Hmmm... Handfasting vow...

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I'm wondering if this is all right for a Christian couple to do. I think it is all right, but I would like to hear from you.

Handfasting is a pagan ritual, not unlike our wedding ceremonies. I have become quite interested in a particular activity carried out during the ceremony.

Basically there are 5 cords, that are wrapped around the couples hands by the minister as he asks them questions.

It goes something like this...

Do you promise to _______ (when both say yes, cord is wrapped once).

Do you promise to ________ (when both say yes, cord is wrapped again).

This continues about 4-5 times, until there is a 'unbreakable' cord wrap.

At the end of the promises, the minister says this...

The knots of this binding are not formed by these chords but instead by your vows. This binding is not tied, so that neither is restricted by the other, and the binding is only enforced by both your determination to continue working on the marriage, and keep it healthy.

After this, they usually unwrap the ties, and put them on an altar. In our case, I would like them to be given back to the minister, and him to pray for us then...

I really like this idea, but am unsure as to whether it is wise to use it as part of a Christian ceremony. I can't see anything in it that will give power to anyone else but God, so I think it's all right.

What do you think?

Also, I really like the 'traditional' vows used in the handfasting ceremony, particularly this bit:

I shall be a shield for your back and you for mine.

Again, I see no problem with this...

What do you think???

Sasch

 

[LiberatedChick]

I don't see any problems with borrowing some of the vows/cord tying section of this ceremony...it wouldn't be my cup of tea since I was pagan at one point and keep myself as far from it as possible now! But I don't see this as calling on other Gods or spirits etc...tying the knot (handfasting is where that term originated from!) through handfasting is, like a wedding ring, another symbolic thing.

Also whilst this is almost solely a pagan ritual now it used to just be marriage ceremony that wasn't specific to any religion...just certain cultures. This link gives some more info on that and states that some churches do use this in their ceremonies http://www.handfasting.info/xtianhand.html

I'd be wary if you're inviting any non-Christians though...seeing this being used as part of a Christian ceremony could be quite confusing to a non-Christian.

 

[AquariusWolf]

I've been to a Catholic wedding that used cords as part of the cermony. Do all Catholics do this?

Although they did not tie the cords around each other's hands, it involves the same concept - "binding" a couple together

 

[plum]

well i like the idea on its own. and what does "pagan" mean in your personal dictionary? unChristian? wiccan? just curious as to where you get the origins of this one.

I guess if you want to cut out all pagan stuff you're going to have to dig into easter and christmas a bit deeper! lol
honestly i like the idea and it sounds really meaningful. love that shield part. you could always alter it to center on the Lord, not your own strength as well

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Yeah,

Pagan, to ME, means really earth-focussed 'belief system'. It's more what other Christians think - a lot instantly start thinking on witches and warlocks and all that, and I personally don't believe that's entirely the truth about 'real' pagan/wiccan practices - although it is a part of it.

I figure that I can use a lot of these things, without it distorting my Christian faith. A lot of stuff doesn't even sound THAT far removed from Christian weddings anyway - especially the more Celtic traditions from a pagan ceremony.

Sasch

 

[gracefaith]

Huh, I've been fascinated with handfasting ceremonies before but have always been skittish about including them in a Christian wedding. Upon reflection on this thread, I realized that I'm being superstitious - as if it would be inviting bad things into the marriage by including it in the wedding. Since we ought not be superstitious, I guess it's okay...but just be prepared for some people to be bit taken back,.

 

[fruitrach]

Hi Sasch

I'm really into creative and symbolic acts of worship so I think this is great and, as starelda says, it doesn't invoke any spiritual powers at all so I see no reason why you shouldn't incorporate it into your wedding vows.

I do think it'd be worth asking your minister to explain a little bit before you do it though, to avoid any confusion, particularly amongst those guests who have seen it used in, shall we say, rather less Christan ceremonies?

What are the five questions?

 

[invisiblebabe]

I say if you like it, why not use it? It's obviously not against Christian beliefs, and seems to actually go along with them quite well, as far as the Christian idea of two becoming one in marriage.

There will always be cultural customs/traditions, and most cultures in history have not been Christian.... but just because the customs don't have Jesus fish stamped all over them (lol) doesn't mean we cannot borrow them if they have special meaning to us.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Rach,

I'm almost out the door for work, but when I come home tonight I'll go back to the site I got my ideas from, and type them out...

