Michael the Iconographer
6th September 2004, 09:51 AM
http://www.theoniondome.com/2004/09/03/
RUMPO Responds to Growth in Other Parts of Diocese by Enthroning Second Bishop of Central California
September 3, 2004
Oakland, California, USA — In a move which has heads wagging, beards dragging and spirits flagging from Arizona to British Columbia, the Rump Orthodox Church of America has installed a second bishop in the Bay Area. In addition to his grace Bishop Timothy of San Francisco, the gigantic Archdiocese of Everything West of Denver and South of Juneau now has his grace Bishop Sylvester of Oakland.
“Oooh, just what we need, another bishop in the Bay,” exuded Father Thomas Thompson, pastor of tiny All Saints of Northwestern Montana in Bozeman.
“I guess we’re just not worthy of a bishop up here,” pined Father Vladimir Vladmirov of Seattle’s bishopless Cathedral of St. Simeon Stylites.
“Is outrage!” opined Father Vasiliy Vasileivich, spokesman for the Church Overseas of Russian Orthodox Christians (COROC). “COROC already has bishop in California. Why is Rumpo putting yet one more bishop in California?”
“Perhaps he prefers the weather?” suggested Ima Cog, spokeswoman for the Archdiocese of Everything West etc. “I mean, who wants to live in Seattle?”
“Some of us like living in Seattle,” said Fr. Vladimir.
“There’s always Spokane,” suggested Fr. Thomas.
“Or Portland,” chimed in Father James Jameson of the Church of Our Lady Queen of Roses in that fair city.
“Now, this isn’t what the focus groups found when we researched this,” said Cog.
“You didn’t really use focus groups to determine where to put a bishop?” suggested Fr. Thomas.
“No, but I had you going there, didn’t I?” said Cog.
“Very funny,” sarcasted Fr. Thomas.
“In reality, fans of the Oakland Athletics baseball team objected to having to have a bishop in the city of the rival Giants,” said Cog.
“Was it baseball in Nineteenth Century Russia?” howled Fr. Vasiliy.
“No, but it was baseball — I mean there was baseball — in nineteenth century America!” observed Cog.
“Not in California,” noted Fr. Vladimir.
“True,” agreed Cog.
“Well as long as his grace comes up and visits us reasonably frequently, I guess Oakland isn’t the worst place to enthrone a bishop,” conceded Fr. Thomas.
“Yeah, it could have been someplace like Berkeley,” said Fr. James.
Fathers Vasiliy, Thomas, and Vladimir laughed.
“Oh, that is good joke,” said Fr. Vasiliy. “Now I must be going to visit Bug in seminary.”
“Goodbye, Father Vasiliy!” said Fathers James, Thomas, and Vladimir.
“Hmm, now there’s an idea...” mused Cog.
This report was filed by intrepid Onion Dome editor Alex Riggle
RUMPO Responds to Growth in Other Parts of Diocese by Enthroning Second Bishop of Central California
September 3, 2004
Oakland, California, USA — In a move which has heads wagging, beards dragging and spirits flagging from Arizona to British Columbia, the Rump Orthodox Church of America has installed a second bishop in the Bay Area. In addition to his grace Bishop Timothy of San Francisco, the gigantic Archdiocese of Everything West of Denver and South of Juneau now has his grace Bishop Sylvester of Oakland.
“Oooh, just what we need, another bishop in the Bay,” exuded Father Thomas Thompson, pastor of tiny All Saints of Northwestern Montana in Bozeman.
“I guess we’re just not worthy of a bishop up here,” pined Father Vladimir Vladmirov of Seattle’s bishopless Cathedral of St. Simeon Stylites.
“Is outrage!” opined Father Vasiliy Vasileivich, spokesman for the Church Overseas of Russian Orthodox Christians (COROC). “COROC already has bishop in California. Why is Rumpo putting yet one more bishop in California?”
“Perhaps he prefers the weather?” suggested Ima Cog, spokeswoman for the Archdiocese of Everything West etc. “I mean, who wants to live in Seattle?”
“Some of us like living in Seattle,” said Fr. Vladimir.
“There’s always Spokane,” suggested Fr. Thomas.
“Or Portland,” chimed in Father James Jameson of the Church of Our Lady Queen of Roses in that fair city.
“Now, this isn’t what the focus groups found when we researched this,” said Cog.
“You didn’t really use focus groups to determine where to put a bishop?” suggested Fr. Thomas.
“No, but I had you going there, didn’t I?” said Cog.
“Very funny,” sarcasted Fr. Thomas.
“In reality, fans of the Oakland Athletics baseball team objected to having to have a bishop in the city of the rival Giants,” said Cog.
“Was it baseball in Nineteenth Century Russia?” howled Fr. Vasiliy.
“No, but it was baseball — I mean there was baseball — in nineteenth century America!” observed Cog.
“Not in California,” noted Fr. Vladimir.
“True,” agreed Cog.
“Well as long as his grace comes up and visits us reasonably frequently, I guess Oakland isn’t the worst place to enthrone a bishop,” conceded Fr. Thomas.
“Yeah, it could have been someplace like Berkeley,” said Fr. James.
Fathers Vasiliy, Thomas, and Vladimir laughed.
“Oh, that is good joke,” said Fr. Vasiliy. “Now I must be going to visit Bug in seminary.”
“Goodbye, Father Vasiliy!” said Fathers James, Thomas, and Vladimir.
“Hmm, now there’s an idea...” mused Cog.
This report was filed by intrepid Onion Dome editor Alex Riggle