I am divorced because my husband cheated on me. I find it very hard to deal with the loneliness of being single and celibate. I want to obey God's word in everything that I do. So I am praying for my true soulmate, but how do you deal with being lonely?
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how do you deal with loneliness being single?
- Thread starter godsprincess4eva
- Start date
feral
Dostoyevsky was right
I have never been married nor have I dated in the past five years. I have zero interest in it and if I ever feel alone I just visit friends. If you are feeling very lonesome without a partner perhaps you should work on developing your own interests and being happy with yourself first. If you are not pleased with your life alone it will just get worse with a partner.
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Just think of how the bum burned you and how much better it is to be alone! Just kidding.
I've never been married so I know the routine too well. Sometimes people say things like "just pray about it, take two aspirin, call me in the morning, etc." I think people mean well but it minimizes the issue. If you are lonely it doesn't mean something is wrong with you, sometimes people just get dealt a bad hand. Yes, you need to be happy with yourself and all that but I think the key is to get busy with things and realize you are not alone. The singles population, especially in churches seems to be growing. I don't think many churches quite know how to deal with it or even if they should. Women have an advantage, I think, because they tend to be more social in nature, there's probably many around in the same boat. For me, I stay pretty busy and have too many hobbies with too little free time.
I've never been married so I know the routine too well. Sometimes people say things like "just pray about it, take two aspirin, call me in the morning, etc." I think people mean well but it minimizes the issue. If you are lonely it doesn't mean something is wrong with you, sometimes people just get dealt a bad hand. Yes, you need to be happy with yourself and all that but I think the key is to get busy with things and realize you are not alone. The singles population, especially in churches seems to be growing. I don't think many churches quite know how to deal with it or even if they should. Women have an advantage, I think, because they tend to be more social in nature, there's probably many around in the same boat. For me, I stay pretty busy and have too many hobbies with too little free time.
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Donny_B
Well-Known Member
Biblical passages that are good for times of loneliness include Psalm 23, Isaiah 41:10, and Hebrews 13: 5,6
Realize that loneliness happens to all kinds of people both married and single. Concentrate on the advantages that single people have that married people don't have, which can be found in some previous threads. Try to make new friends. Stay busy, and develop hobbies that keep your mind occupied.
Realize that loneliness happens to all kinds of people both married and single. Concentrate on the advantages that single people have that married people don't have, which can be found in some previous threads. Try to make new friends. Stay busy, and develop hobbies that keep your mind occupied.
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Stanfi
Senior Veteran
The key I think is to put your relationship with God first in you life. Then realize that he is your true love, and let him fill the voids in your life.
I must admit that we also need good Christians friends on earth. This is important. If you don't have any, make some and spend some time with them, they can be a help to you in your times of need.
I must admit that we also need good Christians friends on earth. This is important. If you don't have any, make some and spend some time with them, they can be a help to you in your times of need.
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I spend my time studying the Bible and spend a lot of time with friends and family. I also like to remind myself of all the good things that can come out of being single!
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If you are lonely you probably spend too much time by yourself. You might want to volunteer more at church or another place where you will be around Godly people who share your pain and frustrations. They may be able to help you through this time or even marry you with God's blessing.
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Being lonely is 'not good', that's what God said about Adam after he made him. So God made a mate for Adam, and soon thereafter, Adam missed being lonely! Just Kidding. Couldn't resist.
I am sorry you are lonely, and sorry to hear that your husband left you.
There are many many things you can do to help yourself. You have been praying, that's good. Also, listen to God as you study the commands of Jesus, then OBEY as soon as it is clear that he is speaking to YOU about something through the Bible.
Also, I was advised by my personal christian pyschologist to get into a divorce recovery group. My first reaction to that advice was that I didn't want to go to seminar series that was attended by a bunch of rejects. But I finally came around when I heard of a really big one put on by a really nice Presbyterian church. To my surprise, it REALLY helped to know for sure that I wasn't the only 'loser' (you're really not a loser) in the world. There were at least 100 people in the one I went to, and amazingly, it was pretty much a 50/50 split in male/female attendance. Don't worry, one of the big rules is that you must refrain from trying to get a date out of the participants of the divorce recovery group. Anyway, it REALLY did help.
