Adult children living at parent's home

blackribbon · Jun 22, 2018

How long do you think an adult child should be allowed to live at his parent's home? This is not including those who live with their parents because the parents need the child to help them as a caregiver or need a roommate to help meet the bills.

Under what circumstances is this okay and for how long?

Do you believe at a child should be allowed to live at his parent's home for as long as he/she likes or is there a time when it is okay for the parent to tell the kid to start looking for his/her own digs?

Toro · Jun 22, 2018

Not for me to judge where God has a person in their life.

The Bible speaks against being lazy, so I guess it depends on if the person works or not.

As far as a time table, I guess that all depends on what age they get married. It is mentioned in the Word that a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife..... but says nothing against an adult that lives with family (The parable of the prodigal son for example...... Jesus did not speak against the adult sons (nether the one that stayed and obeyed his father nor the one that returned) living with their dad.) So I believe as far as Biblically the timeline would be around the time that two become one in marriage.

If you look for a worldly answer to the question than anything beyond mid 20s is likely too long.

Elliewaves · Jun 22, 2018

It depends on the family and the culture. In some cultures it's fine and accepted that un married children will live at home, no matter their age.....and then in turn as the parents age, the grown children care for them at home. But in typical Western culture, I think children should move out as they get jobs/careers. At the very least, adult children living at home should be paying rent and helping with chores around the house. If they don't won't to do that; then they need to move out. I do think in certain circumstance it is fine for adult children to live with their parents- a role of caregiving, they can't afford to live alone, they have experienced a severe life change (death of a child or spouse, sickness or disability)etc.... But there do need to be rules in place and there should be consideration to what the parents want since it's their home and ,presumably, money.

Soul-searching · Jun 22, 2018

I would say it would depend on the maturity of the child. Some kids are slow developer of maturity and some are not. i think it´s extremely important to learn to be independant, i myself moved away from home when i was 18. it´s important to learn to stand on our own feet, but it´s also important to look at the kids and see where they are mentally. If they are spoiled brats who just freeload because they can, that requires looking at it truthfully on our own behalf and theirs. One should be able to take care of him or herself at at least 21 i think, so it is here where i live, don´t know about other countries. No one should live with their parents forever or for a long time, i know some do, but i don´t find it healthy. It´s very convenient for the child, but the child does not learn anything, the development stops in many ways because everything is taken care of for them.

Chinchilla · Jun 22, 2018

I know a person who moved away from thier parents to thier grandparents because he has closer to his Job plus his grandparents have literally one whole floor empty in thier house so it would be waste to not use that situation .

But if somebody is living in small apartment with parents I'd say moving out would be nice thing to do , it might be too crowded and you might feel not comfortable .

I also know of people who in thier 30's failed something like thier own bussiness went to ruin and they had to move in back to thier parents . Sometimes things happen .

So it depends on the situation , can't really answer that question.

If you look from non-Christian perspective then yea 20 year old is the age people fornicate so they want to move out of thier parents house to live with thier girlfriend/boyfriend alone .

But there is nothing wrong to live with parents , just don't leech thier money pay them something for you living there and buy your food .

Citanul · Jun 22, 2018

I don't think there's any definitive answer as it all depends on the reasons why they're still living with their parents. It can be expensive to move out - buying your own place can often be out of reach for a single person, and even renting anywhere decent on your own can be difficult to afford (and renting with someone has its own complications). So it being cheaper to stay at home could be a valid reason, although ideally in that situation you'd be putting away the money that you're saving by not paying off a house or paying rent.

So if someone has a full-time job and is contributing to the running of the household then I don't think it's wrong for them to still be living with their parents, even if it is sometimes viewed as strange. If however they're not paying anything and expecting everything to be done for them then it is a problem.

Stabat Mater dolorosa · Jun 22, 2018

Do parents have the space for their child in their heart or has it grown to cold to love their own children over the years.

Individualism vs a more collective thinking. The last one is the one practiced at all times where big families were the norm. They loved one another and protected one another.
Individualism is far more self-centered and tends to focus on "what's in it for me" rather than thinking about togetherness and fellowship.

Out of the two models which one do you think God likes the most?
Aren't we all called to be one another's brethren for example?

Don't throw your own flesh and blood out of your house like their trash from last night's dinner party or whatever.
Deeds like those are evil and tends to end up backfiring quite heavily when your old yourself and your kids have better things to do than to waste their time visiting you on the nursery.

So if not for anything else do it our of love for yourself and your own mortality.

Hearts are cold now a days.

Servant68 · Jun 22, 2018

Both of my kids moved out before they turned 19 and I moved out at 18.

I understand in other cultures that the kids stay in the house and help maintain things. I can't find any fault with that approach.

But I do find the thought of an American young adult staying at their parent's house due to laziness to be off-putting.

Handmaid for Jesus · Jun 22, 2018

I don't know what is an appropriate age. My kids left home in their late teens. One moved back in in his late 20's for about three years then back out again in his mid thirties. I think as long as parent and child can get along with each other, and the rules of the parents (and there must be rules) can be followed, it can benefit parents and adult child to live together.

