Baptist joke

[jsimms615]

This is a true story:
My mom goes to an exercise class in her neighborhood and she was telling one of the other ladies that her son is a Baptist minister. The lady replied, "That's great because you know the Baptists were the first Christians." My mother (who is Methodist) doesn't know what this lady is talking about, so she says "What do you mean?" The other lady says, "Well, you know, John the Baptist, he was the first Baptist. That was way before anybody else."
The scary thing is is she was serious.


My mom and dad had just dropped me off at the airport early Sunday and then went to a early lunch. When they got to their seat at the restuarant, she said to my dad, "Well, at least we beat the Baptist here this time."
Another lady at the next table turned around and said, "Oh no you didn't either."

Jeff

 

[IisJustMe]

This is NOT a true story. At least I hope its not.

New arrivals in heaven are being given a tour by Jesus. He takes them down the long, ornate, absolutely gorgeous hallway. He points to a huge room on the right and says, "This is where the Presbyterians fellowship." They go on down the hallway a bit further, and Jesus points to a room on the left, saying. "This is where the Assembly of God fellowships." A bit further along, He points to another room on the right, saying, "The Catholics fellowship here." This goes on for several minutes, Jesus pointing to rooms where various denominations fellowship. Finally, He gets to the end of the hallway and points to a room rather isolated, with partitions and sound proof baffles separating it from the main hallway.

"This room," He says, "you must be very quiet when passing. This is where the Southern Baptists fellowship, and they think they're the only ones here."

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Old joke. So sue me!

 

[RichardT]

He points to another room on the right, saying, "The Catholics fellowship here."

.....

 

[JPPT1974]

:d :d

 

[Aquamarine81]

Southern Baptist here, and these are quite funny!

 

[IisJustMe]

Baptist pastor, Catholic priest, Jewish rabbi, fishing from a bass boat several yards from shore. Baptist pastor casts, and the hook catches his fishing hat, carrying it way out into the center of the lake. He calmly lays down his rod, climbs over the side of the boat, walks out to his hat, puts it on, and walks back to resume fishing. Priest says and does nothing. Rabbi is amazed, but too self-conscious of his Jewish faith next to his Christian friends to say anything.

Few minutes later, priest notices they're out of bottled water, so he climbs over the side, walks ashore where they left a big cooler, grabs an armful of bottles, walks back to the boat and resumes fishing. Pastor says and does nothing. Rabbi is just as amazed, and just as self-conscious, as before.

A few minutes later, the rabbi feels the urge to relieve himself. He looks cautiously around, glancing ashore, and at his Christian friends, then finally lays aside his fishing rod, climbs over the side of the boat ...

... and rapidly sinks to the bottom of the lake. Gasping for air, he breaks the surface and sheepishly hauls himself back into the boat. But he still needs to 'go.' So, a few minutes later, now stung with angst over his inability to do as his Christian friends did, he again lays aside his rod, climbs over the side ...

... and rapidly sinks to the bottom of the lake. The pastor turns to the priest and says, "Maybe we ought to tell him about the rocks."

 

[country]

Those were good.

 

[VT_Boy]

 

[Erinwilcox]

Baptist pastor, Catholic priest, Jewish rabbi, fishing from a bass boat several yards from shore. Baptist pastor casts, and the hook catches his fishing hat, carrying it way out into the center of the lake. He calmly lays down his rod, climbs over the side of the boat, walks out to his hat, puts it on, and walks back to resume fishing. Priest says and does nothing. Rabbi is amazed, but too self-conscious of his Jewish faith next to his Christian friends to say anything.

Few minutes later, priest notices they're out of bottled water, so he climbs over the side, walks ashore where they left a big cooler, grabs an armful of bottles, walks back to the boat and resumes fishing. Pastor says and does nothing. Rabbi is just as amazed, and just as self-conscious, as before.

A few minutes later, the rabbi feels the urge to relieve himself. He looks cautiously around, glancing ashore, and at his Christian friends, then finally lays aside his fishing rod, climbs over the side of the boat ...

... and rapidly sinks to the bottom of the lake. Gasping for air, he breaks the surface and sheepishly hauls himself back into the boat. But he still needs to 'go.' So, a few minutes later, now stung with angst over his inability to do as his Christian friends did, he again lays aside his rod, climbs over the side ...

... and rapidly sinks to the bottom of the lake. The pastor turns to the priest and says, "Maybe we ought to tell him about the rocks."

That was great! I'm sure you've heard the one about the woman at the bar who turned Baptist. . .

 

[JPPT1974]

Very funny indeed! Keep up the jokes!