Also, it you are lonely, get into a regular church sponsored small group with a mix of married and single, and let 'em know that you won't be ready for dating until about the third year after divorce, so ask 'em to hold off on tryin' to fix you up with their best friend's divorced neighbor's aquaintance. A christian small group will provide you with enough support that you will at least be able to keep your head out of the water.
Have you ever sought after an actual baptism in the Spirit, like baptism in the FIRE of the Holy Spirit? This is not weird, but it is amazing! You don't even have to go to a charismatic church service. I am not talking about speaking in tongues, although that could be part of the experience. Just keep asking God to FILL you with the Holy Spirit, he knows what you need. Keep asking him, and do so even several times a day, without giving up. Study about this yourself, in the Bible. Be patient and live your day sensitive to the Holy Spirit and Christ in you. Pray and ask, it will come. Whoa! Knowing God this way REALLY, REALLY helps!
--God Bless you!
I am sorry you are lonely, and sorry to hear that your husband left you.
There are many many things you can do to help yourself. You have been praying, that's good. Also, listen to God as you study the commands of Jesus, then OBEY as soon as it is clear that he is speaking to YOU about something through the Bible.
Also, I was advised by my personal christian pyschologist to get into a divorce recovery group. My first reaction to that advice was that I didn't want to go to seminar series that was attended by a bunch of rejects. But I finally came around when I heard of a really big one put on by a really nice Presbyterian church. To my surprise, it REALLY helped to know for sure that I wasn't the only 'loser' (you're really not a loser) in the world. There were at least 100 people in the one I went to, and amazingly, it was pretty much a 50/50 split in male/female attendance. Don't worry, one of the big rules is that you must refrain from trying to get a date out of the participants of the divorce recovery group. Anyway, it REALLY did help.
Also, it you are lonely, get into a regular church sponsored small group with a mix of married and single, and let 'em know that you won't be ready for dating until about the third year after divorce, so ask 'em to hold off on tryin' to fix you up with their best friend's divorced neighbor's aquaintance. A christian small group will provide you with enough support that you will at least be able to keep your head out of the water.
Have you ever sought after an actual baptism in the Spirit, like baptism in the FIRE of the Holy Spirit? This is not weird, but it is amazing! You don't even have to go to a charismatic church service. I am not talking about speaking in tongues, although that could be part of the experience. Just keep asking God to FILL you with the Holy Spirit, he knows what you need. Keep asking him, and do so even several times a day, without giving up. Study about this yourself, in the Bible. Be patient and live your day sensitive to the Holy Spirit and Christ in you. Pray and ask, it will come. Whoa! Knowing God this way REALLY, REALLY helps!
--God Bless you!
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TCapp
Senior Veteran
I feel for you. I'm lonely too, a little bit. And I am married. I have two little ones, soon to be three. Being a stay-at-home mom can be very isolating and lonely, especially when a majority of your fellow moms are working.
Admittedly, things might perk up now that we got a second mode of transportation
, but loneliness doesn't seem to care whether you are single or not.
I have my soul mate, but I miss my girlie friend soul mates, the two gals who are my sisters by common bond and love. What I would give to be in the same state .. nay... the same country as them at this point!
Admittedly, things might perk up now that we got a second mode of transportation
, but loneliness doesn't seem to care whether you are single or not.I have my soul mate, but I miss my girlie friend soul mates, the two gals who are my sisters by common bond and love. What I would give to be in the same state .. nay... the same country as them at this point!
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Amen to that. I even went to a secular divorce recovery group. I'm convinced that God led me to that. I'm just saying that if your church doesn't have one, don't limit yourself to Christian ones. The effects and reasons for divorce hit Christians and people of all other faiths the same way. But a Christian group might be able to help deal with issues of sexuality in a Christian perspective better.desper84unity said:
Enslow
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Ditto Feral.