Noxot · Jun 22, 2018

people can do whatever they want as long as it is voluntary interactions and they are trying to be good. it can be argued for or against. it really depends on each unique circumstance. static morality sometimes does not account for the dynamic nature of reality enough nor for the complex variables of a life situation.

MehGuy · Jun 22, 2018

As long as the kid pays rent and their own bills I don't see a problem with it. Provided the parents are ok with this. Might making dating harder, especially if you're a guy.

Go Braves · Jun 22, 2018

Well, I don't think there ought to be a set time limit, it's individual. A lot of my buddies live at home till about 23 or so, on account of the cost of housing for college being so high. In Atlanta there's so many great schools you don't have to move off to go to one, so it makes sense to stay put at home. They move out when they get decent jobs of their own. A lady at our church is 40 or so, lives with her parents. It's not weird. Her husband died in accident several years, she doesn't have kids & can't on account of some medical issue, was lonely. Her parents were lonely. If it works out for them, well then that's good.

Noxot · Jun 22, 2018

I don't care if an "adult child" lives with her parents and does not even have a job. maybe she is blessed enough to pursue other things besides having a job they hate and suffer over.

and i'm sure that many people considered someone like soren kierkegaard as something kin to an "adult child" and yet I don't know any of those people, but millions have been influenced by soren.

and so what if it is for the sake of the culture that you are compelled to be a certain way? God is the one we should be with in regard to how we are to live our lives. being conscientious did not work out so well for some of the women in this culture. like empathy, conscientiousness is not an automatic and no-matter-what good.

Where a Taboo Is Leading to the Deaths of Young Girls

Mr. Budha, the father-in-law of the woman who died in January, Ms. Bayak, now tells as many people who will listen about the chhaupadi dangers.

“But people don’t care,’’ he said. “I say, ‘My daughter died, yours could, too.’ But then they say, ‘We are sorry but that is our culture.’

“But even she still followed this tradition,’’ he said. “The pressure’s too strong. If she hadn’t gone to the hut during her period, she would have felt embarrassed.’’

alsughasoughaiuyfygh · Jun 22, 2018

Saucy · Jun 22, 2018

I think it depends on how that child is using his time. If he's 30 and playing video games every day, not working, doesn't contribute or help around the house, then that person is taking advantage of their parents. If they have a job/make money and contribute to the bills, cleans, cooks, does their own laundry, etc, then it's no different than taking care of yourself with a roommate or living on your own, except in today's economic climate, it's cheaper for people to live together. This is especially true if that person is going through tough times and is working on getting back on their feet.

Stabat Mater dolorosa · Jun 22, 2018

Wayholka said:
I'll move out once my physical health problems are gone, my mental disability and illnesses are more manageable, and I can actually work again without getting dizzy spells all the time.

Seriously, these kinds of threads make me very uncomfortable because not every person my age is some able bodied neurotypical with a healthy and stable upbringing.

This thread is basically an echo of the culture of death. Everything and everyone not fitting the "perfect" measure in any way is just to be thrown away.
Honestly I'm saddened to read this attitude amongst people who consider themself Christians as it's indeed an expression of grave disgust with human shortcomings and dear I remind you guys that Christ showed himself weak in order to save us from our judgement and from eternal death.

Seing how imperfection in human eyes is often beautiful in God's eyes I would be very careful not to go against what God's say is wonderful.

Beware stone hearts.

kittysbecute · Jun 22, 2018

blackribbon said:
Do you believe at a child should be allowed to live at his parent's home for as long as he/she likes or is there a time when it is okay for the parent to tell the kid to start looking for his/her own digs?

That is up to that family to decide. No one else. That varies per family but the current trend is more generations live together in the US than seemed to be common in the past.

name_is_irrelevant · Jun 22, 2018

blackribbon said:
How long do you think an adult child should be allowed to live at his parent's home?

A child is a person below legal age of majority. If they're over 21 and living at home, they're not a child. They may be an overly dependent adult, or they may be a contributing adult; the age is completely irrelevant.

blackribbon said:
Do you believe at a child should be allowed to live at his parent's home for as long as he/she likes or is there a time when it is okay for the parent to tell the kid to start looking for his/her own digs?

Well I was told to get out at 19, whereas my Asian friends are mid to late 20's and still living at home, apparently that's a cultural thing. I don't really think it matters. If you're asking whether staying at home at a certain age is a sign of immaturity: no, it is not. Immaturity would be mindlessly assuming that it is. Personally, I feel leaving home helped me grow up somewhat, and I think it may be good for some people to be chucked out of the nest, but case-by-case basis. One size does not fit all.

Handmaid for Jesus · Jun 22, 2018

name_is_irrelevant said:
A child is a person below legal age of majority. If they're over 21 and living at home, they're not a child. They may be an overly dependent adult, or they may be a contributing adult; the age is completely irrelevant.

My children are still my children even though they are way past the age of 30.

name_is_irrelevant · Jun 22, 2018

Handmaid for Jesus said:
My children are still my children even though they are way past the age of 30.

Yep that's mum talk lol.

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