Examples of Submisive Wives

[AllisonWonderland]

I'm not married (yet!), but my boyfriend and I do plan on getting married in one to two years.
I deeply love my boyfriend and want to respect him in everything. I also love God and truely desire to follow His word and serve Him. (Including in my future mariage!)

Anyway, I was wondering what are some examples of things that women must submit to thier husbands about. I know that the Bible says "in ALL things", but what does that include? Can you married folks give me some examples of times you have had to subimt to your husband or when your wife has had to submit to you? Wives, was this diffictult for you? Husbands, did it make a difference; did you appriciate it?
Also, can you think of any examples from the Bible?

I know this can be a controversial subject, but I'm really hopping that everyone is respectful to each other in this thread. *crosses fingers*

 

[mkgal1]

Hi Allison...welcome to the forums. You are so wise to begin to think about these things now.

I know this isn't what you were asking for, but we were just talking about this in another thread and I had come across this information that you may find helpful related to submission:

From David Guzik:

In practical action submitting to one another implies the following, all in line with the idea of being a “team player”:

• The Christian must not be thoughtless, but think of others.
• The Christian must not be individualistic, must not be self-assertive. “Self-assertion is the very antithesis of what the Apostle is saying.”
• The Christian must never be self-seeking.
• We must have a “team attitude.”
• We must be happy when someone else succeeds or does well.
• We must bear our own discomforts and trials with courage

• The motive for submission is not social kindness. The motive for submission is not the law of God. The motive for submission is respect for Jesus Christ. If we respect Jesus, we then should submit to one another because we love Jesus. Paul uses the term fear in this passage, but it is a fear - a respect - that is compatible with love. It is a fear of disappointing Jesus, a fear of grieving Him. That is totally compatible with love. When you really respect someone, you care about pleasing him or her, and you are afraid to disappoint that one.

Submission does not mean inferiority. As well, submission does not mean silence. Submission means “sub-mission.” There is a mission for the Christian marriage, and that mission is obeying and glorifying God. The wife says, “I’m going to put myself under that mission. That mission is more important than my individual desires. I’m not putting myself below my husband, I’m putting myself below the mission God has for our marriage, for my life.”

 

[mkgal1]

Something else I can add is that a good story in the Bible that shows that a wife needs to put herself under God's mission and NOT her husband's (unless it is also God's mission)....is in Acts 5. Sapphira put herself under her husband's mission to lie to God....and she suffered the consequences for it.

 

[AllisonWonderland]

Thanks, mkgal! That is helpful
I'll check out the scipture sometime too.

 

[believetheunseen]

Hi Allison, if I understand your OP correctly, you were looking for examples of submitting? I thought I'd share one example. I am most definitely not the most submissive wife, but with God's grace I'm trying. So here is an example from my marriage (3 years in just a few days!).
We were trying to sell a riding lawn mower and only had one offer that was quite a bit lower than what the mower was worth, so my husband refused him. This was the first time we disagreed on a decision (I just wanted the darned thing out of my storage and we really could've used the money at the time). But I didn't fight him, just told him I didn't agree but that I trusted his decision and trusted the Lord to bless the situation.
Three weeks later, my grandmother's estate had an auction, and my dad suggested I bring the lawnmower. We sold it for $300 more than we expected.
Answering other questions:
For me submission is only difficult when I'm self-centered, which I admit is far too often.
My husband feels appreciated and respected and it means a lot to him.
Sarah, the wife of Abraham, while she isn't always the greatest example in the Bible of submission, is in face mentioned in 1 Peter when talking about wives.
5)For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, (6)like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
Sarah followed Abraham to Canaan. Doesn't say what happened exactly, but she followed him without question, as far as we can see. He comes home one day and says "we're off" and she does out of faith for the Lord and out of faith in her husbands decision.

Hope this helps.

 

[AllisonWonderland]

Congrats on your marriage!
Thanks for your examples. That's what I was wanting to hear!
Even though I'm not married yet, I have stuggled with the idea of being subissive, and I want to get over that before I am married. (I'd say that I'm almost there though )

 

[scrofford]

You have to understand that "submitting" is not just for the wives. Yes the man is the head of the house. Yes He is placed as the leader. But the Bible tells us that we really are supposed to submit to each other.

When Paul talks about Wives submitting to their husbands in Ephesians, he only starts with the wives. If you read on to where he is talking to the husbands, he is saying that we as husbands are supposed to love our wives as Christ loves the church. Part of loving is being willing to listen to our wives and talk things out. This is just an example.

The Bible also talks about submitting to one another in love. So us husbands really need to be willing to submit to our wives feelings and be willing to compromise. It's hard sometimes, but its what is right.

Btw, when Paul is talking about submitting in Ephesians, he is really explaining how we as the body of Christ are to be toward God. He says in Eph 5:32 that This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church.

