How to handle a high sex drive

[MrHeart]

Much advice is given to married people with various sexual problems. Yet, little in the way of practical advice is given to young people who struggle with a high sex drive. This is problematic, because singles are sexual beings too.

I have attributed my high sex drive to my stressful lifestyle. For me, stress is also the root of bad habits such as smoking. Another reason may be loneliness. I don't have any close friends, so my emotional needs aren't really met. This may sound silly, but sometimes I just feel like being hugged.

On several occasions, I have come close to calling an escort. I figure I'll enjoy the sensations, and then feel so guilty that my sex drive will just go away and not bother me any more. What has always stopped me from going ahead with these plans is the thought of staying pure for my future wife. I usually end up masturbating instead, and after reaching [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] I find myself relieved that I did not actually have sex with an escort.

As it stands, I am a virgin. In fact, I've never even kissed a girl. I'm actually quite happy with that and would be delighted if things could stay that way until I meet the one I end up marrying. However, I know I need to change my lifestyle so that I don't get these urges as often. So, I'm trying to change a few things in my life so that I am not constantly stressed out. However, it will be a while before these changes can take effect.

In the meantime, what can I do to handle my sex drive? Like I said, I'm trying to reduce my stress level and make some friends - I'm sure that will help. Rightly or wrongly, I also walked into an adult store and picked up a certain item which may help satisfy me (maybe that's a foolish idea, I'll have to see). Any other ideas? Your suggestions and prayers are appreciated.

 

[Jedi]

I wish I knew the secret on how to handle a high sex drive. There are times when it feels as if every cell of my body aches to mate with a young lady, connecting with her on a very intimate level; a passionate fire that blazes inside that, of course, must be controlled. At times, trying to hold back this fiery passion seems like trying to hold back the ocean.

I don't expect many women to understand this. Though there seems to be diamonds in the roth (ladies who have a real, genuine desire for sex), there seems to be many women who have very little if no desire at all for sex. Is it because they're ignorant of the pleasure their bodies are capable of experiencing? I can't be certain, but I do wish more of them knew the passions for such intimacy so many guys go through.

The only method of control I have found that actually works is masturbation. The flood of passion is able to be released in a controlled manner, relieving the stress of all that sexual tension. Other than full blown sex, masturbation, or (heaven forbid) castration, I see no practical way of managing such a high sex drive.

 

[MrHeart]

I find that masturbation helps to extent, but it is no substitute for the touch of a woman. Like you, it is not only physical sensations, but intimacy I desire.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

be careful what you let into your mind

what you read, what you watch, what you listen to

I have stopped watching TV altogether and found that has made a huge difference.


You may think these things do not affect you or make much of a difference but I think you would be surprised if you tried cutting a specific thing out of life that is feeding your sex drive subconciously.

Be very careful what you allow your self to be exposed to as satan will use anything he can to influence us to live by flesh not instead of the Spirit.

 

[enelya_taralom]

Give this up to God. Pray for strength to overcome it...

I find that reading Christian books / studies on the subject of sexuality helps aswell.

You might find the following helpful / interesting:

Every Young Man's Battle by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker

Pure Love and/or If You Really Loved Me by Jason Evert (www.pureloveclub.com)

Theology of the Body studies by Christopher West (HIGHLY recommended!! www.christopherwest.com)

I also second the idea of watching what you watch / look at. I find that really helps with me. Exercise on a regular bases does wonders aswell

 

[InTheFlame]

Mr Heart.... I think you've got two very sensible steps to follow there. Loneliness and stress often do lead to addictive behaviour and/or sin. You're wise to try and learn as much self-control as possible, too. As you've obviously noticed, married life doesn't automatically cure a high desire for sex!

So... what's your game plan?

• where are you planning on developing these friendships?
• Do you have current acquaintances picked out as potential friends?
• What are you thinking you might do to develop these friendships? Movies, pizza nights, going to the pub?
• How are you planning to reduce your stress?
• Are there any activities you can do that'll help reduce your stress AND build friendships at the same time?

Do you have any hobbies or interests that provide a 'high'? For some, it's running or weightlifting. For others, it's winning a debate.

 

[sherri]

There's a difference between lust and your natural, God given sex drive. Porn feeds lust. Lust is a perversion of the natural sex drive that God gave you to be consumated in marriage and marriage only in a natural and healthy way (a thing lust also perverts).

The above books that enelya mentioned sound like they could really help you and there are many others on this subject in bible bookstores that are excellent. The first I know of that comes to mind is one by Joshua Harris called 'not even a hint'.

Porn enflames lust and makes the problem stronger. The more you feed it - the worse it'll become.

*prayers are with you buddy.

It's good you can be so honest about it. Promise keepers is another organisation that might be of help to you. It's a mens group network that exists to encourage and help each other keep accountable and builds friendships.

 

[spr]

Don't forget that jesus told us, whoever lusts in their mind has already committed adultery in their heart.

If the understand that the issue is not simply a self control issue, but a spiritual one, you will be able toequip

 

[Sketcher]

The problem with masturbation is it doesn't really satisfy, it just makes you hungrier for more. Your body may feel spent for a little while but you're going to want it again and again despite all that. In extreme cases, your body may NOT want to do that anymore but your sinful nature will push for it anyway. I can't agree with you that masturbation is the solution to the problem. It can spin out of control far too easily.

 

[_sunshinegirl]

Let me say above all PRAY!

It might seem a bit lame, but a while ago (when I was 16) I asked God to sort of take away my sex drive, just because I didn’t want to end up being the girl that had a kid before high school, I never wanted to use sex as a way to try to find ‘true’ love and I wanted to do what He asks of us and not be mating rabbits!


