is cruel in any way? In fact, it seems as if you (katydid and sara elizabeth) think spanking with your hand is cruel. Interesting.

For me, yes, I think that spanking with the hand can be a cruel experience. I used to swat with my hand until I saw the damage that can happen when trying to do this with a child that is thrashing about trying to avoid it. It made the spanking a torture session rather than a quick reminder. You are either grabbing the child by the arm and spanking, which is putting sooo much pressure on their little back as they try to avoid it, or you are bending them over your knee, which also puts them in a very uncomfortable position that causes more pain than needed. What I want is a simple reminder that what they are doing is unacceptable. With a light switch, it is a simple swat. No grabbing or contorting. Very affective with one swat, and as I said earlier, no residual pain. Trust me, my husband and I both swatted each other to make sure we knew it would be affective with the least amount of actual pain.

Out of curiosity : what made you decide to use objects instead of your hands? Does it help you calm down before you hit them to have to get an object, or is it a matter of transference (as someone else implied)? Just wondering!

Well, part of my reasoning is as stated above, the other part of it, is for the kids security. As I stated in my first post. My children KNOW that if my hands are empty, they will not recieve a spanking. Mommy HAS to get the switch. So they have their warning, they have time to get prepared, and time to repent before they get a spanking. I don't do it to give me time to calm down, as I don't allow my kids to get so out of control that I ever get mad. I like being around my kids, and I don't get frustrated with them, so I don't need time to cool down.

 

[Katydid]

how can anyone hit there child with a weapon? i really think you are taking this spanking thing to far, you have had 2 or 3 post about this already and the ones that dont believe in spanking really has a hard time with knowing parents uses weapons on their children. i think this is a bad post to continute on the spaking/ what do you use to do it with. i am really sadden that people have to get together and decide what to use to spank there child with. when you get so into it all like this person is, that is abuse, that would be like me saying.. yeh i spank so lets see what weapon can get the worst sting, im just so against that.

I think you are misunderstanding this. We are as a matter of fact discussing the way that causes the least amount of pain with the results we are looking for. We are looking at ways to make it effective, with the LEAST amount of pain on the child. Not finding the most effective by the most pain.

 

[Zoomer]

When I do have to spank, I do not use an object. Regarding spanking, I use these guidelines--not out of anger, with hand on a clothed bottom.

 

[Andy Broadley]

Any kind of violence directed against children (and you can call it whatever 'soft' name you like, it's still violence), is child abuse, pure and simple.

 

[forgivenmuch]

i have a better sorce of doing this, time outs and taking toys away, and talking to your child. i know i was spanked as a child, and when my dad spanked me i would always try to block the hit, and he hit me everywhere but my bottom, its in a kids comman nature to block at hit. cry run while they get a spanking, so i just dont believe this thread is so innocent as it seems. i was a child once and i was spanked and i know how kids react to spanking. it never does anygood, its not affective.

 

[forgivenmuch]

I think you are misunderstanding this. We are as a matter of fact discussing the way that causes the least amount of pain with the results we are looking for. We are looking at ways to make it effective, with the LEAST amount of pain on the child. Not finding the most effective by the most pain.

if you are not really wanting to effect pain on a child physically, then why spank anyway? i find this pretty harsh in useing a weapon on a child.
can you explain that? im really confused with what you are saying here.

 

[sara elizabeth]

Spanking seems to get lots of negative attention. If it is applied improperly it is no longer discipline, but abuse, which is a totally different subject.

I feel that it is vitally important to have a close, understanding relationship with my children. I do this by spending lots of time listening to them, playing with them and generally building close ties.
I also feel that following Biblical discipline is my obligation as a parent. This is not abuse. Abuse is when a parent goes beyond discipline and vents personal feelings (whether that is in physical or emotional violence) It is also abusive to allow a child to continue in an untrained state.
I realize that each of us have different opinions. I am fully willing to recognize that there are good parents that do not use spanking as a method of discipline, but I would also like to have that same courtesy extended to those of us who do spank. I do not get any pleasure out of spanking my child. In fact, I hate to spank, but I also feel that it is for the good of my child. Therefore it is the method I use.

The book "To Train up a Child" By Michael & Debi Pearl gives some good insight on this subject.

 

[LovesOfMyLife]

I also feel that following Biblical discipline is my obligation as a parent. This is not abuse. Abuse is when a parent goes beyond discipline and vents personal feelings (whether that is in physical or emotional violence) It is also abusive to allow a child to continue in an untrained state.
.

OK I have a question about this : you say "Biblical discipline" when you say that I assume you are referring to the numerous "rod" scriptures from the OT that are quoted by parents who spank.

Can you explain this to me, then : If the "Old Covenant" truly died with Jesus on the cross and Jesus represents a totally NEW God --- ie one who is not venegeful, but rather very loving......then shouldn't HE be the example of discipline? Just some food for thought. After all, I think most of the verses regarding spanking are taken from Proverbs, but I could be wrong about that.

 

[doglover]

From what I've seen, if a person had a terrible experience as a child with spankings, they think they are abusive and wrong, -or- if they were not spanked as a child, they feel like 'hey, I wasn't spanked, and I'm fine.' But if it is done biblically, it is not in any way abuse. (But, I'm not a parent so.......)