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Is French Kissing a Sin? Can Christians Kiss Before Marriage?

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Jack and Jill, Sittin’ in a Tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G

The Bible says in Romans 16:16, “Greet one another with a holy kiss.” This type of kiss is an expression of love and affection between Christians. It is a romantic gesture between husband and wife (Song of Solomon 1:2), an affectionate expression of greeting/farewell between relatives (Genesis 31:55), and an expression of devotion, honor, or respect to others (Luke 7:37-38).
Since the Bible designates some kissing as holy, what kind of kissing would it consider unholy? Absalom kissed to win people’s favor (2 Samuel 15:5-6), Joab kissed to draw one close enough to kill them (2 Samuel 20:9-10), and Judas kissed Jesus to betray him (Matthew 26:47-48).
My question is, “Should dating couples engage in open-mouth "French" kissing?
In a survey one person wrote, “I don't think its a sin, but it’s wise to avoid. The Lord knows it can lead to some sexual things that you wouldn't want to get into. So, I avoid it. But there is nothing wrong with a peck on the cheek and a hug. Maybe a small kiss.”
Another person wrote, “I'd have to say it is not a sin. In my honest opinion (and no one asked), French kissing is a wonderful experience that should be treasured and remembered forever.” As you can see, some teens recognize the dangers of open-mouth kissing and avoid it while others embrace the experience. Should they or shouldn’t they French kiss?
The Bible says, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman” (1 Corinthians 7:1). One of the meanings for the Greek word for "touch" means "to press against in such a way as to kindle or catch on fire.” Therefore, another way to translate this verse would be, “It is good for a man not to touch a woman so that they become sexually aroused.” Obviously, this does not apply to married couples because this kind of touching is fitting in God’s eyes. However, for dating couples it means not kissing each other in such a manner that arouses them sexually.
Josh McDowell, a respected and nationally known teen teacher, says, “God isn’t down on kissing. But He wants your kisses to be holy. So what does a French kiss do to your body? Be honest. If you say, ‘Nothing,’ then you haven’t yet reached puberty.”
French kissing is the beginning stage of what in marriage counseling is called “foreplay.” Foreplay is sexual stimulation that takes place before intercourse. To prepare married couples for sex, God has designed the female body so that her lips will become fuller. This makes kissing more pleasurable between married couples. With thousands of sensitive nerve endings, the human tongue is considered one of our most sexually sensitive zones in the human body. It’s way too hot for dating couples, but God-designed for married couples.
Many teens also feel that French kissing is not intended for unmarried couples. One teen wrote, “As for French kissing, it's certainly very intimate. And I'd say too intimate for unmarried teen couples.”
Another says, “I will avoid it [French Kissing] until marriage. In the meantime, I think a peck on the cheek or a hug every now and then will do the trick.”
Still another says, “To me, that kind of kiss . . . is INCREDIBLY sexual. . . God reserved sex- and all that comes before it, for married people, and married people only.”
One student said it well when he commented, “You are being foolish and ignorant if you believe you can make-out (French-kiss and/or touch sexually with clothing on) week after week with someone whom you are romantically involved without falling into more serious sexual play and even sexual intercourse.”
Consider the fact that even some prostitutes do not French kiss because of the bonds that are created by such an intimate sexual action.
Finally, remember the final two words of the song children sing that goes, “Jack and Jill, sittin in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, second comes marriage, and then comes Jack with a baby carriage.”
 

Iceman_Aragorn

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sooo.....were you actually asking a question, or just imparting wisdom?

If you ask me...yeah, I think your conclusion is accurate...french kissing is really one of those things with pretty much no purpose other than creating the kind of sexual intimacy appropriate for marriage only.
 
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equusargentum

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I feel a little aprehensive about making this post.... I know that there will be people who don't agree with me.

My boyfriend and I have our boundary set at French kissing, with no touching. While I think that this is working out I do know that we still have to be careful. I read on another post that there can be different boundaries on different days. I can see this. On some days hugging for a long time could be too much, but on others French kissing can be fine. I'm continuously checking up on what I'm doing because I know that everyone's different. I'm new to this, so i may be wrong but if it turns out that French kissing just increases the temptation to do more I know my boyfriend would respect a decision to stop.
 
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Iceman_Aragorn

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its true, you can have as many written rules as you want, but the spoken rule should reallllly be that if you are feeling especially arroused by ANY action, that action should be stopped.
That said, the more things you save for marriage, the more special each of those things will be.
 
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invisiblebabe

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You are asking about dating couples. To me, dating implies there is no definitive commitment, merely "we will be with each other for now, and maybe we'll stay together in the end, but maybe we won't." Because of this, I don't approve of French kissing (or any other physical things besides holding hands, hugging, and leaning on each other, for that matter) for dating couples.

For engaged couples though... I have a slightly different view. To me, engagement means that the couple has decided definitively they will be married on x date. I see nothing wrong with French kissing between engaged couples, so long as it does not cause them to lust.

