at what age did you start disciplining your baby?

[shainamsu]

i know that this has probably been discussed on here before, but i was just wondering.

shiloh is seven months old now and i know that she's testing her limits. what i'm not sure about is whether or not i should correct her and/or how i should do it. the most i've ever done with her is grab her hand to stop her from doing something and sternly tell her "no." since i've never really done this before, i'm not sure that she even knows what this means. i want to make sure that i correct her in a useful, loving way, but i don't want to get onto her if, according to her development, it won't do any good anyway.

just wondering what your experiences were.

 

[andiesmama]

sounds like you're doing just the right thing!! Consistency is the key, remember....don't tell her "no" one time & then let it slide the next. Also, say "no" AND re-direct her to something appropriate....that way she'll learn what's OK, not only what's NOT....

 

[Leanna]

I found this on babycenter:

"The fact is, at this age your baby may begin testing your authority by refusing to follow your directions or entreaties. He's not really being disobedient or willful — he's just curious. Keep in mind that he also simply can't remember things for more than a couple of seconds at a time. The best tactic is to use a simple no, then distract him. "
http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/baby/babydevelopment/724.html

I bolded the part I think is important-- the short term memory is not so good. Imagine your little girl has like mega ADD, you say no and she thinks "oh... ok mommy.... heeey look at that thing!" and has already forgotten.

Redirection and distraction is simply key, move her away from things she shouldn't have, give her something else cool to play with, but it took David like hundreds of times before he would leave some things alone because every day he would discover them again.

 

[GolfingMom]

I'm not a parent who covered or removed items...I just kept simply reminding my child not to touch and it didn't take a long time to learn...they picked up on it quickly...
As for "disciplining"...I started a little before 1.

 

[Leanna]

I'm not a parent who covered or removed items...I just kept simply reminding my child not to touch and it didn't take a long time to learn...they picked up on it quickly...
As for "disciplining"...I started a little before 1.

Spoken like a true parent who's never had a spirited child

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

I'm not a parent who covered or removed items...I just kept simply reminding my child not to touch and it didn't take a long time to learn...they picked up on it quickly...
As for "disciplining"...I started a little before 1.

Same here My daughter may be a little something or other a lot of the time but this has really worked and worked like a charm with my son too. It has to do with setting boundaries at a young age. I like that I can go places and not worry about them being babyproof because we've already set the boundaries there.

I also started 'disciplining' before the age of one with both my children.

 

[GolfingMom]

Same here My daughter may be a little something or other a lot of the time but this has really worked and worked like a charm with my son too. It has to do with setting boundaries at a young age. I like that I can go places and not worry about them being babyproof because we've already set the boundaries there.

I also started 'disciplining' before the age of one with both my children.

You hit the nail on the head. My youngest is very stubborn and his hands go everywhere however, he's learned and is continuing to learn what's acceptable and what isn't. I like going to grandma's house and not having to remove EVERYTHING for fear that they'll break somthing etc.
Also...I have candy out and cookies accessable and it is a VERY rare occassion that they'll take something w/o asking...they've learned...!

 

[GolfingMom]

Spoken like a true parent who's never had a spirited child

huh? You've never met my youngest...

 

[Stan53]

I want to throw a bit in here. Make a distinguision between discipline and training. Training should come before discipline.
We train our children to do this or not do that. The mistake we made with Michele was in not being consistant enough with the training. And we are paying for that now. At age 7 months I would think I would be training not disciplining. Once we have trained then I can discipline. Training is teaching, correct me if I am wrong, and discipline is correct for what they know is wrong. At 7 months a baby will have no idea of what is expected of them. We reacted, whereas we should have been proactive. Another mistake we made was in having some idea of what Michele did and did not understand. She understood a lot more than we realised. We didn't start in earnest with Michele until she was well over 12 months old. By that stage we were very frustrated and so tended to react. This is not a good way to go. Better to train and train and train and train and train and train and train. But then we learn a lot with our first don't we.
"Keep in mind that he also simply can't remember things for more than a couple of seconds at a time. The best tactic is to use a simple no, then distract him. "
The above quote is very correct. This child is just learning. He has no idea what is allowed and what is not. He has to be taught this. It is an easy mistake to make.

 

[RoseofLima]

So in this thread it sounds like some are using 'disciplining' as code word for spanking?

I begin disciplining my child right after birth as we begin to nurse and I have to pop her off and relatch her properly. To me discipline is loving guidance with the goal of restoring right relationship within our family. Sometimes that loving guidance means withholding things that people want, or desire to do or see (think Moses and the Promised Land).

I don't see what the big error is in removing some breakable things, etc out of baby's reach--to me that sounds prudent- as well as covering outlets. We also simply put hair rubber bands around the handles of our cabinets, so that baby can't get in them. The reality is that I can't be everywhere at once. And if baby is playing in the living room while I am doing dishes, I simply CAN"T redirect her if she goes for an outlet. Somehow my kids can all function in non-child friendly environments. I don't know I see that our house is their home, too--and we try to strike a balance between adult and child friendly.

I personally at that age limit the use of the word "No."....and say rather things like "Not for baby...this is for baby" "Hurt baby....no touch...hurt baby" I save no for the biggies--outlest and things coupled with "Hot! Hurt baby, no touch!". I don't know I think it makes it clearer to the child as they get older what they are and are not supposed to be doing.

Like others have said consistency is the most important thing, and remembering that it takes like a million times before they have internalized what you were trying to teach them. Don't get discouraged if it is taking a long time--they WILL get it!

 

[Leanna]

So in this thread it sounds like some are using 'disciplining' as code word for spanking?

