Domestic discipline

[Maharg]

In my reading recently I have come across the practice of domestic discipline, which is a lifestyle where the husband is the head of the household, and part of this headship involves disciplining his wife, through things such as removal of priviledges, corner time and spanking. It is said to be a completely different matter from BDSM type relationships and to have no connection with sexual practices. It is advocated in some Christian circles, where people have biblical arguments for its practice.

My husband is not a Christian, so I guess our marriage is different from what is biblically intended anyway, and he does not see himself as head of the household particularly. We usually come to compromises over everything, so there has never been any need for either one of us to have the 'last say' over something. I feel uncomfortable with the idea of the practice of domestic discipline, and am unclear whether the idea is really biblically-based.

I was just interested in other people's views about whether or not they see the husband as head of the household, what this means to them, and their opinions about domestic discipline and whether it is Biblically-based.

Thanks,

Amber

 

[LiberatedChick]

My husband is the head of our household in that I submit to him. I believe a husband and wife to be a team though every team needs a leader. This leader is no better than the other members of the team but instead is responsible for collating information required to make choices and then making the choices based upon this information. Therefore, I give my husband any information I possibly can so that he can lead us where we need to go. There are times when I haven't submitted or held back submission for some time and basically was stubborn because I thought I knew what was best. Turns out not to work very well and so I learnt submission worked.

This domestic discipline stuff sounds scary to me though. I don't think that's biblical at all. As I said a husband and wife together form a team, the husband may be the leader of the team but that doesn't mean he's any better than his wife. Certainly doesn't mean he can discipline her by any methods. He's only the leader because God decided a husband and wife team, like other teams, required a leader and appointed the husband to fulfill this role.

 

[WolfGate]

http://www.themarriagebed.com/dd.shtml

The link above goes to a good overview of the topic from one Christian viewpoint. Personally, I largely agree with the views in the link (that is, I don't think DD is the way God intended for the marriage relationship to be.)

 

[bliz]

Domestic discipline is a distortion of marriage with a weird sado/maschoistic thread thrown in. It is a perversion of what God intended.

 

[jazzbird]

I've read about this before, and I think it's disgusting and in no way biblical.

 

[gracefaith]

You discipline your children, not your wife. She is capable of reasoning and listening and is a PARTNER in the relationship, not a lesser member. Anyone who thinks that removing priviledges, spankings or time outs are effective ways of getting through to their spouse is either seriously incapable of handling an adult relationship or literally married to a child. Either way, there is something wrong with them.

 

[sara elizabeth]

That is totally weird! Marriage is a partnership, with the husband taking the leadership role. Discipline in a marriage should only come from God, not the other partner. I can only imagine the trauma this kind of a thing would cause.

 

[lovemysoldier]

"She (Eve) was not made out of his (Adam's) head to surpass him, nor from his feet to be trampled on, but from his side to be equal to him, and near his hear to be dear to him." -Jamieson, Faussett, and Brown

 

[Leanna]

No adult has the right to spank another adult. No husband has the right to punish his wife, that's ridiculous. My husband and I are equals. Men who do domestic punishment are just men with control issues

 

[Jenna]

I don't see anything that gives me the impression that a couple's choice to use DD is supported by Scripture. I think that what ever floats the folks boats, that is their deal. However, it is disturbing when people try and use the Bible to validate their choices, when it clearly doesn't do so.

 

[andiesmama]

I agree with those who have said that marriage is a partnership....like Starelda, I submit to my husband after we've discussed things and I've given all my "points" and information I may have on the subject. Sure, there are times when he makes a decision I may not totally agree with, but he's got the final say on things in our household.

As for the spanking, time outs, & etc....I think that's extreme and I'm not sure there's any where in the Bible that condones it. But like Jenna said...it may work for some people! Just not me!!

 

[hollymarie1122]

I also say my husband is the head of our home and makes the "final" decision but 99% of the time we come to that "final" choice together. My husband told me once, that Jesus said we (wifes) are to submit to them (husbands) but that Jesus also said that a husband is to treat his wife as Jesus treats his Church so if you think about it, it we submit to them (wife to husband) but they shouldn't and Cant' if they are doing it biblicly take advantage (of the wife) I am not sure if he found that in the bible or through his studies but I agree with it completly!

 

[desi]

For some reason I can't picture Adam sending Eve to the corner for enticing him to eat the apple. Maybe its just me.

 

[Cordy]

Since Adam was *WITH* Eve when she ate the fruit, he would have to send himself to the corner as well for being enticed *with* her not simply *by* her.

