Husbands covering over wife

[Beautiful2Him]

Hi there,

I wanted to get more insight on the idea of a husbands spiritual covering or protection over his wife. Heres a little background on me...

Ive been married for 12 years to a great man. He's never had a problem being the spiritual leader of our family. I understand that it is the man's duty to be the spiritual leader of his wife and family, and we've never really had to talk about it since it was never and issue. About 5 years ago, we were in a transitional period. We were staying with family while my husband was in another state we were getting ready to move to. During this time I had went out with family and friends to a social event. My husband had known about this, as we talk to each other about everything. I guess he didn't appreciate me going to this event because after we had moved he told me that during that time he had "removed his covering from me". This was the very first time I had ever heard about this and the first time he had ever brought it up. I was confused and then upset because he really didn't explain it to me. But we moved on from it.

Now we have had to go through another transitional period with another move and a promotion for his job. The last few months have had a lot of changes and I was talking to him about my concerns. Mainly that he has been working a lot more than usual and he has sort of put his spiritual leadership duties on the back burner. Before I could say anything else he got really defensive and said "Oh, want to see what happens if I take my covering off of you again?" I was so shocked. Firstly, why would any loving husband purposely do something like that? To teach me some sort of lesson? Secondly, does he even have the authority to do that? I mean what would happen to me if he did? I feel like its some kind of abuse of power. I don't know. Ive never come across anything in the Bible about it and I tried googling it but there are always opposing views.

Thank you in advance for any information on this subject.

 

[akmom]

I've never heard of it either. I'd be tempted to say, "Do as you wish, dear." There's no reason to react to a threat you don't even understand. When there are issues in a marriage, the couple needs to discuss them openly, rather than be passive-aggressive, make threats, or pretend to have special powers over the other person (not sure which of those best applies). Tell him that if he has a concern or feels offended, he needs to tell you about it honestly so you can understand what he means. Otherwise it will be impossible to get on the same page.

Be careful about trying to pander to him without actually understanding what he wants (or doesn't want). You can't have a marriage where you just walk on eggshells. And if you go down that road, he will probably start to expect it from you. I'd nip this in the bud, and try to establish a dynamic where you expect him to be direct and open, not cryptic and passive-aggressive.

 

[Darkhorse]

Good advice ^

He sounds like he's out on some weird "Christian" limb - and not a healthy one.

 

[Johnnz]

Its a lot of nonsense, part of the pastoral and male headship teaching. I accept neither concept, just so you are aware of that.

Paul mentions covering here: 1 Cor 11:15 For long hair is given to her as a covering. NIV. Her hair, not her husband is her covering.

John
NZ

 

[ValleyGal]

I, too, have never heard of a man's "covering" over his wife. Sounds like man-made Christianese to me. My husband and I have an egalitarian marriage, and the only way he is "head" is the same as Christ is head of the church - not a matter of hierarchy, but a matter of demonstrating Christ to his wife through humility, service and initiating love (and reconciliation when needed, although this is all mutual responsibilities).

It sounds like your husband wants to take responsibility as a "covering" for you and be answerable to God for those times when you are a "good" wife (according to him) and will not take responsibility as a "covering" or "remove the covering" when you have questionable behaviour that is less than submissive, such as questioning his spiritual leadership. I'm only guessing, but it might be something to consider.

 

[HondaMan]

Is that his weapon?

Sounds immature.

 

[Dan61861]

First, let me reassure you. Christ is your covering. It's his blood that covers our sins. No one, no one can take that from you. It is our hope everlasting.

Unfortunately, your husband lacks understanding when it comes to his covering over you. The Lord tells us husbands to love our wife as Christ loves the church. His covering is that love, a promise to love you, protect you, care for you as Christ does. He neither has the power or the authority to take away Christ's covering for you.

He is using this as if it's witchcraft. As if you are under a curse if you are not under his covering. A man should be the spiritual leader in the home, yet never does he replace the Holy Spirit. He works in conjunction with the Holy Spirit, as the Holy Spirit leads him as well.

Whether we be male or female, God is our final authority. It is Christ that is our Lord. Example, if I were to lead my wife to sin, she is to follow Christ first, not my indiscretions. It is Christ in all, he is our covering.

In Christ
Daniel

 

[Navari]

deleted

 

[AvilaSurfer]

I ask God to cover my wife with His strength and His grace all the time. Removing it sounds stupid.

 

[Swan7]

First, let me reassure you. Christ is your covering. It's his blood that covers our sins. No one, no one can take that from you. It is our hope everlasting.

Unfortunately, your husband lacks understanding when it comes to his covering over you. The Lord tells us husbands to love our wife as Christ loves the church. His covering is that love, a promise to love you, protect you, care for you as Christ does. He neither has the power or the authority to take away Christ's covering for you.

He is using this as if it's witchcraft. As if you are under a curse if you are not under his covering. A man should be the spiritual leader in the home, yet never does he replace the Holy Spirit. He works in conjunction with the Holy Spirit, as the Holy Spirit leads him as well.

Whether we be male or female, God is our final authority. It is Christ that is our Lord. Example, if I were to lead my wife to sin, she is to follow Christ first, not my indiscretions. It is Christ in all, he is our covering.

In Christ
Daniel

Amen!!

Pray for your husband, that he steps away from this perverse twisting of scripture and trying to use it against you. I'll certainly join you in prayer.

 

[LinkH]

It kind of irks me when people use this 'covering' terminology. It's not in the Bible, so it's hard for Christians to really nail down what it is supposed to mean. Your husband is not your covering. He is your head. That is in I Corinthians 11. Some pastors want to be a 'covering.' I asked one pastor, when I'd first heard the term in my early 20's, what a 'covering' was. He said it was in I Corinthians 11. He was a great guy, btw, but if 'covering' is in that passage, then men aren't to have a covering, and pastors are way too heavy for women to wear them on their heads or their necks will snap, especially pastors in the Southeastern United States where I used to live.

I think 'covering' may be the meaning of one of the words translated 'atonement' in the Old Testament. But your husband is not your atonement.

The 'third wave' folks who use this 'covering' terminology would probably think your husband's question about removing his covering is pretty foolish. You could have asked him, "Are you threatening me with divorce?"

You could just ask your husband where the Bible says something about a husband being a covering or removing his covering. If I said something like that to me wife, she'd probably say something to me about me doing my responsibility as a husband.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I have heard of spiritual leader over the wife... but never this. Sounds like some immature attitude thing he uses to make you feel powerless. >.<