Be comfortable with you and who you are. This will help you find the right person. It'll take some time.
You're a whole person as you are.
Be comfortable with you and who you are. This will help you find the right person. It'll take some time.
You're a whole person as you are.
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After reading all of my replies, I am come to terms with my loneliness and have put it behind me for now. Now I am desperately seeking God's kingdom and focusing on getting my life straight according to HIS will, not mine. I prayed for God to do a miraculous healing on my heart and he is doing so day by day. I am realizing that I am never alone. I just had to put the fact that HE is always with me in the forefront of my mind and heart. So a big thank you to all of you who replied and gave me great advice. God will bless each and every one of you for your compassion.
Thanks
Thanks
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J
James Sez
Guest
It's a process. Lonliness comes and goes in waves. Don't ever feel guilty for being lonely, as in, "If I was a better Christian, I would not be lonely" Even if you get support (DO!), it is something that has to be lived through. In doing that, God can grant you grace and peace even in the midst of pain. He did it for David in the Psalms- they make good reading. As a person still getting over a divorce, I can attest to the fact that it is hard. All I say this is just my humble opinion. God bless you and keep you. I will pray for you. I will pray that you feel your sadness and yet know that God is right by your side. He will never leave you nor forsake you.godsprincess4eva said:
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The best thing that has ever been told to me is to get involved. Find a place, find a way. I myself am very stubborn so there are things I don't want to help with sometimes. Still I have always been blessed for being a part where I could.
It always makes me feel better when I can teach others about Christ or encourage someone else so that they feel better with where God has them.
The wonderful thing about being single is that everything is by your schedule. If you want something to happens, you can plan it and do it. You can read when you want. You can try to find a job that lets you work when you want and you can move anywhere for whatever amount of time, given the appropriate finances.
These are all things that being married doesn't offer. Being single, you can also be more of an outreach to the community.
I know this isn't the answer you wanted to hear. It's not the answer I wanted to hear moving away from all my good friends. Still ,God somehow in the midst of all confusion provides.
I'm reminds of Elijah after the glorious sacrifice on Mt Carmel, where he defeated the prephets of Baal. Jezebel had threatened his life after this holy sacrafice before everyone. What does he do? He runs.
After this massive victory, God humbles him to the point of fearing for his life. God could have saved him. God could have killed Jezebel on the spot when she threatened him.
Still it is after this great triump that Elijah, has fleed to refuge. Elijah has gotten this great reminder that he is not the one leading the attack on these foriegn gods. He is not even the one in control. No, it is God that is in control and if Elijah is going to make it, he (the Lord's annointed) has to lean on Him.
And after the effort after the seeming losses and victories, God is there in our life. He is saying I'm here and I have a plan for you. He's waiting to take us to this point where He can reveal himself to us. Sometimes it takes going through alot of junk.
Sometimes it is easy. I do know when you get there, you'll know you're there. Just like when Elijah was listing to the wind and the rocks and the earthquake and then finally the still small voice.
It always makes me feel better when I can teach others about Christ or encourage someone else so that they feel better with where God has them.
The wonderful thing about being single is that everything is by your schedule. If you want something to happens, you can plan it and do it. You can read when you want. You can try to find a job that lets you work when you want and you can move anywhere for whatever amount of time, given the appropriate finances.
These are all things that being married doesn't offer. Being single, you can also be more of an outreach to the community.
I know this isn't the answer you wanted to hear. It's not the answer I wanted to hear moving away from all my good friends. Still ,God somehow in the midst of all confusion provides.
I'm reminds of Elijah after the glorious sacrifice on Mt Carmel, where he defeated the prephets of Baal. Jezebel had threatened his life after this holy sacrafice before everyone. What does he do? He runs.
After this massive victory, God humbles him to the point of fearing for his life. God could have saved him. God could have killed Jezebel on the spot when she threatened him.
Still it is after this great triump that Elijah, has fleed to refuge. Elijah has gotten this great reminder that he is not the one leading the attack on these foriegn gods. He is not even the one in control. No, it is God that is in control and if Elijah is going to make it, he (the Lord's annointed) has to lean on Him.