Now I can honestly say that the Lord did take away some of my sex drive, however I still have a daily battle with it (though through the years it has gotten a lot easier). As Beauty4Ashes
said tv does actually have a lot to do with it, since its visual images and we are visually motivated people. Whatever gets your 'imagination' going can turn into the enemy.

I would just
a) pray
b) remove yourself from situations where sex is the ‘topic’, ‘focus’ or ‘plot’
c) when you find yourself thinking of sex, pick up the Bible and read.

And above all you honestly have to want to change, or the Lord will not do anything. My prayers will be with you!

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[Mrs. Luther073082]

I spent two years trying to quit masturbating. I finally did last year, thanks to a broken heart, birth control, and getting rid of porn. The broken heart and starting birth control actually killed my libido for a while. My sex drive eventually came back, but now I resist the temptation because I feel so good about myself for not doing it. Its just not worth it to me anymore.

(By the way, I started taking birth control for an endocrine condition; I am not sexually active.)

The next time you feel the urge to call an escort, just think of how she probably has herphasyphagonallaids, and that should hopefully kill that desire.

Keep yourself busy -- exercise, whatever. If you're busy, you don't have as much of an opportunity to sit around and struggle with temptation.

 

[MrHeart]

Hi InTheFlame. I'll answer your questions a little later.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

 

[septemberskies]

I guess all i can say is keep busy and keep your mind on the Word of God. I myself am currently having alot of problems with this too. I wish i knew the cure all because it only seems to get worse with age IMO. I refuse to throw what i'm saving away , and so i'll keep praying for a future hubby to come fast

 

[BranwenUerchLlyr]

I wish I knew the secret on how to handle a high sex drive. There are times when it feels as if every cell of my body aches to mate with a young lady, connecting with her on a very intimate level; a passionate fire that blazes inside that, of course, must be controlled. At times, trying to hold back this fiery passion seems like trying to hold back the ocean.

I don't expect many women to understand this. Though there seems to be diamonds in the roth (ladies who have a real, genuine desire for sex), there seems to be many women who have very little if no desire at all for sex. Is it because they're ignorant of the pleasure their bodies are capable of experiencing? I can't be certain, but I do wish more of them knew the passions for such intimacy so many guys go through.

The only method of control I have found that actually works is masturbation. The flood of passion is able to be released in a controlled manner, relieving the stress of all that sexual tension. Other than full blown sex, masturbation, or (heaven forbid) castration, I see no practical way of managing such a high sex drive.

Don't worry, most (if not all) women know exactly what you're talking about. More women feel it much more strongly than they'll ever admit to. Even today though, many are raised to think that sex is evil and wrong, no matter what the context, and that women should never want sex (personal experience ). It is the role of the men to desire sex and the role of the women to grudgingly satisfy their husband’s unavoidable urges. Some women grow out of this mindset, while others have trouble with its persistence.

What if, for example (in my case), sexual desire was not linked to porn (never watched it), TV (don't currently watch it), or temptation with a SO (don't have one )? If most forms of hyper-sexualized media & the like are already filtered out of my life, why is it I have such a high drive? Perhaps we need to realize that the desire, at it's core, is natural (God made it, after all!). Of course most people would agree wholeheartedly to that in the case of married couples, but what about us singles? We all have working parts and plumbing, just no (legal) venue. So why should we expect this aspect of ourselves to remain "dormant" until we say "I do"? Maybe something could be gained in the acceptance of our feelings and acknowledgement of the struggles that come along with it by the Church. I'm looking for a better solution than "stifle it and hush," which, despite whatever words the Church says about it, is indeed the message we (especially women!!) are receiving.

I don't think my feelings are anything to be ashamed of, no matter what else is said of them. If I were to engage in watching porn and the like though, then I really have no ground to justify how I feel. We need to dig deep and find that "line" between our natural desires/attractions (God given!) and lust, which is the result of the perversion of what God has made it to be. If we can distinguish between the two, embrace one, and help those struggling with the other to deal, then I think we'd have a lot healthier view of it all.

God bless,
Mere

 

[Johnnz]

Mere

That was great.

The church has been uncomfortable with sex for centuries. There is a widespread failure to distinguish between human sexuality and sexual morality. The former deals with the fact that we are sexual beings - gender, physical arousal, hormones, sexual feelings, an interest in sex, interest in the human body, especially naked ones of the opposite sex, which are all part of being a God designed human. Sexual morality is concerned with the right and wrong way to deal with our sexuality.

There is a tendency in many Christian circles to confuse these two aspects of sexuality. Consequently, good moral singles are virtually to be asexual. Anything even midly sexual is deemed to be lustful, impure etc. There is very liitle honest debate about human sexuality in Christian circles, and the communication gap bewteen generations is as big as it was in Victorian times.

Our sex drive does not lie dormant until marriage. Different people will deal with it in various ways. What is essential is that single people don't feel guilty because they are sexual people, and that they keep away from the bad stuff out there.

Maintaining Christian sexual standards is not easy, with marriage being later for many, and so much sexual material all around.

I have long advocated good, warm relationships between the sexes based on friendship and group activities. The need for physical contact, confidence with the opposite sex, and experience of relating to others of both sexes is very important. Singles need more than none-at -all or a one-on-one alternative. Healthy social relationships and friendships can be a third option.

John
NZ

 

[eyesofmystery]

The best way is to pray about it and offer it up. Nobody is immune to sexual desire, thoughts, etc, and I'll admit, it's something that I need to say pretty much every time I go to confession! It's normal to have a high sex drive, and I don't think there is anything you can do to change that, but it is possible to control it. If you find yourself thinking about sexual things, try to think of something else, or immediately pray and offer up your pain to God, so that God can help you with self-control.