Dreams About Ex-Boyfriend

[HDoggie19]

This is related to the dreams about opposite sex topic but I didn't want to derail the thread.

Anyway, I have been married to my wonderful dh for 3 1/2 years and I love him to bits. We've been together 5 years altogether.
The man I was with before him was my college sweetheart and my first love. I was very intimate with him for 2 years (but never went "all the way.")
Anyway, I've been having frequent dreams about him and it is bothering me! I've prayed to the Lord to break any soul ties with this ex-bf and begged him to not let me think or dream about him, but nothing helps.
I can honestly say I'm not still in love with ex, but I have weird pangs whenever I think of him, hear a song that reminds me of him, etc.

Am I still soul tied to this man or what? This is driving me crazy! I don't want to think of my ex at all and focus exclusively on the love of my life--my husband.


Anyone ever had this problem?

 

[allieisme]

I have been married to my husband for a little over 10 years, and yes to be honest I think about my ex-boyfriend alot, and we dated in 1994. I know its not right to think about him, but I cant really stop my brain from thinking about him sometimes..
Maybe its just because they are first loves.. I dont know, but I know how you feel.

 

[heartnsoul]

I have been married for 12 years now and once in a while I still dream about one of my ex-boyfriends from college. They're not romantic dreams or anything but for some strange reason, I dream about him more than I dream of anyone else. My ex was my first love but it was not a healthy relationship. I stopped trying to figure out why he appears in my dreams.

I do know that our minds are a very powerful thing and dreams stem from our subconcious. So I would have to guess that deep down subconsciously, our ex boyfriends must have touched our hearts in a passionate way so it's not something that just goes aways quickly. It's sad though whenever I do think about that ex. Maybe it does have something to do with him being my "first love".

 

[InTheFlame]

'Soul ties' are extra-biblical at best.

Weirdly, the more you stress about the dreams, the more you'll probably dream about him Irritating!

So... what do you think about when he comes to mind? Think about him for a few seconds, then work out - what descriptive words would you use? eg. angry, fun, irresponsible, silly, scary, exciting, dull.

Then have a think about whether the words you came up with, would describe your current relationship. If so, is that a good thing? If not, is that a bad thing? Is there anything missing from your marriage that YOU can do something about?

 

[Linnis]

What are soul ties?

I dreamt about finding a red balloon, sometimes dreams are just dreams.

 

[philknowles]

My wife has openly mentioned that she had dreams about her ex boyfriend and even occasionally her ex fiance. I know she loves me and that's all I care about.

I on other hand, have constant thoughts about a particular girl, I don't want to date her, but she constantly comes up. When my wife are passionate, my mind races with all sorts of images with other women, either that I've just seen or other. That's bugging me a lot!

 

[KSUCE03]

If nothing else, perhaps this would be encouragement for singles to not feel like physical intimacy that stops short of sex has no consequence. There's obviously some sort of bond built between the two, whether or not you want to call it a "soul tie".

 

[alwaysyoung]

I've struggled with this. I wish I had better control of my dreams. There must be something about a first love. It is very frustrating. Continue to pray...
(((hugs)))
Lisa

 

[newyorknewyork]

im so glad im not the only one who struggles with this!!!!

i wonder if its got to do with being a "first love" or "first crush" or whatever you want to call it??

hmmm...

when i share with hubby that im strugling with something he reminds me of this:

we can have a bird fly over our heads, but thats not necessarily a sin - something to feel guilty about - we *CHOOSE* whether or we invite the bird to nest in our hair

ok, for those of you who don't get the above analogy... it basically means we all sometimes get random weird thoughts pop into our heads - they might be bland, they might be sexual, they might have meaning, they might make no sense at all... but whatever they are... we all have the opportunity to cast those thoughts to the foot of the cross or hang on to them so they breed and grow...

some food 4 thought from my very intelligent hubby

 

[gracefaith]

HD - The problem is you are romantizing your past with this other guy. You broke up for some reason. Obviously, it was not going to work out. Try picturing (honestly and accurately) how you life would have been with this guy. First love or not, chances are you would have made a terrible married match. Youthful love rarely has the solid foundation that makes a marriage. There's more sympathy, infatuation and idealism in it than anything else.

 

[HeatherJay]

I sometimes dream about/think about my ex. He was my first love, too. Like gracefaith said, I think the fact that we tend to romanticize the past is a big problem. My ex was really romantic and spontaneous...he used to come pick me up, out of the blue, at midnight and we'd go dance together under the stars to my favorite song (Into the Mystic - Van Morrison). We'd go for midnight walks on the warm summer nights when neither of us could sleep. And he always smelled so good...even when he shouldn't have smelled good...but he always did. I still remember that smell even after being with my husband 9 years.

Sounds great, right? It would be hard not to dwell on those kind of dream-like, romantic memories if I didn't also keep in my mind the reason we broke up. Things like the memory where I was doing his laundry and found two pairs of panties that weren't mine. Or the earring I found in the carpet while vacuuming his carpet when my ears weren't pierced. Or, the naked girl I caught him sleeping next to when I had come over to surprise him with breakfast.

Yeah, I can laugh about it now. But my point is that it's vitally important to keep things in perspective. Despite all the bad stuff, our realtionship is a pleasant memory for me. And despite all the good stuff, I know with my entire soul that my husband is the man that I was meant to be with in marriage and life.

