Deborah1$
Active Member
- Mar 11, 2024
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I mistakenly hit the "like" button, when I meant to hit the "reply" button. While reading this, I kept thinking this was a made-up story because it sounded bizarre. Unfortunately, there are about 9,000 red flags all over this situation. There is nothing wrong with her showing deference to her parents but at 32, you have to wonder just how long this behavior will last, just how much deference she'll extend and in what areas, what all the deference encompasses and your "role" in the relationship. I'd also wonder about her previous relationships, if any, and how they progressed. Right now, you don't seem an integral part of this relationship. Are you willing to be more of a peripheral player who copes with their rules? In the future how would they receive any suggestions you have? Since you're new to the dating arena, please understand it's usually not this complicated.A few days before July 28th, I felt a name laid upon my heart. I also felt an odd feeling I should go check a certain dating site which I had signed up for, but only looked once on and it had no one near local on it.
I decided to go check it. There was a person's profile who instantly stood out to me, 31 and I'm 38. She was local and nearby, very nearby. 4 miles away to be exact. It was an unusual name which made me instantly assume a fake. I couldn't see no pictures, all blurred and only some of the profile and it had verses about glorifying God. Which is what I'm looking for it and at the intro I seen it had FYI only the first message is free and they had their IG left.
I looked up their name, and it translated into the name that was laid on my heart.
July 28th I don't use social media, and so I made an instagram just to message this person. I introduced myself in very few words, and just said that I'm a virgin, my height, etc and would you allow me an email that I may fully introduce myself with a picture and everything to you? They messaged back that night and said it's very strange, but I guess that is what I got for signing up for a dating site and then I emailed them.
Our emails instantly hit it off, our similarities were eerily similar. Both homeschooled, both full virgins(Never been kissed, etc), neither having any real dating experience. Our emails grew long, and eventually we decided to make a video call date. We did, and it went even better, we shared text information and it continued to grow better. Eventually after one of our video calls she says would you like to meet up after church for lunch Sunday?
I was hesitant due to severe social anxiety, but then she said what about the library? I had already told her about my severe social anxiety. She told me they had meeting rooms, and so we agreed. Our meeting was beyond belief incredible. We had agreed to a certain time before she had to go teach at her studio. (She's a Taekwondo teacher 4th degree black belt)
As my car is currently broken down(yes I'm working on getting another one), I walked back, and suspected she had already left as it had been five minutes. I looked down and seen she had messaged me, would you like to take a picture together?! I replied yes, but with a frowny face because it was over five minutes ago. I walked back towards the parking lot and to my surprise she was still there, and we took some pictures and even a video together.
We started trying to meet every chance we could, we texted all the time, and then a few days before our one month from meeting, she said her dad would like to take me out for lunch. I said, I'd prefer to just meet one on one in the meeting room. Wednesday night(meeting is Thursday, also the day of one month of us meeting)she calls me and says, my mom also wants to meet you. Being one day before the meeting, I felt I had no choice but to say yes and so I agreed.
I sat down from 3:20 to 6:55pm talking to her parents until the library Personnel said we are closing in a minute. I expected maybe an one hour meeting. Not basically a four hour meeting of questions being asked all about my life. Why do you like her, etc, etc.
They said they were leaving. So me and this woman walk to our bench where we normally pray together, hold hands and side hug and then go home. It's a library public park. Some little children were out with their parents near the fountain etc. It's a nice open place.
We pray holding hands as normal. I said, well I would hug you, but your parents might be watching. She said no they left. Then she pulls out a necklace, and said my mom told me not to give this to you, but I want, I feel I need to give this to you. It's a necklace with a saying from my mom, (my mom had seen this woman before and said I should date her, story for another time.) and on the front Isaiah 60:22 The smallest family will become a thousand people, and the tiniest group will become a mighty nation. At the right time, I, the LORD, will make it happen.”(We had been talking about a future together) She was trying to get the necklace clasp open, almost breaking a nail(was creeping me out) and getting tense from trying to open it. I said it's okay, don't worry about it, I think it'll need a pin in it to open it and I can do it when I get home and put it in my shirt pocket.
