Sex before, with or after marriage?

[Black Brother]

It is a Mortal Sin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[phylis]

The stuff about society and the effects that it influences us to sin is utter and complete bull.

Biblical teachings aside, we have a choice as human beings with minds what we want to do. Its called being independant and responsible. The people who blame their sins on the world are just weaseling out and finding a scapegoat.

I have watched a number of movies, television shows, and listened to many songs that can be considered vulgar. But I have chosen to stay a virgin until marriage and after I am fully able to provide for the child.

If one makes that choice, worldly things have no effect on their mind.

[joey4christ]

I don't think it's moral per se, but define "marriage"....
marriage is a commitment more than a legal recognition. it is a covenant relationship between two people, the closes we can get to eachother is in marriage. sex is the most intimate relation two people can share, and is reserved for that covenant relationship, marriage.

[APKingBlue19]

I believe, as most people do according to the poll, that sex should be performed within marriage and NOT outside of it. Also, you should not get married only for sex, but for the loving and caring relationship that you share with your partner.

[Evie]

In today's society, it seems that sex outside of marriage is common. Take many of the 'teen' movies produced. Many depict sex outside the bounds of marriage as commonplace. Some movies have sex outside of marriage as the actual topic of the movie. What are your thoughts?
according to the Bible, marriage is between a man and a woman. God did not make Adam and Stevey,He made Adam and Eve! Therefore a man and a woman are clearly what God had in plan. Sex is and always will be defined as in the marriage,outside of that is an affair.

[SuperMama]

No its not Ok.

I would be a hypocrite to say that I didn't or haven't. At 18 I had no reason not to. I was not a Christian and came from a home where there was negligiable guidance on any moral issue. At 28 I was due to remarry, and had a two year wait to be divorced (a whole nother topic) before I could marry my second husband. We didnt manage to wait this long - easier said than done when you have already been sexually active to put the lid back on the genie.

So I dont condmen or judge others for their choices - It's an easy one to see and understand - the Bible is very clear on the issue. It is a much harder one to put into practice when the flesh is working against your beliefs.

[The Story Teller]

http://www1.christianforums.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=27266&stc=1:) :groupray:

[ladybug01]

It is never ok and is definately a mortal sin, as Black Brother said.

[republican]

I have read the bible many ways but I just do not really think about it because me and my gf are waiting for marriage. ;)

[PACKY]

sex before marriage was a law (jewish) as well as other nations/ethnicities that were established as a effort to control females, it also gave the men /husbands more control the whole fire and brimstone teachings were in a effort to act as a deterent..
God said go and be fruitful not go and get married then be fruitful! I dont beleive in casual sex Howver if you are in a loving caring relationship and most importantly commited then in my mind you can still enter in that covenant with god, your marriage is a affirmation of faith in the lord and the making of that covenat with god and your spouse, SEX is natural and was given to us by god,
Just imagine if sex didnt feel good and that if felt no different than lets say washing your hands..do you think people would be doing it? NO! god gave us that pleasure and those physical sensations for when we are reproducing/being fruitful or in the act of making LOVE. ( may be far fetched yet its my opinion)
GOD BLESS AND STAY STRONG IN THE FAITH!

[cool2bCatholic]

My beliefs on the subject can be found here:
http://www.pureloveclub.com
(and also in the Catechism of the Catholic Church;))
God bless you and Pax Christi!
Angela
:crosseo:

[newfoundsalvation]

Before I was saved I led a very unholy life. I had sex outside of marriage when my now ex husband and I were just dating. And it ruined our marriage. We were not at all blessed in our union and spent SO much time focusing on the physical that we neglected the emotioal and spiritual aspects of our relationship.
I had sex outside of marriage after I divorced and the same pattern started unfolding.
Sex outside of marriage just messes everything up. it turns caring rational people into something very frightening. I saw it in myself. This young woman who truely believed that sex in any relationship was important.
After I was saved I began to become quite aware of it, of the foothold that Satan had in my life when he used sexual sins repeatedly.

Every time I had sex ot of wedlock I was destroying that which I was trying to accomplish in my relationship with the person (trust, understanding, respect, support, healthy bond) and in my walk with God. I felt like I was so far from what God had intended that at last I made the decision to go back my roots and my relationship with God.

To share our body with someone is an extremely important and sacred event. Our bodies were created by God for his pleasure, not our own. So when we go out and give our bodies to numerous people outside of marriage we are polluting the beautiful gift God gave to us. Our virginity, a sacred gift, we give it away and think nothing of it
Marriage is a divine union under God, and it is in that union that we are BLESSED when we share our bodies with our spouse,

As a teenager I thought it was ok, that is was "my body my choices" But as an adult and a Christian, I can finally see clearly.

No, sex outside of marriage is NOT right.

[Marrianne]

If two people never experience the ways of one another until AFTER marriage, then what if they are disappointed by a terrible partner and an ungratifying intimate relationship? Is that not part of becoming "close" to one another (emotionally and physically)? Physical intimacy creates a bond between two people like no other. It is beautiful, and I think the only reason that it is "condemned" so to speak is because of the degree of responsibility involved.

Adultry, or cheating, is wrong. But relations between two responsible, consenting adults is not a bad thing! (No, we will not burn in hell for such a thing.)

[Marrianne]

Our bodies were created by God for his pleasure, not our own.
That's not so . . .:scratch:

[cool2bCatholic]

I just found two AWESOME articles on sex and holy purity:
http://www.catholic.org/featured/sheen.php?ID=1432
and
http://www.catholic.org/featured/sheen.php?ID=1466
Very beautiful articles.

