Introduction
Kissing can be a controversial topic for Christians. It’s amazing how many people have questions about kissing. Christian Forums has many threads where people wonder if kissing is a sin before marriage, what types of kissing might be sinful, and even if kissing is sinful between actors in a play or film. What does the Bible say about kissing? Can Christians kiss before marriage or is it a sinful activity that should be avoided at all costs?
The Bible mentions kissing several times. However, it is usually in the context of a greeting, not romantic kissing. The Bible does not forbid kissing outside of marriage. Still, it does contain helpful guidelines for how unmarried couples should act. If kissing is a sin for you or not depends on your heart, motives, and what God reveals is right for you.
What Does the Bible Say about Premarital Kissing?
The Bible uses the word “kiss” (and related forms like “kissing”) 46 times. In the ancient world, kissing was a common form of greeting, much like it is in many European countries today. It is a common instruction in the New Testament for members of the church to “greet one another with a holy kiss.”
Just like today, kissing was a way for family members or friends to show affection for one another. It was, of course, also used in romantic relationships, but this is the least common usage in the Bible. Only Proverbs and the Song of Solomon mention this type of kissing.
Romantic Kissing in the Bible
The verse in Proverbs is about a wayward woman trying to entice a young man to sleep with her while her husband is away. This is not an endorsement of kissing outside of marriage. The woman in question is also married. This verse doesn’t teach us anything helpful regarding how God views two unmarried people kissing.
There are two verses in Song of Solomon that mention kissing. In one, the woman expresses a desire to be kissed by her beloved. In the other, she bemoans the fact that they aren’t related because then she could kiss him in public and no one would think anything of it.
These verses show that kissing is a desirable thing that God intended for our pleasure. However, the dialogue in the book is probably between two spouses or between engaged people. These verses don’t exactly address our question either.
The Bible does not directly or explicitly say anything about premarital kissing or if kissing is a sin before marriage. It is never explicitly called a sin. However, it is not ever praised as a good thing for unmarried couples to do either. To discover whether kissing before marriage is sinful or not, we have to look at what the Bible says more generally about how God’s people should conduct themselves.
Bible Verses about Kissing before Marriage
Though the Bible never explicitly says anything about whether kissing before marriage is sinful or not, some other biblical principles can be helpful as we try to discern if kissing is a sin.
Romans 14
Romans 14 is perhaps the most helpful verse when it comes to deciding whether anything not explicitly mentioned in the Bible is a sin or not. In this passage, Paul points out that there are a lot of “disputable matters”, things not in the Bible or which God doesn’t give direct instructions on but that people have varying opinions on.
He mentions things like observing certain holy days and eating certain kinds of food. These were things that Christians in his time had strong opinions about. Paul says that each person should do what God has convicted them to do (or not do) and not judge their fellow Christians.
He’s very clear that people should decide in their minds what God is calling them to, and then they should follow that calling. This means that when it comes to kissing, though it might not be inherently sinful, if you think God is calling you not to do it (or to do it), you should be fully convinced and follow what God has told you, not what God has told your friend, your sibling, or the author of a book.
You also shouldn’t look down on anyone for their position. God knows their heart and what is wise or unwise for them to do. You shouldn’t pride yourself on your ability to do what others feel they can’t or condemn those who do things you don’t feel God would have you do.
1 Corinthians 10:23
This is another, more general verse that reminds us that while we might have the freedom in Christ to do many things, not all things are beneficial to us. While kissing might not be sinful in and of itself, it might also not be wise in all circumstances.
Matthew 5:27-30
Matthew 5:27-30 is another helpful verse. Jesus sets a very high standard for our conduct. He says that if you even look at someone lustfully, it’s the same as committing adultery with them. God judges the intentions of our hearts, not just our actions.
This means that if kissing causes you to lust after someone, you probably shouldn’t do it. It might not be inherently sinful, but if it causes you to sin in your mind, it is a sin for you.
1 Corinthians 6:18
This verse tells us to “flee from sexual immorality.” If kissing causes you to lust after the person you’re kissing or you find yourself always wanting to go further than kissing, you are doing the exact opposite of fleeing by kissing. You are moving closer to sexual immorality and not away from it.
French kissing in particular is an intimate act and can be considered foreplay. It’s very easy (though not inevitable) to move from deep kissing to other sexual behaviors. For this reason, kissing may be something you want to avoid if you find yourself sexually aroused and wanting more.
1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
This verse reminds Christians to be self-controlled in all they do, not controlled by passionate lust. If you feel “out of control” while you are kissing someone, it may not be a wise decision for you. If you can remain self-controlled while kissing, you are probably OK to continue.
Looking at all of these verses, I think it is safe to say that kissing between unmarried people is not inherently sinful. It is a “disputable matter” that good Christians can disagree on. If kissing causes you to sin by inciting you to lust or to move towards having sex, it should be avoided and is sinful for you. If you can kiss and remain self-controlled and honoring in your thoughts to God, there is no reason not to do it.
