Celibacy and children - what do?

[Grace Ndabananiye]

Hi there, I am a 20 (soon to be 21) year old woman, and feel like God is calling to celibacy. At first, I was ok with the idea (oddly enough), and still to an extent am ok with it now. However, my main worry or thing I struggle with is the idea of having (or not having) children. Part of me yearns to be a mother one day, and when this thought of celibacy came around, I thought that maybe I could adopt. I'm still considering this option, however I don't know whether that would ok since I'm aware the ideal adoption would be with a married couple, and am doubting it would be theologically sound.
Does anyone have any advice on this, also is there anyone else in a similar situation in anyway?

 

[com7fy8]

Well, Grace . . . welcome to Christian Forums; God bless you about this, how He is able to bless and so satisfy you

The first thing I think of is I would hope you would have a partner to help you with bringing up your adopted child. And it would be good for the partner and you to be an example to the child, of how to relate in love. So, I think it would be needed to have a partner.

And a man could be good, since then your child could have your example of how to relate in marriage

So-o-o, Grace You can see how my logic kind of leads to marriage, for you.

But I suppose you could adopt someone who is older and disciple the person. But it might be right to have a female if you are going to live single with an older child. You might find out who is a faithful and proven young adult. And the person would come of age, in not too much time, and then you might be adult partners in some ministry.

Best of all, pray. Trust God, how our Heavenly Father is able and has such a perfect plan for you, with very good surprises of so more and better than whatever we can think, now. But details could be the same, how maybe He could give you a child but how it works could be so better than we could think and expect, now.

I think if you were ministering with a missionary group with orphans, for example, then you could partner with others in the missionary ministry, so you could bring up the child together.

Also, it is very important to have mature and seasoned seniors who lead by example, so they can feed you their example while you all labor with one another. And your child, if you did adopt, could have senior mature Christians as well has having you so caring for your child.

Or, labor with an orphans ministry, and have all of them, not picking any one out But in case you have your own adopted child, she can be with you at home if that is away from the orphans, and she can go with you to help with the orphans. It could be good to have someone who has lived with you and has been brought up by you so she can help to spread this to the orphans or other children being attended to by a ministry.

In any case, I would say you care, and so God has a very special creative plan for you . . . along with your other Jesus family people with whom He will have you sharing > it will not be you by yourself. And now you have us and we have you, also

 

[ValleyGal]

I guess my question is what would make it theologically unsound?

Single parents have been raising children likely since Cain killed Abel - who may or may not have had a wife and children by that time. Chances are, though, he did.

If you raise your child(ren) to live godly principles, and to know him as their saviour, then I personally don't see a problem with it.

 

[Sketcher]

If you did this, you would essentially become a single mother on purpose. Are you sure that's a load that you can carry financially and also in terms of time and energy? For the rest of your life?

 

[Grace Ndabananiye]

Thank you so much for this reply, and it has given me really good ideas, as well as some peace in this subject. I am going to make sure I pray, because I want to be a good servant and do what he wants. However, I am also very happy with these ideas, as I like have possible ways of doing something as it gives me ease and the thought I'm not cornered into one option or path. So, again thank you so much for this, and God bless you!

Grace x

Well, Grace . . . welcome to Christian Forums; God bless you about this, how He is able to bless and so satisfy you

The first thing I think of is I would hope you would have a partner to help you with bringing up your adopted child. And it would be good for the partner and you to be an example to the child, of how to relate in love. So, I think it would be needed to have a partner.

And a man could be good, since then your child could have your example of how to relate in marriage

So-o-o, Grace You can see how my logic kind of leads to marriage, for you.

But I suppose you could adopt someone who is older and disciple the person. But it might be right to have a female if you are going to live single with an older child. You might find out who is a faithful and proven young adult. And the person would come of age, in not too much time, and then you might be adult partners in some ministry.

Best of all, pray. Trust God, how our Heavenly Father is able and has such a perfect plan for you, with very good surprises of so more and better than whatever we can think, now. But details could be the same, how maybe He could give you a child but how it works could be so better than we could think and expect, now.

I think if you were ministering with a missionary group with orphans, for example, then you could partner with others in the missionary ministry, so you could bring up the child together.

Also, it is very important to have mature and seasoned seniors who lead by example, so they can feed you their example while you all labor with one another. And your child, if you did adopt, could have senior mature Christians as well has having you so caring for your child.

Or, labor with an orphans ministry, and have all of them, not picking any one out But in case you have your own adopted child, she can be with you at home if that is away from the orphans, and she can go with you to help with the orphans. It could be good to have someone who has lived with you and has been brought up by you so she can help to spread this to the orphans or other children being attended to by a ministry.