Marrianne-
In answer to your question...
Sex is not a tryout. If he fails to thrill you sexually, will you love him less? If so, you can be certain that you never loved him to begin with.
(from www.pureloveclub.com (http://www.pureloveclub.com/))

God bless you and Pax Christi!
Angela
:crosseo:

[PACKY]

If two people never experience the ways of one another until AFTER marriage, then what if they are disappointed by a terrible partner and an ungratifying intimate relationship? Is that not part of becoming "close" to one another (emotionally and physically)? Physical intimacy creates a bond between two people like no other. It is beautiful, and I think the only reason that it is "condemned" so to speak is because of the degree of responsibility involved.

Adultry, or cheating, is wrong. But relations between two responsible, consenting adults is not a bad thing! (No, we will not burn in hell for such a thing.)I agree with you completely, the fear of fire and brimstone should not be used by man as a means to persuade us away from sex, people need to also reason for themselves, Casual sex with multiple partners is WRONG, however I feel that if you are in a committed loving caring relationship that sex is ok , its what you make of it,

[PACKY]

Before I was saved I led a very unholy life. I had sex outside of marriage when my now ex husband and I were just dating. And it ruined our marriage. We were not at all blessed in our union and spent SO much time focusing on the physical that we neglected the emotioal and spiritual aspects of our relationship.
I had sex outside of marriage after I divorced and the same pattern started unfolding.
Sex outside of marriage just messes everything up. it turns caring rational people into something very frightening. I saw it in myself. This young woman who truely believed that sex in any relationship was important.
After I was saved I began to become quite aware of it, of the foothold that Satan had in my life when he used sexual sins repeatedly.

Every time I had sex ot of wedlock I was destroying that which I was trying to accomplish in my relationship with the person (trust, understanding, respect, support, healthy bond) and in my walk with God. I felt like I was so far from what God had intended that at last I made the decision to go back my roots and my relationship with God.

To share our body with someone is an extremely important and sacred event. Our bodies were created by God for his pleasure, not our own. So when we go out and give our bodies to numerous people outside of marriage we are polluting the beautiful gift God gave to us. Our virginity, a sacred gift, we give it away and think nothing of it
Marriage is a divine union under God, and it is in that union that we are BLESSED when we share our bodies with our spouse,

As a teenager I thought it was ok, that is was "my body my choices" But as an adult and a Christian, I can finally see clearly.

No, sex outside of marriage is NOT right.

it sounds like you places to much importance on sex in a relationship in general, I am not a buyer into the "if it feels good do it" crowd but i dont buy into the fire and brimstone scare tactics either, If you are in a good relationship a SOLID relationship then sex would just be the proverbial icing on the cake , The "cake" being the love,respect,patience,kindness,faithfulness and godness that forms teh foundation and cement that holds a relationship together,, This is just MY opinion and my experience.
:thumbsup:

[cool2bCatholic]

Adultry, or cheating, is wrong. But relations between two responsible, consenting adults is not a bad thing! (No, we will not burn in hell for such a thing.)
Interesting...have you ever thought of premarital sex as adultery against your future spouse? That's exactly what it is. Having sex before marriage is telling your future spouse that you didn't love them enough to wait and save your precious, God-given gift of sexuality for them alone.
God bless you and Pax Christi!
Angela
:crosseo:

"Deep within yourself, listen to your conscience which calls you to be pure...a home is not warmed by the fire of pleasure which burns quickly like a pile of withered grass. Passing encounters are only a caricature of love; they injure hearts and mock God's plan."
- Pope John Paul II

"'Purity?' they ask. And they smile. They are the ones who go on to marriage with worn-out bodies and disillusioned souls."
- St. Josemaria Escriva

"When you have sought the company of a sensual satisfaction, what loneliness afterward!"
- St. Josemaria Escriva

[hannabl]

Well, I'vw had some thoughts on this subject. But it seems to me that the Church is, once again, right; sex outside marriage is not supposed to be.

[PACKY]

Well, I'vw had some thoughts on this subject. But it seems to me that the Church is, once again, right; sex outside marriage is not supposed to be.
the church is run by men our lives should be run by the christ!

[MQTA]

it sounds like you places to much importance on sex in a relationship in general, I am not a buyer into the "if it feels good do it" crowd but i dont buy into the fire and brimstone scare tactics either, If you are in a good relationship a SOLID relationship then sex would just be the proverbial icing on the cake , The "cake" being the love,respect,patience,kindness,faithfulness and godness that forms teh foundation and cement that holds a relationship together,, This is just MY opinion and my experience.
:thumbsup: What is the difference between a Marriage Relationship and ANY/EVERY other relationship on the planet's face? Is it not the SEX?

It's not the icing on the cake, it IS the cake and the icing and the filling and everything. Otherwise it is not the same relationship as EVERY OTHER relationship you can have -- all OTHER relationships aren't supposed to include SEX. But you can share love, you can share movies, you can share talks, and companionship and whatever else you want.

So sex IS a big deal in a marriage, Especially if you're only planning to have sex with just one other person.

But everyone is entitled to have a lesser life than they are capable of and deserving of. It's all about choice.

[cool2bCatholic]

the church is run by men our lives should be run by the christ!
So, do you think that Jesus thinks it's ok to commit adultery against your future spouse by having premarital sex?

