How are married couples supposed to read the Bible together?

[Boidae]

My wife and I have difficulty with this. I guess it's mainly because of me to be honest.

I am rather new to Christianity. Was saved in December '09. My wife was saved in '06. Before that I had never read the Bible. So right nwo I am in the middle of reading it cover to cover. With my particular Bible it's actually a pleasure to do so. I have the Chronological Study Bible NKJV. I had tried many other bibles, but I was always drawn back to this particular one by an inner voice.

My wife prefers to ask the Holy Spirit what she should read today and right now I don't want to do that. I want to read the Bible all the way through so that I have a background to go by. So we're kinda at odds on how we should go about reading it together.

Now, I have heard that we don't have to read it together, but others say that it helps greatly in a marriage if you do.

So, what is the best way to read it together? How would we even go about reading it together?

 

[Singermom]

This is my take.

I'm a Schedule; I'm currently in a Bible-reading schedule that is going cover-to-cover, but alternating OT&NT. My husband is a Spirit-led; he opens his Bible and reads the book he opens to. Due to our schedules, we read at different times. Our daughters are also currently doing Bible readings; our 7-year-old does her reading after she makes her bed in the morning, I read to our 5-year-old after I get dressed for work. When she can read better, she will choose her own time. We look at our Bible-reading time as personal time with God. However, after dinner, we do a family Devotional, where we do a little reading that corresponds with a few verses.

Since you are so new, I would recommend full-blown Bible-reading separately, but look into a couple's Devotional or study guide for together time.

Just my $0.02...

 

[Conservativation]

Agree.....please do not bog down in the "to do" list that is so common for American Christians and churches to say couples almost MUST do.
Sharing your faith walk together needn't look like some other couples sharing. The Bible offers lots of guidance even on this, and there isnt a wit about sitting literally together reading Bibles, doing devotionals, none of it.

Again, like the case of devotionals, great things, moving, useful, helpful.....but absolutely NOT something that is so commonly these days producing guilt.

The couples faith walk is starting to take on the feel of how we raise kids in the day, so incredibly frantic and busy, and GUILT if we arent DOING at least as much as someone else.

Bad for the faith, and creates resentment in the marriage

 

[Knee V]

There is a time and a place for doing things together as well as doing things separately. Both can be good for the marriage and for the spiritual well-being of both parties. My own suggestion would be to have separate quiet times for reading and prayer, each reading his/her own section of Scripture. Afterward, get back together for a little bit to share some highlights from what you've read/learned.

 

[Luther073082]

To be completly honest I don't see in the bible where it says I must read the bible with my wife.

And in fact I don't really read it with my wife. Most of the bible reading we do is on an individual basis.

 

[Conservativation]

To be completly honest I don't see in the bible where it says I must read the bible with my wife.

And in fact I don't really read it with my wife. Most of the bible reading we do is on an individual basis.

Thats kinda my point.

There has been this thing "added to" (in the sense of dont take away or add to the Bible like it says right at the very end of the book) our Christian life that, if you were a brand new Christian, I can almost say for sure you'd think, until you learned different yourself, that there is an actual Biblical call to

1. Read the Bible together
2. Read devotionals together and discuss them
3. Hold hands, kneel at bed, and pray out loud together
4. Do devotionals and even written "exercises" with your kids

I'm sure others could add to that list. ALL those things are inherently good, no issue there, but they have been corrupted. Things that bring guilt to Christians, OR are expected by one spouse to the point they are highly dissatisfied with the other if these are not happening, I can assure anyone based on the very nature of God.....are not from Him.

 

[Luther073082]

Thats kinda my point.

There has been this thing "added to" (in the sense of dont take away or add to the Bible like it says right at the very end of the book) our Christian life that, if you were a brand new Christian, I can almost say for sure you'd think, until you learned different yourself, that there is an actual Biblical call to

1. Read the Bible together
2. Read devotionals together and discuss them
3. Hold hands, kneel at bed, and pray out loud together
4. Do devotionals and even written "exercises" with your kids

I'm sure others could add to that list. ALL those things are inherently good, no issue there, but they have been corrupted. Things that bring guilt to Christians, OR are expected by one spouse to the point they are highly dissatisfied with the other if these are not happening, I can assure anyone based on the very nature of God.....are not from Him.

