Is it possible to lust after your spouse?

[LinkH]

The Greek word translated 'lust' is a word that means 'desire', but throughout the New Testament it is used for inappropriate desires.

Paul wrote in Romans 7,
"for I had not known lust, except the law had said 'Thou shalt not covet'."

It is my belief that coveting involves desiring things that are not your own. The commandment, which says "Thou shalt not covet" gives some examples. One is "thy neighbor's wife, or anything that thy neighbor hath."

The neighbor 'has' his wife. I Corinthians 7 says "let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband."

Therefore, I do not see sexual desire for one's spouse to be lust, since we have 'rights' to one another. As Paul puts it, the husband and wife have 'power' over one another's bodies.

 

[dallasapple]

Yes its possible for your spouse to desire you in an innaproriate manner..in a selfish greedy gluttonous obsessive manner..its possible for a married man or woman to idolize sex..and then expect the spouse to be the instrument of their worship.

Dallas

 

[dallasapple]

Therefore, I do not see sexual desire for one's spouse to be lust,

Sexual desire for ones spouse CAN BE LUSTFULL..Just plain old "sexual desire" or STRONG desire sexually for ones spouse isnt necessarrily LUST..there is HEALTHY sexual desire and UNHEALTHY sexual deisre..its like 'desiring a beer" is not ALCOHOLISM..but ABUSE of alcohol...IS...

And beign MARRIED doesnt mean that it cant be an unhealthy deisre thats ridiculous..its liek the ole school of thought..that its an oxymoron to say a man "raped his wife'..it coudlnt be right?Hes ENTITLED to sex..but as we know NOW and accept it is POSSIBL for a man to RAPE his wife..its the same with unhealthy focus in general on sex even if its your SPOUSE..

Dallas

 

[favoritetoyisjoy]

The Greek word translated 'lust' is a word that means 'desire', but throughout the New Testament it is used for inappropriate desires.

Paul wrote in Romans 7,
"for I had not known lust, except the law had said 'Thou shalt not covet'."

It is my belief that coveting involves desiring things that are not your own. The commandment, which says "Thou shalt not covet" gives some examples. One is "thy neighbor's wife, or anything that thy neighbor hath."

The neighbor 'has' his wife. I Corinthians 7 says "let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband."

Therefore, I do not see sexual desire for one's spouse to be lust, since we have 'rights' to one another. As Paul puts it, the husband and wife have 'power' over one another's bodies.

Sounds good to me, although I can understand how someone could innocently use the word "lust" when referring to extreme desire or passion for their spouse. For some reason, "lust" seems to convey "extreme desire" in general rather than "sinful desire" specifically.

 

[Psalm63]

My adult son had some brilliant insight on this topic.

He said lust in marriage happens after a man uses porn because he is coming at his wife with a wrong idea about who she is; with false perceptions about sex and unrealistic expectations.

He asked me if I was familiar with Twilight (vaguely, but don't know much about it). Told me that a parallel would be the way grown women get fixated on this certain type of twilight romance and come at their husbands with a false perceptions about romance and unrealistic expectations.

My son said that either of these cases is coveting which is what LUST is.

Matches quite well with what the Lord showed me from 1 Thes 4:3-8 about the requirement for honor and respect/holiness when it comes to sex. The marriage bed is going to suffer unless there is mutual HONOR. I heard a sermon once that to DISHONOR is to treat someone like fog on the bathroom mirror, you just wipe that person out of the way so you can focus on yourself. Coming at a spouse with images of someone else between the ears defiles the marriage bed and damages the marriage.

 

[hijklmnop]

My adult son had some brilliant insight on this topic.

He said lust in marriage happens after a man uses porn because he is coming at his wife with a wrong idea about who she is; with false perceptions about sex and unrealistic expectations.

He asked me if I was familiar with Twilight (vaguely, but don't know much about it). Told me that a parallel would be the way grown women get fixated on this certain type of twilight romance and come at their husbands with a false perceptions about romance and unrealistic expectations.

My son said that either of these cases is coveting which is what LUST is.

Matches quite well with what the Lord showed me from 1 Thes 4:3-8 about the requirement for honor and respect/holiness when it comes to sex. The marriage bed is going to suffer unless there is mutual HONOR. I heard a sermon once that to DISHONOR is to treat someone like fog on the bathroom mirror, you just wipe that person out of the way so you can focus on yourself. Coming at a spouse with images of someone else between the ears defiles the marriage bed and damages the marriage.

Wow, I love that word picture in the last paragraph. Great description!!

 

[Avniel]

My adult son had some brilliant insight on this topic.

He said lust in marriage happens after a man uses porn because he is coming at his wife with a wrong idea about who she is; with false perceptions about sex and unrealistic expectations.

He asked me if I was familiar with Twilight (vaguely, but don't know much about it). Told me that a parallel would be the way grown women get fixated on this certain type of twilight romance and come at their husbands with a false perceptions about romance and unrealistic expectations.