Plus, the Church is run by men who are influenced by God. :)
God bless you and Pax Christi!
Angela
:crosseo:

[BubblesRelena]

In today's society, it seems that sex outside of marriage is common. Take many of the 'teen' movies produced. Many depict sex outside the bounds of marriage as commonplace. Some movies have sex outside of marriage as the actual topic of the movie. What are your thoughts?
My thoughts are "Just because it's common, doesn't make it right.":cool:

~BubblesRelena

[LoyalFollower]

Correct. The Lord clearly says it is wrong, so if we cannot take Him at His word, what are we doing here?

[hannabl]

the church is run by men our lives should be run by the christ! Well, the Church is "run" by the members in it, but yes the pope, other bishops and priests are men. That has nothing to do with the pre-marriage-sex-issue, since that also applies to men.

[MQTA]

Well, the Church is "run" by the members in it, but yes the pope, other bishops and priests are men. That has nothing to do with the pre-marriage-sex-issue, since that also applies to men. I think the 'men' in his post was referring to hu-men, not man/woman.

[knownbeforetime]

I said no. Of course, it says so in the Bible...but what's life without some real life examples.

A friend of mine (who's older) was going to get married to this guy. He pushes her to have sex with him before they're married. After she gave in, he left her.

God makes these rules so we don't get hurt. My friend broke the rules and she got hurt.

[hannabl]

I think the 'men' in his post was referring to hu-men, not man/woman.
Ah... could be, in that case: Sorry.

[holyroller2005]

its becoming a more common thing. Still, Its better to wait until marriage so there will be less chance of regrets.

[NajaHaji]

I don't think it's better to wait until marriage. How do you know if you are compatible? You have to spend the rest of your life with this person. It's totally impractical.

[~ Gig ~]

Hebrews 13:4 "Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefifiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge".

I personally think the answer is very clear here - NO

[lovinjesus31]

:( I think it is really sad that it happens but thankfully we can be forgiven!!

[Im_A]

I don't think it's better to wait until marriage. How do you know if you are compatible? You have to spend the rest of your life with this person. It's totally impractical.
my only comment is, since when did an animalistic activity dictate compatibility? :scratch:


(i'm not trying to be mean, i just dont' agree with you :) )

[Im_A]

my views are that sex should be waiting for marriage. i view compatibility is beyond a body parts reacting to blood. of course anyone is going to think that they are meant to be if endorphins and hormones get turned on too high. i think it should be waited for marriage, because if two has faith in God the relationship will last after "the morning after" or dare i say forever, then marriage is the only way to see it with two that are seeking God.

plus take religion out of this for a minute. i would rather want someone who sees compatibility in me beyond sexual activities. we're all human beings/animals. so sex isn't bad. but we have a conscience and a mind to use it. so why not use it is what i say. marriage is something high in all the religions. so why not wait for it. how bad is it to wait to fully love the one you love? when one truly wants something, they will be able to wait for it for a long time.

and if something does happen and the couple does have sex before marriage, then it's just more reason to not give up and to keep on seeking purity. and if it happens again, well marriage should come quicker. no reason to give up because a couple is struggling with showing utmost love between each other. just shows their love is becoming stronger and stronger. but i do believe that it is best to wait till marriage. it's just odd in the Bible when we read in the Old Testament about how it was if people had sex, they were to get married and then with what Paul said that if a man and woman cannot say no to sexual things they should get married. but i still believe the calling is to refrain until marriage but it's a battle because love goes beyond emotional and mental things, it does go into phyiscal things. i battle it because i'm a virgin and i know i've been extremly close to losing it, but i know how much i want sexual love, so it's a constant battle for myself. it's nothing i'm proud of because my convictons with God are the only reasons why i'm this way today and i've lived in this conviction for so long that it is who i am now. but i don't say i'll be a virgin until i'm married. i'm not going to make deals on days that are not promised to me yet plus i know how much i struggle with it. it's just a daily relying on God to keep me in tact. and if i should ever fall, i pray that it wont' ruin the relationship, and we'll just keep on going and deal with it, seek forgiveness and if it keeps on happening, well i would be lead to believe that marriage should be looked into a lot quicker.

so there's my two cents on this issue.

[peterdodd]

WELL I THINK IT IS COMPLEATLY MORRALY WRONG TO COPULATE BEFORE MATRIMONY, AND EVEN AFTER IT SHOULD NOT BE ENJOYED AND SHOULD ONLY BE SEEN AS A WAY OF CARRYING ON YOUR FAMILY!!!!!

[knownbeforetime]

Hey, pete. What's wrong with you? Are you being funny? Geez...calm down!

[MQTA]

its becoming a more common thing. Still, Its better to wait until marriage so there will be less chance of regrets. It's possible. But one can have regrets for things they Could have done but chose not to, for whatever reason that seemed good at the time.

If one feels they shouldn't, then they shouldn't. It really is a personal decision mainly based upon Another's wishes. You can say and want and wish all you like, but if you don't have another to share a 2 person party with, it won't happen anyway.

Perhaps one could ask this same question to themselves each year on their birthday and see if they still feel the same. If so, then you're good for another year :)

I don't think I regret anything I've EVER done, I've either gained or learned valuable lessons from all. It's the few things I didn't do that I'll always wonder about. But that's just me. I know many who regret doing things they've done, or wished they've could have done them differently.. but then, maybe they just lost the lesson that could have been learned.

Best of luck to you in all your choices :)

[MQTA]

my views are that sex should be waiting for marriage.

so there's my two cents on this issue. Everyone has their story and ideals. That's what makes the world go 'round.