In any case, I would say you care, and so God has a very special creative plan for you . . . along with your other Jesus family people with whom He will have you sharing > it will not be you by yourself. And now you have us and we have you, also

 

[Grace Ndabananiye]

I guess my question is what would make it theologically unsound?

Single parents have been raising children likely since Cain killed Abel - who may or may not have had a wife and children by that time. Chances are, though, he did.

If you raise your child(ren) to live godly principles, and to know him as their saviour, then I personally don't see a problem with it.

Thank you for this, and is also something I thought. But its was more the idea that God created both man and women, in which together (in marriage) is where they have children. So in that way, it could be said, that God wouldn't want to done by just one person. Even though, I think that just raising them under Godly principles, and knowing God as their father, that, in the case where they don't have parents, that would be enough. However, I couldn't shift the view of maybe this isn't right, and as a young and naive woman, who wants to be obedient and doing God's will, I just needed to ask for advice.

So yes, thank you for this comment, and God Bless!

 

[Grace Ndabananiye]

If you did this, you would essentially become a single mother on purpose. Are you sure that's a load that you can carry financially and also in terms of time and energy? For the rest of your life?

For me, if I become certain/sure that it was right for me to adopt the child, I would put in the time to make sure, I become financially able and prepared for being a single mother. I know it would be difficult, but it is something I am prepared to do. In my mind, if I am able to support a child, both with finances and everything else, I would be fully prepared to but in the hard work. Because I want to adopt because of my heart, not my body or mind (if that makes sense).

But thank you for this question. Because it is a thought that I need to keep in my mind and not forget; the fact that this will be difficult. So I thank you so much, and God Bless!

 

[Sketcher]

For me, if I become certain/sure that it was right for me to adopt the child, I would put in the time to make sure, I become financially able and prepared for being a single mother. I know it would be difficult, but it is something I am prepared to do. In my mind, if I am able to support a child, both with finances and everything else, I would be fully prepared to but in the hard work. Because I want to adopt because of my heart, not my body or mind (if that makes sense).

But thank you for this question. Because it is a thought that I need to keep in my mind and not forget; the fact that this will be difficult. So I thank you so much, and God Bless!

How many single mothers do you know? Have you talked to any of them about this?

 

[ValleyGal]

I was a single mom for all of my son's life. I was married to his father who then accused me of having an affair - even though I didn't. I went to school and got a job in healthcare. I provided a good, stable home where he knew he was loved and respected. When I could no longer perform nursing duties, I went back to college to get a degree so I could continue to support him. I did, and I still do, support him - though now mostly emotionally since he has an income. My son's struggles in life are not the result of single parenting.

BTW, my son's father was not involved. At all. No financial support, no visits, nothing. I did it all on my own. It was challenging at times, and sometimes overwhelming challenging, but raising him has been absolutely one of the most rewarding and worthwhile things I've ever done, and today he is a terrific young man with a great sense of humour and undying loyalty to those he loves.

The best things in life often cost the most. The times of greatest growth demanded the most attention and painful learning... same with raising a child. It will cost a lot of headache, heartache, worry, attention, care, financial cost/burden, time... but what is your reward? A young adult who is not only a contributing member of society, but hopefully also one who also care for you into your old age and carry on your legacy of faith in Jesus.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

Hi there, I am a 20 (soon to be 21) year old woman, and feel like God is calling to celibacy.
How is this being made known to you?

At first, I was ok with the idea (oddly enough), and still to an extent am ok with it now. However, my main worry or thing I struggle with is the idea of having (or not having) children. Part of me yearns to be a mother one day, and when this thought of celibacy came around, I thought that maybe I could adopt. I'm still considering this option, however I don't know whether that would ok since I'm aware the ideal adoption would be with a married couple, and am doubting it would be theologically sound.
Does anyone have any advice on this, also is there anyone else in a similar situation in anyway?

Nowadays all kinds be adopting...same sex couples(not married), same sex couples(who are married), single ladies, single men and of course married couples(man/woman).
Now if are in another country, you should check with
the adoption places in your country to find out what their rules are.

A christian friend of ours, who never married, adopted a couple of children and raised them, his mom served as their mother-type role model/grandmother.

Someone else I know took on being a foster parent, she didn't adopt any children but she enjoyed helping children who were caught in tough situations...many of them visit her and even provide for her since she is now elderly and lives on a fixed income.

While I was single, I was a Big Sister to two young girls who lived in my community. I was a Big Sister to them for nearly three years before I married
and moved away.
I don't have any children of my own but the man I married does and from them
we have a truckload of grand babies.
I would of liked to of adopted a child but circumstances prevented it.

