How do you let someone down easy?

[Brad2009]

So, I went on a kinda date tonight with a girl I met on-line. She was nice and we hung out and just talked over coffee... but I'm not attracted to her. Just before she left she said, "This was fun, I'd like to do it again sometime." I, tongue-tied at that moment because I had made my mind up to just chat for tonight and not pursue her for more dates, said, "Yeah, ok..."

So then she texts me after I got home and says she had a great time and stuff. I don't want to lead her on or anything because that isn't the right thing to do. I kinda feel like a weasel because I said yes when she was talking about going out again - but like I said, I think she's nice and I would like to have her as a friend. Advice?

Edit: forgot to include, I met her on a dating website.

 

[white dove]

Hang out with her, but next time make sure it's a group event. That will make it clear you like her, but don't see her as anything more than those others around you.


Either that or bite the bullet and say you'd love to be friends. But just beware, she might now want to; she may feel rejected if she really likes you.

 

[MehGuy]

Just be blunt and say no. It's not like you really care about being her friend anyways. She'll get over it.

"Hey Baby, I'll be your Brother in Christ but I'm not going to let you have sexual relations with me."

 

[leothelioness]

I say give it one more chance, 'cause something may develop. You never know. Other than that, I don't really know what to say. Sorry I'm of no help.

 

[kingoffools13]

say "look ... we need to talk "

doesn't matter what you say after that ... you could talk about polar bears if you wanted they will know the score

there isn't a nice way to let people down there is a mean way (blowing someone off for instance ... total loser move) but not a nice way. no matter what you say it will be a let down on they're side if they are into you. but that is they're problem to deal with dont let it get to you its just life

k
o
f

 

[Dionysiou]

Tell her "your such a cool chick, i'm so glad we're friends." thats it man, no dramas.

 

[white dove]

say "look ... we need to talk "

doesn't matter what you say after that ... you could talk about polar bears if you wanted they will know the score

ROFL!! So true!

 

[Im_A]

So, I went on a kinda date tonight with a girl I met on-line. She was nice and we hung out and just talked over coffee... but I'm not attracted to her. Just before she left she said, "This was fun, I'd like to do it again sometime." I, tongue-tied at that moment because I had made my mind up to just chat for tonight and not pursue her for more dates, said, "Yeah, ok..."

So then she texts me after I got home and says she had a great time and stuff. I don't want to lead her on or anything because that isn't the right thing to do. I kinda feel like a weasel because I said yes when she was talking about going out again - but like I said, I think she's nice and I would like to have her as a friend. Advice?

Edit: forgot to include, I met her on a dating website.

Wait until she tries to get you for more than friends and then be straight forward and then stop talking to her for a good amount of time.

I have recently did this to an old friend that I have repeated time and time again, I'm only out for platonic relations with her. This time, I went the very straight forward approach. My buddy said, if that was her reading this, he could see that she could take it as harsh, but since he knows me, he knows I was just being honest with the utmost good intentions.

Why play the game of trying to let down easy? The faster they crash to the floor the quicker they get up and find someone that is better for them. That doesn't mean we have to intentionally hurt them.

 

[ponderingnwandering]

I wouldn't even use the let's be friends line......me personally i'd take that as more insulting than just saying "I'm not attracted to you."

Really, the best way is to be straightforward and polite. Just tell her, and move on. Nothing wrong in admitting that.

 

[Gwenyfur]

Clear, open, and concise.

"I think you're a really nice girl(lady, whatever), but I think we're not hitting that chemistry I'm looking for in a potential mate.

I enjoyed our conversation and thank you for a pleasant evening, but I don't feel that pursuing a relationship would be beneficial to either of us at this time."

Clear, concise, and merciful.

There's no "easy" let down...but there is clear and honest communication. It speaks of integrity to communicate openly on such an honest level.

(always amazed at the convoluted ideas males have about "letting down easy")

 

[Brad2009]

All right, thanks y'all.

 

[Inkachu]

I don't think she's going to feel like you lied or led her on just because you said "yeah, okay" at the end of the date. Anyone with a brain knows how awkward and nervous things can be on a first date, and you don't always do and say things in a smooth, well-thought-out manner. The important thing is to clear things up with her ASAP, don't wait and leave her thinking things are great when they really aren't. You're a NICE GUY Brad, you aren't going to crush her or destroy her lol. I know you'll let her down gently and kindly, cause that's the kind of person you are. I know it's hard to do, I know it sucks, but get it done and you'll feel so much better. Thinking about it and waiting to do it are the hardest part.

 

[Inkachu]

Really, the best way is to be straightforward and polite. Just tell her, and move on. Nothing wrong in admitting that.

This. PLEASE this. Don't wait, don't "give it another shot", don't try to be friends (AWKWARD). Cut it clean and let her go, SO much simpler and easier to move on from.

 

[xuxana]

i agree with vicky, tell her straight up that you are not interested. she's from a dating website, i'm sure she's had her share of rejections.

 

[Blank123]

Hang out with her, but next time make sure it's a group event. That will make it clear you like her, but don't see her as anything more than those others around you.


Either that or bite the bullet and say you'd love to be friends. But just beware, she might now want to; she may feel rejected if she really likes you.

the other side of the coin is that she may see that group event as a progression because he's introducing her to friends.

really the kindest thing you can do is to be honest with her. It'll put an end to the awkwardness between you to now in trying to figure out how to avoid her until she loses interest, and it'll help her move on a lot faster.

 

[Rhye]

I completely agree with Vicky and Ponderingwandering.

there isn't a nice way to let people down there is a mean way (blowing someone off for instance ... total loser move) but not a nice way. no matter what you say it will be a let down on they're side if they are into you. but that is they're problem to deal with dont let it get to you its just life

k
o
f

I agree with this as well. Shows complete lack of maturity and/or genuine anything (can't find the words).
Kof, is also right, that nothing you say can be less hurtful (well, some take it better then others especially if they also feel its not working), but its better to be honest, then ignore or to lead on, and on, and on, and on.
At some point in a persons life, they are going to get it right back at them, and it wont feel any better.

 

[Nom De Guerre]

reminds me of a cool song

YouTube - "Let Me Down Easy" by Inez Foxx

 

[Inkachu]

I know the next person you can go out with, Brad... ... just wanted to throw that out there.

 

[mcswan]

Clear, open, and concise.



Clear, concise, and merciful.

There's no "easy" let down...but there is clear and honest communication. It speaks of integrity to communicate openly on such an honest level.

(always amazed at the convoluted ideas males have about "letting down easy")

True. There is no "easy" let down, but do not leave her hanging on unrealistic expectations. Be honest with her, and do it soon.

 

[CFDavid]

If you enjoyed her company, I'd say give it another try. I can't tell you how many really fantastic women I passed up when I was younger because they weren't "my type," but then later I was kicking myself because I realized they were truly singular people. Inevitably, they got snatched up by guys who were way more mature than me. Kind of a "man looks at the outside/Real men look at the inside" kind of thing.

But if you just don't want to see her again. don't say "let's be friends" and don't say "I'm not that attracted to you." The first is most likely a lie, and the second is pretty insulting. It's probably better to say "I just didn't feel any sparks" or something. That's honest, and I'd say it's much tougher to personalize. Granted, someone hearing that -- male or female -- could drive themselves crazy with "Why?" But that's the thing: Chemistry is unquantifiable. There is no "why."

So I'd say don't try to hang your hat on any reason. Just say there is no reason; you just didn't feel the sort of connection you were hoping for.