Everyone can have regrets, whether they did something, or purposely went out of their way to resist and suppress their desires. And those people have to sleep with themselves every night. So if they're not doing what they feel is right through and through, they're the ones to suffer for it, either way.

As long as you're comfortable with your choices and the models you've had before you. Everyone I know who's waited until The Night is divorced. I don't say everyone who goes about this, I'm saying everyone that I know, that shared their intimate details, that are now divorced. (what's interesting is how they all seem to have gone about the break up's in a similar fashion, too)

Most all of the High School Sweethearts I know that only dated and married the One person are divorced now too, and wow, did they ever go wild afterwards.

Most all of the happy married people I know, who are still together, have all been with others prior to marriage, and they all feel it helped them KNOW they found the One to spend "The Rest" of their lives with. So far, they think it's life-long. Can never tell though, I get shocked every so often to hear of a 30+ yr long marriage break up. Not often, but it does happen.

Regardless of polls, regardless of what people Say, people make their decisions one moment at a time, and those moments lead to the next.

Good luck in your choices. As long as you're happy with yourself :)

[goofygirl16]

:angel: In today's society, it seems that sex outside of marriage is common. Take many of the 'teen' movies produced. Many depict sex outside the bounds of marriage as commonplace. Some movies have sex outside of marriage as the actual topic of the movie. What are your thoughts?
God is against pre-marital sex, so that means I am too.

[Christian Singer 84]

same here. God made sex for marriage. It's a gift that God gives us. If we open it before God wants us to, we can never close it up the way it was before.

[kicks]

no!!

[Neenie]

WELL I THINK IT IS COMPLEATLY MORRALY WRONG TO COPULATE BEFORE MATRIMONY, AND EVEN AFTER IT SHOULD NOT BE ENJOYED AND SHOULD ONLY BE SEEN AS A WAY OF CARRYING ON YOUR FAMILY!!!!!Well, you certainly got your point across! lol. I agree it's morally wrong before marriage. But I disagree that sex should not be enjoyed, as God made it enjoyable. And the song of Solomon states that.

[fluffy_rainbow]

WELL I THINK IT IS COMPLEATLY MORRALY WRONG TO COPULATE BEFORE MATRIMONY, AND EVEN AFTER IT SHOULD NOT BE ENJOYED AND SHOULD ONLY BE SEEN AS A WAY OF CARRYING ON YOUR FAMILY!!!!!


Whoa the caps lock key is the one between the Tab and Shift key. I'm blind. :cry: Anyway, um, God intended for sex between two married people to find pleasurable. Read Song of Soloman sometime. Sounds like the couple enjoy sex with one another. Not to mention, biologically speaking, a man cannot *coughs* further his legacy unless he enjoys the sex act. Without a male orgasm, procreation is not possible. In order to achieve that he must enjoy it. :)

[sjpianoprincess]

No!

[anna9559]

same here. God made sex for marriage. It's a gift that God gives us. If we open it before God wants us to, we can never close it up the way it was before.

:amen: i agree!

[SparkleDazzle]

It doesn't matter what the world says or does. Homosexuallity is common, Atheist is common doesn't make them right. God said it's wrong.

In today's society, it seems that sex outside of marriage is common. Take many of the 'teen' movies produced. Many depict sex outside the bounds of marriage as commonplace. Some movies have sex outside of marriage as the actual topic of the movie. What are your thoughts?

[lisarn]

I think you should wait until marriage because sex outside of marriage is wrong. It is better to be pure for your husband or wife.

[Miss Spaulding]

No! It's not.

[Saruman]

It doesn't matter what the world says or does. Homosexuallity is common, Atheist is common doesn't make them right. God said it's wrong.

That is about the most sensible thing I have heard for a long time. "What is right is not always popular, and what is popular is not always right" is another way to put it. Excellent post!

--Just wanted to add, the body is supposed to be a temple to God, so we should keep it pure and only do as God would have us do.

[lisarn]

God made sex not only for the bearing of children but he made it to be enjoyed between husband and wife.

[sweetlambofgod]

i feel it is ok if u and the person love each other

[Ceccia]

I asked this way back on...oh, I don't know, page 50 or so? ;) but have yet to get a response.

to the Christians who answered anything other than "absolutely not! wait until marriage", how did you come to believe that? Are there scripture verses that spoke to you that premarital sex is ok?

Please don't mis-understand, i am NOT judging you! Quite the opposite in fact--I've heard plenty my entire life thus far from the group of people who believe that God says no to premarital sex. I know why they believe as they do, the verses they use to back their beliefs, etc.

But I have not heard very much from the other side, and I am interested in what you have to say as well. :)

[jbgordon]

I think Im gonna go with the answer from God in his word...its wrong.

[Ceccia]

Christ did not specifically mention a lot of things, which does not necissarily mean that what He did not mention is wrong or right.

I'm not sure where I stand on this issue...

but your post made me wonder--if God took the time to give us His word and let us know what we need to know in order to live a holy life on earth...if something is truly very important, wouldn't He have spelled it out? Wouldn't there be specific verses condemning all extramarital sex?

I do wonder about those Greek word meanings and such. If It seems that some things have gotten 'lost in translation' (whether purposely or not) over the centuries, and I wish there was a way to find out exactly what the New Testament originally read, *exactly* translated from the original language.

sigh.:sigh:

[die2live]

God made sex for a man and a woman to enjoy within the boundaries of marriage. He designed man and woman to be able to fall in love and it is only when that happens that sex can truly be enjoyed(I'm speaking from my understanding of God and his rules. I'm not married and until I am, I proudly claim to be a virgin). Physically, it is pleasurable(I think) in any situation, but emotionally it tears lives apart and brings along unwanted diseases and children.

