Is Having a Foot Fetish a sin? Will God Forgive Me?

[Ezie]

Hi, I'd like some advice and discussion on foot fetish, basically is it a sin and in what categories would it fall into? Will God forgive me if I can never stop it?

I have had a foot fetish since my childhood and its stayed with me up until now into my 30's. I don't feel it's my fault as in a past incident I was made to smell and lick a girls barefeet, but at that time I didn't like it at all and if that's not the twisted cause of the foot fetish I've read it could have developed during puberty and I remember being turned on by barefeet through my teens. But I had never thought about it or challenged it until a few years ago and it's something I'm worried about as to whether it's a sin as I can't seem to beat it, make it go away. Female feet have always been a turn on to me and my main sexual thought in masturbation, long before I ever had a girlfriend. I'm happily married now and truly in love so I feel guilty that when I see other women's bare feet they make me feel sexually aroused and I can't help but stare here and there wherever I am. To make things worse we have moved to a hot country so I'm surrounded by feet most days over the long summers which we're nearing up to again. The one thing I want to say in my defence is that I only truly love my wife and when I see other females feet, although i like them they are just a distraction and not a 'real feeling' to have sexual intercourse with any of them which would then make it lust. I can't tell my wife because I find this so embarrassing and she would always know that I can't help looking at other women, most of whom I don't really find attractive but when I see their feet they've got me. I also fear that it's a silly or trivial matter to God but I have prayed about it many times. I hate the feeling that this makes me feel ashamed of myself and puts me at a distance from him. I'm worried about how God sees me now even though i've always been a good person and always try to help others.

I shared this online a few years ago and took advice to see a counsellor. The main thing i was told is that it is an abusive thought to want to smell, lick or kiss feet which I think of doing, so I have a twisted thought that confuses me daily. This is a strange problem, how can it even exist?! It's unfair! What would it be like for an alcoholic trying to give up drink if everywhere he went most people were carrying a bottle with them? This problem is not known and bare feet are not even regarded as sexual objects, women wear their sandals and flip flops and dangle their feet around freely. On a train journey a young lady put her bare feet up on the seat next to me so I couldn't resist staring.

Due to minor problems we don't manage to have sexual intercourse very easily and not very regularly so I feel I've been left to myself. Again, I feel lost about this, as well as ashamed, annoyed, worried and guilty, but I'm also always tempted and the matter persists. I've read a lot of posts and one said that a foot fetish can't be gotten rid of, so if this is a sin then I'm helpless to it but if there was an OFF button i would press it now, for good. I've repented many times but as it keeps happening should I keep on saying sorry if I can't stop it? I'm ultimately worried that I've failed God and that this will stop me from being saved.

 

[Truthfrees]

MOD HAT

This thread is moved from Chat with Staff to Christian Advice, as per SOP.

 

[John Davidson]

Hi Ezie,
I don't think that struggling with foot fetish lust problems will keep you from being saved. God created man with the desire to have sex with women. The problem comes in when you lust for women who are not your wife. When this happens you need to repent. We are all poor, miserable sinners. Christ have mercy.

It is a weird problem indeed. Focus on Christ instead of feet.

God bless,
John

 

[Truthfrees]

Hi, I'd like some advice and discussion on foot fetish, basically is it a sin and in what categories would it fall into? Will God forgive me if I can never stop it?

I have had a foot fetish since my childhood and its stayed with me up until now into my 30's. I don't feel it's my fault as in a past incident I was made to smell and lick a girls barefeet, but at that time I didn't like it at all and if that's not the twisted cause of the foot fetish I've read it could have developed during puberty and I remember being turned on by barefeet through my teens. But I had never thought about it or challenged it until a few years ago and it's something I'm worried about as to whether it's a sin as I can't seem to beat it, make it go away. Female feet have always been a turn on to me and my main sexual thought in masturbation, long before I ever had a girlfriend. I'm happily married now and truly in love so I feel guilty that when I see other women's bare feet they make me feel sexually aroused and I can't help but stare here and there wherever I am. To make things worse we have moved to a hot country so I'm surrounded by feet most days over the long summers which we're nearing up to again. The one thing I want to say in my defence is that I only truly love my wife and when I see other females feet, although i like them they are just a distraction and not a 'real feeling' to have sexual intercourse with any of them which would then make it lust. I can't tell my wife because I find this so embarrassing and she would always know that I can't help looking at other women, most of whom I don't really find attractive but when I see their feet they've got me. I also fear that it's a silly or trivial matter to God but I have prayed about it many times. I hate the feeling that this makes me feel ashamed of myself and puts me at a distance from him. I'm worried about how God sees me now even though i've always been a good person and always try to help others.

