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    Alone, losing hope, don't know what to do

    Wondering if I'm alone in this...it's wonderful how some people can read the Bible or pray then believe and find Jesus and comfort. That's not me though. I've tried all i can think of to believe and find Jesus but i get nothing. I know so much about God, the Bible, the Christian life in my head...
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    I think I'm unregnerate, reprobate, vessel of wrath, despairing, tried all I can think of

    I grew up in the Lutheran church going to Sunday School, church on Sundays, confirmation. When I was about 5, I did something I felt guilty about. I was upset by it, was crying, and despite my mom telling me God loves me and forgives me, I said He didn't and He hates me, my mom hates me...