[cinni]

i lost my virginity before getting married and i am not saying it is wrong for everyone to do that i know what the bible says about it and so it needs to come down to a personal decision for every person whether they follow the bible or not.

however for myself personally if i could make the decision again i would have waited

[myfriend]

I also did not wait, but since I became a Christian I decided to be as much like Christ as possible and have not had sex since (10 years). God has blessed me with an awsome fiance and we have decided not even to kiss till marriage. If someone has premarital sex as a Christian, they can repent (stop having sex) and go back to God. If you do not repent, you will not make it.

[freyajem]

I'm not sure where I stand on this issue...

but your post made me wonder--if God took the time to give us His word and let us know what we need to know in order to live a holy life on earth...if something is truly very important, wouldn't He have spelled it out? Wouldn't there be specific verses condemning all extramarital sex?

I do wonder about those Greek word meanings and such. If It seems that some things have gotten 'lost in translation' (whether purposely or not) over the centuries, and I wish there was a way to find out exactly what the New Testament originally read, *exactly* translated from the original language.

sigh.:sigh:

It is just my personal opinion, but through a broken marriage, I have found that a good sexual relationship is important in a happy marriage, I found out after I married that there was no chance of good sex or any sex. I am surprised it lasted 30 plus years. If I were considering marriage again. I would make sure the marriage would stand a chance with good sex.

[Fly04~J~]

It should be wrong..it cannot be...you can't even touch an opposite sex...how can you have sex???
But for those who still stick with yes..should be ok..it's not wrong..I'm telling you..God doesn't like it..He will only bless our relationship when get married...and if u have problems..u should not blame God for what happened..coz u're the one who doesn't obey his words...Just one thing to remember everyone...pray more and let the Holy Spirit show u the rite way..

[I'm Lovin God Always]

It's indeed 100% wrong to have sex before marriage. Skim through the thread and you'll see all the answers why!

[freyajem]

It should be wrong..it cannot be...you can't even touch an opposite sex...how can you have sex???
But for those who still stick with yes..should be ok..it's not wrong..I'm telling you..God doesn't like it..He will only bless our relationship when get married...and if u have problems..u should not blame God for what happened..coz u're the one who doesn't obey his words...Just one thing to remember everyone...pray more and let the Holy Spirit show u the rite way..

WOW could you give me an idea of what that means? I am stumped.

[UnderGod]

Sex before marriage is wrong. The devil has deceived so many through our media outlets most don't know what's right or what's wrong.

[MQTA]

however for myself personally if i could make the decision again i would have waited

A lot of people say that, but maybe you wouldn't be just who you are without ALL the experiences you've had, good and bad.

I have heard the opposite too, some who've waited and regretted waiting, were disappointed, or ended up divorced within a few months/years anyway (and then they went WILD)

[k]

however for myself personally if i could make the decision again i would have waited


To piggy back off the good words MQTA had to offer...in my life, I have to come to realize (at least for me) that regret is the child of guilt. The parents of that child may be positive or negative, meaning the guilt may be from doing something wrong to others or self, or guilt from not doing things one wishes he/she would have done for a seemingly positive experience.

Through Christ's Love and Grace, I can FINALLY say I have NO regrets. The ONLY reason is that through God I have found forgiveness for all the bad decisions in my life; those that cost others pain as well as myself. At the same time, I don't regret not doing something I wish I would have done, mainly 'cause while I had an idea of the end result, in God's Truth, I had no way of knowing. In all of the emotions endured throughout the day, I do experience mystery, pain, anger, compassion, love, arrogance, humility, etc...but at the end of the day, there is Peace in Christ. To me, that means no guilt, no regrets.

As MQTA and others have pointed out, all of our past experiences help shape who we are today and who we become tomorrow.

To change just one of those experiences (good or bad) would mean to change who I am today, and through Christ, I love being me.

Thanks for reading my ramblings.:)

[chaplainjared]

The Answer Is In Your Bibles Everyone Who Said 'yes' Or 'not Sure'

[MQTA]

I don't regret not doing something I wish I would have done, :)

I don't regret anything I Have done. My only regrets are things that I could have done, should have done, would have done, but didn't, for whatever reason. 3 I can recall I even knew I'd regret not doing, but proceeded to not do them anyway. They're history now though, nothing more than points of reference.

Everything that I Have done has lead to a result which built upon the last. I try not to wonder about doing things differently, because then I would be different now, and would have had That to refer to, instead of what was. We really only know what has happened. If we did something else, we'd have different memories now.

For better or worse, all that's come before is unchangable, can only learn from it and move on, or self-torture yourself all your waking days.

[k]

For better or worse, all that's come before is unchangable, can only learn from it and move on, or self-torture yourself all your waking days.


Yes, sometimes I seem to have trouble grasping that whole "learn from it" part. I can make the mistakes, heck, if there were a Mistakes Olympics I'd have enough Gold Medals to build a pyramid.:) The learning from them has been challenging, but God is Patient and Loving beyond my comprehension. Because of that, I have been given the space needed to realize "Hey, I didn't like the way I felt when I did that before, why would I do it again?" (Ooops, here comes a direct thread related point.:) ) That is why I decided (a couple years ago) to stop having relations with women until it is a lifetime deal. Well, recently, made a decision, thought I had that situation, but she changed her mind.:cry: On December 23rd no less. LOL God is awesome, and was there all the time. Through the mistake, I learned quite a bit ( a LOT, hopefully), but what was reinforced is if I didn't at least take the chance, I would be going to bed at night wondering what if...