I shared this online a few years ago and took advice to see a counsellor. The main thing i was told is that it is an abusive thought to want to smell, lick or kiss feet which I think of doing, so I have a twisted thought that confuses me daily. This is a strange problem, how can it even exist?! It's unfair! What would it be like for an alcoholic trying to give up drink if everywhere he went most people were carrying a bottle with them? This problem is not known and bare feet are not even regarded as sexual objects, women wear their sandals and flip flops and dangle their feet around freely. On a train journey a young lady put her bare feet up on the seat next to me so I couldn't resist staring.

Due to minor problems we don't manage to have sexual intercourse very easily and not very regularly so I feel I've been left to myself. Again, I feel lost about this, as well as ashamed, annoyed, worried and guilty, but I'm also always tempted and the matter persists. I've read a lot of posts and one said that a foot fetish can't be gotten rid of, so if this is a sin then I'm helpless to it but if there was an OFF button i would press it now, for good. I've repented many times but as it keeps happening should I keep on saying sorry if I can't stop it? I'm ultimately worried that I've failed God and that this will stop me from being saved.

It's interfering with your peace and confidence.

It's something that has control over you.

He whom Jesus sets free is free indeed! John 8:36

Can you think of it as an issue that needs God's help?

IOW, we all need God's help with various issues.

When I disappoint myself because I seem to have an issue that won't go away, I take it to God and face it with God!

I say "God, why am I doing this? What's going on with me? Why can't I stop?

I look at it straight on and ask God all the hard questions, waiting for Him to make it clear to me!

That is usually a huge part of the solution!

Then when I get answers, I ask tell God I'm so sorry about it all and what can I do to be set free!

That's a whole other set of facing the hard questions!

I relax knowing that I need to get free of something, but because my attempts at freedom failed, that means I have to sort it out with God!

Plus everything we get God's help with prepares us to help others with similar situations! 2 Corinthians 1:4

So basically EVERY challenge we face is an opportunity to learn from God and receive from God, making us stronger in the Lord and in life.

IOW, no matter how many issues we may have, one by one we can deal with them with the Lord's help!

Matthew 19:26 - Jesus looked at them and said to them, “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

John 15:5 - Apart from ME (Jesus) you can do nothing.

Philippians 2:13 - It is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.

Hebrews 4:16 - Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Ephesians 3:12 - That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might through His Spirit in the inner man.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 - That is why I rejoice in my weakness, because when I am weak God in me is strong.

1 John 4:4 - Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.

Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Praying for you my friend!

 

[Ezie]

Firstly John, thank you for reading my post and taking it seriously but your answer is too short and does not give me your opinion on any of the specifics or complications of my problem. I'll go through the main ones again but firstly I said I don't think that this is lust because I read that 'lust is the point where you have a deliberate intent to have sexual intercourse with someone else other than your partner and this is to be distinguished from mere sexual arousal which has basic biological and mental elements that result in sexual awareness. Immorality, sex outside of God's moral principles is a wrong use of one's sexuality but mere arousal isn't.' To add a bit more from that article which is from analysis of the New Testament - ..'the text in the Greek implies looking with the specific intention. The subject of lust is another man's wife, otherwise adultery has a different meaning apart from a marriage context'. What I'm getting from this is that I'm not committing lust because when I'm distracted by barefeet I'm not really intending to go over and start any kind of sexual contact with any of the women, I just look and desire them but I know this is not good and that I'm not going to go over to any of the women I see. But I feel sexually aroused standing there. This is not about wanting to have sex with any women on the street but about me being excited and aroused by barefeet and wanting to touch to them. That is what I'm MOST ashamed of and i am tempted to, and have secretly stroked myself while looking at women's barefeet. You wrote 'God created man with the desire to have sex with women' which is true, but it's not the only thing that men have desire for and like myself, many men are turned on by other things. I told you i don't manage to get regular sex and am left to myself for periods at a time, like weeks at a time and I'm stuck with the same early desire so can only touch.

What do you think about the fact that i had a foot fetish from a young age which grew up with me, all up to this time and is still continuing? What about the fact that feet are all around me and i can see them at any awkward moment like even on TV? Is this a sin if it's not my fault that i have to see them?

