Asian men dating White women and Interracial dating

[Godzila]

I don't know how many are out there.

But I am an Asian who loves to date white women.

In fact I am open to date all races and ethnicities.

I feel there are not enough Asians out there opening up with their feelings. I KNOW of alot of Asian men who would just love to date out of their race. However, they are too shy to admit it.

Let this thread be opened to oppinions from all on the subject of interracial dating and courtship

 

[katautumn]

I've had relationships with a few Asian men. My son is half Korean, but I have found that cultural differences ended up causing the relationships to fall apart.

 

[Everlasting33]

Prior to my current boyfriend, I actually had a crush on an Asian man who did not feel the same way as I did. I have always encouraged interracial dating and I have been attracted to all skin colors of men!

 

[Godzila]

I've talked with alot of women and men out there before. Most seem to say that men that were born at their native country and moved to the U.S. tend to be more shy towards women of a different race.

However, a poll that I took suggests that MOST of those men would be very opened to date outside their race.

Problem is their family values. For example, in Asian families, the parents may expect their children to only allow to marry other Asians. Sort of like a PRIDE thing.

How do you propose men should open up in order to "break the ice" upon this sort of taboo issue?

 

[Everlasting33]

^^ People naturally marry and are attracted to members of their own race. Not all the time but more often than not, this is the case. Like you said, the family is what Asian men need to reconcile with when it comes to this topic. Perhaps the man can talk with his family, on a continuous basis, to open up the floodgates of communication and expression of thought. The only way this can be resolved if people accept others differences, let go of pride, and be open to change. This would simply take many generations (in my opinion) but men just need to be honest with their families.

I do not have a lot more solutions! What do you think will break the ice?

 

[Godzila]

I think it starts now, and not later. Particularly in America. I hear stories of how in European countries, men of different races (black, asian, indian,etc.) are practically adored.

This leads me to believe that it is a social construction of ideas and stereotypes that plays a big part in preventing interracial relations. Also a fear of rejection from society.

 

[Everlasting33]

Personally, I have grown to admire the Asian community even more since I used to. I admire their family-oriented society and how education and excellence (generally) is given high priority. Unfortunately, all societies carry some stereotypes and biases and we all just want to fit into our society. But like you said, some fear this rejection which rises a challenge in the concept of interracial dating.

My grandmother and father did not want me to date or marry any man unless he was white. Fortunately, I did not listen to their advice and I have dated men of other races. My mother did not discourage this but she warned me of how it can be difficult on a marriage and possible children because of teasing and harassing. Is this not sad? I have known many biracial individuals and every single one has told me they were teased because of it. It is utterly ridiculous that people are made fun of for the color of their skin. Very sad.

But, hopefully that is the minority and I am glad to hear you are brainstorming through this.

What about your parents? Do you they approve of you dating a white woman?

 

[Godzila]

They don't know of my social life. I would assume they would approve.
My cousin has a white husband. 2 of my aunts have white husbands as well.
However no white women in the family.

I am very open to all. I just wish more people were like you and open up as well. Not letting social ideas impact judgement on love and relationships.

Ever notice in schools, particularly highschool, there are so many segragated groups?
Asians usually gather in one huge crowd. Whites and Blacks also gather in their own segragated crowds. Why is this country, which was suppose to be the melting pot, turned into a Cultural buffet? Where we are all separated?

It bothers me.

 

[Everlasting33]

They don't know of my social life. I would assume they would approve.
My cousin has a white husband. 2 of my aunts have white husbands as well.
However no white women in the family.

I am very open to all. I just wish more people were like you and open up as well. Not letting social ideas impact judgement on love and relationships.

Ever notice in schools, particularly highschool, there are so many segragated groups?
Asians usually gather in one huge crowd. Whites and Blacks also gather in their own segragated crowds. Why is this country, which was suppose to be the melting pot, turned into a Cultural buffet? Where we are all separated?

It bothers me.

Yes, I have noticed that! I truly think it is universal because everywhere I go, the blacks go with blacks, whites with their own race, and the Asians to their's. I do believe this is somewhat natural since humans are naturally attracted to similarity. We tend to divide by our sex, age, ethnicity, and sometimes our educational level. Human beings want to feel connected, to some extent, by their similarities and want feels most comfortable to them.

I went to a predominantly black elementary school and in 4th grade, I was the only white person in my class! I definitely felt out of place and I was teased... a little. Looking back, I believe that opened the doors for acceptance of change and it put me in a position where I learned different skin color is O.K. and good! Unlike my sisters, I have been much more open to dating black and asian men. The difference? My family and I moved from this school and my sisters never experienced the atmosphere. I am not saying that is the cause of it but it is a theory!

Would you say you are more attracted to white women than other races?