Sasch

 

[mlukas]

My girlfriend is Irish and we've talked about this a couple of times. From what I've heard it's not really pagan at all, priests perform it in Ireland . It always sounded like just another ceremony option to me, nothing pagan about it.

 

[fruitrach]

Ooh I just remembered, sometimes in Anglican wedding ceremonies, the vicar wraps his stole around the couple's hands and blesses them.

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

For whoever asked for the traditional handfasting questions...


I bid you look into each others eyes.

[Groom's Name], Will you cause her pain?
I May (What was actually said was an emphatic yes)
Is that you intent?
No

[Bride's Name], Will you cause him pain?
I may
Is that you intent?
No

*To Both*
Will you share each other's pain and seek to ease it?
Yes

And so the binding is made. Join your hands
*First cord is draped across the bride and grooms hands*

[Bride's Name], Will you share his laughter?
Yes

[Groom's Name], Will you share her laughter?
Yes

*To Both*
Will both of you look for the brightness in life and the positive in each other?
Yes

And so the binding is made.
*Second chord is draped across the couples hands*

[Bride's Name], Will you burden him?
I may
Is that you intent?
No

[Groom's Name], Will you burden her?
I may
Is that your intent?
No

*To Both*
Will you share the burdens of each so that your spirits may grow in this union?
Yes

And so the binding is made.
*Drape third chord across the couples hands*

[Bride's Name], will you share his dreams?
Yes

[Groom's Name], will you share her dreams?
Yes

*To Both*
Will you dream together to create new realities and hopes?
Yes

And so the binding is made.
*Drape fourth chord across the couples hands*

[Groom's Name], will you cause her anger?
I may
Is that you intent?
No

[Bride's Name], will you cause him anger?
I may
Is that your intent?
No

*To Both*
Will you take the heat of anger and use it to temper the strength of this union?
We Will

And so the binding is made.
*Drape fifth chord across the couples hands*

[Bride's Name], Will you honor him?
I will

[Groom's Name], Will you honor her?
I wil
l

*To Both*
Will you seek to never give cause to break that honor?
We shall never do so

And so the binding is made.
*Drape sixth chord across the couples hands*

*Tie chords together while saying:*
The knots of this binding are not formed by these chords but instead by your vows. Either of you may drop the chords, for as always, you hold in your own hands the making of breaking of this union.

*Once chords are tied together they are removed and placed on altar*


Now, this is the vows I would like to work with (there are bits I don't like, and bits I want to change a little, so it's the 'traditional' celtic vow)...

"I vow to you the first cut of my meat, the first sip of my wine, from this day on it shall be only your name I cry out in the night and into your eyes that I smile each morning; I shall be a shield for your back as you are for mine, no shall a grievous word be spoken about us, for our marriage is sacred between us and no stranger shall hear my grievance. Above and beyond this, I will cherish and honor you through this life and into the next."

"Ye are Blood of my Blood, and Bone of my Bone. I give ye my Body, that we Two might be One. I give ye my Spirit, 'til our Life shall be Done."

"You cannot possess me for I belong to myself But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give. You cannot command me for I am a free person But I shall serve you in those ways you require And the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand."


So, that's the bits I like (whew! it only took 2 hours!)

Sasch

 

[plum]

"You cannot possess me for I belong to myself But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give. You cannot command me for I am a free person But I shall serve you in those ways you require And the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand."

I love this part!

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

ok, I posted my 'edited' version (I reworked quite a bit of it) on another forum, so I'll go chase it up and repost my version...

Thanks for the encouragement Missju!

Sasch

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

Ok...

I'm planning to keep the 'handfast' bit the same, but these are the 'edited' vows for the end bit...

I vow to be a shield for your back as you are for mine, and I shall not let a grievous word be spoken about us, for our marriage is sacred between us and no stranger shall hear my grievance. Above and beyond this, I will cherish and honor you through this life and into the next."

"You are Blood of my Blood, and Bone of my Bone. I give you my Body, that we Two might be One. I give you my love, 'til our Life shall be Done. Your people will be my people, your home my home, and your God my God".

"You cannot possess me for I belong to our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. But until I die, I give you that which is mine to give. You cannot command me for I am a free person. But I promise to love, serve, honour and respect you until death do us part".

But, still not sure - still 'tweaking'...

Sasch