And why didn't i and all the other men in the world only ever have a desire for sexual intercourse? Just sexual intercourse and nothing else! Not to be rude but there are usually only 3 things that sexually arouse men which are a woman's vagina, breasts or anus and the only other one that is not ever spoken about are feet and it's called foot fetish. It's mainly only men that get it, rarely the case for a woman to have one. I sometimes make play and smell or gently kiss my wife's feet but that's not enough, my fantasy is to be smelling them deeply for a long time, kiss or lick them.. but only to other women which remember is an 'abusive' thought and i think it is truly abusive because if it was a nice thing to do then i would want my wife to make me do her feet any day of the week - but i don't, i think this would be very embarassing and don't feel she would want me to have to smell or lick her feet up like a dog because she loves me and shows me loving affection. I know what I've just expressed will be disgusting to many people and I'm certainly embarrassed but i'll share it with you and anyone of genuine interest on this site.

Can you get back to me with anything else? By the way, twisted as it is, at this moment my foot fetish is my enemy and my friend because when we do have sexual intercourse it is the only thing that really excites me to perform and if i didn't have feet to fantasise about it wouldn't be the same. So I'm trying to use it for good until we have a baby.

Truthfrees thank you for the quotes you put up for me, yes you are a friend and i'll certainly read through them. God bless you both.

 

[seashale76]

So, true story. I once had a man with a hair fetish become obsessed with my hair. He was an older, married man. I had no idea he had a fetish, until he made a creepy comment to me regarding my hair. On another occasion, he came up behind me and started petting my hair, and I felt violated (because I was). At first I thought it was my husband trying to tick me off, until I turned around and saw this guy with the most disgusting look on his face. I should not have to even think about covering my hair because someone with serious problems gets off on that. Yet, that's what happened. I even asked my priest about it (because some women in Orthodox Christianity do cover) and he told me it was unnecessary. The result was that I quit going anywhere I knew he would be. So, I became the one to modify my behavior and not him because I refuse to subject myself to people with problems trying to creep on me. That's what isn't fair. The guy was an atheist, and I heard he eventually had a conversion experience and changed his ways (if so, great), but he and his wife moved out of state, and I'd rather not discover the truth of his changed tune first hand.

Your issue- while bizarre- can be put in the same category as any kind of unwanted thoughts. I've shared this before, and will do so again. In Orthodox Christianity we call such unwanted thoughts logismoi (tempting thoughts which lead to sin). The Church Fathers tend to recognize five stages:

assault (thoughts pop into your head)
interaction (you entertain these thoughts)
consent (you decide to act on these thoughts)
defeat (you are hostage- resistance is difficult)
passion (it becomes part of you)

The usual recommended practice is to pray when the thoughts first pop into your head. Ignore the thoughts if possible and keep turning your mind and heart back to prayer. It is easiest to stop at this point.

Most people will say the Jesus Prayer: Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

 

[Teslafied]

I don't think a foot fetish is a sin for you're doing it with your wife and her feet, but it becomes a sin when you lust after other women and their feet. But there is good news! The good news is that Jesus Christ paid for your sins! This is not to say that we should go out and go buck wild in sin, but if we do sin we have the blood of Jesus to cleanse us and make us pure.

Please consider talking to your wife about your foot fetish, perhaps take her to get a mani and pedi? Even buy her some cute ankle bracelets and toe rings and kiss away to your hearts content. Marriage takes two, it's about trust and love. You have got to trust her, and she needs to love you enough to listen. Come clean and tell her it's bothering you, tell her you love her, tell her how you really feel.

I've learned that honesty in marriage is better than staying silent due to fear of rejection. I have a lot of weird things I like too that really bothered me, I was afraid to tell my hubby, I'm glad I opened up and told him. Yea at first he seemed weirded out but now he knows it's just me and either way I have his support, without telling him I was going through some things I would have had to battle my fetishes alone too. Don't battle it alone. Luckily yours is a foot fetish, mine is considered worse to some... Try having a bdsm fetish... but that's besides the point.

Anyway talk to your wife and talk to God and God can either set you free or you can take the lust you've focused on other ladies feet and focus it on your spouses feet.

Good luck and God bless!

 

[Teslafied]

Let me also add that us Christians goodness or shall I say righteousness is as filthy rags, our Lord and saviour makes us clean not our works. So trust God and if you want delivered He can deliver you, but I'd suggest talking about it to your wife.