Now, I take the new lessons into a new day, into new chances.

[MQTA]

It is said that if you don't learn a lesson, it will repeat... through different people, different circumstances.. but same lesson.

That's why divorced women seem to end up with multiple divorces, they keep marrying the same 'type' that lands them in divorce.

[masrhy]

well before i became a christian i did have sex with someone and in the end he couldn't care less about me. Then when i started going to church i realised that he just wasn't worth it ! he didn't love me infact he was using me! thanks to god i got out of that relationship! but the fact remains i still gave him my virginity and it wasn't even right as he didn't feel the same way as i did :( and i have massive regrets about it now so maybe waiting till im married (going to be hard but i'll try my hardest) will be a good idea for me to know that im giving my body to the right person. A person should respect there temple not just go letting it loose all over the place so sometimes its better to wait for that special person wherever he is :D because i haven't found mine yet but i know i will do if i wait patiently!

xmarshyx

[MQTA]

Or at least 18 when it's legal for you to make that decision.

[PaladinGirl]

I originally voted no but if I had to vote again, I'd vote yes. I see nothing wrong with sex before marriage and I don't believe it is a sin.

[freyajem]

I would consider that an individual choice

[MQTA]

I would consider that an individual choice Initially. But then, it takes at least another. For some, the desire precludes opportunity so it doesn't really matter what they'd do if they're never in a situation to put it to the test.

I thought the age of consent being 16 was great, most of my life, until my own daughter turned 16. While many of her peers have done some pretty wild things, I was kinda glad she didn't. Still hasn't as far as we know, and it's not because anyone told her she should or shouldn't. She made her own decision based upon her own feelings, circumstance, wants and desires. We've always had open dialogue and used people and events she knew of as lessons for her so she could decide to make the same choices, or not. She surprises us, even. :)

On the other hand, her friends and cousins with all the 'experience' are whom you all say shouldn't be doing what they're doing. Her friends were told not to, probably every Sunday, yet they all have, to some degree, from what we've been privvy to. She was told she had to make her own choices, given as much facts as she could absorb, and with no future promises, up til now, hasn't. She's nothing like her parents were, but she seems to be happy in her choices so far. The ones she wasn't, she learned from.

[k]

It is said that if you don't learn a lesson, it will repeat... through different people, different circumstances.. but same lesson.

That's why divorced women seem to end up with multiple divorces, they keep marrying the same 'type' that lands them in divorce.

There is more truth in those sentences than I am able to communicate. I have lived in many different cities, known a great many people, but when I look back through hazy memories, there are clear lines of consistencies, even in the inconsistencies. I have been my own worst enemy, and in every situation that did not turn out well, it has been realized that at the end of the day, it was always more of my desires than someone else's blame.

I have witnessed myself and friends go through the same relationships with the same people, only the names and addresses changed. The upside is, each one seems to be a step closer to where it should be for a healthy, growing partnership. I grew up in a house where the wife was the dominator, and I mean that with a capital "D." Without even consciously realizing it, I would, on some level, seek and commit to the same type of women. Thank goodness it has been revealed, or I'd be in my adopted parent's house again. Only this time my name would be on the bills.

[woman.at.the.well]

The bible says NO so I voted no since that is where I base my principles from these days :) Blessings all!:amen:

[Tavita]

The bible says NO so I voted no since that is where I base my principles from these days :) Blessings all!:amen:


I totally agree.

(Act 15:29) that you abstain from things sacrificed to idols and from blood and from things strangled and from fornication; if you keep yourselves free from such things, you will do well. Farewell."

[encouraging_angels1]

Sex Before Marriage Is A Sin


Only Have Sex After Marriage

[kellyp1967]

It's one of the commandments. We definately should not have sex before marriage. The world is too casual with sex now. And it's true, we ARE the temple of God's Holy Spirit. We aren't supposed to take anything into our temple that isn't holy.

[squeak]

It's against God's will. It's wrong!

[freyajem]

It's one of the commandments. We definately should not have sex before marriage. The world is too casual with sex now. And it's true, we ARE the temple of God's Holy Spirit. We aren't supposed to take anything into our temple that isn't holy.

What commandment is that? Seems like a personal choice to me as long as no one is being hurt. However, if you tell me the commandment, I may change my mind.:)

[MQTA]

http://www.beliefnet.com/features/chastity_chart.html good site for comparisons

[MQTA]

another interesting site: http://www.holisticwisdom.com/sex-before-marriage.htm

Personally, the opinion I think counts the most is your own! The most important thing you can ever do for yourself is trust your own judgment, listen to your heart and your own logic. Don't give your power away, do what is right for you.

With all that's on the web nowadays, any questions you have you can usually find Both sides of the equation and all opinions in the middle. It's a lot different now that it's ever been.

[Ceccia]

The judgmental tone in some of these posts is really making me sick.

[fluffy_rainbow]

The judgmental tone in some of these posts is really making me sick.

Care to elaborate? Why not call a spade a spade here? Pre-marital sex is a sin. There is no way around it. If someone can find a Bible verse that proves fornication is a-ok so long as you love the person I'd be most eager to see it.

[Sacrifice]

God clearly states that sex outside marriage is a sin. It all depends whether you believe in God or not.
God Bless.

[Seeking...]

God clearly states that sex outside marriage is a sin. It all depends whether you believe in God or not.
God Bless.

