Eating Disorder Vent

[Neari]

It all started sometime last year. At first, I started noticing how everyone else had flat stomachs, yet I had not. My arms were pretty skinny already, but I felt ashamed every time I looked in the mirror and saw a round stomach. It was during the summer, during summer vacation, where I began to obsess over what I was eating. I had downloaded an app called Life Sum to limit myself from eating a lot by calorie counting. I was never fond of exercise, I've always been a naturally quiet, low energy person, so I just ate less and less, telling myself that eating less was good because it matched my low-energy life. So I restricted eating too much, forcing a daily eating plan. It became a habit to eat little, and I started getting colder more easier. This habit drove me to eat less and less, but I still felt fine. When school started in September, I began obsessing quietly over food- about what I was going to eat, what time I was going to eat, things like that. Over eating made me feel horrible, and my obsession with constantly burning calories was growing stronger. However, I was introduced to the Bible sometime in Autumn, and I began to develop a faith for the Lord. Today, I'm nearly ## lbs underweight, but I can't bring myself to eat anymore than I already am. My faith is growing stronger, and I always eat ## meals a day, but .. I find it difficult not to compare what I eat to others, and it's hard not to get angry whenever my mom tells me to eat, or to eat more. I noticed that people always seem to eat less than me and not care, so I feel that I'm committing the sin of gluttony and idolatry with these obsessions over food. I'm trying to deal with this obsession because I don't want to live in the flesh anymore, I don't want to obsess over not having a flat stomach anymore. On top of that I've been struggling with so many other things, but I just had to vent all this out.. Thank you, if you took the time to read all this. ♥

 

[Solomons Porch]

Thank you for sharing and I am sure there are others out there that suffer the same as you do. It really sounds like you have improved and if only ##lbs underweight thats not too bad and if you keep slowly increasing your food intake daily, hopefully you will program your stomach and thinking somewhat back to normal. I know the power of training the mind and body, it takes time. Pray daily and read the word and I believe you will be on your way up higher and higher. I will be praying for you and I do understand your moms worry, any mom would when you love someone. Be patient with her as well, she loves you. Keep your head up because God said that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

 

[blackribbon]

Please talk to your mother or dad or someone you trust about this. I suspect that you have body dysmorphic disorder if you really believe all those around you have flat stomachs and you don't. This means that you don't see your body or other bodies the way they really exist but your mind distorts you into believing that you are fatter than you believe. I can not believe that someone ## lbs underweight has a "round" stomach. If you do, then it is more a sign of starvation (think of the bellies on the starving kids on the commercials on tv).

Often eating disorders aren't really about eating, but are about trying to gain control of your life when you feel out of control in other areas....so more a symptom of anxiety, or depression, or severe stress. This may or may not be you...I won't pretend to have any insight into your particular life.

What you need to know that by not eating enough and being that underweight, you are starving your organs and will eventually cause electrolyte imbalances in your body that cause you to have muscles spasms, seizures, heart arrhythmias, or even a heart attack. You literally may be slowly killing yourself and/or causing permanent damage to your entire body that can effect you for years to come.

The answer isn't just to start eating more. You need to learn more about the dietary needs of your body and the amount of calories that someone your age and size should be consuming in a day to be healthy (probably a number that will horrify you at this point). Talking to a Registered Dietitian (not a nutritionist) who specializes in eating disorders can help you learn how to eat healthy and feed your body without going overweight and also help you find healthy ways to flatten your stomach if it really needs to be flattened. You can get a referral through your doctor and your family's medical insurance may cover it since you are underweight.

Please find someone to talk to. This is a lot bigger deal than most young people realize. You are worth it and having a flat stomach won't be worth much if you are always sick and tired.