 

[katautumn]

For me, being submissive means choosing my battles. Does it edify anyone in our home if I nag my husband about not washing his hands long enough or tossing his socks in the laundry basket wrong-side out? It also means consulting with him before doing anything that involves finances, the kids, major home improvements, etc. It means thinking of him first instead of myself.

On the flip side, my husband works a hard, manual labor job outside of the home to provide for us so that I can be a stay-at-home mom. He doesn't do that for himself. He does it for his family.

Things you don't have to submit to:

~Illegal activities
~Violating your marriage vows in the bedroom (i.e., the husband demands a threesome or he wants to get involved in partner swapping)
~Abuse

 

[dorig59]

Wow, you've gotten some really good advice so far! I'm like believetheunseen, not naturally a submissive type. I'm outgoing, talkative, a little loud (so my kids tell me, haha!), and my mind races to get things done all the time! So I tend to jump ahead with stuff. I find that if I hear my husband saying something along the lines of "I think we should do this" or "I'd rather you not do that", I have to really stop and listen. He's never, ever overbearing or tyrannical in any way -- but when I listen to him in these ways, he so appreciates it and honestly I think he loves me even more for it. It also makes him more relaxed, less stressed out, when he knows he doesn't have to fight me on every little thing. Also, the pick your battles thing is very wise, I also subscribe to that. Let all the little things that don't really matter go.

I commend you for wanting to start out your marriage on the right foot, that's great!

 

[mkgal1]

Another thing I would like to add is, never substitute your husband's decisions for God's. What I mean is.....even in the seemingly insignificant decisions...always seek God's opinion & don't rely soley on what your husband decides. We get into most of our difficult situations based on a series of small decisions....we hardly ever get there in one giant leap (or one bad decision).

Always ask God to clarify if your resistance to something is selfishness or if it truly is God's will that you are sensing. Ask Him to help you to pick your battles...only fight His battles and the ones He guides you to.

Another story to use as an example is of Abraham and Sarah. Abraham took Sarah's advice-- without asking God--when she suggested that Abraham should bear a child with their housemaid (Hagar). Abraham and Sarah both had grown impatient and joined together to work out their own plan, instead of waiting on God. The next time there was decision, though....Abraham had learned and took it to God.

We need to be very careful not to rely on a person's decisions just because we trust them (and are married to them)....marriage is a partnership & the best way to partner with your husband (to be) is in prayer.

 

[AllisonWonderland]

Thanks for all the responses! Keep 'em comming! You guys are very helpful.

When Paul talks about Wives submitting to their husbands in Ephesians, he only starts with the wives. If you read on to where he is talking to the husbands, he is saying that we as husbands are supposed to love our wives as Christ loves the church. Part of loving is being willing to listen to our wives and talk things out. This is just an example.

The Bible also talks about submitting to one another in love. So us husbands really need to be willing to submit to our wives feelings and be willing to compromise. It's hard sometimes, but its what is right.

I defiantly agree. I try to keep that in mind when I think about submission. I know that husband who loves his wife as Christ loves the church would always want to listen to how his wife feels and would never make a decission with selfish motives. I think that is what really puts me at ease with submiting. Thankfully my boyfriend has the same mindset.

 

[dorig59]

You have to understand that "submitting" is not just for the wives. Yes the man is the head of the house. Yes He is placed as the leader. But the Bible tells us that we really are supposed to submit to each other.

When Paul talks about Wives submitting to their husbands in Ephesians, he only starts with the wives. If you read on to where he is talking to the husbands, he is saying that we as husbands are supposed to love our wives as Christ loves the church. Part of loving is being willing to listen to our wives and talk things out. This is just an example.

The Bible also talks about submitting to one another in love. So us husbands really need to be willing to submit to our wives feelings and be willing to compromise. It's hard sometimes, but its what is right.

Btw, when Paul is talking about submitting in Ephesians, he is really explaining how we as the body of Christ are to be toward God. He says in Eph 5:32 that This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church.

But she only asked about HER role, didn't she? I'm curious why you talked about the husband's role and what the husband is supposed to do. Not criticizing you, just wondering why.

 

[scrofford]

But she only asked about HER role, didn't she? I'm curious why you talked about the husband's role and what the husband is supposed to do. Not criticizing you, just wondering why.

Because they go hand in hand. You can't talk about one and not the other. You have two people here. It's a team effort. Marriage isn't just about one and not the other is it? At least a health one isn't.

 

[Kranke Krokodil]

Something else I can add is that a good story in the Bible that shows that a wife needs to put herself under God's mission and NOT her husband's (unless it is also God's mission)....is in Acts 5. Sapphira put herself under her husband's mission to lie to God....and she suffered the consequences for it.

