Hi! I’m a mother of 3 and I have a 16 (turning 17 in a few weeks time) year old daughter. I’ve always taught my kids and brought them up with strong Christian values: teaching them between wrong and right and important lessons from the Bible. My husband, two kids, I go to church every day but my daughter hasn’t been going neither has she been going to youth group (I found out she had been lying to me about youth group).
Until we left our parents' home, we followed their rules. Period. No skipping church, no avoiding Youth Group, no tucking into a meal without first giving thanks to God, no swearing, no contravention of any of the rules our parents instituted. When we were fully independent, fully responsible for ourselves, then we could set our own rules. This still seems entirely reasonable to me.
I've seen children test the boundaries their parents have set, marking how serious their parents are about the various rules of the household. Their testing was as much - or more - about discovering what was really important to their parents and what was not. By caving on a rule when the pressure was on, parents revealed to their kids that the rule was not important. Convenient, maybe; useful practically, perhaps; but not
really important. And so, they pressed even harder against it, often finally dissolving it entirely, eager to see what other rules might be dissolved.
We raised a big stink about some things, as kids. My Dad endured a great deal of resistance to his rules. But only to a point. There was a line we all understood clearly we could not cross without serious repercussions. I remember coming home late one night to find the place entirely shut and locked. I didn't dare rouse the house trying to get in, so I spent the night (a summer night) outside in the yard, sleeping. Once, coming home late, I tried to sneak in a bedroom window only to find my Dad waiting and very angry. I didn't do that again. Anyway, fuss as we did about the rules, as adults we look back and admire and appreciate the determination of our parents to maintain them, seeing in their iron resolve what was really important to them - and important to us, too, as their children.
I recently found out she’s been seeing a boy, a Muslim Algerian Arab boy for that matter. She’s been sneaking off to be with him and lying about being at sleepovers and after school activities to spend time with him. I found out from certain people that they’ve been seeing each other of a while and they’ve even been having a sexual relationship. This made me furious since we taught all my kids about remaining chaste, the dangers of temptation, and basic Sex Ed.
Anger seems appropriate - providing it comes out of a concern for honoring God and in recognition of the danger of sin.
I’m fuming even writing this, I don’t think I can look at my little girl the same way.
Nope. She's a little girl no longer - at least, sexually. Her decision to be sexual outside of marriage clearly demonstrates her spiritual and psychological immaturity, though. She probably doesn't understand the Muslim attitude toward non-Muslims that permits her to be used purely as a sexual object by her Muslim boyfriend, thrown aside when she is no longer useful or interesting sexually. Infidels are dogs in the Muslim view, as she may soon find out.
I’m worried she’ll lose what’s left of her Christian faith, what if she converts to Islam or even gets pregnant with a child who would grow up in a non-Christian environment. I’m scared this Muslim boy is going to give her ideas that throw her fathers and I’s values out of the window. What should I do?
The problem isn't that she's throwing off your values but that her sin cuts her off from knowing and enjoying God. Her sin will also, God promises, produce corruption and death of various kinds. Death of fellowship with God, first of all, which means the loss of the joy, peace, grace, love and so on that He is, and death of relationships, of inner stability, of purity, and so on. This is the terrible cost of following the line she has with her rebellion and sin and why you ought to do all that you can to prevent her from following it further.
Romans 6:23
23 For the wages of sin is death...
Romans 8:6
6 For to be carnally minded is death...
James 1:14-15
14 But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.
15 Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.
Galatians 6:7-8
7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap.
8 For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption...
1 Peter 3:10-12
10 For “Whoever desires to love life and see good days, let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit;
11 let him turn away from evil and do good; let him seek peace and pursue it.
12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are open to their prayer. But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.”
I’m scared this Muslim boy is going to give her ideas that throw her fathers and I’s values out of the window. What should I do?
Lay down the law. Ultimatum time: She knocks off the sin and yields to your authority, or she takes up fully the responsibility for her life and lives on her own. If she's old enough to mess around sexually, she's old enough to attend to the other aspects of her life, too. She won't be nearly as keen, I think, to fornicate with her boyfriend when she has to get a job, pay for rent, get her own groceries, do her own laundry, pay for utilities, clothe herself, and so on.
What should I do? I can’t believe this is happening, I feel so lost, my husband thinks we should send her away so she be far from that boy but there’s always communication through social media. What should I do, I’m worried for my daughter.
Before anything else, pray. And pray some more. She needs a meeting with God, who alone has the power to deal with her right at the heart of who she is, convicting and changing her. Examine yourselves, as well. It does little good to plead with God about your daughter when your own lives are not being lived in daily submission to His will and way.
James 4:8-10
8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
9 Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.
10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.
1 John 1:9
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Romans 12:1
1 I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.
Your daughter needs to know she's crossed a very serious line but not because you've got mad, but because you will not give a fraction of an inch to her rebellion and sin. Because you love her and want to protect her from death, you would not yield in the slightest to her taking poison. So, too, with the poison of sin. You must not yield to her living one more minute in sin, not because you resent her rejection of your authority, but because her sin will bring her to death and you want to protect her from that death.
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