My son said that either of these cases is coveting which is what LUST is.

Matches quite well with what the Lord showed me from 1 Thes 4:3-8 about the requirement for honor and respect/holiness when it comes to sex. The marriage bed is going to suffer unless there is mutual HONOR. I heard a sermon once that to DISHONOR is to treat someone like fog on the bathroom mirror, you just wipe that person out of the way so you can focus on yourself. Coming at a spouse with images of someone else between the ears defiles the marriage bed and damages the marriage.

I don't think in a marriage one can lust. I do think that when a spouse uses porn they are disconnecting between the covenant that they have with their wife and connecting in an unlawful covenant with not only the women or woman in the video but also the man or men in the video. Pornography is a tool used by the enemy not only to cause the man to fall into sexual sin through lust at first but then also sin through adultery as well as spill one seeds in a wasteful manner.....I think that can be said to be lust the act of watching porno the act of masturbation is a sin of adultery because you become entered into a covenant with another persons while in covenant with a spouse.

As far as then going to ones wife I would say that is an act of lying, it is a type of fraud. When man and wife lay together they are coming together as one(not a spouse comes with her one and the husband comes with his three other people he got from watching porn) but that can not be done in the case of one that masturbates to other women. The covenant has been broken and it has to be repaired before the two can come together correctly. It is probably a sin of lying like I said above.

Also to come to a spouse with images of someone else is defiling the bed, but it is the sin of lusting after another not desiring your spouse. The images are unlawful and against the covenant one enters in marriage.

Lust is unlawful sex inside a marriage is lawful. Worshiping one's wife is idolatry, obsessing over having sex with ones spouse is unhealthy but at the sametime it is not lust.

The reason two spouses can not lust after each other is because sex inside of marriage is lawful. When that desire turns towards someone else healthy or unhealthy it is unlawful and becomes lust.

 

[BigDaddy4]

My adult son had some brilliant insight on this topic.

He said lust in marriage happens after a man uses porn because he is coming at his wife with a wrong idea about who she is; with false perceptions about sex and unrealistic expectations.

He asked me if I was familiar with Twilight (vaguely, but don't know much about it). Told me that a parallel would be the way grown women get fixated on this certain type of twilight romance and come at their husbands with a false perceptions about romance and unrealistic expectations.

My son said that either of these cases is coveting which is what LUST is.

Matches quite well with what the Lord showed me from 1 Thes 4:3-8 about the requirement for honor and respect/holiness when it comes to sex. The marriage bed is going to suffer unless there is mutual HONOR. I heard a sermon once that to DISHONOR is to treat someone like fog on the bathroom mirror, you just wipe that person out of the way so you can focus on yourself. Coming at a spouse with images of someone else between the ears defiles the marriage bed and damages the marriage.

Wow, what a great insight from the younger generation. You must have done something right in raising him!

 

[mrisin]

It is somewhat immature to paste dictionary definitions into forums, not to mention condescending also. Here, however, perhaps someone should. I will not. When I view definitions of lust, I find them equally representative of things that may well be distasteful in marriage, but others essentially state a strong desire for something. If a woman finds her husband having a strong desire for her in and of itself an inappropriate type of desire or lust in a wrong way perhaps the issue is not the husband in that case. One certainly may have a strong desire (lust) for their spouse, and have an absence of pornographic or other external influence and it would be patently unfair to categorize that man as sinfully lusting. Should one find the need to express that theor spouse has a type of lust sinfully arrived at or otherwise more fitting the less than savory definitions of lust the charitable thing to do would be to expressly state this is their personal experience and refers to a certain sub-definition of the word lust. It could also be said that its uncharitable to so indict ones spouse here where that person has no input but to press that too greatly is to violate boundaries which a given couple may be fine with, meaning some couples may not mind one or the other describing the other's actions and attitudes where they are not present to attempt to clarify. Yes it is possible to lust for a spouse in marriage, per roughly half the available definitions. The meanings of the word are prescribed, specifically, and precisely, we do well to adhere to one or the other and say so.

 

[LinkH]

I suppose I should have asked can sexual desire for one's own spouse be considered lust. IMO, the problem with looking porn and then going to bed with one's spouse is lusting after the person in the porn. I suppose you could also 'use' your spouse in a selfish way and be unloving. I would consider the problem not being loving, and not 'lust' in the Biblical sense that it is used, which is related to coveting. Porn use is related to covetousness, since people who look at porn are most likely looking to lust after (covet) the person they see in the porn.

I suppose there are other uses of the word 'lust.' Nowadays, we use the word almost exclusively to refer to sexual desire, but I don't think that is what it means, necessarily, in the KJV.