I totally agree with you and its a problem in other topics as well.

I personally am often amazed at the number of rules American churchs have added to the subject of dating.

If you think the Pharaisee's where a legalistic bunch. They've got nothing on a lot of modern Christians when it comes to dating. Or even the 10 million things you have to do in order to be a "real christian man". There are a lot of Pharaisee's in that topic as well.

 

[Boidae]

I totally agree with you and its a problem in other topics as well.

I personally am often amazed at the number of rules American churchs have added to the subject of dating.

If you think the Pharaisee's where a legalistic bunch. They've got nothing on a lot of modern Christians when it comes to dating. Or even the 10 million things you have to do in order to be a "real christian man". There are a lot of Pharaisee's in that topic as well.

That I can understand about dating. My wife's church (I don't call it mine because I don't call it my home... hoping someday that we'll find a church together that we can call home) preaches about dating all the time. The pastor tells people that they aren't supposed to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. The Bible never mentions having a boyfriend or girlfriend according to the pastor, so therefore the only time you should be looking for a mate is when it's your wife or husband that you're looking for. You go out and find a husband or wife, not a boyfriend or girlfriend, again according to the pastor.

 

[Luther073082]

That I can understand about dating. My wife's church (I don't call it mine because I don't call it my home... hoping someday that we'll find a church together that we can call home) preaches about dating all the time. The pastor tells people that they aren't supposed to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. The Bible never mentions having a boyfriend or girlfriend according to the pastor, so therefore the only time you should be looking for a mate is when it's your wife or husband that you're looking for. You go out and find a husband or wife, not a boyfriend or girlfriend, again according to the pastor.

I have mixed feelings about that.

On one hand you can say he's making a point that the point of dating is to find a husband or a wife. That you don't just date someone to be dating them.

But on the other hand having an issue with calling a prospective spouse your "boyfriend or girlfriend" is annoying legalism.

Fortunutly Lutherans don't tend to get into legalisms like that. But I see these legalisms all over CF. (My wife and I met on the singles forum.)

 

[Conservativation]

I totally agree with you and its a problem in other topics as well.

I personally am often amazed at the number of rules American churchs have added to the subject of dating.

If you think the Pharaisee's where a legalistic bunch. They've got nothing on a lot of modern Christians when it comes to dating. Or even the 10 million things you have to do in order to be a "real christian man". There are a lot of Pharaisee's in that topic as well.

I agree...lately Ive concluded that a large number of Christians live by a list of scripture based cliches rather than the content of the scriptures. In fact its like those random sentence generators, press a certain set of buttons get a certain scripture as response WITH a very cliche application.....and usually, thats it....settled....right? NO! its NOT settled.

The "real Christian man" thing is flat out ruining men. Because I assure you, they mean it in such a way that putting the word Christian before the word man is INTENDED as a dilution of the word man....a qualifier to add to say "ok, THIS kind of man is a man"...and by "this kind" it doesnt mean Christian....it means the set of definitions they will put forth.....

He

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8, all these lists of to do things


Its why Promise Keepers fell apart

Im encouraged to read your posts Luther, as a young man (Im 47 so not "old" I guess) Im so glad to see your belief set

 

[Luther073082]

I agree...lately Ive concluded that a large number of Christians live by a list of scripture based cliches rather than the content of the scriptures. In fact its like those random sentence generators, press a certain set of buttons get a certain scripture as response WITH a very cliche application.....and usually, thats it....settled....right? NO! its NOT settled.

The "real Christian man" thing is flat out ruining men. Because I assure you, they mean it in such a way that putting the word Christian before the word man is INTENDED as a dilution of the word man....a qualifier to add to say "ok, THIS kind of man is a man"...and by "this kind" it doesnt mean Christian....it means the set of definitions they will put forth.....

