The Challenge
Accept the Challenge I am Facing.
It may become my greatest gift. -Gail B.
When life runs smoothly, I tend to become less focused and alert to what is happening inside me. Perhaps when things are ‘just so’, I fall into a sort of half-sleep: routine can be soothing and numbing. If there is no itch, there is no need to scratch. However, life is set up in such a way, that I will be awakened. When that happens, the shock, pain, or even in some cases dissatisfaction pushes me to either face what is going on or to seek and escape. The getaway for me is to go back to sleep. However, like an itch, it may only get worse from my trying to flee without facing what is before me. The lessons that need to be learned from this are slow going. Sometimes I do well, and can face it, at other times I feel like life has me by the neck and shakes me silly. Yet, time moves forward, and I am learning, though at my current speed, I will still be ‘learning’ even after I have died.
I have found that these challenges are important. Prayer, slowing down, and simply facing what I am feeling, no matter what it is, help me to navigate these inner waters and not crash upon the rocks. Sometimes the challenge is to face what I do not understand, but to allow the storm to settle without me getting dashed about. I doubt I will understand many of my inner struggles. Yet in prayer, I can open up my heart to the light and allow it to work on me.
I see as I age, that there are walls inside of me that can only be taken down by simply being open to grace. The pain of feeling these barriers is present in my prayer. While I experience that my freedom is growing, there is more compulsion than liberty. I believe this is an important part of my journey, as well I suppose, of most people. This bit of self-knowledge often helps me not to become judgmental, or angry at others.
It is all grace as St. Theresa says, I have over the years slowly learned this. I pray, as I get older slower, and forgetful, that I will not ignore this. Even if I do, grace will always be at work. God’s love is stronger than death, in that reality, is our hope based. Not on ourselves but the steadfastness of God’s love and mercy.-Br.MD