Well, I decided to give her a two handed side hug to thank her as I had to go for my ride. So I leaned back to my left sitting looking at her and side hugging her with both hands around her, saying thank you, and that everything will be okay. Another reason I gave her the two sided sitting down side hug. As I was about to have to leave as my ride was already waiting. Then she says my parents are here. She changes into a statue looking like a principal just walked in in elementary school.(They never left was spying on us from across the park, pretended to have leave, but they said they were 'just talking' and seen it)
Her 68 year old dad and 60ish mom get out, walk up in the public park to the bench, and the dad asks me what are you doing with my daughter? I said had my arm around her and we were praying. Sorry if I offended you. (I have no clue at this point what is going on. She's 31(now 32) and I'm 38. Which is both true. The mom meanwhile starts waving her arms around like a bird, saying we don't do any of this, NONE of this until marriage. They then walk back to their vehicle, and she of course now has to leave. I tell her sorry, no clue what to say to her at this moment.
I walk her to the car, open the door and close it for her as always. Then walk up to their vehicle and he rolls down the window(Yes dumb move I know now), and I said I have nothing but good intent for your daughter Sir. Mom is saying into the window, she hasn't done any of that. I said neither have I ma'am. He says well the spirit and the flesh wrestle against each other. Then I just moved my head and walked off for my ride as they drove off.
That night she continued texting me until 11pm. I had been getting asleep around that time, I could not fall asleep until around 7am, I felt a horrible, horrible feeling over me. The next day there was no message from her at all.
The next day comes a 9am message. Saying,
'
Good morning, myname
I miss you and hope you slept well.
I very much hope the other night didn’t upset you too much, because honestly it did me.
You were amazing in so many ways and I was so grateful for the time and honesty which you offered so freely to my parents (and me of course)
Other than the obvious at the end of the night, there were just a couple moments that made me feel just a bit uneasy.
And while I’d like to address it right away, I believe the right thing to do is to continue in prayer and space to think.
I hope this time to be short lived as I’m anxious to see you again! But I think it best to simply take myself out of the next conversation and I’m sorry to ask this but that you would please contact my Dad for the next conversation.
I hope this won’t be too much to ask, as I’m sure he’s not the first person you’re eager to talk with right now, but I know you’re a pretty brave man
I know you’re a man of God, honorable and wants to do what’s best and so in respect for me, I ask that we do this by honoring our parents through this process.
You have not left my prayers.
I miss you, myname.
And I pray you have a very blessed day. '
Then she sends his phone number. Her being uneasy and everything is a surprise to me. End up calling her dad, left a message, a day later he replies, saying he didn't know it was my number. (Despite the voice mail saying so) So due to this I missed her birthday. Labor day weekend etc with her.
First thing he wants to discuss is what caused you to put your arm around her? As this woman loves side hugging me. She was the one who brought up the side hugging to me the first day we met and I declined it, due to I felt I thought it would be better to give her a full normal hug first, because I wanted to date her and was seriously interested in her. Though we did after the first meeting start side hugging on the bench only though. To protect her, I don't mention this to him. So, we get 45 minutes into the conversation, and then says he wants to meet me again for I can explain holiness and purity to him. As I had been talking about this with her, and them during our basically four hour meeting. I took it as a sermon,(which is what I'm planning to do one day as I'm trying to go into ministry)
I end up for the next 45 minutes discussing the Holy Bible with him, until again the library ends up announcing they are closing and so I'm at a loss as to what is still going on. I ask if she can go to church with me Sunday? He says no, we aren't ready for that.(Previous week me and the woman had agreed to it, but I ended up not being sure I could get there that week so it didn't happen. )
He said I'd still like to meet with you again, but I'll have to pray about it. I'm going to talk to her. He goes on to say I want whatever the Lord wants, and I don't want to stop anything, but it's going to be up to her. I asked can she message and tell me. And he said he will have to talk to her and his wife first.
Few days later, I get a message from her asking if I'd like to meet. I say yes, I get there, brought her birthday gift, not her card as it's hard to finish a custom made card with all this going on. As I'm walking down to the bench, where she said she'd be at. I notice the dad in the corner of my eye sitting in his vehicle next to hers.
She's completely different from before. Her posture is different, she's facing me looking towards her dad's vehicle. At opposite ends of the bench. He starts texting her during the conversation, and then he called and she didn't see it and he got out of his vehicle until she called him. We are about the handicap parking to the walmart entrance of any normal walmart.
