- May 3, 2024
- 2
- 0
- 63
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Baptist
- Marital Status
- Divorced
This is a crazy one Im afraid. I am in my 60s I grew up Baptist never heard anything about election in church. About 15 years ago my friend who is a Calvanist told me about it. I was outraged. I searched the Bible to prove him wrong. Over and over. I then came to the belief it must be true. I was actually relieved when I did, because I thought I found the security I had always been searching for. Id prayed before this hundreds of times for God to save me. Had talked to many preachers. I kinda dropped out of church as a teenager, and went back in my 40s . I was a person believing in Calvanism and that I was elect. But a couple years ago ,after a unwanted divorce, I saw myself closely . I had so much time to think and I feel like God showed me how sinful I was. Although I was engaging in sinful stuff that I did know . I have come to believe Im not elect. I want to be saved, I ask God to save me, to do whatever to me as long as I can be his child. I want to be saved so badly. Everyday its constantly on my mind. I dont want to go to church because I feel God is against me. I feel like Im one of those who was born to show Gods wrath. But then why why do I wake each morning and thru the day asking God begging God to save me ,to let me be one of HIs children. Ive not met anyone in my situation. They either believe the are elect and are good. Or they are more freewill and believe they are good . Can anyone help me? This is eating me alive. I cant read Bible it just seems to bring more conviction. I can remember exactly when I got to thinking I wasnt saved. I even feel like God put a curse of a nervous tic on me. Ive had since that time. I want God I want to be saved I want my mind to think the thought He wants , but Im not . I even have bad blasphemous thoughts. Im so confused, Ive seen counselors , they didnt help, Im only asking on a internet forum out of desperation.