He

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8, all these lists of to do things


Its why Promise Keepers fell apart

Im encouraged to read your posts Luther, as a young man (Im 47 so not "old" I guess) Im so glad to see your belief set

Thanks. . .

I wonder why it is that I'm like that and the only reason I can say is because I wasn't raised in the church. I became a Christian at about age 20. And so while I do my best to follow the bible as is, I've never been a person to follow something just cause some popular preacher/author said so.

And personally I really really can't stand pop Christianity and all of its lists and rules and things like that. And some of its is just quite frankly stupid.

Like the number of books out there talking about men's adventures and things like that. Encourage men to start acting like Knights (who in reality enjoyed raping and pillaging in their spare time) and Cowboys - (Who when they where not on the caddle drive spent their money on gambling and prostitues)

I honestly saw one person on CF saying that Men think Saftey is ok but they would rather have an adventure. (Whereas appearently only women like safety)

Me, maybe I'm not a real man. . . but I like saftey. I like living in a place where violent crimes just don't exist. I like living in a house with heat and air conditioning. I'm a big fan of my nice comfortable bed. The biggest sense of danger I want is pretend danger like on a roller coaster. Sure it feels dangerous but, in all likelyhood. . . you're not gonna get hurt. I don't want real danger.

If worst comes to worst, does it mean I will be a coward. . . No I don't think it does. The biggest factor in courage is having something worthwhile to risk your life over, and my wife is. But do I realish that opprotunity? No. . . I like my nice safe life, away from the murders and robbers and gangsters and all the other violent elements of our society. And I don't want to wrestle aligators, lions, tigers, bears, or pit bulls either. You call fighting with those creatures manly. . . I call you a loony.

In short I'm a man and I don't like danger. . .

Oh yeah and I like to play occasional video games too. Which in some Christian's eyes makes me ineligible for marriage. Lazy and a failure as a husband and a big giant man-boy.

But I'm a little more concerned about what Jesus thinks anyways. I think he's smarter then those guys.

 

[Conservativation]

Well I have no issue about "real men" as a part of it, and i have common sense about danger, but i like hiking and wilderness/survival stuff....not dangerous, just stuff that takes some work.....but none of that matters...its just me

SOME of those books are well intended, BUT, do a huge disservice because they feed the stereotype of lacking depth and complexity in men.

That somehow we eat, copulate, sleep....and dont mind killin to do it, burp grunt scratch thats it ladies, theres your man......

This again is why PK failed. Because for whatever kernal of truth there is to some stuff, and there is SOME truth...for example we will defend our family sacrificially, etc....but all the insight they COULD have rendered is dashed as the overall message is "so go easy on us guys we are slow and basic and cant keep up, and therefore we can hurt you accidentally"

I too was saved as an adult, 32 actually.

Other things that bug me, a bit off topic here

the NECESSARY love of ALL Christian music-there are folks who IF its on the Christian station seem to feel its sacrilege to say BAD SONG.

The toleration of mediocrity in Christian art....music, movies, books, etc. Notice how this sort of faux excitement builds around every release of a "Christian movie" churches start PR campaigns, get out and see this new movie, the "Christian reviews" are varnishing over mediocrity most times....etc etc

The lock step pat answers to lifes questions

The hierarchy of sin that they have created...almost classes of society in terms of wholesomeness....

The causes undertaken....several years ago Sponge Bob was said to be gay...boycott him, 15 years ago the smurfs were said to be satanic, and what is the female clothing designers name they claim the company is run by satanists.....they FLOCK after those things all the while letting things ravage (divorce) inside the church....yesterday I read a popular Christian columnist encouraging everyone that MTV was going to be the damnation of the nation, which it may well be bad, but there must be 8000 of those issues active all day every day.....

rant end

 

[janman345]

I personally like to listent to the bible on audio, I feel I get a better context and can progress at a faster pace since im a slow reader.