I begin disciplining my child right after birth as we begin to nurse and I have to pop her off and relatch her properly. To me discipline is loving guidance with the goal of restoring right relationship within our family. Sometimes that loving guidance means withholding things that people want, or desire to do or see (think Moses and the Promised Land).

I don't see what the big error is in removing some breakable things, etc out of baby's reach--to me that sounds prudent- as well as covering outlets. We also simply put hair rubber bands around the handles of our cabinets, so that baby can't get in them. The reality is that I can't be everywhere at once. And if baby is playing in the living room while I am doing dishes, I simply CAN"T redirect her if she goes for an outlet. Somehow my kids can all function in non-child friendly environments. I don't know I see that our house is their home, too--and we try to strike a balance between adult and child friendly.

I personally at that age limit the use of the word "No."....and say rather things like "Not for baby...this is for baby" "Hurt baby....no touch...hurt baby" I save no for the biggies--outlest and things coupled with "Hot! Hurt baby, no touch!". I don't know I think it makes it clearer to the child as they get older what they are and are not supposed to be doing.

Like others have said consistency is the most important thing, and remembering that it takes like a million times before they have internalized what you were trying to teach them. Don't get discouraged if it is taking a long time--they WILL get it!

Oh good. This thread was starting to get really discouraging with talk of "training" like I am raising a dog or something. I agree with all of this.

 

[Entertaining_Angels]

So in this thread it sounds like some are using 'disciplining' as code word for spanking?

Not me. I use discipline as a code word for 'training'.

Proverbs 22:6
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

 

[andiesmama]

Well, I must say that IMO a child needs to be "trained" (or "guided" or whatever word you need to use) so that they will understand what's off limits and what isn't. They don't pop out of the womb knowing what's right & wrong, we as parents have to teach them those things.

Use whatever word you want, it all boils down to the same thing....just the manner in which parents choose to do it, THAT'S the difference.

 

[RoseofLima]

Not me. I use discipline as a code word for 'training'.

Proverbs 22:6
Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

LOL!! See now my translations got

"ANd, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in discipline and instruction in the Lord." for Ephesians...

I don't know I tend to think of the perfect discipline of the God- that which is meant to restore Israel to conventual faithfulness, to restore them to right relationship with others and with God. As mirrors of the Trinity , our homes should be ever renewing that covenantual faithfulness....ever mirroring (albeit rather dimly so often for one like me) the call to restorative relationship.

Like ANdiesmama wrote ... we are called to teach our children right from wrong...but just as there are many different ways, spiritualities within the Christian family and how we relate to God and neighbor...so too will our expressions in teaching our children be varied across a broad range of approaches- all good depending on the strengths and weaknesses of parent and child.

Good parents will honestly seek to grow in self knowledge, and be firm and loving and and consistent in setting reasonable boundaries. How we do it, even how well we do it, is not so important as that we keep trying over and over again.

 

[Leanna]

Training has some major negative connotations to it.

Discipline is better, or guide your children.... I like to say I guide my little guy.... but training is like "sit stay" or the Pearls regulated child abuse they call it "to train up a child"

 

[Cright]

I don't know why people think "training" is so negative.

Ice Skaters and Skiers "train" for the olympics.

Children should be "trained" in the way of the lord.

and yes, we "train" our animals to act appropriatley in our houses or parks.

It's the act of someone experienced teaching someone or some animal, this is what God's Word tells us to do.. guideance, disipline, training, teaching... it's all the same.

 

[GolfingMom]

I want to throw a bit in here. Make a distinguision between discipline and training. Training should come before discipline.
We train our children to do this or not do that. The mistake we made with Michele was in not being consistant enough with the training. And we are paying for that now. At age 7 months I would think I would be training not disciplining. Once we have trained then I can discipline. Training is teaching, correct me if I am wrong, and discipline is correct for what they know is wrong. At 7 months a baby will have no idea of what is expected of them. We reacted, whereas we should have been proactive. Another mistake we made was in having some idea of what Michele did and did not understand. She understood a lot more than we realised. We didn't start in earnest with Michele until she was well over 12 months old. By that stage we were very frustrated and so tended to react. This is not a good way to go. Better to train and train and train and train and train and train and train. But then we learn a lot with our first don't we.
"Keep in mind that he also simply can't remember things for more than a couple of seconds at a time. The best tactic is to use a simple no, then distract him. "
The above quote is very correct. This child is just learning. He has no idea what is allowed and what is not. He has to be taught this. It is an easy mistake to make.

I agree with you on the training then discipline...

 

[andiesmama]

....this whole question about the word "training"....

so does that mean we "potty guide" our children?? :o

 

[RoseofLima]

I don't think the the objection is so much to the word "training", but rather some of the ideas and practices some people have who use that word sort of as code for makikng their children automatons.

My original question about how "discipline" was being used--came becuase several posters said "Oh with my baby I did such and such. Then -I started disciplining when they were 1." That seemed a little odd to me--that discipline is seen as only the consequences we impose, or the spankings we give....I just think discipline is rahter about the boundaries we set and enforce, teaching our children how to live in right relationships with God and neighbor and their surroundings. Discipline, for me, has only as a very small part- consequences....most of it is teaching them to choose rightly in the first place.

 

[dwmama]

I think we should "train" our children like the Bible says. But I think the word "train" and what it means can be misused. And that is the issue some people have with it. I don't "train" my child like an animal but like a human being. I don't spank or hit in anyway. But I am still training them up in the way of the Lord.

From birth I started teaching my child. Just doesn't look the same then as it does now (he is almost 2)