Is Making Out a Sin?
I think all the biblical principles that apply to kissing apply to making out. Again, you should ask God what he thinks about you making out. If you can do so with a clean conscience and without moving towards other activities that would be considered sexual sin (like mutual masturbation, oral sex, etc.), I don’t think making out is a sin.
You must be honest with yourself and your partner in these discussions. If making out causes either of you to sin, you shouldn’t do it. Kissing can be a sin before marriage, or it might not be. You and your partner have to discover what God is calling you to do.
You shouldn’t feel any shame if something causes you to sin that other people can easily do without sinning or vice versa. We all have different struggles and things that cause us to sin. As Romans 14 reminds us, we should be decided in our minds and be steadfast to whatever position God calls us to.
Are There Spiritual Dangers of Kissing?
Almost everything in relationships (romantic and otherwise) can be potentially spiritually dangerous. Kissing is not an exception.
Kissing is one of the first physical steps that move us toward the physical intimacy that is ultimately completed with sexual intercourse. Sometimes kissing can cause us to move further down that path than we might originally intend. This is a spiritual danger.
Having intimate physical contact with someone, even something as simple as a kiss, can bind us emotionally to someone in ways we might not intend. Our brains release endorphins and other chemicals when we engage in romantic physical contact. This can cause us to bond with a person in a powerful way and can cause us to overlook faults they might have.
This can happen through other kinds of physical contact or deep and intimate conversations as well, so it’s not unique to kissing. However, it is a spiritual danger to become bonded to someone who isn’t a good and godly fit for us.
FAQ
What Does God Say About Kissing?
God created kissing as he created all forms of physical expression between humans. He created it to be a good and pleasurable act to show affection between friends, family members, and spouses. The Bible says little more about God’s thoughts about kissing, generally.
Is French Kissing a Sin?
French kissing is not inherently sinful but can be depending on the person’s heart and motives. Any form of physical contact, including French kissing, can be sinful if it causes us to lust or causes us to engage in other forms of sexual contact.
Can Christians Kiss Before Marriage?
Nothing in the Bible prohibits kissing before marriage. Christians can kiss before marriage. However, it might or might not be a sin to kiss before marriage depending on your heart and intentions.
Can You Get Soul Ties from Kissing?
A soul tie is an intense emotional or spiritual connection with another person. This is just a more spiritual way of labeling an intense connection you feel with someone. These ties can be romantic or platonic. Any intimate experience can create a soul tie. Since kissing is an intimate experience, yes, you could create an intense connection with someone by kissing them.
Should Christian Actors Kiss?
If Christian actors can kiss without inciting lust or wanting to go farther with the person they are kissing, there is no reason they shouldn’t kiss. Conversely, you should avoid any form of kissing that causes you to lust or want to go physically farther with a person who is not your spouse.
Is Kissing the Same Gender a Sin?
Kissing someone of the same gender is not necessarily a sin. With all kinds of kissing, whether it is sinful or not depends on the type of kissing and the motive.
David and Jonathan kissed in the Bible as a sign of affection for one another. This was not a sexual kind of kissing, but similar to the way that family members might kiss one another today.
If you are kissing someone of the same gender lustfully or it causes you to want a more physical relationship, it is a sin. It’s not sinful to kiss if your motive is simply to show affection. If your motivation is sexual in nature, it is a sin.
Is Kissing Considered Adultery in the Bible?
Jesus tells us in Matthew 5 that the motivation of our hearts, not just our actions cause us to commit adultery. Looking at someone generally is not a sin, but if you look at someone lustfully, it is a sin. If you kiss someone lustfully and you are not married to them, you have committed adultery with them in your heart.
Is It a Sin to Kiss a Married Man?
Kissing is only a sin if it is done in lust. If you kiss a married man as part of a cultural greeting or because he is a close relative or friend and there is no lust involved for either party, it’s not a sin. However, if you kiss someone who is married romantically or lustfully, that would be a sin.
How Many Dates Are Appropriate before Kissing?
There is no magic number of dates that you should go on before it’s appropriate to kiss someone. It’s entirely dependent on the two people involved. You should think through how well you know each other and what each of you is comfortable with.
If you have been friends with someone for a long time and that friendship develops into a romance, you might kiss before you ever go on a date. Other couples feel they couldn’t kiss without wanting to go further, so they might not kiss until their wedding day. Some might kiss on a first date.
None of these scenarios are wrong or right. You simply need to decide what is wise or unwise for you and your partner. When in doubt, you can always ask a partner before you try to kiss them. This can be very sweet and romantic and can keep you from moving too quickly for the other person.
Conclusion
God created kissing to be used as a sign of affection. It is used in the Bible and in our world today between family members, friends, and lovers. Kissing is not inherently sinful. However, just like anything else in this world, depending on our motivation and intentions there are some situations where kissing may be sinful for a particular person or couple. For those who are not married, kissing might or might not be sinful. We must use godly wisdom, biblical principles, and grace, as we determine when kissing, is wise or unwise.