Husbands: Gift from Male Co-Worker Inappropriate?

[Meshavrischika]

My friend at work bought me a coffee press just "for the heck of it" and to "promote the cause" in his words.

It is not my birthday, a holiday or any other special occasion.

Do you think it is inappropriate for a wife to receive gifts from a male co-worker? why/why not?

Are the extenuating circumstances that matter? (I'll explain mine later... I wanna hear initial opinions first)

 

[climbinout]

My friend at work bought me a coffee press just "for the heck of it" and to "promote the cause" in his words.

It is not my birthday, a holiday or any other special occasion.

Do you think it is inappropriate for a wife to receive gifts from a male co-worker? why/why not?

Are the extenuating circumstances that matter? (I'll explain mine later... I wanna hear initial opinions first)

Hi,
I my male opinion: yes i believe it's not a good idea.
I know there are some sincere good men out there but even so it is a bit inappropriate to give a random gift to a married woman. There is usually if not always something behind the gift.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Nothing is free.

 

[Evangelina]

Promote WHAT cause, exactly?

I'm a bit iffy on how to answer this. It depends, I guess. I've had male coworkers I'd accept gifts from, and some I wouldn't. It depends on why I think they're offering said gift.

(Oops, sorry - you wanted male feedback! Shushing now )

 

[climbinout]

To put it another way:
I have never given a gift to an attractive woman that i secretly (or openly) did not wish to get one in return...yes, sad but true.

 

[indagroove]

It has an appearance of impropriety.

And as Evangelina asked, What cause would that be?

 

[fields316_2000]

women getting gifts from men is a way of him putting a bid in on a future date. you may be married but he may be hoping a) that you'll be easy and cheap and sleep around b) if something goes wrong he'll move on in.

nothing is free.

 

[analyzethis]

Hmmmmmmm...I'm trying to put myself in this situation.

There may or may not be be a motive behind the gift and it is impossible to KNOW for sure although you may have an idea of whether it is innocent or not (and that is nothing you can change or control anyway).

I would say if you can accept without feeling ANY kind of obligation to reciprocate AND you are completely honest with your husband and accepting of how he feels about it, then graciously accept it as a gift from God through this co-worker. I believe I could handle it if my wife came home and said, "Look what Steve gave me today." I would probably want to discuss his motives, though.

I'm curious about "to promote the cause", too!

J

 

[Meshavrischika]

Okay... more explaination:

"The cause" is staying awake during all our (sometimes really boring cases).

I waited to add my extenuating circumstances because I wanted to hear the respones without them. Here goes: His wife went out and got it for me and shipped it for him... so he had "wifeal" approval and I knew Lisa knew about it.

Also...we are 10 hours apart (I live in the Texas panhandle, he's in Austin).

Does this change your opinion?

 

[analyzethis]

I'll stick to my response.....But I was thinking more along the lines of a 'in the same building' co-worker. Sounds to me like the gift was from 'them' instead of 'him'. BIG DIFFERENCE!!

J

 

[Meshavrischika]

I'll stick to my response.....But I was thinking more along the lines of a 'in the same building' co-worker. Sounds to me like the gift was from 'them' instead of 'him'. BIG DIFFERENCE!!

J

It was definately from him... we'd talked about it on e-mail and he was raving over his and offered me one... so initially it was a HIM gift, not a THEM gift...

DH is normally an insanely jealous person, but he was okay with this, however if I still was in the same building with my co-worker he would have been upset.

I was just wondering what the response would be either way (because it essentially could have happened either way, we just moved a couple months ago and I worked with "said person" for 2 1/2 years before this)

 

[GoNoles]

I didn't get to this thread before you gave the full explanation... but I was going to say that a coffee press was certainly not a "suggestive" gift, nor would I think it improper for you to accept it from a male coworker. That being said, you would then have to be honest about it with your husband and if you found-out that he had not told his wife about it, THEN there would be a problem.

We don't have to look for every hidden sexual message in everything. There are some genuinely nice people out there... many of us like getting gifts for people, especially coworkers. If appropriate, it can promote a better work environment, IMO.

 

[Meshavrischika]

Nice take on it. Thanks for the input.

He's a really nice guy and totally in love with his DW... so I had no qualms about taking it.

 

[Evangelina]

We don't have to look for every hidden sexual message in everything. There are some genuinely nice people out there... many of us like getting gifts for people, especially coworkers. If appropriate, it can promote a better work environment, IMO.

Yup, have to agree here. While I do look carefully for the sexual message (having learnt from experience), I don't look assuming there MUST be sexual message.

 

[tiredwalker]

I, being really stupid about guys would have said, "Wow! this is great. My husband will love this thing. Thanks!"

 

[Meshavrischika]

I, being really stupid about guys would have said, "Wow! this is great. My husband will love this thing. Thanks!"

Don't feel stupid, that's basically what I said.

 

[HeatherJay]

I didn't get to this thread before you gave the full explanation... but I was going to say that a coffee press was certainly not a "suggestive" gift, nor would I think it improper for you to accept it from a male coworker. That being said, you would then have to be honest about it with your husband and if you found-out that he had not told his wife about it, THEN there would be a problem.

We don't have to look for every hidden sexual message in everything. There are some genuinely nice people out there... many of us like getting gifts for people, especially coworkers. If appropriate, it can promote a better work environment, IMO.

I agree.

 

[vic74]

My friend at work bought me a coffee press just "for the heck of it" and to "promote the cause" in his words.

It is not my birthday, a holiday or any other special occasion.

Do you think it is inappropriate for a wife to receive gifts from a male co-worker? why/why not?

Are the extenuating circumstances that matter? (I'll explain mine later... I wanna hear initial opinions first)

it's not a good idea. it opens the doorway for other intimate milestones.

 

[Meshavrischika]

it's not a good idea. it opens the doorway for other intimate milestones.

if you check out the rest of my story... intimate isn't happening I thought that is the initial reaction I would get. Normally I would have had the same one too.

 

[vic74]

you're right, sorry for being lazy and not reading the rest of the posts.