I have begun reading this book, and it is outlining many things and many errors in my faith. I feel a stronger conviction already. I have a question brother, however it is not regarding the book.
I have told my significant other that I have watched porn and admitted this sin. However before this post I have already made the same error yet again. She has a broken trust of me already, and I fear only things to be worse off explaining I've done it again.
I'm starting to feel I should break off my relationship until I have gotten a grip on this addiction, and grown with Christ all the more.
My mind is clouded as to what the enemy is trying to get me to do.
I think on relational issues I would go to that 'ask a chaplain' in the private area. Even better speak with your pastor. If you do not have a church yet, I may be able to give you tools to find one with the ministries you need.
Also, do you belong to a church and if so are you in their recovery program. My church has two. One for just men (mostly veterans and military and police/fire types) and then one which is called "Celebrate Recovery." In Celebrate Recovery all are welcome no matter the habit or addiction. Most of the men in my veteran group have been exposed to porn, had porn addictions and also dealing with or have dealt with relational issues with their wives and families. So I've been in some very detailed and long one on one and group discussions on how each is dealing with or dealt with their porn addictions. I had one friend in the military while deployed go down to the burn pit with all his 'items' to view porn and watch it burn. Magazines, disks and thumb drives. He got rid of it all. Some have been known to wipe their hard drive clean and buy a new computer.
I'm no expert, but know prayer is always our first step. As part of that prayer first step is trusting in Christ to deliver us from the evils we struggle with or are addicted to. The same Trust we have when we are born again and God takes the heart of stone away and replaces it with a heart of flesh (soft heart). With that new nature we are exposed to our sins, trespasses and wickedness and call upon the Lord Jesus Christ in faith (trust) and repentance. We have to go back to that moment where the Gospel of Grace saves---going back to the Cross and Empty Tomb where we have our eternal life, go back there to our First Love Jesus Christ, and WITH HIM break the cycle of sin. What usually gets us in trouble is that (as you are reading the book) as we see the Cross growing larger in our lives (Sanctification) and become more aware of the Holiness of God, more sins (idols) we identify in our hearts, we tend to try to wrestle with them alone. Our new nature in Christ is abhorred that we have these things in our life. Instead of going to Him, we try to handle it ourselves and make ourselves 'worthy' to come to Him. But the failure in that is, we did not get to where we were in Christ by personal merit or effort. Christ paid it all on that cross and even now being justified by faith, it is that faith walking in repentance we need to call upon the Lord Jesus Christ to deliver us from----Trust Him. And if we Trust Him, we must do what He tells us to do.
He tells us to destroy all our idols (our sins) and crush them to dust. So we must destroy or remove what it is that is stumbling us along. Jesus won't come in your house and remove all of the things which you use to access porn. You must do that. Do that immediately. Get rid of it. This is walking by faith and that is important because the next struggle you will face you can't do only God can do...That is after years of viewing porn, your mind will remember the images and how you sought physical pleasure in it. Only our God can transform the mind. However how can we obey Him in this process? Immersion in His Holy Scriptures, fellowship with other believers in a church, being honest with your family and friends on what you are struggling with, and asking for prayers. Get involved in church run recovery groups and ministries. Above all put Christ above all.
I hope this helps, and will tell you there are no easy or overnight solutions to most addictions. Walk in faith and repentance, but above all make Christ Jesus and His Gospel the center of your life. He is Faithful and True to deliver us from evil.
Praying for you brother.
