Fantasies about Your Future Wife

SuperSaint4GodDBZStyle · Sep 26, 2007

Is it wrong to fantasize on how to please your future wife in bed. Does this count as a sin to fantasize about your future wif?. I used to stay away from sexual topics but now I'm not as hard on the topic as I used to since I did a Bible study on sex mainly coming from Proverbs and Song of Solomon. I'm ordering this book called Teaching Your Children the Truth About Sex by Richard Dobbins. He mainly looks at the way God designed sex and how kids are supposed to treat their bodies. He starts from toddlers to young adults. I have heard from other christians that it is okay to think about your future wife because it won't be a sin? Who else believes this?

Brotherfromanothermother · Sep 27, 2007

I don't believe it's wrong to consider it but I think fantasizing goes a bit out of bounds.

Brotherfromanothermother · Sep 27, 2007

double post.

Touma · Sep 27, 2007

Hmm, well think about it like this; does it please God, or yourself to think about that? I don't think you should worry about it until it happens. Let it come naturally. It might be awkward at first, but you learn more about your wife's needs and desires, and she learns more about you. If you think about it too much now, i am sure you will come up with this porno like scenario in your mind, and when it comes to the actual even you will be disappointed, or she will.

So in short, don't worry about it bro. God Bless.

SuperSaint4GodDBZStyle · Sep 27, 2007

Yea you're right Zilam. Preciate it. I don't need to rush things. I know sometimes when I do fantasize about it too much I have to watch myself because sometimes I walk around campus and think to myself, "I wonder if any of these girls at this college will be my wife. Then the next thing you know I had a quick thought of having sex with them if they were my wife." I know one thing, dealing with thoughts is one of the hardest battles of a christian's walk with God. But I thank God for self control.

Sketcher · Sep 27, 2007

I wish it were OK, but I can't firmly say that it is.

Touma · Sep 27, 2007

SuperSaint4GodDBZStyle said:
Yea you're right Zilam. Preciate it. I don't need to rush things. I know sometimes when I do fantasize about it too much I have to watch myself because sometimes I walk around campus and think to myself, "I wonder if any of these girls at this college will be my wife. Then the next thing you know I had a quick thought of having sex with them if they were my wife." I know one thing, dealing with thoughts is one of the hardest battles of a christian's walk with God. But I thank God for self control.

That is how Satan works. He usually doesn't come bursting through the front door. Rather, he sneaks in the back, and catches you off guard. The simple answer is the put a lock on the back door, so he can't get in.

JonMiller · Sep 27, 2007

I do this.

JM

SonicBOOM · Sep 27, 2007

SuperSaint4GodDBZStyle said:
Is it wrong to fantasize on how to please your future wife in bed. Does this count as a sin to fantasize about your future wif?. I used to stay away from sexual topics but now I'm not as hard on the topic as I used to since I did a Bible study on sex mainly coming from Proverbs and Song of Solomon. I'm ordering this book called Teaching Your Children the Truth About Sex by Richard Dobbins. He mainly looks at the way God designed sex and how kids are supposed to treat their bodies. He starts from toddlers to young adults. I have heard from other christians that it is okay to think about your future wife because it won't be a sin? Who else believes this?

I think Jesus is pretty clear "who so ever looks lustfully at a woman commits adultery". I don't wanna lay down the law with an iron fist [for it's not my place and I'm not worthy]. However... i think we should be careful not to try to justify lust when we see it. Everyone lusts and it's normal... but it's also spiritailly poisionious and Jesus compared sin to yeast, because both grow rather fast!

However... i think it's important to relize that this is for you and you alone! Don't make an effort to not sin just for the sake of it! look at it's benefits! I think we will always see that God's way always proves more rewarding in the end. it's for us, not for God

BoazB · Sep 27, 2007

Fantasizing has other repurcussions... These things can lead one to have one become so preoccupied, that we don't live reality, and get stuck in fantasy... (Comprehendo?)

radhead · Sep 27, 2007

Elisabeth Eliot (Passion and Purity) seemed to be okay with it. She alludes to it in that book.

Just throwing it out there. I am not saying it is right or wrong.

Luther073082 · Sep 27, 2007

SuperSaint4GodDBZStyle said:
Is it wrong to fantasize on how to please your future wife in bed. Does this count as a sin to fantasize about your future wif?. I used to stay away from sexual topics but now I'm not as hard on the topic as I used to since I did a Bible study on sex mainly coming from Proverbs and Song of Solomon. I'm ordering this book called Teaching Your Children the Truth About Sex by Richard Dobbins. He mainly looks at the way God designed sex and how kids are supposed to treat their bodies. He starts from toddlers to young adults. I have heard from other christians that it is okay to think about your future wife because it won't be a sin? Who else believes this?

