coed christian roommates

[guidobambino]

Hello,

So I live in New York (right above Manhattan), and because of work I am trying to find roommates to live in NYC with. I am a Christian, so naturally I'd like to live with other believers. After all, he who walks with the wise becomes wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. However, as many of you know, there are far more women attending church than men, and, as this especially the case in NYC, it is increasingly difficult to find any male roommates. So when I reach out to women who post listings on the church website, they always decline saying they want christian females only.

Here's my question for discussion -- is this not unloving? Remember, the Bible shows us great examples of women who meet the needs of the men serving the ministry of God. Mary and Martha let Jesus stay at their home, and Lydia housed the disciples in Acts.

I'm not at all saying people are obligated to live with me. But I'm curious of other people's opinions. To just dismiss me because I'm male without even talking to me or anything, I think, is unloving. That is, if the tables were turned I would not do that to a man, especially knowing how few Christian men there are in this city that he could live with. Otherwise, he's left to live among the wolves

 

[Aeneas]

Hello,

So I live in New York (right above Manhattan), and because of work I am trying to find roommates to live in NYC with. I am a Christian, so naturally I'd like to live with other believers. After all, he who walks with the wise becomes wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. However, as many of you know, there are far more women attending church than men, and, as this especially the case in NYC, it is increasingly difficult to find any male roommates. So when I reach out to women who post listings on the church website, they always decline saying they want christian females only.

Here's my question for discussion -- is this not unloving? Remember, the Bible shows us great examples of women who meet the needs of the men serving the ministry of God. Mary and Martha let Jesus stay at their home, and Lydia housed the disciples in Acts.

I'm not at all saying people are obligated to live with me. But I'm curious of other people's opinions. To just dismiss me because I'm male without even talking to me or anything, I think, is unloving. That is, if the tables were turned I would not do that to a man, especially knowing how few Christian men there are in this city that he could live with. Otherwise, he's left to live among the wolves

It is hardly unloving, they simply don't feel like getting into a stupid situation with you, and since you are both adults, assume you can figure that out for yourself.

 

[Brooklyn Knight]

I could understand the hesitation, it being weird. Usually, when one guy and one gal live together...you get the point. Probably wouldn't be too much of a hassle if there were more than two people in an apartment. My first apartment was with a brother and sister living together. Still friends til this day.

 

[Aeneas]

I could understand the hesitation, it being weird. Usually, when one guy and one gal live together...you get the point. Probably wouldn't be too much of a hassle if there were more than two people in an apartment. My first apartment was with a brother and sister living together. Still friends til this day.

Expanding on this, the girls probably don't want to have to deal with everyone assuming you are sleeping together. Just find a male roommate. Seriously. It isn't impossible.

 

[SnowyMacie]

Most women would not feel comfortable living with a strange man to them, and I understand that. I would not feel comfortable living with a woman I did not know.

Basically, its not loving versus unloving but a matter of their own comfort and preferences.

 

[Brooklyn Knight]

Expanding on this, the girls probably don't want to have to deal with everyone assuming you are sleeping together. Just find a male roommate. Seriously. It isn't impossible.

There are also other factors that come into play: Locale, rent, utilities, space, etc.

 

[Ukrainia]

I think they're just being wise. You may be a great guy with only pure intentions, but in New York City the most intelligent assumption is that a guy who wants to room with a girl is looking for something a little more than Christian fellowship. And like Aeneas said, even if they met you and liked you as a friend, their is the chance that a relationship could develop and you would both be placed in an awkward position. The safest thing for a girl is to find someone of her own gender. Also I find it very hard to believe you're trying your best to find a male roomate. Their are millions of people around you and even if just 5% were Christians that leaves plenty of options to find a male roomate.

 

[broken_one]

So you live in the Bronx, and you're looking for Christian roommates for a place in the city.

Legit, just find a male roommate. Not very hard to find.

 

[K9_Trainer]

Never mind the problems some have with lust or appearance of sin, think of this from a woman's perspective. Is it really wise for a single woman to move into a house or other living arrangement with a strange man or a man they don't know well? That would be ridiculously stupid for a young woman to do, whether said man claims to be a christian or not. It's nothing personal against you, but women do have to take extra precautions to make sure they dont become a victim everywhere they go, every day. You can't really blame them for being unwilling to move in with you because of your sex. Most men who want female roommates don't have good intentions. The women who declined your offer are simply looking out for themselves.

I'm a non believer and I wouldn't even do such a thing. Nothing against male room mates, but I need to be good friends with them first.

 

[Aeneas]

I have no idea why the OP is only searching his church classifieds for roommates. I promise that males from other churches or even (gasp!) non-Christians won't eat you alive.

 

[Keri]

My best roommates were two guys. 5 bedroom house, they lived upstairs, I lived downstairs. We all shared the living areas. They were the cleanest, nicest, most respectful guys. They were not Christians, but they were awesome none-the-less.

 

[twnsrkr]

Coed sleeping arrangements are not biblically correct. Strange men did not sleep among household women.

 

[acropolis]

I interpret it not so much as unloving, but as recognizing the potential problems and danger represented by having an unknown man have access to your living space as a woman. They have every right to take precaution against a real threat to their safety.

 

[elenore]

The bible tells us to 'avoid the appearance of evil'. That can be hard to do with a guy/girl living together.

(plus what everyone else has said.) no christian female owes you anything.

 

[Lord Of The Forest]

I agree with Aeneas' posts.

 

[Blank123]

its not unloving. its wise. When I start my roommate search, I'll be looking for women, not men.

frankly... the guy who gets bent out of shape because a woman does not want to live with him... it seems selfish and a little on the creepy side. Those women have every right to deny you as a roommate without their motives being questioned. Stop taking it personally and move on.

 

[Aeneas]

its not unloving. its wise. When I start my roommate search, I'll be looking for women, not men.

frankly... the guy who gets bent out of shape because a woman does not want to live with him... it seems selfish and a little on the creepy side.

^^Going with this

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Don't expect trust from women you don't know. I'd be miffed for being presumed a would-be rapist, but it's a logical conclusion on the part of the woman.

As far as "don't take the appearance of evil." it's not wrong to room with a lady. You're not cohabiting gf/bf.. just roommates. If you don't "sin", you're good by God no matter what. Tell them to stop assuming the worst of you.

frankly... the guy who gets bent out of shape because a woman does not want to live with him... it seems selfish and a little on the creepy side.

He's just frustrated. Cut him some slack.

 

[broken_one]

@Alex: the implication is there.

 

[Apollo Celestio]

Coed sleeping arrangements are not biblically correct. Strange men did not sleep among household women.

Household women were wives. And sometimes people have strangers in their house.

@Sean, I get it. I just wouldn't care.