Advent Jokes

[Lotuspetal_uk]

I'm not on as often as I'd like but I thought it might be a good idea to have an Advent joke thread. Basically like an advent calendar except for each day we have a Christmas related, family friendly joke right up until Christmas Eve.

So if anyone can post one joke a day until Christmas that'll be great and a good laff too.

Here is the first for Dec 8th:

Blackmail:

It was coming up to Christmas and Sammy asked his mum if he could have a new bike. So, she told him that the best idea would be to write to Santa Claus. But Sam, having just played a vital role in the school nativity play, said he would prefer to write to the baby Jesus. So his mum told him that would be fine.
Sam went to his room and wrote ' Dear Jesus, I have been a very good boy and would like to have a bike for Christmas.' But he wasn't very happy when he read it over. So he decided to try again and this time he wrote 'Dear Jesus, I'm a good boy most of the time and would like a bike for Christmas.' He read it back and wasn't happy with that one either. He tried a third version. 'Dear Jesus, I could be a good boy if I tried hard and especially if I had a new bike.' He read that one too, but he still wasn't satisfied.
So, he decided to go out for a walk while he thought about a better approach. After a short time he passed a house with a small statue of the Virgin Mary in the front garden. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home and hid it under the bed. Then he wrote this letter. 'Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, you'd better send me a new bike.'

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[Oafman]

How did Luke Skywalker know what Darth Vader had bought him for Christmas?

Because he felt his presents.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?

Because they were two deer

 

[Robban]

"Rabbi Rabbi, guess what?"
"I,ve bought a christmas tree"

"You WHAT???"

"Well, only a little one."

 

[Sitswithamouse]

What do snowmen wear on their heads ?


Ice caps !

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

LOL! Keep 'em coming you guys!

What is the best Christmas present in the world?


A broken drum, you just can't beat it!

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

OAP Divorce:

An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!" "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son yells. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old dad explained. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!". Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls her elderly father immediately, and screams at him, "You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, you hear me?" she yelled as she hung up the phone. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay", he says, "it's all set. They're both coming for Christmas and paying their own air-fare."

 

[Sitswithamouse]

What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?










Krisp Kringle!

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

What do you call a kid that doesn't believe in Santa?


A rebel without a Claus.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Merry Christmas everyone!

 

[Soul2Soul]

:d

 

[Genersis]

Merry Christmas everyone!

Merry Christmas Lotus Petal.
Did everything go smoothly?

My one did for the most part, minus a faulty remote for a Speakerbar I bought for my dad...still trying to think of a solution.(Getting a universal remote is my last resort)

I hope everyone had a great day.

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Merry Christmas Lotus Petal.
Did everything go smoothly?

My one did for the most part, minus a faulty remote for a Speakerbar I bought for my dad...still trying to think of a solution.(Getting a universal remote is my last resort)

I hope everyone had a great day.

Merry Christmas to you too Genersis!

Mine went well. It's pretty much a day for the kids and they loved it. Had dinner at my sisters so yesterday was the crazy day for in terms of the Christmas dinner. I managed to survive

Hope you got sorted for that remote. Our gadget issue is a remote controlled helicopter that HRH got from her uncle. But I think it's a pilot issue than the gadget itself

 

[Genersis]

Merry Christmas to you too Genersis!

Mine went well. It's pretty much a day for the kids and they loved it. Had dinner at my sisters so yesterday was the crazy day for in terms of the Christmas dinner. I managed to survive

Hope you got sorted for that remote. Our gadget issue is a remote controlled helicopter that HRH got from her uncle. But I think it's a pilot issue than the gadget itself

Hehe.
I spent Boxing Day visiting my Nan with my parents, which was nice.

My mum got a little carried away with the whole Christmas thing, seems we've gathered enough snacks in the house, originally intended for Christmas, to last us through January at the very least.

 

[MorkandMindy]

I was over at the in-laws, all of us atheists or ex Christians, and at the end of a big Christmas supper we were all sitting with a huge cheese platter with coffee on the way when my 7-year old son, who had recently been to chapel with his school decided he had something to say:


'I know what the true meaning of Christmas is!'


'Christmas is all about cheeses!'

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

Hehe.
I spent Boxing Day visiting my Nan with my parents, which was nice.

My mum got a little carried away with the whole Christmas thing, seems we've gathered enough snacks in the house, originally intended for Christmas, to last us through January at the very least.

I was better this year, it seems the only thing I have to go out and buy will e bread and milk with the rest lasting us another week. Other years saw me buying for a famine.

 

[The-Doctor]

What is mothers favourite Christmas carol? Silent night!

 

[The-Doctor]

How does good king Wencelas like his pizza?

deep and crisp and even.

Why is the graveyard so noisy?

Because of all the coffin. ( that was in a Christmas cracker too!)

 

[Lotuspetal_uk]

:d

 

[addiel9876]

Skibidi toilet says merry Christmas