 

[aiki]

I shared this online a few years ago and took advice to see a counsellor. The main thing i was told is that it is an abusive thought to want to smell, lick or kiss feet which I think of doing, so I have a twisted thought that confuses me daily. This is a strange problem, how can it even exist?! It's unfair! What would it be like for an alcoholic trying to give up drink if everywhere he went most people were carrying a bottle with them? This problem is not known and bare feet are not even regarded as sexual objects, women wear their sandals and flip flops and dangle their feet around freely. On a train journey a young lady put her bare feet up on the seat next to me so I couldn't resist staring.

2 Corinthians 10:3-5
3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh.
4 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds,
5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,

Do you know what it means to bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ? If you are a born-again disciple of Christ, your mind, your thought-life, is not your own. If Christ is Lord of your life (as he ought to be), then you have yielded your mind to him, right? You are obliged, then, as the "servant of righteousness," as a one who has yielded himself to God as a living sacrifice (Ro. 6:13, 17, 18; Ro. 12:1), to guard carefully your mind and to challenge with God's truth any wrong or false thought that enters it. What is the truth about your foot fetish? Is it honoring to God? Is it a healthy, natural thing? Do you have control of it or vice versa? Have you laid this fetish before God, surrendered to Him in it, and given Him the freedom to do as He wills with it and you? Most of the time we want God to take away our problems - but without crimping our style too much. We want His joy, peace and power, but we aren't too keen about His unilateral rule. We want to be free of sin and we want God's love and approval but we still want to be as autonomous as possible. But victory for the believer is only found in surrender - surrender to God. It is only in full dependence and submission to Him that freedom from sin is obtained.

Can you rid yourself of your fetish? No. Can God? Of course. But He will do that only as you give Him full authority over all of your life.

1 Peter 5:6
6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time,

James 4:6-10
6 But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: "God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble."
7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.
8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
9 Lament and mourn and weep! Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.
10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.

Romans 6:16-18
16 Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one's slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness?
17 But God be thanked that though you were slaves of sin, yet you obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine to which you were delivered.
18 And having been set free from sin, you became slaves of righteousness.

Selah.

 

[Dave-W]

Ezie - I do not thing you have an actual fetish. If so, you could not function sexually at all without seeing (or imagining) feet.

You may have a "fixation," where you find something arousing. But different people find different things arousing. Most men would find bare breasts arousing; Some find bare butts and some the "V" area to be arousing. Those may be described as fixations too (and I think your wife would understand those).

You do need to tell her. Not sure how or when, but it will have to happen sooner of later.

In my (amateurish) opinion, when you were made to caress that girl's feet, it set something up in your mind that associated feet with arousal (even though you may have been too young to realize it). So when you got to your teens and were aware of being aroused, the feet reared their ugly soles to you.

A good biblical counselor can break that linkage; but it will take work on your part and cooperation of your wife.

 

[Sketcher]

Well, the good news is it could be a lot worse. I've had to deal with an actual creep - gay, with a foot fetish, who was all about evangelizing that stuff. You on the other hand, sound like a decent person.

I would advise talking to your wife about your fetish. I don't think you necessarily need to tell her about other women's feet, not out of the gate. Let her know how much you like hers first, just do that in a way that is agreeable to her. She's got a brain between her two ears, so she can probably connect the dots about other women's feet in public. The good news as I see it is that you can work on looking these women in the eye or the back of the head, which are at the opposite end of the body from the feet, making the feet that much harder to notice. What I prefer to look at is further up, so this is not as effective a strategy for me as it can be for you.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

The problem with some people is they hear the word fetish and they think "Eww, freaky people have fetishes! Its a sin!". But the truth is its not, well when married. Everyone has things that turn them on. For some its feet, for some its long legs, for some its short people....etc. Though I'd say fetish borderlines on the word "turn on" or "preference".

Now, yes if you are thinking/turned on by other womens feet then its more of an issue. I'd talk to your wife about your fetish to start with. Then get to the fact you are attracted when looking at other womens feet. Maybe work out something so you only focus on your wifes. Really whatever goes on in the bedroom is between the two of you. I've heard of some pretty..... "interesting" things. Nothing is really off limits aside what God says.