I think you should try to control this as much as you can. Not because I think it would be wrong for you to fantasize if she was your wife, however she isn't your wife right now.

1. This could skew your views of marriage and make it overly sexual.

2. More importantly upon the point where you have a long term GF or become engaged. This could very easily lead you to lust after her. Which is of course a sin in it self ( you arn't married yet) and could lead to further temptation.

And as someone else pointed out its pretty easy to place a certain person in that role in which case really wouldn't make it any better then lusting after her in any other role.

alfrodull · Sep 27, 2007

If looking at a woman lustfully is considered adultery in your heart, then I'm pretty sure fantasizing about existing individuals is wrong.

But what if you're just imagining what you would like your future spouse to be like?

kingoffools13 · Sep 27, 2007

Um ... yeah its wrong.

Not directly ... not the simple act of "innocently" thinking about how you could do it ... the 'mechanics' if you will ... its not wrong to learn about these things.

However take that a step further into imagination, dwelling on the idea, and low and behold you find yourself essentially lusting. Now anonymous woman or not it doesn't matter, lust is still lust, and whether or not you put a nice label on it like "fantasizing about my future wife" or call it what it really is "spank bank material" its the same thing. Creative labeling does not change its nature.

Please understand though that I by all means cannot condemn you for it, I'm just as guilty as the next guy (or girl); but it is wrong what that guy said about it being 'ok to do' that is misleading at the very least. I can only say that in the Biblical sense, it is wrong, and that your level of conviction in this area is between you and God ... and someday your SO; so you should probably pray about it (like everything else in life )

K
O
F

Luther073082 · Sep 27, 2007

kingoffools13 said:
Um ... yeah its wrong.

Not directly ... not the simple act of "innocently" thinking about how you could do it ... the 'mechanics' if you will ... its not wrong to learn about these things.

However take that a step further into imagination, dwelling on the idea, and low and behold you find yourself essentially lusting. Now anonymous woman or not it doesn't matter, lust is still lust, and whether or not you put a nice label on it like "fantasizing about my future wife" or call it what it really is "spank bank material" its the same thing. Creative labeling does not change its nature.

Please understand though that I by all means cannot condemn you for it, I'm just as guilty as the next guy (or girl); but it is wrong what that guy said about it being 'ok to do' that is misleading at the very least. I can only say that in the Biblical sense, it is wrong, and that your level of conviction in this area is between you and God ... and someday your SO; so you should probably pray about it (like everything else in life )

K
O
F

QFT

The reason I said to try to control this was because I really don't forsee this just no longer being a struggle anytime soon.

However calling her your future wife, really just doesn't make it any better then thinking about a random woman you see on the street.

Love233 · Sep 27, 2007

SuperSaint4GodDBZStyle said:
Is it wrong to fantasize on how to please your future wife in bed. Does this count as a sin to fantasize about your future wif?. I used to stay away from sexual topics but now I'm not as hard on the topic as I used to since I did a Bible study on sex mainly coming from Proverbs and Song of Solomon. I'm ordering this book called Teaching Your Children the Truth About Sex by Richard Dobbins. He mainly looks at the way God designed sex and how kids are supposed to treat their bodies. He starts from toddlers to young adults. I have heard from other christians that it is okay to think about your future wife because it won't be a sin? Who else believes this?

...well it all depends I guess on how Far you take it..... it might be a good idea to think things through though before your wedding night so the poor woman isn't :o . I'm guessing it's ok.

BoazB · Sep 27, 2007

Ok ... so if you iomagine her to be your future wife... fantasize all sorts of stuff blush: ) and then she marries the postman instead... then you've lusted after another woman. (Does this make sense LOL?)

SuperSaint4GodDBZStyle · Sep 27, 2007

That was more funny than anything Boaz. lol. Dude ur the same age as my Mom.

BoazB · Sep 27, 2007

SuperSaint4GodDBZStyle said:
That was more funny than anything Boaz. lol. Dude ur the same age as my Mom.

Hee hee hee

kingoffools13 · Sep 27, 2007

Luther073082 said:
QFT

The reason I said to try to control this was because I really don't forsee this just no longer being a struggle anytime soon.

However calling her your future wife, really just doesn't make it any better then thinking about a random woman you see on the street.

very true ... most guys (and girls) will pretty much always struggle with it ... sins wouldn't happen if they weren't so enticing and pleasurable.

K
O
F

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