I had a really bad thought, an evil thought

[Job405]

I thought that I wanted my brothers and sisters to go to hell with me. I don't know where that thought came from, but it was evil.

Immediately I felt my faith decrease, probably because the Holy Spirit is grieved and it is only by Him that I am able to remain in the faith and believe.

I need to fix my heart. How do I fix my heart? I want a pure heart, not an evil unbelieving heart. This really disturbed me.

 

[Arc F1]

I thought that I wanted my brothers and sisters to go to hell with me. I don't know where that thought came from, but it was evil.

Immediately I felt my faith decrease, probably because the Holy Spirit is grieved and it is only by Him that I am able to remain in the faith and believe.

I need to fix my heart. How do I fix my heart? I want a pure heart, not an evil unbelieving heart. This really disturbed me.

You just took the first step by recognizing what you did.

 

[Lazarus Short]

Let go...and let God. You cannot fix your own heart - only God can do that. In due time, He will cleanse you from the inside out. Later, He will glorify you. All you must do is endure until the end.

 

[plain jayne]

The problem with intrusive thoughts - and even people without OCD have them - is that they disgust us so much that we "work" really hard to get them out of our head. I've had them before many times. And that's what I used to do. I don't have OCD, but I do have GAD - general anxiety disorder - so I know how intrusive thoughts can terrify you.

Metaphorically speaking, I got my heavy duty "broom" and began trying to sweep those thoughts out of my mind and I could think of nothing else.

That was my problem.

I was wrestling with those darn thoughts and trying hard to sweep them out of my mind....stomp them like roaches.....panic over them......metaphorically "showering" my mind like one would shower and scrub a child who fell in pig feces.....and on and on.

By doing all that - I was keeping the thought IN my mind. And my biggest fear was what God thought of me when those thoughts came. I was terrified he was super mad at me.

I don't do that anymore.

I still get the occasional intrusive thoughts. I still am disgusted by them and still am shocked and wonder where on earth they come from, but I don't wrestle with them anymore.

I simply let them pass from one ear and out the other. I may whisper to God, "I know that's not true....it's part of this fallen world. It's not who I am in Christ."

And I move on. And they don't linger anymore.

They haven't fully gone away. BUT, they no longer stay. I have put out the no vacancy sign.

 

[Daniel Hoseini]

I thought that I wanted my brothers and sisters to go to hell with me. I don't know where that thought came from, but it was evil.

Immediately I felt my faith decrease, probably because the Holy Spirit is grieved and it is only by Him that I am able to remain in the faith and believe.

I need to fix my heart. How do I fix my heart? I want a pure heart, not an evil unbelieving heart. This really disturbed me.

I suffer the same things in my subconscious mind. I think these are not really our own thoughts, but the thoughts of a demon or demons in us. This demon is working to bring each of us to identify with himself, but without us knowing it. Therefore, we think that all our thoughts and emotions are always from ourselves. In such negative cases, we are not free from guilt and responsibility. But our guilt and responsibility is often not that we create this evil in ourselves, but that we accept it from demons, even if we don’t see them. Therefore, may God grant us to enlighten our minds with prayer, soul-beneficial reading and contemplation of God, in order to strive for purity of mind, in the image and likeness of Jesus Christ, who is ready to forgive the repentant sinner.

 

[Livi_Dreams]

I thought that I wanted my brothers and sisters to go to hell with me. I don't know where that thought came from, but it was evil.

Immediately I felt my faith decrease, probably because the Holy Spirit is grieved and it is only by Him that I am able to remain in the faith and believe.

I need to fix my heart. How do I fix my heart? I want a pure heart, not an evil unbelieving heart. This really disturbed me.

That sounds like an intrusive thought. Intrusive thoughts directly oppose what we believe to be true/our values. Since you’re on a Christian website, I assume this thought is not what you believe.

The two tricky things about these thoughts are:

1: they often reflect your worst fears. They’re not hidden desires or quirky impulse decisions. They’re scary, because they attack the values that you hold dear. Most likely, you do not want your siblings to go to hell with you. In fact, that’s the opposite of what you want.

And

2: The more you chase/attack these thoughts, the more they attack you back. It’s an unwinnable war. As bad as it sounds, the absolute best thing you can do is ignore them. You’ll want to chase them, to cast them away and tell them not to come back, but that will do nothing but make them more unbearable. All you can do is this: When the thought comes back to you, label it as intrusive and move on. When you don’t give it attention, it loses its power.

The most important thing you can do is remember that these thoughts are not from you, and they are not reflective of who you are. God knows that better than anyone. Talk to Him about them, and He’s sure to listen and help.

I hope this helps, I’ll be praying for you!!

 

[Livi_Dreams]

That sounds like an intrusive thought. Intrusive thoughts directly oppose what we believe to be true/our values. Since you’re on a Christian website, I assume this thought is not what you believe.

The two tricky things about these thoughts are:

1: they often reflect your worst fears. They’re not hidden desires or quirky impulse decisions. They’re scary, because they attack the values that you hold dear. Most likely, you do not want your siblings to go to hell with you. In fact, that’s the opposite of what you want.

And

2: The more you chase/attack these thoughts, the more they attack you back. It’s an unwinnable war. As bad as it sounds, the absolute best thing you can do is ignore them. You’ll want to chase them, to cast them away and tell them not to come back, but that will do nothing but make them more unbearable. All you can do is this: When the thought comes back to you, label it as intrusive and move on. When you don’t give it attention, it loses its power.

The most important thing you can do is remember that these thoughts are not from you, and they are not reflective of who you are. God knows that better than anyone. Talk to Him about them, and He’s sure to listen and help.

I hope this helps, I’ll be

I thought that I wanted my brothers and sisters to go to hell with me. I don't know where that thought came from, but it was evil.

Immediately I felt my faith decrease, probably because the Holy Spirit is grieved and it is only by Him that I am able to remain in the faith and believe.

I need to fix my heart. How do I fix my heart? I want a pure heart, not an evil unbelieving heart. This really disturbed me.

Another thing I’ll add is that your faith doesn’t “decrease” because you had an intrusive thought. The Holy Spirit is promised to be our helper, and He won’t leave us just because we had an uncontrollable thought. God doesn’t think any less of you because of this incident. He will never leave you hanging. He’ll be with you forever.