Appropriate first date etiquette

[ImperialPhantom]

What do you think is appropriate on the first date, as far as touching goes, assuming everything goes well? (I.E. holding hands, cuddling, pecks, making out) What do you feel is appropriate and inappropriate on the first date?

Also, what is the appropriate length of time that you feel a first date should last?

I'll post my opinions later on in the thread.

 

[Keri]

I think it all depends on the individuals involved, how inexperienced or experienced they may be. And it also depends on how the chemistry is... if there is no chemistry, I don't care how nice he is or how much money he spent, there has to be a connection before I will get physical.

Appropriate length? No such thing... when you feel it's time to end the night. My first date with an ex lasted until 3 in the morning. We were at a cafe that was open 24 hours and we sat there and talked until we were exhausted.

 

[ImperialPhantom]

I think it all depends on the individuals involved, how inexperienced or experienced they may be. And it also depends on how the chemistry is... if there is no chemistry, I don't care how nice he is or how much money he spent, there has to be a connection before I will get physical.

I specifically said if the first date went well, and I meant all that goes along with "going well" as well.

 

[Keri]

Well, then. I just better go well on my merry little well way. So well.

I think the appropriateness factor still depends on the individuals...

 

[sampa]

no thoughts yet, just wanted to subscribe and follow on people's thougths.

 

[mrkram]

i wouldn't be in a rush to do anything on the first date except to enjoy myself and relax. get to know the person and just enjoy the date.

 

[dluvs2trvl]

What do you think is appropriate on the first date, as far as touching goes, assuming everything goes well? (I.E. holding hands, cuddling, pecks, making out) What do you feel is appropriate and inappropriate on the first date?

Also, what is the appropriate length of time that you feel a first date should last?

I'll post my opinions later on in the thread.

Hmmm....interesting question.

I agree with *Keri* I think it does depend on the individuals and how much of a spark they feel on the date. I think it also depends on how much they new each other prior to the first date. If they were friends before and decided to give dating a try then there is going to be a greater sense of comfort and ease between them...if it's two people who only met briefly then there will be more nerves involved and probably more of a boundary around the physical side of things...

I've had first dates that went well and we only held hands because that's what seemed appropriate and I've had other first dates that went well and there was more than one kiss exchanged at the end of the evening

I think that heavy physical contact, making out, heavy petting and sleeping together are way over the line for a first date no matter how much of a spark the two people feel for each other!!!!!

As far as the length of time - I really don't think there should be any sort of time limit on the date! If you're having a great time and you're talking and having fun and getting to know each other then I think the date can last as long as the two people involved want it to last. Now with that said, I also think that if there is a really strong chemistry between the two people - the later they stay out together the more like one of the heavier physical contact situations that I mentioned may happen...so if that was the case, then the date should be finished at a reasonable hour in order for the two people involved to not go to far over the line...

Well, I hope some of that made sense!

 

[Im_A]

What do you think is appropriate on the first date, as far as touching goes, assuming everything goes well? (I.E. holding hands, cuddling, pecks, making out) What do you feel is appropriate and inappropriate on the first date?

Also, what is the appropriate length of time that you feel a first date should last?

I'll post my opinions later on in the thread.

i go by what is comfortable for the girl. i ask what she wants to do and how long she wants to hang out, and just get that stuff over with. i hope for a longer amount of time to hang out tho but i'll never push/force it on the girl.

as far as physical things is concerned...i'm personally taking a new route for myself. only kissing on the cheek or the hand for awhile for me. i want to get to know a girl then to know how the reactions of her kisses make me feel physically or better yet, how it makes me feel emotionally. i don't want that emotional connection/committment from physical things for awhile now. how long? no clue. just until i'm comfortable and then until she's comfortable. i hate to put myself first in this area, but i like being sane in my emotions now and not be made high because of a great kiss, or great touching/fondleing, so if i have to disappoint a girl's desire to makeout with me after maybe 2 dates, she can go home sad/frustrated for all i could care.