No - it about whether you believe in the God described by the Christian Bible. A lot of people believe in God - but not that one. I believe in God and generally speaking - He doesn't care about our sex lives - not a priority...

[Im_A]

well let's look at this for a quick moment.

Paul told us that if a man and a woman cannot resist physical lust, they should get married. now that either means someone who is mentally conflicted or they are struggling with having sex with each other.

now on the flip note, according to scriptures as a whole, it seems a celibate, single life is favored for. i mean it makes sense, less "distractions." i think we know where Paul clearly talks about this.

now i'm not saying it is ok for sex outside of marriage, but at the same time, it makes you wonder. sexual promiscuity is a sin for sure. but what if, let's say, two believers truly love each other and they struggle with not having sex (meaning they have sex/make love)? well the apporpiate thing would be marriage very soon, according to scriptures (marriage, not careers). so with that in mind, i think it gives us a little bit more grace to give to Christians who struggles with sex outside of marriage. i think it gives us more grace and more appropiate advise to give, to those who do. i think the appropiate advise to give to someone in a relationship that they cannot refrain from it is, to try to get them thinking if they really want to spend the rest of their lives with that person, and if they are, they better be speeding up the process to getting married to be pure in the eyes of God, and if they can't, then maybe they should stop having sex and re-evaluate things.

i will always favor sex after marriage, but i can't say when the situation comes for myself again, what am i going to do this next time? i dont' make promises with this issue on days that i am not promised yet. we cannot justly make a prediction for moments that can never be prepared for. so for myself, i remain that sex after marriage is the best way to go, but if it doesn't happen for me, and if i give in to the physical matters of the relationship, then i will trust and have faith in God that He with my help and whoever that girl will be's help, that we will make it work and strengthen the relationship to the point that marriage would come quicker to remain pure in God's eyes.

plues i want to add this for thought: there is a difference between fornication/sexual promiscuity and two people who love each other so much that they cannot resist physicaly temptations to make love to one another. that's a big difference. it happens on all sides, meaning Christian and non-Christian. the non-Christians have their own way of dealing with it, and Christians have their own. again with Paul's words, the best way to deal with it is to get married. this issue, to me is a personal base issue. promiscuity is sin for sure, and i would even say for a Christian couple to make love before marriage, with no hopes or plans of getting married, that is the same thing as promisucity. but when two believers in Christ cannot resist it, then marriage is the appropiate thing to remain pure in God's eyes. their love for one another is pure, but marriage must be in place to keep it pure and holy if sexual acts are going to take place. this is how i see how the Christian side should deal with it. non-Christians are never going to agree with the Christian perspective on sex because they aren't Christian. now some other religions promote celibacy before marriage, and that's fine. both sides has consequences. people make the choice. non-christians have very good relationships and i'm sure they didn't wait till marriage. Christians that didn't wait, but married the person have great relationships too, and Christians that wait have good marriages too. some don't too. that's life.

[rachewil15]

No!! God wouldn't approve, now would He?

[lonnienord]

GOD does not approve of sex outside of marriage!! GOD gave us sex for two reasons. 1. procreate and 2. to strengthen marriage. any other use of sex is sinful!!

all for JESUS!!
lonnie

[Screamin'Eagle]

i dont see a problem, as long as you really love the person because in my opinion marriage doesnt have to be an official marriage by a minister to be considered marriage in Gods eyes...their wasnt always the marriage ceremony that we have nowadays you know.

[sothankful]

Caley,

I agree with your point of view, but put pre-sex is wrong. Biblically it is, but
in real life, I am not sure anymore because it is so important in a relationship
no matter how much you say it isn't.

It was given to us by God, as a reward for our commitment to another, opposite sex,
partner, but it is also the most powerful feeling in the world.

So powerful that it will lead others to betray their country, etc...

Also, in my experience, for the Christian people who have waited, they are just as much divorced, cheating, or whatever, as those who didn't wait.

Sad but true.

[waterbear]

Some arguments that the Bible does say that premarital sex is a sin:

- The usual issue is that 'fornication' as used in the King James Bible and later versions is not an exact translation of the earlier Greek version. The translation correct translation I've heard stated the most is 'sexual immorality'. Assuming that is the issue:

a) Christ preached largely to Jews, presumably he used 'sexual immorality' as it would relate to someone of the Jewish faith. This faith is detailed in the Old Testament. The Old Testament does specify that a woman at least should be a virgin at marriage or that the person to whom a woman loses her virginity should be her husband. Thus fornication would seem to have qualified as 'sexual immorality'.

b) God foreknew the impact of the King James Bible and used the translators to provide the correct wording. 'Sexual immorality' per a) would likely be mistrued by the gentiles so perhaps 'fornication' was intended to clarify the meaning to later generations.

[Raheelah]

sex outside of marriage is a no no - no comprimise :) ;) :D :cool: :P :wave: :thumbsup: :amen: :clap: :hug: :preach: :prayer: :groupray: :bow: :angel:

[Zoomer]

No, sex is meant to be enjoyed within the confines of marriage.

[k]

Forcing (by guilt) people into marriage for sex leads to a loveless and sexless marriage, of course, that's just IMAO. :)

[~RENEE~]

1 Corinthians 7:8&9 States it is better to marry than to burn.


Sex outside of marriage is sin.

[k]

1 Corinthians 7:8&9 States it is better to marry than to burn.


Sex outside of marriage is sin.

But there were no divorce lawyers back then.;)

Not arguing what is or is not a sin. We are all sinners who sin every single day. Just offering the possibility that when we pressure people out of our own self-righteousness, instead of loving and supporting them, more pain than necessary is created.