 

[Godzila]

I learned this in my Women's Studies class. Reason why people tend to be segragated is because , like you said, they are more comfortable. They are comfortable because, for example, blacks understand where other blacks are coming from. Their history of discrimination and oppression gives them a stronger sense of understanding for each other than what other races may feel. This is the same for Asians. I am not too sure about the White community.

One thing is for sure. It is not right to say to yourself "I don't see any colors". Instead, one should recognize where each race and ethnicity comes from and their history of oppression. It is afterall part of their racial identity.

Yes, I would say currently I am more attracted to White women than other races. However, when times change I may change. I have met some black women I am attracted to physically, but not emotionally. So if the right one comes along I'm open for it.

 

[Windmill]

The problem is breaking down the initial barriers.

My mum once said if I married an Aisan, I've be cut off from the will. She was joking, of course, but there was an element of seriousness to it.

It is likely the new generation of young adults will start breaking down barriers far more so when it comes to race equality and discrimination. Perhaps not with the Middle Easteners, but Asians surely, as the Asian community is becoming integral with many white societies.

 

[Godzila]

I'm glad I'm getting so many responses! Keep them coming!

 

[Shannie]

I'm a white girl with a Chinese boyfriend so I guess I can join this thread. However I don't have too much to say on the topic I wouldn't say I'm more attracted to Asian guys than white guys, just this one Asian guy lol. There are definitely some cultural issues that have to be worked through but nothing that can't be overcome with some compromise. And that would be true of ANY relationship, interracial or not.

 

[Shannie]

Oh boy..

I married a Vietnamese man. A man I'm now divorced from.

It was a huge mistake, I'm sorry, I have to say it.. for SO many reasons, I'm not blaming this on race, however I do have to bring race into this a tiny tiny little bit:

The culture shock and cluture -clash- was huge, it was too much.. the language barrier between me and his family was too much.. the misunderstandings, the food, the religion, his family hating me, frankly me hating them in the end (not in the beginning but definitely in the end), -my- family hating him, the -everything- about the culture issues, was too much.

If I wasn't already engaged, I could say to you for certain that I'd never ever date another person so different from myself. I am the furthest thing from a racist, believe me It's just that I now know how important some of these things can be.

Racial differences were just a huge wrench in an already failing marriage however. It wasn't helping the situation, but it certainly wasn't the cause nor the final downfall of the marriage. Truly two people can be this different and be of the same race as well, please don't mistake what I'm trying to say. I would never blame anything on race or culture alone. But for me, personally, I'd be too scared to undertake something like this ever again. I'm glad I don't have to think about it anymore. I love my fiancé sooo much.

Hi Lynn,

May I ask you a question? I *think* I saw on another thread that you speak Vietnamese. If that's wrong please forgive me and ignore this post If you did learn Vietnamese, how did you go about it? My b/f's parents are very nice people, but they don't speak fluent English. I should be trying to learn Chinese but it's so hard lol.

Thanks
Shannie

 

[Shannie]

I do speak Vietnamese at somewhat of a conversational level, and yes I did mention it in another thread over in Young Adults I worked sooo hard to do it because of the language barrier.

Books. Lots of them. I had a crazy amount of vietnamese/english dictionaries, I had all the "learn the language" books, I had the Book+CD sets so I could learn to pronounce it properly, I even downloaded software to help me learn it.

Chinese is hard to learn to write due to the character set, where as I found vietnamese slightly easier in writing because it uses many letters similar to the english alphabet. But I don't know if Chinese is different than Vietnamese in verbally learning it because Vietnamese is what's known as a tonal language.. you can have the vietnamese word "Ma" with 6 different kinds of accents over the letter A and it makes that one word mean 6 different things based on your intonation of the vowel! It was -insane- You could quite literally set out to say one thing, and completely say another thing that had no connection with your original intention

I don't know if Chinese is the same. If it's tonal, that's a whole added difficulty!

I do know a good amount of Japanese, which is not a tonal language and shares a character set with Chinese.. I still can't -write- that character set well at all though, haha.

But yeah.. books. I also let my ex husband's mother try to teach me basic lessons on occasion, but because she hated me so much (nice to my face, talked about me "behind my back" [sometimes while I was standing right there, which was my motivation behind -learning- the language oddly enough]) it was really difficult to spend any time with her. If you enjoy your SO's family, ask them for some lessons. My ex-MIL didn't know a ton of english either but, when teaching the -basics- of her language, it didn't really matter (hold up an apple, tell me what it is in her language.. point to a table, tell me what it is.. you can learn a lot of basics that way. Plus she taught me the alphabet, and basic sentence structure, and so on)

Thanks Lynn I have some books and tapes etc, now I just need to use them lol. Chinese is a tonal language and of course my boyfriend has to speak Cantonese instead of Mandarin, which has more tones lol. I'm not even trying to learn to read or write yet, it seems so hard. From the sounds of it my b/fs parents speak more English than your ex-in-laws, just not fluent, so I guess I'm lucky there . They live in Asia so I don't get much chance to see them, but my boyfriend tries to teach me some (usually ends up with me doubled over in laughter because my accent is so wrong).