 

[Singin4Him]

I also say my husband is the head of our home and makes the "final" decision but 99% of the time we come to that "final" choice together. My husband told me once, that Jesus said we (wifes) are to submit to them (husbands) but that Jesus also said that a husband is to treat his wife as Jesus treats his Church so if you think about it, it we submit to them (wife to husband) but they shouldn't and Cant' if they are doing it biblicly take advantage (of the wife) I am not sure if he found that in the bible or through his studies but I agree with it completly!

Your husband was probably talking about this chapter in Ephesians, 5:22-33.

It says: 22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[b] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church– 30for we are members of his body. 31“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”[c] 32This is a profound mystery–but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

I completely believe that DD is totally unbiblical. If you read this chapter and many others in the Word especially the New Testament you will see that to be true. Every bit of anything having to do with marriage talks about loving, honoring, and respecting one another. You cannot do that with DD. That is some seriously messed up extreme ways of handling conflict in marriage.

 

[okiemommy26]

I totally agree with the others. I dont like that DD and if my husband every tried that with me I would laugh at him lol. Im sorry but im not going to be degraded like that. Im not a child and if one acts more like a child its him anyways lol but i love him for it.

 

[Mrs. Enigma]

I guess that we are a little different, because my husband removes priveledges and gives me time outs. He gives me rules and commands too. He is a very kind loving husband though, and loves me very much. I don't think you have to be a sado-[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] to discipline your children or to rule over your wife. My hussband tries to do what is best for me and our relationship, which may mean sending me to bed if I am overtired and mad,or taking away a privaledge if he thinks I am overdoing something or not being responsible. He does not beat me or slap me up, and it is not some sex thing.
I do not think that there is anything wrong with the amount of control he assumes. He is a Godly, faithful, dedicated husband. He is not wimpy at all, and does not let me control him at all. I like that. Sure, I do not enjoy my punishments, but if I act good I don't need to worry to much, do I??

 

[okiemommy26]

I guess that we are a little different, because my husband removes priveledges and gives me time outs. He gives me rules and commands too. He is a very kind loving husband though, and loves me very much. I don't think you have to be a sado-[bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] to discipline your children or to rule over your wife. My hussband tries to do what is best for me and our relationship, which may mean sending me to bed if I am overtired and mad,or taking away a privaledge if he thinks I am overdoing something or not being responsible. He does not beat me or slap me up, and it is not some sex thing.
I do not think that there is anything wrong with the amount of control he assumes. He is a Godly, faithful, dedicated husband. He is not wimpy at all, and does not let me control him at all. I like that. Sure, I do not enjoy my punishments, but if I act good I don't need to worry to much, do I??

I understand what you are saying but to me that would be too degrading. My husband is not my father, why should he punish me. Why your child i believe in discpline but when you are grown and in an adult relationship I expect to be treated like an adult and I treat my husband like an adult. He is the head of the household and we comprise and make decisions together but he always has the last say in it and he is the one supporting our family. I dont want my husband acting like a father too me. That isnt what a husband is for.

 

[andiesmama]

I agree with Okiemommy....I am in an adult relationship with my husband...if he tried to give me a time-out or take away any of my privileges...that would just simply not fly!!

We are on an equal emotional level....I personally feel that something like that would equate me as a child with my husband, rather than his adult wife. I (again)personally belive there are better ways of solving disagreements or in coming to terms with different views than punishing your spouse....in my marriage, anyways.

I totally respect, even if I don't quite understand, that there may be others with different ways of working things out.

 

[LegacyOfLove]

I don't know what rock I've been "hiding under" but until this post, I'd never heard of DD!! Personally, I would NEVER put up with my husband "disciplining" me...physically or otherwise. And if he ever laid a hand on me to hit me, it'd be the last time....scriptural or not....I will not tolerate domestic abuse/violence...but, hey...that's just my opinion. I believe the wife is her husband's partner and helper. Sure, he is the head and is responsible ultimately to guide his family, but he also is to love his wife the way Jesus loves the church. And he is to care for her as he cares for his own body (and do these DD husbands therefore spank themselves??). That "discipline" makes no sense to me, biblically speaking or otherwise. I think there is a fine line sometimes between those who appreciate how God intended wives to be "submissive" and those who use those same scriptures to further their own selfish & controlling ways. Being "controlling" often leads to abuse: verbal, emotional, physical & spiritual. Certainly, that is not something God would want for any marriage!