 

[Grace Ndabananiye]

How many single mothers do you know? Have you talked to any of them about this?

Whilst I do know some single mothers, I haven't spoken to them about this, or anyone in this matter.

Just so you know, the revelation that I should be celibate was very recent, but as I'm prone to, when the idea popped into my head, I felt the need to think deeply and practically about it. Point is, I am no where near the place in time where I would actually adopt children.
I'm 20 at the moment, I'm studying at University, I don't have a full time job, living with my parents and know that God has a long plan for me before I could consider the option. Hence I haven't, spoken to single mothers on how this would effect me. But I will (and through this forum I have and might continue to do)
I just wanted to know if this idea would be right to do, not if its possible. If I can calm my conscience with the idea that this would be ok, then I would carry on with this hope. If I couldn't, I would just have to get over it. I have many other options, which others in that chat have mentioned.
So I just want to have the answer for my heart and minds sake. If I then believe that the concept of adopting a child as a single, celibate, woman is ok or not wrong, then, and probably close to the time of when I'm actually planning to adopt, I will see if its possible or if I could do it.

Now I hope that made sense, and I'm sorry for the paragraphs, I just wanted to make sure you understood fully where I was coming from.

 

[Grace Ndabananiye]

I was a single mom for all of my son's life. I was married to his father who then accused me of having an affair - even though I didn't. I went to school and got a job in healthcare. I provided a good, stable home where he knew he was loved and respected. When I could no longer perform nursing duties, I went back to college to get a degree so I could continue to support him. I did, and I still do, support him - though now mostly emotionally since he has an income. My son's struggles in life are not the result of single parenting.

BTW, my son's father was not involved. At all. No financial support, no visits, nothing. I did it all on my own. It was challenging at times, and sometimes overwhelming challenging, but raising him has been absolutely one of the most rewarding and worthwhile things I've ever done, and today he is a terrific young man with a great sense of humour and undying loyalty to those he loves.

The best things in life often cost the most. The times of greatest growth demanded the most attention and painful learning... same with raising a child. It will cost a lot of headache, heartache, worry, attention, care, financial cost/burden, time... but what is your reward? A young adult who is not only a contributing member of society, but hopefully also one who also care for you into your old age and carry on your legacy of faith in Jesus.

First of all I would just like to say well done and thank you for the hard work and difficulties you must have went to; to then bring you your child. So God Bless and I hope you will continue to have strength in Christ.

I also thank you for giving me insight, or maybe glimpse, into your life as a single mother, as this is very helpful for me to know and consider all the possible difficulties that come with being a single mother but also the possible out come. I will definitely remember this for when I'm at the time where I am planning to adopt. So I thank you deeply

 

[Grace Ndabananiye]

Nowadays all kinds be adopting...same sex couples(not married), same sex couples(who are married), single ladies, single men and of course married couples(man/woman).
Now if are in another country, you should check with
the adoption places in your country to find out what their rules are.

A christian friend of ours, who never married, adopted a couple of children and raised them, his mom served as their mother-type role model/grandmother.

Someone else I know took on being a foster parent, she didn't adopt any children but she enjoyed helping children who were caught in tough situations...many of them visit her and even provide for her since she is now elderly and lives on a fixed income.

While I was single, I was a Big Sister to two young girls who lived in my community. I was a Big Sister to them for nearly three years before I married
and moved away.
I don't have any children of my own but the man I married does and from them
we have a truckload of grand babies.
I would of liked to of adopted a child but circumstances prevented it.

For the first bit, as someone who live in the UK, I know it is legally possible for almost anyone to adopt. But that's not my concern, and whilst its useful to know what the law is concerning this in my and other countries, I'm more concerned what God would think and if it would be right for me to do.
Additionally, thank you for these examples of people adopting (in their way) and fostering and thank you for sharing your experience as a Big Sister in your community. I really am thankful, because it has given me more options into having/looking after children without being their biological mother. It really gives me hope, so again thank you.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

You know...I forgot to mention about Mordecai who "adopted" Hadassah/Esther and raised her as his own child...Pharaoh's daughter brought up Moses...no mention of her having a husband in the Bible that I could find.

 

[Grace Ndabananiye]

You know...I forgot to mention about Mordecai who "adopted" Hadassah/Esther and raised her as his own child...Pharaoh's daughter brought up Moses...no mention of her having a husband in the Bible that I could find.

Ok thank you for those references. This has given me hope that there are examples of single parents/guardians raising children well. Thank you!