- Oct 13, 2019
- 2
- 3
- 27
- Country
- United States
- Gender
- Female
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
Hey everyone, I’m new here and I’m looking forward to hearing your input if you have any you’d like to offer 
. I need a place to spill everything going on right now and I think because you guys believe in God this would be a good place to do so.
I grew up in a Christian home, parents were Christian, grew up going to Calvary chapel church and I loved it, and I came to realize that growing up in a Christian home didn’t be make me a Christian so I remmeber accepting Jesus as my savior sometime around age 8. But I didn’t understand the significance of having a relationship with Him until early high school years through a friend who was a much stronger Christian than me. We would go to church together, read God’s word together through bible study devotions and I came to understand how I can talk to God as if he’s my best friend, because he is! Our perfect friend, counselor, father, so much more. I have witnessed him do amazing things in my life and others and always was thankful for what he had provided even when I didn’t deserve those things let alone his love. That’s the backstory of my faith, now fast forward to where I am now. I’m 21, just graduated university (in 3 years because it was getting too stressful and expensive) and I’m feeling scared, lost, and hopeless. I know faith is about what we know about God to be true and not what we feel, but I can’t help but think that God doesn’t want to help me. I know that’s probably untrue, I know he is still here with me, but it’s hard to believe. I used to be able to do so much in high school, would sleep late and wake up early and still be able to do well in school and have a social life and do extracurriculars. First year of college was the same too. Then I lost that motivation because university became difficult and as a person who naturally wants to make the most of every opportunity I neglected my health at the expense of trying to do well in school school. It wasn’t terrible but I’d sleep late and wake up early, and due to the high pressure to do well on exams I would start to feel anxious all the time and I lost a lot of weight due to frequent stomachaches from being nervous and stressed. Through this I kept praying to God, reading his word, and acknowledging him and asking him for help but things never seemed to get better. Once I graduated I thought I’d be given the time to rest but my time consisted of dealing with friends who I thought were genuine taking advantage of me (using me for their convenience, not reaching out to me when I needed it even when I was there for them, etc) so that brought me emotional turmoil. But I still treated them well bc that’s what God would want me to do. But to this day, my health hasn’t improved, my friendships have become more distant, and I feel less motivated to spend time with God. I’m afraid I’m losing everything. And I have a ton of loans to pay back from college in a few months. I work part time but cannot work more than 2 hours without feeling physically weak or like I’m going to throw up from nervousness. I get nervous everywher now and even while doing things that didn’t used to make me nervous. I just feel as if God is taking everything away from me that he once blessed me with. I want to work more but I cvant because of my physical condition. And IM only 21 so it scares me. I know God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear but I’ve been so afraid for about two years, nothing seems to get better. I feel like I’m going no where while my friends are already getting professional jobs and meeting new people and getting on with their lives. And some of them scorn God. Yet it’s like he still blesses them. I don’t mean to sound jealous but sometimes it’s really hard to not be sad because I haven’t gotten anything healed or blessed in so long. I understand God causes goodness and rain to fall on all people whether they love God or not but it’s so difficult. I feel like I’m losing everything and the only thing I can do is cry out to God to fix this. But i don’t see any improvements...and I’m so young, youth is supposed to be a happy time but I’ve suffered like this since I was in middle school (it’s just become a lot worse now and I never felt super anxious about much until now) I remember the anxiousness was triggered by an exam in college but I didn’t think an exam could trigger anxiety in most other areas of my life. What’s also worse is that I don’t know what interests me. I chose my college major because I was good at taking classes for that subject but everything available for jobs doesn’t interest me. I have tried to figure out what I like but but to no avail. I’m not talented in anything either. I like piano and can play piano but not well enough to major in it and I have stage fright now (even though I have done many performances throughout college as a part time job, the stage fright increased each time and now it’s so bad I get a bad stomachache every time) so that wouldn’t be a good career for me. I cannot do anything else art related, I can’t sing, I’m not good at numbers, the only thing I enjoy is listening to others and helping them through their problems and I wouldn’t mind being a counselor but that requires more schooling and school makes me anxious now. Plus it requires more money that I do not have at the moment. If you’ve read this far thank you so much. I know God allows suffering to happen for a reason but I feel like this is just constant suffering and I don’t know how to step out of it.