What makes you think that she just didn't want to lie all on her own? How do you know that it was not he who submitted to her in this?

 

[mkgal1]

What makes you think that she just didn't want to lie all on her own? How do you know that it was not he who submitted to her in this?

I guess it could be either of those possibilities (I will have to read some more on that).

What I was trying to say is...we cannot substitute seeking God's will with simply listening to what another person desires and following them....As individuals...we need to seek God's will out and place ourselves under HIS mission.

Married couples in the Lord have a responsibility to keep each other from sin, and to refuse to participate in sin together, for God will hold each accountable. The concept of submission does not extend to submitting unto sin.

 

[McScribe]

My wife put it very well to me. Bear in mind she is a very strong willed, intelligent and resourceful person; she runs her own home based business and is very capable. For her Eve's sin was really independance, not simply disobedience. As human beings we are called to togetherness with God and with one another. So submitting for my wife means listening and remaining involved with me. Sometimes wives tend to treat their husbands almost like children, indulging them and then resenting them when they are not more invovled. Of course conversely men are called to love, and that means as Christ loved the church, so that means stepping in, being called to action. And when a wife submits, she's basically responding to that.

 

[Romanseight2005]

Acts 5:9

9 Then Peter said unto her, How is it that ye have agreed together to tempt the Spirit of the Lord? behold, the feet of them which have buried thy husband are at the door, and shall carry thee out.
KJV


They were in agreement. Whether or not it was her idea to begin with, she had to make her own mind up about it, and she was accountable for her part. He was accountable for his. The point is the agreement between the two was a bad one, no matter who's idea it was initially. They did it together and their hearts were in agreement. "Why has satan filled thine heart?" Total individual accountability. They weren't even judged together, but individually. If this isn't a point for a woman being accountable for herself, I don't know what is.

 

[JohnDB]

Sometimes...

It means even when the husband is wrong he is still right and you do it that way anyway.

It is about being loyal...not a doormat or something along those lines as has been extremely conversed previously.

Most women will repeat their desires every time they feel them. They somehow think that their husbands don't know what will make them happy. But the flipside is that a husband is just a man with limits. He will get exhausted, he will get tired, cranky, frustrated, or any number of things that will affect his moods and actions that will have nothing to do with a spouse...but she may get some treatment that isn't due her.
(he may leave his socks on the floor next to the hamper and not inside of it but it wasn't done with mean intent)
This instantly sets her to complaining and whining about it. Which does nothing to help him...only add to what it was that caused him to miss the hamper to start with.

Blind faith at times is called for. A husband usually wants to love his wife...do good things for her. Not always is he a capable mind reader...and sometimes he is simply human. That is when a great wife steps in and can help her husband. Maybe not then and there...but later when he comes to his senses she will get her reward for being a helper and not a nagger.

 

[Romanseight2005]

I agree that sometimes blind faith is called for. But people who say that a woman must do whatever her husband says, and if he was asking her to do something wrong, it will all be on him, is not correct. She will be held accountable, and she will not escape that by saying that her husband told her to do it. Do you remember the movie,"A Few Good Men?" In that movie those men had been trained to blindly do what their commander told them to do. In doing so, they killed one of their men. They insisted that they did the right thing, and in their minds they did because they were obeying their commanding officer. They were, however, held accountable for their actions and it baffled them. I think some women are in that boat. They believe so strongly in that blind submission, that they do not think that they must use their own discernment, but they are wrong. To go back to the Annanias and Sapphira scenario, the point is this, if a man asked a woman to do something sinful, which does happen, then she must choose to do the right thing. I often wonder what would have happened if Sapphira had simply been honest. Would she have been spared? I think she would have since they were each given an individual opportunity to be truthful.

 

[Romanseight2005]

John,
I don't even consider it submission to be patient with him. That is just being patient. Not getting angry over socks on the floor, etc. Those things would not even bother me, and if he needs time to chill, or whatever, the same is true. I think submission in the sense of self sacrifice, is something that both partners do for each other. But blind submission in the form of, watch porn with me baby, go steal a pack of cigarettes for me baby, Lie to the church and tell them that we already gave, etc. must not be blindly submitted to. Here is another scenario. I believe in total honesty, but my boss thinks it's ok to lie a little here and there. For instance, she wants me to use her card and buy things for her at the supplies store for our work. That in itself is not a problem, however, the supply store will often check ID's, so using someone else's card is wrong. Even though I am doing this for her, with her permission, I would have to lie and say I was her, but I wouldn't have her ID. These kinds of things come up all of the time. Another one is, make 30 copies out of this book, but it breaks the copyright laws. I can't be honest and true and follow those directions, but many things like that are aksed of me continually. What is the right thing to do? This is a work situation, and not marriage, but we are certainly called to submit to our bosses, right?