 

[Godzila]

I can speak Cantonese. I can also speak some Japanese.

My family can speak english...that is understandable enough.

My mom hates my White uncle. I think Race has to do with it. Because Asians just HAS to be all so PROUD AND POWERFUL, whenever my white uncle does something wrong...my mom always talks about it. However, it has also been due to the way my uncle has been treating her as well. My father is different. He is a very nice man. However, my family has no Holy spirit in them. They believe it is non sense and I am crazy. I am the only Christian in my family.

 

[Shannie]

I can speak Cantonese. I can also speak some Japanese.

My family can speak english...that is understandable enough.

My mom hates my White uncle. I think Race has to do with it. Because Asians just HAS to be all so PROUD AND POWERFUL, whenever my white uncle does something wrong...my mom always talks about it. However, it has also been due to the way my uncle has been treating her as well. My father is different. He is a very nice man. However, my family has no Holy spirit in them. They believe it is non sense and I am crazy. I am the only Christian in my family.

Oh I want to learn Japanese too...although I doubt it will ever happen. i think its a very cool sounding language.

If your family speaks English that should definitely help if you are in a relationship with a Caucasian. My b/fs family is very nice, but if I go out with them they basically talk Chinese and then every few minutes my b/f will translate for me or someone will ask a question, then they resume their conversation lol. Guess I need to start studying my Chinese books

That is too bad your mom dislikes your uncle. Is it just because he's white or because of something he did? Its not unusual to talk about family (especially people who married in) if they actually do something wrong. You say your uncle treats your mother badly, in which case I suspect your mom's attitude has to do with that and not his race.

I'm sorry to hear you are the only Christian in your family, that must be hard. I hope the rest of your family becomes more open to God.

 

[Godzila]

The conversation things happens to my uncle as well.

I can feel that he is "out of it" when ever there is family dinner. I'll probably be talking to him..or my aunt who can speak good english.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

I'm all for it. My mom's dated quite a few black men. My dad and mom were somewhat interracial (he's a WASP to the hilt, she's half-Armenian). I have a Mexican aunt. I dated a Mexican girl once, and kissed a black girl. We're all one race on this planet - I say go for it.

 

[YongShi]

I think for me, I tend to be more drawn to guys of my own race and ethnicity. This is due to the fact that I'm more comfortable with our common similarities in terms of language, social background, culture, and a sense of solidarity within our ethnic community. Humans inherently gravitate more towards commonalities and shared interests, so it's quite natural for others to stick to their own groups as it is within their comfort zone to do so.

However, living here in America has allowed me to open my eyes to the different races and cultures out there. As I've learned in my ethnic studies class, we live in a nation that is meshed with a variety of social ideas, shared values, and a similar perspective of the world around us and everyone within it, just like a "melting pot" where everything is blended together. I've learned to appreciate the atmosphere of variety and color within our society.

I'm pretty much open to dating men of other racial groups because I'm very receptive to diversity, but as I mentioned before, there is also a cultural factor that influences my perception on whom I prefer to date as well. I'm Chinese and I've had a crush on a white guy before, and I liked him because of his openness and his carefree nature, and he was very assertive too. But we eventually remained friends as that was what worked out best between us because there were some uncommon ground and differences in our social interactions, not to mention I had been more attracted to him physically rather than emotionally.

Then a year later, another guy came into my life, and just like me, he was also Chinese. However, unlike me, he immigrated from Hong Kong in his teens while I was born and raised in the U.S. There was a slight communication barrier considering that my Cantonese was not proficient, and likewise, his English was not up to par with mine. He was my boyfriend for a short while, but apparently, there were discrepancies in language and culture...even within our own ethnic group! Alongside him, I wanted to take the opportunity to reconnect with my cultural roots, but according to him, I had undoubtedly assimilated into the cultural mainstream and that I was "Americanized," so to speak. It's even difficult to reconcile these differences within my own race, let alone the differences outside of my race.

I suppose it all comes down to comfort level and how at ease I feel with someone, taking into regard my upbringings, circumstances, personality, and social background. I'm sure that if I truly love someone for who he is on the inside, many of these cultural discrepancies and social differences could be compromised, but perhaps my preferences ultimately lie in someone who shares common similarities in culture, interests, and whatnot - in this case, a Chinese American who was also born and raised in the U.S.