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Empty Pride
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<blockquote data-quote="JustAnotherHypocrite" data-source="post: 77652551" data-attributes="member: 455841"><p>My strong feeling is that it's all superficial, but when it got personal and I found myself admitting that I'm not actually all that in any area - as a father I don't provide well and haven't been a good leader, as an employee I haven't always been attentive, as a brother I am straight-up inattentive and dragged my sisters into my drama with my parents (that's a whole thing, but both my parents and I are awful) - just I had the thought that I may be worth something as Jesus reckons it but in fact my whole pride thing was out of traction to work from.</p><p></p><p>But my main issue has usually been pride. I'm often sure I'm smarter than others in the room, or more articulate at least. I dress poorly because I used to dress well and didn't like the way people reacted to me - acting more aware that I was there - but paradoxically wish I was well-thought-of by those around me. I chalk it up to insecurity and immaturity.</p><p></p><p>My kids are getting old enough to model my behavior in terms of my Christian walk and I don't know what to show them anymore. I saw a miracle - two miracles - over my life, but somehow completely forgot about both for a period of several years. I remembered and felt revitalized, and forgot again, and remembered again.</p><p>I had a cavity. It's a small thing, I know, but it's a thing I had. And then between one dentist appointment and the next I didn't. And I touched someone who was too tired to drive and prayed for him, and he was awake.</p><p></p><p>I'm a mess, and haven't got a church home, and would love the anonymous help of people with really useful things to say. Hi.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JustAnotherHypocrite, post: 77652551, member: 455841"] My strong feeling is that it's all superficial, but when it got personal and I found myself admitting that I'm not actually all that in any area - as a father I don't provide well and haven't been a good leader, as an employee I haven't always been attentive, as a brother I am straight-up inattentive and dragged my sisters into my drama with my parents (that's a whole thing, but both my parents and I are awful) - just I had the thought that I may be worth something as Jesus reckons it but in fact my whole pride thing was out of traction to work from. But my main issue has usually been pride. I'm often sure I'm smarter than others in the room, or more articulate at least. I dress poorly because I used to dress well and didn't like the way people reacted to me - acting more aware that I was there - but paradoxically wish I was well-thought-of by those around me. I chalk it up to insecurity and immaturity. My kids are getting old enough to model my behavior in terms of my Christian walk and I don't know what to show them anymore. I saw a miracle - two miracles - over my life, but somehow completely forgot about both for a period of several years. I remembered and felt revitalized, and forgot again, and remembered again. I had a cavity. It's a small thing, I know, but it's a thing I had. And then between one dentist appointment and the next I didn't. And I touched someone who was too tired to drive and prayed for him, and he was awake. I'm a mess, and haven't got a church home, and would love the anonymous help of people with really useful things to say. Hi. [/QUOTE]
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