 

[Luther073082]

Well I have no issue about "real men" as a part of it, and i have common sense about danger, but i like hiking and wilderness/survival stuff....not dangerous, just stuff that takes some work.....but none of that matters...its just me

SOME of those books are well intended, BUT, do a huge disservice because they feed the stereotype of lacking depth and complexity in men.

That somehow we eat, copulate, sleep....and dont mind killin to do it, burp grunt scratch thats it ladies, theres your man......

This again is why PK failed. Because for whatever kernal of truth there is to some stuff, and there is SOME truth...for example we will defend our family sacrificially, etc....but all the insight they COULD have rendered is dashed as the overall message is "so go easy on us guys we are slow and basic and cant keep up, and therefore we can hurt you accidentally"

I too was saved as an adult, 32 actually.

Other things that bug me, a bit off topic here

the NECESSARY love of ALL Christian music-there are folks who IF its on the Christian station seem to feel its sacrilege to say BAD SONG.

The toleration of mediocrity in Christian art....music, movies, books, etc. Notice how this sort of faux excitement builds around every release of a "Christian movie" churches start PR campaigns, get out and see this new movie, the "Christian reviews" are varnishing over mediocrity most times....etc etc

The lock step pat answers to lifes questions

The hierarchy of sin that they have created...almost classes of society in terms of wholesomeness....

The causes undertaken....several years ago Sponge Bob was said to be gay...boycott him, 15 years ago the smurfs were said to be satanic, and what is the female clothing designers name they claim the company is run by satanists.....they FLOCK after those things all the while letting things ravage (divorce) inside the church....yesterday I read a popular Christian columnist encouraging everyone that MTV was going to be the damnation of the nation, which it may well be bad, but there must be 8000 of those issues active all day every day.....

rant end

Oh I agree with the mediocrity toleration in Christian media. There was some Christian football movie that I saw and it was honestly the 2nd worst movie I've ever seen in my life.

I'm not sure if a significant number of Christians have really gotten behind those boycotts. You may have been hearing from a radical fringe who are afraid of everything. But I think its kind of stupid to be commenting on or even considering the sexuality of a cartoon character. Its a cartoon, they don't have a sexuality.

The dumb thing is as Jon Acuff at "Stuff Christians Like" - (Who is a Christian and writes a blog that speaks humorously about pop Christianity) pointed out that so many Christians are out freaking out about Harry Potter and wanting to boycott him because he is a wizard. But they give Gandalf from Lord of the Rings a pass.

Far too many Christians are driven by base emotions in regards to their faith. Especially fear. Its sad really.

 

[Conservativation]

Oh I agree with the mediocrity toleration in Christian media. There was some Christian football movie that I saw and it was honestly the 2nd worst movie I've ever seen in my life.

I'm not sure if a significant number of Christians have really gotten behind those boycotts. You may have been hearing from a radical fringe who are afraid of everything. But I think its kind of stupid to be commenting on or even considering the sexuality of a cartoon character. Its a cartoon, they don't have a sexuality.

The dumb thing is as Jon Acuff at "Stuff Christians Like" - (Who is a Christian and writes a blog that speaks humorously about pop Christianity) pointed out that so many Christians are out freaking out about Harry Potter and wanting to boycott him because he is a wizard. But they give Gandalf from Lord of the Rings a pass.

Far too many Christians are driven by base emotions in regards to their faith. Especially fear. Its sad really.

The Harry Potter hysteria is a great example.....it IS a widespread deal.

These others may have small numbers individually, but when you add the causes, and their unique supporters, its a lot.

I'm on mailing lists somehow for them. My favorite right now is dont shop at Home Depot.

When I was first saved, I admit to being moved along by these things, thinking it was kind of my duty to do so. I remember one thing, when in the middle 90's I went and through away a bunch of CD's like Melissa Etheridge and Indigo Girls because of the sexual orientation of the singers. But 10 years later, 2005 or so, I had an epiphany about this stuff and how utterly distracting it truly is to my faith, and now that music is replaced via mp3.