(Ten days since I've seen her)So we start talking some, and she says, one little thing about the hug and then doesn't want to talk about it anymore, but then says my dad said you didn't want to meet him again. I told her I never said that, which I never did. I didn't understand why in the first place I'm meeting her dad.
Asked her why she couldn't go to church, and she said my dad doesn't want rumors or gossip to start. I ask her if she thinks that this is normal? What's normal anymore she replies. Then later she tells me she doesn't like when I contradict her parents. Basically the conversation feels like the woman is a middle man, and asking me questions for her parents. End up running out of time, she had to be at work, no one told me. I asked her if I could text her, and she said I don't want to have to ask again, but could you text my dad? Then I walk her to her car and I ask, so I need to text your dad before I can talk to you again? She says yes please.
So we go back to silence. I decided to wait a day to message her dad, because honestly I'm confused as to what is going on and how a side hug she enjoyed and we only did, now is suddenly a great act of wickedness. I message him at around 2:30ish pm Tuesday if he could meet me Friday(trying to meet her dad again to honor her), and apparently my discipleship teacher which teaches me said hello to him where her dad works, as he works at a common place you shop.(I found this out Wednesday night) He gives me a Christian reference letting her dad know I attend church/Bible study regularly in his class.
Only that daughter goes to church that I know of. The one I had been getting to know. Dad texts me Friday morning at 10:30ish am Sorry can't. Silence still, Monday comes and she asks if she could call me. I see it thirty minutes late, due to not expecting any messages. She calls me from her home on IG video.(She never ever even voice calls from her home; let alone a video call.)
She starts talking just about regular things holding the phone in her hand(She lives at home with an older sister, and younger brothers in their mid-late 20's with their parents)then she said what did you tell that man at church? I told her that I am very fond of you. And that he's watching over me. She says, well the intent of his message didn't work.
(The intent was to vouch that I'm truly attending church etc. A great thing to have from anyone) So now I'm confused, and will later have to ask my discipleship teacher about this. Turns out he did nothing more than that as I thought)
She then tells me, well I will decide by Wednesday night if we can continue. Then the night ends. Wednesday comes, and she asks if I'd like to have another call. We set one up for Thursday. She's outside at home(again not normal). We start talking, then she says again, I wish the meeting with my dad would have went better and you would have wanted to meet him again. I tell her again, I didn't say no and that I had texted him already. I ask her if she could ask a neutral church in town about all this. And she says well, I don't think it would matter, my parents know me. I told her I don't know what to do to fix this?
Then she says I want to just drop it and I said I do too. (I didn't bring it up again, she did about her dad being unhappy about me somehow saying no to meeting him again, despite me being the one who hasn't received a message back from him. ) So the conversation starts coming to a close, and I ask if she's going to the special event on the river. She says no, then she asks if I'm going to a special event near the river.(Large local event) I don't have anyone to go with I tell her. She says would you? That's a big crowd. She gets excited and then I ask her if she'd go with me. We ended up sitting up a day Saturday at 3pm. 9:45pm Friday night she messages as I'm preparing to be ready for bed and get up for tomorrow to do this with her. That she can't find peace, and if she meets me she will change her mind again. So she says goodbye to me, which is a couple days before my birthday.
What is going on? She talks consistently about having to honor her father and mother. The first day I met her, her mom called her at the library and I could hear her asking if her GPS was on. During the last conversation on video, she said she has to respect her parents, and I said they have to respect you too, as you're an adult. She said they are or I wouldn't be talking right now.
She's always smiling and happy with me. She said she's been unhappy when we aren't talking. She had no issues with us hugging. But it's like all about her mom and dad now. Is it normal for a 32 year old woman not to be able to text/talk/video, meet without her parents permission? Not even be able to let anyone come to her studio to sit and talk with her, in her car, anything without permission?
I understand fully honoring thy father and thy mother, but not being able to choose who you can meet, date, talk with, text, visit, etc. Is this biblically correct at all? Her ending message Thursday night stated with the other stuff , "I want to assure you that this is completely and 100% my decision" Which feels really weird, because she was happy and excited when videoing Thursday about us going out to talk and look at things together.
What is going on?? I didn't reply, because truthfully my heart is broken. In the message she said she admired me, etc, etc and all these things, but does this to me? What am I missing? Please any advice is appreciated.
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