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What do you mean by "okay"?
The Bible makes it clear that sex should only be between a married couple. You will keep your virginity but you will not remain pure.
This petting, do you think you and your GF could stop at "heavy petting"? Personally if I were you I wouldn't play with fire.
The Bible makes it clear that sex should only be between a married couple. You will keep your virginity but you will not remain pure.
This petting, do you think you and your GF could stop at "heavy petting"? Personally if I were you I wouldn't play with fire.
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simpletrust
Guest
I don't think it's all right. Light petting leads to heavy petting. Petting in generally leads to feeling incredibly disatisfied when you realise you've got to stop. This is from experience. Avoid it. Don't be fooled that it's okay because it's not sex because after a while it will just leave you feeling cheated out of something, and you may not be quite sure whether that something is a relief of some sort, of maybe just your purity.
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Light petting? Is that anything like light beer?
The Biblical command is that we be pure, which is a higher standard than being a virgin. Petting and purity simply don't mix.
The Biblical command is that we be pure, which is a higher standard than being a virgin. Petting and purity simply don't mix.
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simpletrust
Guest
bliz said:
Amen to that.
And by the way...
Linnis said:
HeSaves said:
That's not what Linnis said. She asked if you think you'd be able to stop at heavy petting. Implying (I assume, sorry Linnis if I'm wrong here) that this may be more difficult than you think. It may be easy at first, but as I've said, it does get harder.
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MN John
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ChildOfGod20 said:
Whoa! Great way to think of it!
I'm not sure exactly what constitutes lite petting and what is not even that. If it involves any sexual parts, it's not ok whether through clothes or not.
But I will stroke her hand sometimes when holding it. When my arm is around her she'll sometimes lay her head back on my arm or shoulder or I'll massage her shoulder. I'll brush her hair back sometimes with my hand. We'll hug. We walk arm-in-arm. Is any of this lite petting? It's all stuff that I would do in Jesus' presence.
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trinitygrace
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Very good question, ChildofGod20. If ever faced with something you have doubts of that might be a sin, just ask yourself if you'd do it in front of Jesus.
I do have one question though. How far is too far? I mean, is kissing on the lips just to show affections (but not sexually) okay in God's eyes? I mean, I wouldn't mind kissing someone in front of Jesus if it is just to show love, but not sexual love. What does everybody think?
I do have one question though. How far is too far? I mean, is kissing on the lips just to show affections (but not sexually) okay in God's eyes? I mean, I wouldn't mind kissing someone in front of Jesus if it is just to show love, but not sexual love. What does everybody think?
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HeSaves, I highly recommend you read this site: http://www.themarriagebed.com/pages/sexuality/engaged/how-far-b4-marriage.shtml
It gives some idea of how and why you should limit yourself.
The site also has its own forums, and lots of other articles like what is okay AFTER marriage (according to the authors, quite a bit more than I intially thought), but like most Christians, before marriage, they realize that God expects us to stay pure. Note, its not "expects us to not have sex", its "stay pure". What is pure? Well, it is not giving into lust, not allowing our desires to cause us to do actions that God dislikes. My girlfriend and I have set limits such as not touching anywhere a swimsuit would cover, and not kissing until engagement. However, to my surprise and delight, my girlfriend decided to take it a step further and delay our first kiss until marriage, which surprised me because, since she became a Christian after a very colourful like full of alcohol and sex, I knew she'd have a much harder time at not being physically expressive with her love.
Heres the key though: It was for exactly that reason that she chose to make our boundaries that much more strict.. She so wants to honour God by staying pure. She knew that if she could kiss me (on the lips...cheek and hand and such are ok), that the kissing would definately become more intense and with intense makeout sessions, she didnt think she could last too many months before it would make her wanting so much more. I greatly respect her for this, as not many people, myself and yourself included, can very easily ADMIT that certain things will only increase their physical desires and tempt them towards sin, and so its best to simply not do the things that cause temptation in the first place.
This isnt to say you can't express your affection.... my SO and I hug, and hold hands, and cuddle up on the couch (i might rub her arm or back, and she might put her head on my shoulder or chest, but we know our limits of where we can and cannot touch.... of course, petting is SO far beyond our boundaries that it hasn't even come up as "okay or not", since its so clearly is not.)
And even if the above site, or your own study of the Bible doesn't convince you (which might require you to ignore God in favour of your desires), think about this: how much more special will each action, each kiss, each more sexual act be, if you wait until marriage to do it? And if you do such things with every girl/boyfriend you have, how special will it be when you do those things with your spouse? Not very...
Your question shouldnt be, how far can I go, what is okay, it should be, how can I honour God with my relationship, and how can I stay pure in His eyes.
Remember, it is NEVER too late to turn back and place boundaries, even limiting things that you've done before. My girlfriend, who had plenty of sex in her teens, has limited herself to not even KISS the one she loves. If she can make that drastic a change, you can turn back too.
It gives some idea of how and why you should limit yourself.