Josh McDowell, a respected and nationally known teen teacher, says, “God isn’t down on kissing. But He wants your kisses to be holy. So what does a French kiss do to your body? Be honest. If you say, ‘Nothing,’ then you haven’t yet reached puberty.”
*laugh*

Excuse me for being a bit blunt here.... but for me personally, French kissing is good, but I find it not all that stimulating and it does not make me want to do more. I waited to kiss anyone at all until after I'd been engaged for some time... and I found that it was nowhere near as temptation-invoking as I'd anticipated, nor as others had said it was.

*shrug* everyone's different
 
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KristianJ

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invisiblebabe said:
Excuse me for being a bit blunt here.... but for me personally, French kissing is good, but I find it not all that stimulating and it does not make me want to do more. I waited to kiss anyone at all until after I'd been engaged for some time... and I found that it was nowhere near as temptation-invoking as I'd anticipated, nor as others had said it was.

*shrug* everyone's different

I don't see what you've said as blunt at all...and you're right - as almost every thread in this forum will attest to, we'll have different opinions on any matter that anybody raises. My personal view is probably closest to Inperfected's view in this particular issue. :)
 
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Inperfected

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Mmm... I agree actually... I don't get overly , um excited by it, but at times it's tooo much for me, so at those points i say no.

I think it's the boundry between, lovely kissing, and passionate kissing, what french kissing doesn't have to be.

And i think as we get older we look for marriage more than jsut dating, so yes, i agree no kissing unless you are aiming for marriage (not necessarily engaged)
 
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invisiblebabe

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unjustwar said:
in a relationship you should never think... how close can I come to the line before I'm over it ;) French kissing is basically considered foreplay.

Is it still foreplay if it doesn't entice you to do anything else at all?
 
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Singin4Him

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invisiblebabe said:
Is it still foreplay if it doesn't entice you to do anything else at all?
Absolutely! If you Google the definition of foreplay you will see that is says things like: The preliminary stages of sexual relation, in which the partners usually stimulate each other by kissing, touching, and caressing. If you go on down the line of definitions you will see more detail about this but you get the point. Can you not do things which are qualified as foreplay yet not go all the way? Of course! Should you tempt yourselves and cause such sexual frustration? If you respect one another, NO! As a woman you may believe you may think this doesn't effect you at all but ask a man and I bet you'll get a different answer...unless they're lying lol.

IMO, french kissing is a personal preference of the couple. What I mean by this, if it causes one or both people to lust it should be avoided completely, but if the couple thinks they can handle it I think they need to always keep their guard up against temptation. Personally, when my husband and I were dating we saw no problem with it but once we became engaged we decided we wanted to be overly careful and avoid temptation at all cost until our wedding day so that we could begin our relationship in complete purity. That was a personal decision and I am so glad we made it!
 
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Spoilt Victorian Child

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Singin4Him said:
Absolutely! If you Google the definition of foreplay you will see that is says things like: The preliminary stages of sexual relation, in which the partners usually stimulate each other by kissing, touching, and caressing. If you go on down the line of definitions you will see more detail about this but you get the point. Can you not do things which are qualified as foreplay yet not go all the way? Of course! Should you tempt yourselves and cause such sexual frustration? If you respect one another, NO! As a woman you may believe you may think this doesn't effect you at all but ask a man and I bet you'll get a different answer...unless they're lying lol.

IMO, french kissing is a personal preference of the couple. What I mean by this, if it causes one or both people to lust it should be avoided completely, but if the couple thinks they can handle it I think they need to always keep their guard up against temptation. Personally, when my husband and I were dating we saw no problem with it but once we became engaged we decided we wanted to be overly careful and avoid temptation at all cost until our wedding day so that we could begin our relationship in complete purity. That was a personal decision and I am so glad we made it!

This doesn't address the fact that mere proximity can make me want to have sex with her. It's not a sin to do something that tempts, because temptation is everywhere and we simply cannot avoid it. It's a sin to succumb to that temptation.
 
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KristianJ

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Breetai said:
Best answer ever:


It's different for everybody!!!

Hehe...succinct and true! :D In terms of the foreplay path of thinking, I can think of a few "innocent" actions that could stimulate someone and "turn them on" (such as massaging one's shoulders, running fingers through one's hair)...they're sure to rank below French kissing though. Our levels of stimulus are all different, so it's inevitable that one person can kiss in this manner and not be led into wanting to take things further physically, whilst another is wary of it. IMHO, both are equally valid :)
 
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f U z ! o N

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if it doesn't cause any temptation fine but if it does stop. some may consider it foreplay while others won't. ask each other what does it do to them. does it make them wanan go further. heck, some people get turned on by hand holding. were all different.
 
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Lizzi4Christ

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Iceman_Aragorn said:
its true, you can have as many written rules as you want, but the spoken rule should reallllly be that if you are feeling especially arroused by ANY action, that action should be stopped.
That said, the more things you save for marriage, the more special each of those things will be.

I feel this way when I hold his hand. Should I stop?

I feel this way when I look at him. Should I stop looking at him?
 
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