 

[JRSut1000]

Lust - when one wants someone other than spuose in marriage (porn, another person, fantasy role play to the extreme, etc)

But lust directed actually towards the real person who is your spouse...I cant really see it unless you want your spouse to be something they absolutely are not, then its really not lust for ones spouse but rather for an 'ideal' that doesnt exist except for in fantasy.

 

[Avniel]

I suppose I should have asked can sexual desire for one's own spouse. IMO, the problem with looking porn and then going to bed with one's spouse is lusting after the person in the porn. I suppose you could also 'use' your spouse in a selfish way and be unloving. I would consider the problem not being loving, and not 'lust' in the Biblical sense that it is used, which is related to coveting. Porn use is related to covetousness, since people who look at porn are most likely looking to lust after (covet) the person they see in the porn.

I suppose there are other uses of the word 'lust.' Nowadays, we use the word almost exclusively to refer to sexual desire, but I don't think that is what it means, necessarily, in the KJV.

I agree I think lust is directly linked to sexual desire or strong desire period that are unlawful. You could have an unusually strong desire to serve the Lord, I don't think that would be to lust. Or you can have a strong desire to have sex with a spouse, distracting you at work because you can't wait to get home...........I don't think that is lust either.

Lust is a sin of strong desire outside of God's will. In a marriage the will of God is that two become one, sex.

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:


Mat 5:28
But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

See Jesus makes a link between lust and adultery. Adultery is the action lust is the thought.

To desire one's spouse is natural, healthy and God's will. To obesse over one's spouse is unhealthy and can cause chaos which God is not the author of. However even worshiping one's spouse sexual organs, although sinful, is not and will never be lust. The reason being is that the sexual relationship has been ordained by God.

 

[LinkH]

To obesse over one's spouse is unhealthy and can cause chaos which God is not the author of.

Is that like when you get fat because your wife scrapes your plate onto yours and asks you to finish her food, too?

Good post, btw.

 

[dallasapple]

The reason two spouses can not lust after each other is because sex inside of marriage is lawful.

I disagree I dont think this is "lawful"

7.
to have a yearning or desire; have a strong or excessive craving (often followed by for or after ).

EXCESSIVE isnt a good thing in this definition ..neither is..

2.
uncontrolled or illicit sexual desire or appetite; lecherousness

If that goes on inside a marriage its LUST ..and its not lawful..

An excessive UNCONTROLLED sexual appetite that can include lecherous behavior even AIMED at your spouse is NOT lawful..not in my house anyway..

Dallas

 

[JRSut1000]

Sex is indeed lawful in marriage. But excessive or obsessive of anything no matter how good can turn a good thing bad quickly.

 

[Avniel]

Sex is indeed lawful in marriage. But excessive or obsessive of anything no matter how good can turn a good thing bad quickly.

Exactly. But the sex,in a marriage, even in a excessive or obsessive way, is not a sin the sin is the excess and obsession.

One can not lust after their spouse they can be obsessive and excessive and create sex as an idol in their marriage, but that still isn't lust.

If one could lust after their wife then sex with a spouse would be a sin.

 

[Avniel]

I disagree I dont think this is "lawful"
"Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder"

The two people become one flesh through sex. If you think the act is making a child, or that sex actually links two people spiritually(what I think) sex is ordained by God. Sex in marriage is lawful and is good and blessed by God.




If that goes on inside a marriage its LUST ..and its not lawful..

Two married people can not lust after one another. That is like getting arrested for stealing your own car. The man body is not his own and the wife's body is not her own, therefore a man can not lust over a body he already has.

An excessive UNCONTROLLED sexual appetite that can include lecherous behavior even AIMED at your spouse is NOT lawful..not in my house anyway..

Dallas

Yeah ok thats great but if it were it wouldn't be lust, it still might be sinful but that sin wouldn't be lust.

 

[dallasapple]

I didnt see anywhere in the definition of lust that it can only be directed at someone "other than your spouse"..maybe thats the confusion .

Under the definition of lust its an UNCONTOLLED EXCSESSIVE STRONG SEXUAL DESIRE including LECGEROUS(a.k.a LEWD) sexual desires..the definition didnt say but its NOT "lust' if you have these deisres but you are married to the object of your desire..It didnt say if you are married to the person thats 'not healthy" but its not lusting..

Dallas

 

[Avniel]

I didnt see anywhere in the definition of lust that it can only be directed at someone "other than your spouse"..maybe thats the confusion .

Under the definition of lust its an UNCONTOLLED EXCSESSIVE STRONG SEXUAL DESIRE including LECGEROUS(a.k.a LEWD) sexual desires..the definition didnt say but its NOT "lust' if you have these deisres but you are married to the object of your desire..It didnt say if you are married to the person thats 'not healthy" but its not lusting..

Dallas

That depends on how we are addressing the term lust biblically or worldly?

 

[Blackwater Babe]

Is it possible some people are over thinking stuff and worrying about stuff God has no concern about?