Giving Away the Bride at a Wedding

[Archivist]

For many years it was customary in many churches for the father of the bride to give his daughter away as part of a wedding ceremony. This is still practiced in some churches.

The custom dates back to ancient times. One man (the father) gives his property (the bride) to another man (the groom) to become his property.

In many churches the bride is no longer given away. In my ELCA, for example, giving away the bride was removed from the wedding ceremony found in the Lutheran Book of Worship many years ago. The father may walk his daughter down the aisle, but he does not give her to the groom.

Does this custom have any place in a modern Christian wedding, or is it time to finally stop giving the bride away?

 

[tatteredsoul]

For many years it was customary in many churches for the father of the bride to give his daughter away as part of a wedding ceremony. This is still practiced in some churches.

The custom dates back to ancient times. One man (the father) gives his property (the bride) to another man (the groom) to become his property.

In many churches the bride is no longer given away. In my ELCA, for example, giving away the bride was removed from the wedding ceremony found in the Lutheran Book of Worship many years ago. The father may walk his daughter down the aisle, but he does not give her to the groom.

Does this custom have any place in a modern Christian wedding, or is it time to finally stop giving the bride away?

One of the foundational pillars of Hebrews and Christianity has to do with the metaphor of the Father giving His daughter to the Son. It was from God; indeed this entire thing called life is more or less a dress rehearsal for the actual wedding - when God gives the Church to His Son to be in union.

That was the symbology. I think humans made it about property and mere tradition and, (as usual,) missed the point of it all.

 

[Archivist]

One of the foundational pillars of Hebrews and Christianity has to do with the metaphor of the Father giving His daughter to the Son. It was from God; indeed this entire thing called life is more or less a dress rehearsal for the actual wedding - when God gives the Church to His Son to be in union. That was the symbology. I think humans made it about property and mere tradition and, (as usual,) missed the point of it all.

Do you have support for that being the reason the custom started, or was that a later justification for an existing custom? Everything that I find tells me something like this:

"The tradition of a father walking his daughter down the aisle dates back to a time of arranged marriages. At this time, unwed daughters were considered property of their fathers. In this instance, a father would arrange a marriage for his daughter with a man who he deemed acceptable."

That is from http://weddingsinvieques.com/father-brides-role-wedding-evolve-current-status-guest-blog-liz-intern/, but other sites contain similiar information.

 

[tatteredsoul]

Do you have support for that being the reason the custom started, or was that a later justification for an existing custom? Everything that I find tells me something like this:

"The tradition of a father walking his daughter down the aisle dates back to a time of arranged marriages. At this time, unwed daughters were considered property of their fathers. In this instance, a father would arrange a marriage for his daughter with a man who he deemed acceptable."

That is from http://weddingsinvieques.com/father-brides-role-wedding-evolve-current-status-guest-blog-liz-intern/, but other sites contain similiar information.

It was prophecy, and prophetic practice amongst the Hebrews since the Adam.

God the Father made Adam the Son of God. Then, God made Eve from Adam while he was unconscious (of the Father''s preparation of His daughter,) and presented her to ADAM as his help mate and bride. And, this was in the presence of the Word of God/Christ - who walked with them both.

It was one of the first prophecies alluding to God presenting His Son Christ with His daughter the Church, and presenting the Church to Christ as His help mate and bride. The Sukkot will be done in the presence of the entire heavens, and right now the Father is preparing His daughter the Church. This is why Christ says that no one will know the hour or day except the Father; Christ knows, but He was alluding to a cultural idiom describing how the father of the bride is the only one who knows all of the details and timings of the wedding - down to when the time is right to start. He is the one 1) paying for the wedding and, 2) giving his baby girl away, and trusting her to another man.

Humans transformed it into something of property and/or convenience of household(s). But it has existed since the beginning.

 

[Archivist]

It was prophecy, and prophetic practice amongst the Hebrews since the Adam.

God the Father made Adam the Son of God. Then, God made Eve from Adam while he was unconscious (of the Father''s preparation of His daughter,) and presented her to ADAM as his help mate and bride. And, this was in the presence of the Word of God/Christ - who walked with them both.

It was one of the first prophecies alluding to God presenting His Son Christ with His daughter the Church, and presenting the Church to Christ as His help mate and bride. The Sukkot will be done in the presence of the entire heavens, and right now the Father is preparing His daughter the Church. This is why Christ says that no one will know the hour or day except the Father; Christ knows, but He was alluding to a cultural idiom describing how the father of the bride is the only one who knows all of the details and timings of the wedding - down to when the time is right to start. He is the one 1) paying for the wedding and, 2) giving his baby girl away, and trusting her to another man.

Humans transformed it into something of property and/or convenience of household(s). But it has existed since the beginning.

I am familiar with what Scripture says. What I asked you was for evidence to support your claim that this is the meaning of the custom. All the evidence that I have located has said otherwise.

 

[Soyeong]

Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

I think this verse indicates that it should be the other way around.

 

[ken777]

I am familiar with what Scripture says. What I asked you was for evidence to support your claim that this is the meaning of the custom. All the evidence that I have located has said otherwise.

Uncovering the origin of giving the bride away might be as elusive as discovering the origin of the Christmas tree!

Whatever a couple choose to include in their wedding ceremony will have a unique meaning to them. At my daughter's wedding I "gave her away" as a token of our efforts as parents to bring her into the world and raise her.

For a Christian the wedding ceremony will reflect the relationship of Christ and the Church.

