My mother, who is a spiritual woman, has always talked about God's free will with humanity. One of the things she talks about is how some people have children that they weren't really supposed to have, which is part of God's "free will". So my question is this: Does God even care about the children who weren't really supposed to be brought into this world? Does he even cover their life? Does he even love them? I just don't see why I should follow a God who doesn't love certain people who weren't supposed to be brought into the world, but "they're here anyways", as my mother puts it. My grandmother is a minister, and I don't know about her views and beliefs on this subject matter.
My uncle is an example of this. His father isn't exactly a good person, and he has some bad genes that were passed down to him. So as a result, he doesn't act right sometimes. My mother has even said that "his mother should have aborted him when she had the chance", and that "some people really do have demon children". I feel like I'm mildly one of those children, since my depression started back in 2019 when my stepfather moved in with me and my mom, and he started to "toughen" me up since I was having attitudes left and right, even with my own mother. It was a really rough process, and it started my depression and suicidal ideation. It did make me tougher, and I stopped having attitudes, but I feel like that was one of the prices I had to pay for being my dad's son. Even my stepfather picked on me for being my dad's son a few times. He doesn't do it anymore though.
I was 15 at the time, which isn't an excuse, but yeah. My dad said that he had a lot of attitudes as well, and I feel like God is punishing me for being my father's son. My grandmother hates my dad since she had to watch her own daughter suffer mentally at the hands of him. He wasn't abusive in any way, but he left me and my mom when I was 2, when caused my mother great stress since she had to work at night-shift corporate jobs.
It really makes me not even want to be alive anymore, since what's the point of living life when I'm already a mistake, and I feel like God views me as one of those "mistake" children, like my uncle. I don't know, can anyone shed some light on this so I know the decision I have to make in the near future? Because if it isn't meant for me to be alive, then I might as well do what I have to do.
"Beloved, you were made for Me, created for love’s purpose. I created you in My image, and gave you My breath, My life. Therefore, this is life: I AM HE!...
Beloved, you worry, yet I AM HE. You weep, yet I AM HE. You stumble, yet I AM HE. Your hearts tear and break over all these sorrows, yet I AM HE. You struggle and are in turmoil, you feel lost, yet I AM HE. You grasp at the wind and have no understanding, yet I AM HE. You are persecuted by those you love, yet I AM HE. The world hates you, yet I AM HE. Everything you have is passing away, yet I AM HE. Death comes to take you into darkness, yet I AM HE!
Do you not understand?! I AM ENOUGH! -
The One who sees, The One who knows...
No matter the time or the season,
In every moment of your life, I AM HE!...
Says The Lord."
Excerpt from: I AM HE - The Volumes of Truth
Come, Love Awaits You
Come, all those who know not My ways; I will show you.
Come, all those who have been abandoned;
I will comfort you and give you shelter.
Come, all those who are crippled;
Let us run and leap for joy together!
Come, all those faithless;
I shall fill your cup, and watch how it overflows!
Come, all murderers;
Watch Me raise you, and all who sleep, from the grave.
Come, all you who blaspheme, I will give you a new voice;
Bring with you all those who are blind and deaf,
For they too shall see and hear!
Indeed, come all those who have sinned against Me, take My hand!
I will lead you to the waters where I shall wash you,
And where your new clothes hang upon the tree
Which grows next to the stream...
Come one, come all! Ask, and it shall be given you!
For all things are possible with God
And made manifest through The Son...
Says The Lord YahuShua.
Source:
Words To Live By: Part One - The Volumes of Truth