And after the effort after the seeming losses and victories, God is there in our life. He is saying I'm here and I have a plan for you. He's waiting to take us to this point where He can reveal himself to us. Sometimes it takes going through alot of junk.
Sometimes it is easy. I do know when you get there, you'll know you're there. Just like when Elijah was listing to the wind and the rocks and the earthquake and then finally the still small voice.
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I am single right now. I had to leave Hanna's father because he was drinking and using drugs ALL THE TIME!!!! He can be very mean when he is using.
That was over a year ago and I have been very lonely at times. It has been very hard for me.
When ever it really starts to get me down I read my bible, pray, or listen to some good christian music.
Sometimes I just break right down and cry and there is nothing wrong with that. When it gets that hard I try and stay busy...with church, family, or friends.
Some towns have some great Christian single groups. Ask your pastor, or someone close to you in your chruch if they know of any and you and a friend can go. Even if you dont meet a man it is a good way to meet good Christian people that you can talk to and spend time with.
You will be in my prayers! Keep your head up and try to enjoy the time you have with out a man in your life. Have fun. You will never be truely happy in a relationship if you cant be happpy alone...(at least that is what people say...LOL) SMILE!!!!!!!
That was over a year ago and I have been very lonely at times. It has been very hard for me.
When ever it really starts to get me down I read my bible, pray, or listen to some good christian music.
Sometimes I just break right down and cry and there is nothing wrong with that. When it gets that hard I try and stay busy...with church, family, or friends.
Some towns have some great Christian single groups. Ask your pastor, or someone close to you in your chruch if they know of any and you and a friend can go. Even if you dont meet a man it is a good way to meet good Christian people that you can talk to and spend time with.
You will be in my prayers! Keep your head up and try to enjoy the time you have with out a man in your life. Have fun. You will never be truely happy in a relationship if you cant be happpy alone...(at least that is what people say...LOL) SMILE!!!!!!!
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ummidrinkcherrycoke
cool like fonzie
- Oct 12, 2003
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I've never been married and I havent really dated in about three years so I know what its like to be lonely. But for me I have little hope of ever finding that perfect someone so the feeling of loneliness is kind of a constant that I've grown numb too.
I'd like to say that as depressing as it sounds I'm not a depressed person. Fear of being alone at one point of my life was one of my strongest emotions. I feel that the numbness I feel towards it now was a blessing from god.
I'd like to say that as depressing as it sounds I'm not a depressed person. Fear of being alone at one point of my life was one of my strongest emotions. I feel that the numbness I feel towards it now was a blessing from god.
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J
James Sez
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You, Mr Cherry Coke drinker, will likely find a mate. Statistics are on your side.
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Rising_Suns
'Christ's desolate heart is in need of comfort'
and not just numbness, but more of complete content with seeking the Lord alone. Once you reach that level where you can truly conquer your human desire to be loved by another person, it is so empowering. Becoming free from the shackles of your flesh is part of every Christians life...remember that in heaven, there are no "husbands" or "wives". That does not exist, which is why alot of deeply devote christians and saints lead celibate lives, to better experience heaven on earth, and better prepare themselves to leave this world.
Remember also that Paul recommends to us to remain celibate:
"I should like you to be free of anxieties. An unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But a married man is anxious about the things of this world; how he may please his wife, and he is divided...."--1 cor 7:32
"..so then, the one who marries his virgin does well; the one who does not marry her will do better"--1 cor 7:38
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I so agree with you. I don't feel that it gets discussed enough about being single and how to deal with it. I know here is Australia that's the case anyway. For those of us that have the desire to marry it's difficult to wait and be patient about Gods timing... well that's the case with me. But well pointed out in your post about single christians,Rango said:
cheers,
thescifichic
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oldrooster
Thank You Jerry
- Apr 4, 2004
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I too am single beacause of my spouse cheating on me, after being married for almost 20 years it is hard to get used to being single again. I however do not believe for one moment that God intends for me to be single forever. I am just patiently waiting for him to put someone in my life.
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