 

[WolfGate]

Giving away as property - no, no place. Presenting or "giving away" as a symbolic ceremony of her leaving her parents as her primary family so she and her husband can join and become one. No problem with that if it has meaning to the couple.

And IMHO it does not matter the historical beginnings. The important thing is what the ceremony means in that couple's particular wedding.

 

[Archivist]

Giving away as property - no, no place. Presenting or "giving away" as a symbolic ceremony of her leaving her parents as her primary family so she and her husband can join and become one. No problem with that if it has meaning to the couple.

And IMHO it does not matter the historical beginnings. The important thing is what the ceremony means in that couple's particular wedding.

If the couple were mutually given to each other, if the groom's parents also gave him to the bride, I might agree. Otherwise why continue a custom that traces its roots to a property transfer?

 

[WolfGate]

If the couple were mutually given to each other, if the groom's parents also gave him to the bride, I might agree. Otherwise why continue a custom that traces its roots to a property transfer?

I see your point. It does appear a bit patriarchal when it is only the bride presented. I still tend to think if the couple wants to do so it is fine - even if they plan to have an egalitarian marriage.

 

[Sketcher]

I don't see how it is a problem. It's no more antiquated than having a best man.

 

[tatteredsoul]

I don't see how it is a problem. It's no more antiquated than having a best man.

So far, I can see how part of the structure of the wedding can be taken straight from the beginning:

Animals/creatures = witnesses/party
Adam & Eve = Groom and Bride
Word of God in Eden, Christ = Priest/Minister
God = Father/Parent(s)

Where did the culture of best men/bridesmaids come from? It doesn't seem like a necessay component in recognized marriage under God - but important nontheless.

 

[Archivist]

I don't see how it is a problem. It's no more antiquated than having a best man.

True, with the exception that it is part of the liturgy. I don't believe the best man is named anywhere in the liturgy.

 

[Sketcher]

Where did the culture of best men/bridesmaids come from? It doesn't seem like a necessay component in recognized marriage under God - but important nontheless.

Best men came from less civilized times when men would abduct women to be their brides. The best man was to be right there with the groom, and armed in case someone came to take her - whether the bride's family taking her back, or other raiders coming to take her in the first place. He would provide cover for the groom as he would get himself and the bride to safety. He had to be trustworthy, and an able fighter.

True, with the exception that it is part of the liturgy. I don't believe the best man is named anywhere in the liturgy.

Right. I don't see a problem with having it in the liturgy, though.

 

[tatteredsoul]

Best men came from less civilized times when men would abduct women to be their brides. The best man was to be right there with the groom, and armed in case someone came to take her - whether the bride's family taking her back, or other raiders coming to take her in the first place. He would provide cover for the groom as he would get himself and the bride to safety. He had to be trustworthy, and an able fighter.

This is going to sound ridiculously coincidental, but you MUST provide proof/source for this if possible. I am a martial artist, and I may be the best man for one of my "brothers" who would be getting married - who also happens to be a wrestler/kickboxer. This would make for some nice pranks/toasts for the groom and bride (maybe.)

I'm being serious.

 

[seashale76]

For many years it was customary in many churches for the father of the bride to give his daughter away as part of a wedding ceremony. This is still practiced in some churches.

The custom dates back to ancient times. One man (the father) gives his property (the bride) to another man (the groom) to become his property.

In many churches the bride is no longer given away. In my ELCA, for example, giving away the bride was removed from the wedding ceremony found in the Lutheran Book of Worship many years ago. The father may walk his daughter down the aisle, but he does not give her to the groom.

Does this custom have any place in a modern Christian wedding, or is it time to finally stop giving the bride away?

Orthodox weddings don't have any giving away of the bride. The couple walk down the aisle together for their marriage crowning. In fact, an Orthodox wedding doesn't actually include the exchange of rings either. This is done before the wedding as part of the betrothal. There are also no vows exchanged.

 

[tatteredsoul]

This thread is a great topic, but it needs to be broken up. So far, most people have legitimate points on the OP, but there are differences in context in age, culture, and so on.

But I think this thread can be enriching. I am very interested.

 

[Sketcher]

This is going to sound ridiculously coincidental, but you MUST provide proof/source for this if possible. I am a martial artist, and I may be the best man for one of my "brothers" who would be getting married - who also happens to be a wrestler/kickboxer. This would make for some nice pranks/toasts for the groom and bride (maybe.)

I'm being serious.

Here's what I could find after a quick search.

http://www.brideandgroom.com/wedding-articles/wedding-traditions-2.asp
http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/wayoflife/06/27/wedding.traditions/index.html
http://www.bestmanspeechinsight.com/blog/best-man/history-of-the-best-man/

 

[Archivist]

Right. I don't see a problem with having it in the liturgy, though.

But the Best Man does nothing during the actual wedding ceremony. Exactly how would you work him into the liturgy?

BTW I've never been to a wedding where there was a Best Woman instead of a Best Man, but I've heard of it happening. I was at a wedding with a Man of Honir instead of a Maid of Honor. The Bride's only sibling was her twin brother, and she wanted him by her side during the ceremony.

 

[Archivist]

Orthodox weddings don't have any giving away of the bride. The couple walk down the aisle together for their marriage crowning. In fact, an Orthodox wedding doesn't actually include the exchange of rings either. This is done before the wedding as part of the betrothal. There are also no vows exchanged.

Givng away the bride was removed from the ceremony in the Lutheran Book of Worship many years ago.