I'm not FOR gay marriage, I'm not PRO gay, I line up with sound scriptural principle on these and other things. I just cannot make the leap to cliche.

I dont want to seem like the ladies that run the home owners associations where Ive lived....its as if they quit their corporate jobs, then had this DayTimer they could no longer fill, so they volunteered for this duty of policing the home owners.....its a very similar dynamic with the Christians who fall for all these things.

And the movies are something else. IF the movie needs to have an appeal to the guilt of Christians to get folks to the box office.....its probably bad, and guilt is a horrible motivator for Christians to DO (proactive) something...its fine to avoid guilt of sinning, but its almost like you sin by NOT raving about these "wonderful" movies.

It is getting to me more and more, even in the way my church(es) as we have moved from city to city do church. Where I initially liked these non den evangelical churches a lot...and still do in many ways.....Im starting to long for two things

Relevance......NOT to my daily life of trivialities (which is what they promote, lessons that speak to YOUR life) but relevance to GOD....His word, and His story

Reverence.....this is REALLY getting to me. Im NOT against pretty much any kind of worship, its a personal taste issue, that Im longing for the reverence, the tradition (which is another one of those modern cliches about calling tradition idolatry), and I guess from what I know you Lutherans have that. My friend at work is a Lutheran elder.


There is SOOOOO much negativity amongst people proclaiming to be joy filled.

I allow that maybe IM wrong, maybe its me, I dont get it and Im all wrong....its always possible

 

[Conservativation]

I just read that guys blog, well, several posts....he nails nearly everything.

His blog is like a focused expose on things we make cliches out of.

 

[Luther073082]

You should check out a Lutheran church. You have to be careful about which one though. Most Lutheran churchs (not all) have the tradition, but a lot of them don't have the sound scriptural principals.

Its a bit over simplified but there are essentially two types of Lutherans. Confessional and non-confessional. Confessional Lutherans belive that the Book of Concord (which is a book full of early Lutheran documents on our beliefs) is 100% faithful to the scriptures.

Non-Confessional Lutherans belive its sort of a good start but its not really 100% faithful to the scriptures.

Needless to say confessional lutherans tend to be more conservative and closer to each other in terms of doctrine.

Non-confessional Lutherans can range, but there are some very liberal types in this. I used to be in the ELCA - Evangelical Lutheran Chruch of America. I had to leave because the national organization became very liberal and Ok'ed gay marriage. - (Among other things) A lot of churchs are splitting from the ELCA because of this.

The main problem with non-confessionals is that they are so wide spread on doctrine. Before the ELCA made its change, my church for example taught young earth 6 day creation in sunday school and that the bible was the literal truth, and books like Job actually happened. But I bible studied with another ELCA church that taught theistic evolution and that Job was an allegory.

The LCMS - Lutheran Church Missouri Synod is the denomination I hold to now. They are significantly more conservative, especially on the national level. But the thing I like most is that it presents a much more united front on doctrine. There are some disagreements (Such as a very conservative faction of the church wants the church to take a firm stance against Birth Control.)

There are is also the WELS and the ELS which are both ultra conservative. Too much so for my tastes.

Obviously I would recommend an LCMS church. The thing is though that ANYTHING Lutheran is very different from what you have seen in Evangelical Non-denominationals because our theology is very different. (your friend might be able to fill you in better on this.)

Even the most conservative Lutherans don't tend to (although some may) freak out about thinks like Harry Potter. But the more conservative a Lutheran is the more concerned they are about doctrinal agreement when it comes to fellowship with other Christians.

For example communion is a center of great importance in Lutheran worship (and a center of great debate as well). Most conservative Lutherans don't belive in giving communion to people who don't at least agree with them on the doctrines on what communion is - (True body and blood of Christ, in around and throughout the bread and the wine). Many conservative Lutherans but not all insist also on complete agreement on doctrine - at least full agreement with the Book of Concord.