The site also has its own forums, and lots of other articles like what is okay AFTER marriage (according to the authors, quite a bit more than I intially thought), but like most Christians, before marriage, they realize that God expects us to stay pure. Note, its not "expects us to not have sex", its "stay pure". What is pure? Well, it is not giving into lust, not allowing our desires to cause us to do actions that God dislikes. My girlfriend and I have set limits such as not touching anywhere a swimsuit would cover, and not kissing until engagement. However, to my surprise and delight, my girlfriend decided to take it a step further and delay our first kiss until marriage, which surprised me because, since she became a Christian after a very colourful like full of alcohol and sex, I knew she'd have a much harder time at not being physically expressive with her love.
Heres the key though: It was for exactly that reason that she chose to make our boundaries that much more strict.. She so wants to honour God by staying pure. She knew that if she could kiss me (on the lips...cheek and hand and such are ok), that the kissing would definately become more intense and with intense makeout sessions, she didnt think she could last too many months before it would make her wanting so much more. I greatly respect her for this, as not many people, myself and yourself included, can very easily ADMIT that certain things will only increase their physical desires and tempt them towards sin, and so its best to simply not do the things that cause temptation in the first place.
This isnt to say you can't express your affection.... my SO and I hug, and hold hands, and cuddle up on the couch (i might rub her arm or back, and she might put her head on my shoulder or chest, but we know our limits of where we can and cannot touch.... of course, petting is SO far beyond our boundaries that it hasn't even come up as "okay or not", since its so clearly is not.)
And even if the above site, or your own study of the Bible doesn't convince you (which might require you to ignore God in favour of your desires), think about this: how much more special will each action, each kiss, each more sexual act be, if you wait until marriage to do it? And if you do such things with every girl/boyfriend you have, how special will it be when you do those things with your spouse? Not very...
Your question shouldnt be, how far can I go, what is okay, it should be, how can I honour God with my relationship, and how can I stay pure in His eyes.
Remember, it is NEVER too late to turn back and place boundaries, even limiting things that you've done before. My girlfriend, who had plenty of sex in her teens, has limited herself to not even KISS the one she loves. If she can make that drastic a change, you can turn back too.
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just another quick post..... to be honest, I had to look it up to, but for those of you who don't know, heres a definition for you:
Light Petting
- Actively groping your partner above their clothing. Light petting includes the caress of the buttocks, back, breasts, hair and legs of your partner. Groping beneath the clothing is considered heavy petting.
So there you go. IMO, backrubs above the clothing, and foot/legrubs below the knee, clothed or not, are alright, (and I don't see anything wrong with touching hair...clothed or not, lol). Its the other parts that are too far, clothed or not.
Light Petting
- Actively groping your partner above their clothing. Light petting includes the caress of the buttocks, back, breasts, hair and legs of your partner. Groping beneath the clothing is considered heavy petting.
So there you go. IMO, backrubs above the clothing, and foot/legrubs below the knee, clothed or not, are alright, (and I don't see anything wrong with touching hair...clothed or not, lol). Its the other parts that are too far, clothed or not.
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MN John
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Thanks Iceman,
Good advice and thanks for sharing. Sounds like your boundaries are similar to ours. Lip kisses are reserved for special times and are short and light. Hand, cheek kisses are OK. Any sensual or casual touch that repeatedly causes a reaction is taken off the OK list. We revisit our list occasionally. If we ever want to loosen a boundary, it cannot take effect the same day, we have to still agree that it is OK to loosen it the next time we get together. The last time we revisited our boundaries we decided to change our curfew from midnight to 11PM. Boundaries are good. When you realize that the boundaries are actually expressions of your love, they draw you much closer than the physical things that are off limits would do.
Peace,
John
Good advice and thanks for sharing. Sounds like your boundaries are similar to ours. Lip kisses are reserved for special times and are short and light. Hand, cheek kisses are OK. Any sensual or casual touch that repeatedly causes a reaction is taken off the OK list. We revisit our list occasionally. If we ever want to loosen a boundary, it cannot take effect the same day, we have to still agree that it is OK to loosen it the next time we get together. The last time we revisited our boundaries we decided to change our curfew from midnight to 11PM. Boundaries are good. When you realize that the boundaries are actually expressions of your love, they draw you much closer than the physical things that are off limits would do.
Peace,
John
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charligirl
Senior Veteran
Another thought on this topic... I heard of a pastor once who caught a couple of teens in his church french kissing passionately, they were dating but no thoughts of marriage. he asked the boy "WHAT ARE YOU DOING KISSING SOMEONE ELSES WIFE?" interesting thought.
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MN John
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Yeah. another rule of thumb is that if you aren't married to her, then somebody else might be your future wife. would you want your future wife to see you doing this with this girl? Would you want your future wife to be doing this with some other guy?
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melandshanetria
Active Member
This is a very good topic and one that really needed to be discussed. As a teenager and young adult, I was in a few sexual encounters, but every since I came to Christ, I make sure that I please God in every aspect of my relationship. Last night, me and Mel discussed what's appropriate and not appropriate. I agree with the ones that says to wait until marriage even for a kiss, because sometimes kissing leads to other things, touching most definitely leads to other things, and even talking dirty is a definitely no-no. God gave us something wonderful to enjoy sexual acts or the act itself in and that's MARRIAGE. God will definitely keep us if we want to be kept. Even looking on a woman or a man and desire them in a sexually way means that you have already committed adultery in your heart with that person. So I say no heavy or light petting is definitely not alright.
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