I've thought about this very thread topic quite a bit over the years. The conclusion that I've come to is this : I miss the girl that I was when I was with him. I was so innocent and trusting when it came to relationships and love. And he definitely filled a number of the romantic notions that I had in my innocent little brain about what a healthy relationship should be like. But, I came out of that relationship far different than I went into it. My innocence (and I don't mean physical innocence) was gone on the other side of my first love. And I do miss that. I liken our realtionship (that with my first love) to one of those movies with a really amazing, unforgetable soundtrack...maybe not the greatest flick in the world, but memorable nonetheless because of the music.

But I think it's important to not dwell on these thoughts and dreams. And if you do allow yourself to dwell for a minute or two, make sure that you BALANCE your dwelling, with the good and the bad. And even more important is to not hold your husband up in comparison to the romanticized figment of your ex. Recognize your husband for all the wonderful, individual and unique qualities that he possesses, and don't hold against him the ways in which he doesn't measure up to your ex.

 

[Leanna]

Sure I struggle with this sometimes , but I put it out of mind.... I think its really the only way. No matter what logic my brain can tell me that a certain person wasn't right for me sometimes the heart doesn't listen. Don't dwell on it at all and rejoice with what you have.

 

[invisiblebabe]

If nothing else, perhaps this would be encouragement for singles to not feel like physical intimacy that stops short of sex has no consequence. There's obviously some sort of bond built between the two, whether or not you want to call it a "soul tie".

Emotional intimacy has the same consequences, I'd say. This is good in friendships (we do need a bond with people we are friends with) but bad when the two people were romantically involved and had to eventually end things.

But yeah, the people I had the hardest time "getting over" were actually guys I was never physically involved with at all.

Edit: just clarifying that I agree with what you said; I'm only adding to it.

 

[gracefaith]

Emotional intimacy has the same consequences, I'd say. This is good in friendships (we do need a bond with people we are friends with) but bad when the two people were romantically involved and had to eventually end things.

But yeah, the people I had the hardest time "getting over" were actually guys I was never physically involved with at all.

I hear you on that one. The guy I always have to put out of mind is guy I never even dated. I had a good laugh about that in my head today - to think that my boyfriend of 2 years gets less warm remembrances than a boyfriend of none.

I think we dwell on whatever 'old flame' is most easily romantiziced.

 

[newyorknewyork]

i think gracefaith has hit the nail on the head when she mentioned the danger of romanticising about past loves...

seems to make sense to me

i really like what heatherjay said as well - trying to strike that balance is *really* important
and we mustn't compare the wonderful husbands we are now married to with a past fling/date/bf just coz it was romantic and swept us off our feet...

we may or may not feel swept off our feel now - being married to our husbands, but i think we must remember that the husbands we are with our husbands because they chose us and we chose them, they are committed to us for life... their love for us is so much more real and genuine and eternal than a past fling (im speaking for myself here

i like what's been said about us trying to remember why we broke up with the guy from our past... that makes sooo much sense and really puts things in perspective!

for me it was simply a distance thing... the guy from my past that I get thoughts (and dreams) about lived too far away from me for us to get into a serious long term relationship... so we didn't see each other very often..
but when we did see each other... hmmm... its those thoughts that come flooding back to me...

 

[JC 101 FM]

This is related to the dreams about opposite sex topic but I didn't want to derail the thread.

Anyway, I have been married to my wonderful dh for 3 1/2 years and I love him to bits. We've been together 5 years altogether.
The man I was with before him was my college sweetheart and my first love. I was very intimate with him for 2 years (but never went "all the way.")
Anyway, I've been having frequent dreams about him and it is bothering me! I've prayed to the Lord to break any soul ties with this ex-bf and begged him to not let me think or dream about him, but nothing helps.
I can honestly say I'm not still in love with ex, but I have weird pangs whenever I think of him, hear a song that reminds me of him, etc.

Am I still soul tied to this man or what? This is driving me crazy! I don't want to think of my ex at all and focus exclusively on the love of my life--my husband.


Anyone ever had this problem?

I've been married almost 2 years and my ex who I was with for 5 years prior still makes her appearences...
I have no advice, just remember your not alone here.

 

[HDoggie19]

I don't exactly daydream about this guy. I remember certain things about our relationship when I hear songs from that time period we both liked or a movie. But I don't dwell on him. Only when I dream about him, I wake up the next morning feeling guilty about it. I wish the dreams would just stop. That's all.

 

[newyorknewyork]

yeah im the same

i have these dreams then wake up feeling guilty!

 

[HeatherJay]

Well, thank you very much, lol, I had a "dream" last night. I blame you guys.

My dream last night, I THINK, stems from the fact that my hubby and I ran into the object of my dream a week or so ago while we were out eating after church. He was one that was never my boyfriend, but he's my best male friend ever. He's now married and he introduced me too his wife that day. I'm truly 100% happy for him that he's finally settled down and seems happy.

So yeah, you guys all talking about feeling a certain amount of attachment to the guys that you didn't share an actual relationship with...thanks a lot!

 

[gracefaith]

Well, thank you very much, lol, I had a "dream" last night. I blame you guys. ...So yeah, you guys all talking about feeling a certain amount of attachment to the guys that you didn't share an actual relationship with...thanks a lot!

Hah Hah. Me too. I was ruminating on this thread and I started to have warm fuzzy memories about the guy I thought I had completely put out of my mind for good. ARGGHHH!!

I don't put too much stock in dreams. It's just our brains filing system and the fact that old flames come up from time to time probably just means that we haven't found a permanent place to 'file' them yet.