A small faction of the most conservative Lutherans (Usually in the WELS/ELS) insist on similar doctrinal agreement to pray with you. You may pray with them (they say the prayer, you say amen), but they won't pray with you (you say the prayer, they won't say amen), unless you agree on doctrine. In fact a single prayer many many years ago triggered a major disagreement and some bad blood between some Lutherans that lasts to this day.

Most of this stuff though doesn't make it into individual churchs, worship or church pews. The politics and disagreement and things like that is saved for heated debates on internet forums and national meetings of the church. You can be the average person in a Lutheran pew and pretty much ignore the disagreements.

But doctrine is a major thing for Lutherans, and I'm guilty of this too. But an outsider comming in might feel as if many Lutherans think that we think if you arn't 100% right on doctrine that God will send you to hell. We don't actually belive that, but its important to know how concerned, perhaps overly so we are about doctrine.

 

[BigDaddy4]

To be completly honest I don't see in the bible where it says I must read the bible with my wife.

And in fact I don't really read it with my wife. Most of the bible reading we do is on an individual basis.

You are correct in that there is nothing specific that says you must read the Bible with your wife.

However, I believe Ephesians 5 instructs us, as head of the household, to be responsible for her spiritual development.

"25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,"

How did Jesus love the church while on earth? He taught them the meaning of OT scriptures, the coming kingdom, and how to live a Godly life. I take that as reading the Bible together, praying together, and loving her sacrificially. Other men may not. If they don't, then I would be interested to understand what "just as Christ loved the church" and "washing with water through the word" means to them.

 

[Luther073082]

You are correct in that there is nothing specific that says you must read the Bible with your wife.

However, I believe Ephesians 5 instructs us, as head of the household, to be responsible for her spiritual development.

"25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,"

How did Jesus love the church while on earth? He taught them the meaning of OT scriptures, the coming kingdom, and how to live a Godly life. I take that as reading the Bible together, praying together, and loving her sacrificially. Other men may not. If they don't, then I would be interested to understand what "just as Christ loved the church" and "washing with water through the word" means to them.

Perhaps its also to help here through correct understanding of the word and with information on proper doctrine.

Just saying that he should care for her spiritual development could mean a lot of things. I can care for the spiritual development of my wife without micro managing it.

Also I think you are drawing too much from the second part. I understand it more like this.

Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church giving yourself up to her. Just as Christ gave himself up for the church in order to make her holy cleansing her by the washing of water through the word.

In which case the command is "give yourself up for her". I certainly can't "make her holy cleansing her by the washing of water through the word." No matter how I give myself up for my wife, I can't do that. I think that was just the example of why Jesus gave himself up for the church.

 

[Conservativation]

I'll take a stab at that, by saying that I don't think it means "read the Bible with your wife", nor can I get to the sentence you said as "to be responsible for her spiritual development"

Dont misunderstand, Im all for it. I just dont get ALL that from that scripture, otherwise maybe even add in there reading devotionals too right? .

In fact I guess I need to break out my Strongs and see, but there can easily be much ambiguity there, as the word can be Jesus, the water can be Jesus too. Seems reasonable to be given the beginning of the scripture.

I just dont see the explicit reading together and praying together and I do see that as very good things that have become a construct that creates guilt by lack of performance in husbands.

Its quite difficult especially if a new believer husband marries say, at 30, a believer wife since childhood, that he starts "teaching" her. I just cannot see that, and do not.
In fact, talk about ruining a guys walk....he marries a mature Christian woman, and suddenly he is failing right out of the shoot. OR, he is in amazement of the most basic scriptural concepts as he learns, while she is yearning to GO DEEP(ER), and he simply ain't there yet with her.


Im not going to disagree too strongly on this, its just not that big an issue to me, and its the making it a big issue that I dislike, and have seen it way too many times an unhappy Christian wife, who says that EVERYTHING about her husband is just wonbderful, but she expected more, she expected all that other, and now is very unhappy in her marriage.