 

[MicahIsSaved]

I don't know if your issues have been resolved yet but I thought I would post something here in case. I personally sympathize with you because I too am sexually attracted to feet. But there are a couple of things I've discovered I thought you might like to hear:
1. God created sexual interaction for 2 reasons, our enjoyment and procreation. Thus he want's us to be able to righteously enjoy sexual interaction with our wives and vice versa. Which means anything that does not directly or indirectly counteract his word is permissible, and quite frankly is a form of worship to him! now don't go all haywire on me and think me an aphrodite, because all I'm saying is that when we do what we know is right and pleasing in the sight of God we are acting in a form of worship. So I would have to agree with the other people who have already answered and say that you need to talk to your wife because quite honestly I've come to believe that my attraction to my future wife's feet is something my creator put in me.
2. Don't be afraid to talk to her man, your wife loves you, and I'm sure she want's to please you, and for you to be pleased with her. Just make sure that you listen to her answers to your questions,and if she's uncomfortable with something accept that, but don't feel degraded. Also if she does say yes to whatever activities you agree on, don't make it all about you and be selfish, have a heart of service, and what you consider to be a fetish can turn into a beautiful form of serving your wife. A little encouragement for you: I told my girlfriend about my foot fetish and she was extremely excepting, so don't think that she will necessarily be turned off by it!
Lastly I wish you luck, and am praying for you brother! Post on the forum how it goes because quite frankly I am interested to hear how it turned out!

 

[wayfaring man]

Hi Ezie,

When we have something which troubles us / our conscience, and that something appears to be unresolvable / unremovable, the reason is because there is some other issue(s) which must be resolved first, before the other can be successfully addressed. In most cases the 'other issue', or issues has something to so with pride. For pride causes us to feel above being in desperate need of assistance; wherefore we may ask for help, but not from the depths of our being, which is where the most stubborn problems lie. Furthermore. stubborn problems manifest undeniably so we cannot easily go on in our foolish pride, ( as though everythings is good - when it's really not ). Wherefore, this fetish, being so pronounced and persistent, does testify accordingly, and at such times we should thank our Heavenly Father that He cares enough to 'get our attention' via such troubling; so that we cannot go on in a false confidence ( so to speak ) which stems from inapproptiate pridefulness. Prayer and fasting is effective in such instances, but one should also know the risks thereof which are particular to their unique situation.
If one can hardly fast and pray themself, it is possible / scriptural that someone else may pray and fast on their / your behalf. As God would have it, I happen to be fasting right now. And I pray these words and their meaning will strke a chord deep within you, which will light the way to everlasting peace regarding this disconcerting issue, and that the lessons learned in this matter will open the way for all other troubling issues to be resolved according to the divine order of God's perfect will.

May The Lord Be Pleased to Bless. Amen.

P.S. While I haven't been troubled much with foot attraction / distraction, I have been simialrily troubled in other areas, so the theme of what is being said to you in this post is also being said to me, (and ever other hoper / believer ) on a daily basis. Which reminds of the apostle Paul's acknowledgement - " I die daily". 1st Cor. 15:31

 

[Dave-W]

The problem with some people is they hear the word fetish and they think "Eww, freaky people have fetishes! Its a sin!". But the truth is its not, well when married.

Actually it is. Even in marriage. It is a bondage. (if it is a true fetish and not just a fixation)

 

[MicahIsSaved]

Actually it is. Even in marriage. It is a bondage. (if it is a true fetish and not just a fixation)

your stating mute points, he's talking about Ezie's situation... and actually many people have different meanings for the word so no, your wrong. God may have put an interest in this man for feet, now whether he acts in lustful thoughts or not is the true problem, which I'm saying can be solved be conversation with his wife

 

[Dave-W]

actually many people have different meanings for the word so no, your wrong.

Both "fetish" and "fixation" have technical meanings used by the medical and psychiatric communities.
We should use those definitions and not make up our own.

 

[MicahIsSaved]

Both "fetish" and "fixation" have technical meanings used by the medical and psychiatric communities.
We should use those definitions and not make up our own.

I apologize if I created an animosity filled situation, not my intention. however I do think that the last two points you made were generalizations and a bit moot, the man is seeking situationaly individual advice

 

[Dave-W]

My points to him were:

1 - determine if it is a TRUE fetish
2 - if it is, get rid of it as it is bondage.
3 - a simple fixation is not bondage and he should be free to enjoy it (within marital boundaries of course)

 

[MicahIsSaved]

My points to him were:

1 - determine if it is a TRUE fetish
2 - if it is, get rid of it as it is bondage.
3 - a simple fixation is not bondage and he should be free to enjoy it (within marital boundaries of course)

makes sense, sorry about that