Finding out if she is available before asking her out

[christiansoccerplayer]

Should a Christian man pursuing a woman in a Biblically way, find out about her being single (not dating, boyfriend or fiancee/husband-assuming no ring is visible on the left ring finger) by asking her friends/coworkers/others who know her well before he asks her out so as to not have to go through unnecessary rejection and awkardness if she is not available or should he just risk unncessary rejection by asking her out without finding out her status beforehand?

 

[timewerx]

If you can talk to her, you can "ask" her yourself.

I think it would be more awkward if this woman finds out you're asking her friends/co-workers if she's still available.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

Should a Christian man pursuing a woman in a Biblically way, find out about her being single (not dating, boyfriend or fiancee/husband-assuming no ring is visible on the left ring finger) by asking her friends/coworkers/others who know her well before he asks her out so as to not have to go through unnecessary rejection and awkardness if she is not available or should he just risk unncessary rejection by asking her out without finding out her status beforehand?

Absolutely. Regardless of how one goes about it, it will save a lot of time, wasted energy, and complete embarrassment to learn beforehand.

 

[LoveDivine]

I think it's acceptable to ask her directly or to enquire about her status from others. I think it depends on how often you interact with her. If you always see her (for example a coworker or someone you know from church) it's easy to make conversation and essentially find out the significant details of her life without making it awkward. If you don't get regular opportunities to interact with her directly, but you happen to know others who are mutual friends or whatnot then I don't see anything wrong with asking them if she is single. I don't think I'd be bothered if a guy asked a family member or friend of mine if I was single.

 

[sampa]

As others have mentioned, direct is best. Most guys start a conversation with me and edge the question in there. Sometimes masked, but I'm pretty intuitive. I have had guys that have asked others about me and my status also, but I don't think I'm as impressed. It feels highschoolish.

 

[TheRealAriel]

It’s not really rejection and shouldn’t be awkward if she’s already seeing someone. “Hey, would you like to grab coffee sometime?” “Thank you for asking, but I am already seeing somebody.” “Ok, have a great day!”

That’s really all it needs to be. As I get older I’m trying so much harder to be direct and I hugely appreciate it from others. I’d so much rather someone directly ask me out and me get to kindly say no than have the poor guy run around behind my back talking to my friends and sleuthing out if I’m available… especially when just because I’m available doesn’t mean I’ll say yes anyways.

There’s no harm in asking someone out who is already in a relationship if you didn’t know they were dating someone. You don’t need to feel awkward, as long as you don’t push her to change her mind once you know you did nothing wrong to feel bad about.

 

[christiansoccerplayer]

It’s not really rejection and shouldn’t be awkward if she’s already seeing someone. “Hey, would you like to grab coffee sometime?” “Thank you for asking, but I am already seeing somebody.” “Ok, have a great day!”

That’s really all it needs to be. As I get older I’m trying so much harder to be direct and I hugely appreciate it from others. I’d so much rather someone directly ask me out and me get to kindly say no than have the poor guy run around behind my back talking to my friends and sleuthing out if I’m available… especially when just because I’m available doesn’t mean I’ll say yes anyways.

There’s no harm in asking someone out who is already in a relationship if you didn’t know they were dating someone. You don’t need to feel awkward, as long as you don’t push her to change her mind once you know you did nothing wrong to feel bad about.

thanks, this is very helpful

 

[ReesePiece23]

"What do you have planned for the weekend? Anything exciting?"

If she has a partner, he'll be mentioned somewhere within the answer to this question. If so, play it off and say "Oh, nice, well I'm going fishing - I hope the weather stays nice, because I'm out early on Saturday.

* No awkwardness
* Question gets answered
* Vibes are kept cool
*Sorted
"

 

[DragonFox91]

By the time you ask you should be well aware if she is available. A stranger to you will say no to you 100 times out of 100.
I think it's encouraged to learn about someone thru conversation with others before you ask. I don't think it's a good idea to ask if she's available or interrogate others about her, but you will learn about her over time from conversations with others. Be really really casual about it, almost ears open & mouth zipped.
So if she's not a stranger & hasn't brought it up, & conversations with others they haven't brought it up she's not available, she's probably available & it's just a matter of if she's interested.

"What do you have planned for the weekend? Anything exciting?"

If she has a partner, he'll be mentioned somewhere within the answer to this question. If so, play it off and say "Oh, nice, well I'm going fishing - I hope the weather stays nice, because I'm out early on Saturday.

* No awkwardness
* Question gets answered
* Vibes are kept cool
*Sorted
"

It usually doesn't take long in any conversation period for a woman to drop she's seeing someone. Even a basic conversation about the weather, he'll get mentioned.