what i am comfortable with tho is an arm around the person. that to me makes a new situation more comfortable and shows some interest. and hugs i'm cool with. thing is for me, i've hugged my guy friends before so that's why i'm cool with some physical things like hugging and arm around the person because while hugs are precious to me, they don't make things run extremely fast. any physicial activity that makes the relationship go fast, i do not want right now so that crosses out, "petting", making out and everything else from there. i want time spent with that person, in public, or wherever we live, where we control our emotions, and our attraction to one another and just have a good time with one another.

my hope after some time of being together, that stuff won't be something we just do because for the sake of doing it but because we actually like each other.

 

[tryingtobeagain]

For a first date, assuming everything went well and I want too see him again, I would be comfortable with him putting his arm around me (if we were at a movie or something). I really just want to talk to him for a while and get to know him before starting anything really physical. I think by the third date I might be ready for a peck goodnight... possibly.

Remember that this is from a woman who has been single for almost a year and when I am asked to go on dates I make excuses why I can't.... I had two first dates this week and I made excuses to cancel both... I don't know how much physical contact I will be able to handle when I am ready to date.

 

[plum]

A first date can last as long as both people feel like it. One of my best (and probably the longest) first dates went from 6pm-4am. We had so much fun together and had no reason to get to bed early, so we just kept it going.

Physical affection...hmm. I'm very affectionate and rarely stifle it unless I feel the other person is uncomfortable or doesn't communicate that way. On a first date, assuming all goes well, I would try to take my cues from the guy when it comes to hand holding and sitting closely, hugging, arms around each other or whatnot. I wouldn't mind any of the above if I felt a connection with that man.

I have kissed on first dates before, but sometimes for the wrong reasons (such as hormones, expectations, impatience). Kissing is rising slowly up my ladder of "intimacy and commitment necessary before action". Basically, it's taking more for me to kiss than it ever has in the past. Although my desire to kiss doesn't go down at all, my restraint is getting better.

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

The date can lost as long as both feel comfortable. The majority of my first dates have lasted 12-15 hours, so I don't really put a time limit on things.

I am a pretty affectionate person so if things are going well I have no problem with hand-holding, cuddling, and such. But I have only had one first date that I have kissed on, and that was a pretty fun date.

 

[alfrodull]

Because of, um, issues with my past, as well as my shy personality, I'm not a touchy-feely person. I have to trust a person a lot to voluntarily let them touch me. If I had been friends with a person awhile, I would probably be fine cuddling and holding hands (and maybe even kissing, although I've never done it.) However, if I was just getting to know them, they wouldn't be getting any physical affection at that point.

I don't think it's necessary to have a time limit. A lot of it depends on what you're doing on the date and how talkative the two of you are.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I agree with others here, it depends on the people. If all is going well, I wouldn't object to holding hands, or a hug. If there was a kiss I would only want it to be a peck if its the first date! That's just me!

 

[eatenbylocusts]

I've had lots of first dates. I was surprised by one who greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. We hadn't talked that much before hand. I'm fine with that at the end of a date though. I don't let anyone kiss me on the lips for a first date. The two that tried it met my cheek. One because I was already seeing red flags, and the other even though I was attracted to him; it's just a rule. Those guys flaked after that, so I'm thinking they were the type who would've been asking for a lot more than I ever would've given.

At the present I haven't allowed any kisses until the 3rd date and actually only two have gone as far as kisses on the mouth. There were three more who I really wanted to kiss, but they had their own rules/timetable (stupid rules). I don't want a first date putting his arm around me at a movie. There's too much pressure. I want to be able to go home after the date and think things through without any pressure.

Kisses can cloud judgment, so I think they should come after a number of dates. In one of my kissing relationships I see that I should've waited. It started taking up too much of our time together. And if you don't have the same boundaries it just moves everything up and causes problems.... at least for me.

And if I'm not interested in being exclusive with the guy yet, then I wouldn't want to be doing more than a quick kiss.