Going to church as a 30-something single childfree woman

[pinkjess]

I am wanting to find a church again and start going. I haven't been to church since 2014. Before I was a younger adult and fit in with the youth group crowd. Now I am a bit older and in my 30s and don't quite fit in with the young kids anymore. I am also single and never had kids. I realize a lot of people in my age group are parents or married now, and I am worried I may feel left out or like I don't fit in. I have autism and social anxiety so this worries me a lot. I would also be going all by myself. This is going to be a nerve-wrecking experience but I know I really want to do it.

My anxiety keeps telling me if I go, people will avoid me because I am weird, or women will not want to talk to me because they will judge me or think there must be something wrong with me. I also worry about not feeling like I can be part of things, because a lot of church sermons and groups are centered around families and children.

My question is, is there any older singles here who have gone through this before, and do you think I will run into any problems or feel left out?

 

[timewerx]

I had a similar experience in my late twenties and into my early thirties. Some of the members avoided me and one usher kept on snubbing me.

But I held on and eventually that cold usher warmed up to me. Some members still avoided me. You may experience some cold treatment at first but eventually, people will warm up to you. You must hold on during that time especially if you like that church / denomination / its sermons.

Just keep greeting and smiling at people at the church even if they snub you. If they're avoiding you, then give them space but don't snub them in return.

 

[DragonFox91]

Yes, I hunted for churches as a single man. Go to service. That’s primarily why you’re going. To worship the Lord in the fellowship of the saints. The Spirit has placed that in you. No one gets judged for that. Afterwards there should be Sunday School classes, if not find another one.. Depending on the church, some will break them up by lesson topic, others by age group. Pick one that seems like a good match for you.

It’s okay if it doesn’t go okay, it doesn’t mean anything, try again next week. Is there a friend you could invite to go with you? I struggled for a bit but eventually just found a friend to go w/.

About being single: being single is common in churches. The stereotype is churches are all marrieds, but I think it’s becoming the opposite: people who aren’t getting married turn to the Lord. The church I go to, the class I go to in particular, is a good mix of singles & marrieds. Righteousness & desire for the Lord is not based on marital status

The church I go to has messages on being married & raising a family. It can be hard sometimes but, it’s part of the Bible so they teach it, some messages will be more applicable to you then others regardless of topic, it’s good for you to know, no one is truly single & so there’s parts relevant for everyone. (Some churches teach those topics pubilcally less then others)

No one will judge you for being alone. I'm sure someone will admire your desire to be there.

Let us know how it goes!

 

[Richard T]

You could go to a big church with multiple services and no one would hardly know. (I did that for a time) But God sets the lonely in families and you do really need some close fellowship of some sort. I pray you can find a friend (s) that can make you feel welcome. Praise God that you are stirred up to try and God is stirred up to help I believe.

 

[linux.poet]

Going to a local church that has a singles group can help you fit in and find a place to serve in the church. Service usually paves the way to acceptance, even if you’re just serving food or moving chairs. Barring that, most churches have a ladies’ Bible study, and those tend to accept women regardless of stage of life. They are also less of a huge and noisey environment that you may feel safer in.

I have autism and social anxiety so this worries me a lot. I would also be going all by myself. This is going to be a nerve-wrecking experience but I know I really want to do it.

I would actually recommend a bit of a smaller church or a smaller environment to start. Having loud sounds and a lot of social interaction will likely put a strain on your autism, so I would bring some earplugs in case the music is played too loud. That will help you get through the experience with more energy.

I also think a Bible study environment will help you because those social interactions tend to follow the lessons in the book for the study and the questions therein, which will give you a structure to hopefully make the social interactions easier to follow.

 

[Ivan Hlavanda]

I am wanting to find a church again and start going. I haven't been to church since 2014. Before I was a younger adult and fit in with the youth group crowd. Now I am a bit older and in my 30s and don't quite fit in with the young kids anymore. I am also single and never had kids. I realize a lot of people in my age group are parents or married now, and I am worried I may feel left out or like I don't fit in. I have autism and social anxiety so this worries me a lot. I would also be going all by myself. This is going to be a nerve-wrecking experience but I know I really want to do it.

My anxiety keeps telling me if I go, people will avoid me because I am weird, or women will not want to talk to me because they will judge me or think there must be something wrong with me. I also worry about not feeling like I can be part of things, because a lot of church sermons and groups are centered around families and children.

My question is, is there any older singles here who have gone through this before, and do you think I will run into any problems or feel left out?

My church has around 120 people each Sunday, mostly students and people in 20s.

But quite a few singles in 30s without children, even late 30s. I am one of them too I was shown nothing but love, even when I have differences in some theology.

Most importantly, seek a church that has God present, gospel is at the core of it teaching, and Christians love one another.

 

[GospelS]

I pray the Lord grants you strength and wisdom to navigate your circumstances. May He surround you with a loving community that embraces you wholeheartedly. May the Lord accompany you and protect you from harm, shielding you from worries and fears. May the Lord help us to fix our eyes on Him and entrust all things to Him.

 

[DragonFox91]

About being single: being single is common in churches. The stereotype is churches are all marrieds, but I think it’s becoming the opposite: people who aren’t getting married turn to the Lord. The church I go to, the class I go to in particular, is a good mix of singles & marrieds. Righteousness & desire for the Lord is not based on marital status

We may be rapidly approaching a point where there’s going to be more singles in the church than married’s.

But then again – why would it change.

 

[GospelS]

We may be rapidly approaching a point where there’s going to be more singles in the church than married’s.

But then again – why would it change.

Yeah. He is making all things new.

Do not be worried or afraid.

 

[DragonFox91]

Yeah. He is making all things new.

Do not be worried or afraid.

What do you mean GospelS? What is being made new?

 

[GospelS]

What do you mean GospelS? What is being made new?

Fullness rather. You will see in the days to come.

 

[timewerx]

I failed to mention, I'm not experiencing any problems at all going to church now in my mid forties but still very single.

I do bring my mom with me to church every Sunday. Maybe that helps.

 

[timewerx]

What do you mean GospelS? What is being made new?

You'll see more men with long hair and people starting to hate capitalism and extravagant displays of wealth.

 

[DragonFox91]

I dono't know what you mean time

Fullness rather. You will see in the days to come.

John says "Come & see!"

 

[GospelS]

I dono't know what you mean time

John says "Come & see!"

Matthew 13:16 “But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear”

 

[pinkjess]

Thank you everyone for your replies

 

[.Mikha'el.]

The concern I have is that I find churches tend to gear themselves towards ministering more to families, and singles tend to be left as they are.

 

[DragonFox91]

The concern I have is that I find churches tend to gear themselves towards ministering more to families, and singles tend to be left as they are.

Yeah, b/c most of church leaderships are married, most probably dated in school & got married young, they don't come from a background of being single. These churches ministries are contrary to the Bible which says Singles & Marrieds both have unique ministerial roles to play.

But don't be discouraged Mik, there's some good churches out there that are welcoming to singles if you're willing to be led by the Spirit to them.

 

[DragonFox91]

Lot of sermons I hear lately bringing up singles not liking being single. Maybe a corner's turning & churches recognizing there's lots of singles struggling.

 

[pinkjess]

The concern I have is that I find churches tend to gear themselves towards ministering more to families, and singles tend to be left as they are.

This is exactly how I feel too. It feels like churches focus on children and raising families which is not a bad thing but the thing is, it is ALL they focus on.