. I need a place to spill everything going on right now and I think because you guys believe in God this would be a good place to do so. I grew up in a Christian home, parents were Christian, grew up going to Calvary chapel church and I loved it, and I came to realize that growing up in a Christian home didn’t be make me a Christian so I remmeber accepting Jesus as my savior sometime around age 8. But I didn’t understand the significance of having a relationship with Him until early high school years through a friend who was a much stronger Christian than me. We would go to church together, read God’s word together through bible study devotions and I came to understand how I can talk to God as if he’s my best friend, because he is! Our perfect friend, counselor, father, so much more. I have witnessed him do amazing things in my life and others and always was thankful for what he had provided even when I didn’t deserve those things let alone his love. That’s the backstory of my faith, now fast forward to where I am now. I’m 21, just graduated university (in 3 years because it was getting too stressful and expensive) and I’m feeling scared, lost, and hopeless. I know faith is about what we know about God to be true and not what we feel, but I can’t help but think that God doesn’t want to help me. I know that’s probably untrue, I know he is still here with me, but it’s hard to believe. I used to be able to do so much in high school, would sleep late and wake up early and still be able to do well in school and have a social life and do extracurriculars. First year of college was the same too. Then I lost that motivation because university became difficult and as a person who naturally wants to make the most of every opportunity I neglected my health at the expense of trying to do well in school school. It wasn’t terrible but I’d sleep late and wake up early, and due to the high pressure to do well on exams I would start to feel anxious all the time and I lost a lot of weight due to frequent stomachaches from being nervous and stressed. Through this I kept praying to God, reading his word, and acknowledging him and asking him for help but things never seemed to get better. Once I graduated I thought I’d be given the time to rest but my time consisted of dealing with friends who I thought were genuine taking advantage of me (using me for their convenience, not reaching out to me when I needed it even when I was there for them, etc) so that brought me emotional turmoil. But I still treated them well bc that’s what God would want me to do. But to this day, my health hasn’t improved, my friendships have become more distant, and I feel less motivated to spend time with God. I’m afraid I’m losing everything. And I have a ton of loans to pay back from college in a few months. I work part time but cannot work more than 2 hours without feeling physically weak or like I’m going to throw up from nervousness. I get nervous everywher now and even while doing things that didn’t used to make me nervous. I just feel as if God is taking everything away from me that he once blessed me with. I want to work more but I cvant because of my physical condition. And IM only 21 so it scares me. I know God doesn’t give us a spirit of fear but I’ve been so afraid for about two years, nothing seems to get better. I feel like I’m going no where while my friends are already getting professional jobs and meeting new people and getting on with their lives. And some of them scorn God. Yet it’s like he still blesses them. I don’t mean to sound jealous but sometimes it’s really hard to not be sad because I haven’t gotten anything healed or blessed in so long. I understand God causes goodness and rain to fall on all people whether they love God or not but it’s so difficult. I feel like I’m losing everything and the only thing I can do is cry out to God to fix this. But i don’t see any improvements...and I’m so young, youth is supposed to be a happy time but I’ve suffered like this since I was in middle school (it’s just become a lot worse now and I never felt super anxious about much until now) I remember the anxiousness was triggered by an exam in college but I didn’t think an exam could trigger anxiety in most other areas of my life. What’s also worse is that I don’t know what interests me. I chose my college major because I was good at taking classes for that subject but everything available for jobs doesn’t interest me. I have tried to figure out what I like but but to no avail. I’m not talented in anything either. I like piano and can play piano but not well enough to major in it and I have stage fright now (even though I have done many performances throughout college as a part time job, the stage fright increased each time and now it’s so bad I get a bad stomachache every time) so that wouldn’t be a good career for me. I cannot do anything else art related, I can’t sing, I’m not good at numbers, the only thing I enjoy is listening to others and helping them through their problems and I wouldn’t mind being a counselor but that requires more schooling and school makes me anxious now. Plus it requires more money that I do not have at the moment. If you’ve read this far thank you so much. I know God allows suffering to happen for a reason but I feel like this is just constant suffering and I don’t know how to step out of it.