 

[Neari]

Thank you for sharing and I am sure there are others out there that suffer the same as you do. It really sounds like you have improved and if only ##lbs underweight thats not too bad and if you keep slowly increasing your food intake daily, hopefully you will program your stomach and thinking somewhat back to normal. I know the power of training the mind and body, it takes time. Pray daily and read the word and I believe you will be on your way up higher and higher. I will be praying for you and I do understand your moms worry, any mom would when you love someone. Be patient with her as well, she loves you. Keep your head up because God said that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Thank you for sharing and I am sure there are others out there that suffer the same as you do. It really sounds like you have improved and if only ##lbs underweight thats not too bad and if you keep slowly increasing your food intake daily, hopefully you will program your stomach and thinking somewhat back to normal. I know the power of training the mind and body, it takes time. Pray daily and read the word and I believe you will be on your way up higher and higher. I will be praying for you and I do understand your moms worry, any mom would when you love someone. Be patient with her as well, she loves you. Keep your head up because God said that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Thank you, so much, for the encouragement and prayers. ♥ I'm really scared.. But I'll try to talk about this with my older sister.

 

[Neari]

Please talk to your mother or dad or someone you trust about this. I suspect that you have body dysmorphic disorder if you really believe all those around you have flat stomachs and you don't. This means that you don't see your body or other bodies the way they really exist but your mind distorts you into believing that you are fatter than you believe. I can not believe that someone 15 lbs underweight has a "round" stomach. If you do, then it is more a sign of starvation (think of the bellies on the starving kids on the commercials on tv).

Often eating disorders aren't really about eating, but are about trying to gain control of your life when you feel out of control in other areas....so more a symptom of anxiety, or depression, or severe stress. This may or may not be you...I won't pretend to have any insight into your particular life.

What you need to know that by not eating enough and being that underweight, you are starving your organs and will eventually cause electrolyte imbalances in your body that cause you to have muscles spasms, seizures, heart arrhythmias, or even a heart attack. You literally may be slowly killing yourself and/or causing permanent damage to your entire body that can effect you for years to come.

The answer isn't just to start eating more. You need to learn more about the dietary needs of your body and the amount of calories that someone your age and size should be consuming in a day to be healthy (probably a number that will horrify you at this point). Talking to a Registered Dietitian (not a nutritionist) who specializes in eating disorders can help you learn how to eat healthy and feed your body without going overweight and also help you find healthy ways to flatten your stomach if it really needs to be flattened. You can get a referral through your doctor and your family's medical insurance may cover it since you are underweight.

Please find someone to talk to. This is a lot bigger deal than most young people realize. You are worth it and having a flat stomach won't be worth much if you are always sick and tired.

Thank you for the advice, I'll try to talk to my older sister if I can. I'll pray for the courage. Thank you, again. ♥

 

[blackribbon]

Thank you for the advice, I'll try to talk to my older sister if I can. I'll pray for the courage. Thank you, again. ♥

I will be praying for you. Remember that they love you even if they don't understand. If you can not find help at home, think about trusting a teacher, counselor, or other adult at school. This is not just about food and I suspect that you also know this. Don't settle for people who only think it is about food. Your spirit needs to be fed and cared for too. This is very hard but God will be with you...and if you are strong enough to control your food intake like you have, you have proven yourself to be a very strong young woman. You are worth taking care of. Deep breath and just trust those that love you.

 

[Solomons Porch]

Thank you, so much, for the encouragement and prayers. ♥ I'm really scared.. But I'll try to talk about this with my older sister.

We are pulling for you and ask God for strength. He will give you the strength to speak and do as you need to, your family will be more supportive when they can better understand what you are dealing with, U got this

 

[Bluerose31]

Thank you for sharing this. I have struggles with eating because I was kidnapped for over 6 months by someone I knew and forced to overeat during that time and now I struggle with eating properly and am always afraid I am overweight.

 

[Neari]

Thank you for sharing this. I have struggles with eating because I was kidnapped for over 6 months by someone I knew and forced to overeat during that time and now I struggle with eating properly and am always afraid I am overweight.

Sending my prayers, we'll get through this.

 

[makeajoyfulnoise100]

Ugh what's wrong with me? I know I'm physically hungry but I can't afford to eat the healthy way I want to eat. If anyone watches the documentary What the Health the plant-based vegan diet is what I crave and yet I am the only person in my family that wants to live this way. Even still I only eat here and there. It's like I'm in a food desert. AHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH. Thank you to whoever read this vent haha.