[Lithium Hobo]

Yes, it's fine. It's okily dokily. :D Nothing wrong with it. It's a loving act.

[Waylon]

Check it out yawl! I Cor. 7:9 "But if they (the unmarried) have not self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion." It sure doesn't say if you can't control yourself, just have sex with someone. It says to get married, where sex is meant to be. Pretty clear to me. Only after seeing this thread and remembering something about this passage did I realize what it was saying. Sex is to be within marriage.

[Waylon]

oops...didn't see furrysmommy's reply, props furrysmommy!

[donnarina]

marriage between two people is supposed to be sacred and special saved til the two people in love are married

[MQTA]

1 Corinthians 7:8&9 States it is better to marry than to burn.


Sex outside of marriage is sin.

1 Corinthians 14:33-35

I can't comment about Paul and his letters here.

[Colabomb]

1 Corinthians 14:33-35

I can't comment about Paul and his letters here.
To us they are Scripture :)

[k]

1 Corinthians 14:33-3533 For God is not the author of confusion, but of peace, as in all churches of the saints. 34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. 35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

I can't comment about Paul and his letters here.

That's too bad 'cause I bet there would be some useful and insightful commentary.:wave:

To me, that verse shows many things. Historical context, Paul's ability to understand the need for maintaining some semblence of peace, and how we have grown over the years. IMAO, it shows that not all instructions for believers are set in stone, but rather there for guidance and the need for discernment.

I think God allowed certain misrepresentations to happen in scripture to help reveal the motivations of people when they read it. Meaning, those who would hold stronger to the above verse versus the many chapters of scripture teaching about love and humility are displaying more of a need for power and control than for unification and edification of all of God's Children.

Even though Paul praised women for their participation in the ministry, he also showed some contempt. But, I am always led to wonder if it was real contempt, or Paul trying to pacify certain people.

[MQTA]

I've been reading this site the last few days... http://www.geocities.com/paulntobin/paulorigin.html is one of the pages I'm in the middle of... I'm in the middle of many, I keep following links. I have 7 of that sites pages open in different tabs.

I'm starting to see a bigger picture than I saw before. Getting a much better insight to Peter, John, James and Paul. Paul seems to have written his Epistles for specific reasons and for specific audiences during a specific time.

That site is really well put together. I'm not sure the answer to this poll can be answered Properly for all to follow, but whatever one believes to answer for themselves. Most people make one decision and then wonder about the road not travelled. Some are happy they didn't travel it, others wish they had.

[jesusfreck120]

why are yall even arguing i can tell you right now that sex outside of marrege is wrong

[integra evan]

Sex is to wait until marraige.

[AliveInChrist]

I made my True Love Waits pledge a few months ago. I'm very happy I did it. I love my husband already, even though I probably haven't met him yet:)! Sex is great, and it is a gift from God! But it is only for within a marriage.

[Waylon]

I've been reading this site the last few days... http://www.geocities.com/paulntobin/paulorigin.html is one of the pages I'm in the middle of... I'm in the middle of many, I keep following links. I have 7 of that sites pages open in different tabs.

I'm starting to see a bigger picture than I saw before. Getting a much better insight to Peter, John, James and Paul. Paul seems to have written his Epistles for specific reasons and for specific audiences during a specific time.

That site is really well put together. I'm not sure the answer to this poll can be answered Properly for all to follow, but whatever one believes to answer for themselves. Most people make one decision and then wonder about the road not travelled. Some are happy they didn't travel it, others wish they had.

I think you have a good point. Sometimes it does help to understand why the writer is talking, who is it for and all other things. I believe thinking in this way can help understand chap 7 of I Cor. It starts out saying this: verse 1 "Now as to the matters of which you wrote me. It is well for a man not touch a woman but to remain unmarried." From this you can see that the people at this church prob had the same discussion we are having now and wrote to Paul asking his advice. Now this could be considered his opinion because Paul had quoted before that one of his gifts was a low desire for marriage, for a lack of better words, and there are a lot of benefits to being unmarried. He then contiues with this statement: verse 2 "But because of the temptation to impurity and to avoid immorality, let each (man) have his own wife and let each (woman) have her own husband." Again his "opinion" is to get married but his reasoning is not an opinion. It is to avoid immorality, and to avoid the temptation to impurity. These statements can only be God breathed because He is the judge of morality, unless He made Paul the new writer of what is pure and moral.

I hope this makes sense MQTA, I think this is what you were getting at. The fact that times were different then and all that. I think if you understand when Paul is giving advice and when it is just a straight truth from God, there is a lot of freedom.

[Jesusfan4ever]

I believe it's wrong outside of marriage.

[Lordismyobsession16]

I made my True Love Waits pledge a few months ago. I'm very happy I did it. I love my husband already, even though I probably haven't met him yet:)! Sex is great, and it is a gift from God! But it is only for within a marriage.

Congrats!:D And I completely agree.

[shari54]

No!

[lingjanet]

It is totaly wrong. In bible, if you have sex outside marriage that mean you are in LUST.

NO LUST, AS A CHRISTIAN


but if western country, sex outside marriage it sound so common to them although they are a chritsian. for me i'm totaly not encourage.

[ysl_75]

I vote as 'NO'.

[7hfreak92]

Sex befor marriage is DEFINETLY NOT RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DAllen]

Think of it this way...On the surface it appears that God is being a great cosmic killjoy by not allowing sex outside of marriage. He limits our response to our desires. It seems he puts our desires and his commands in conflict. But ask yourself this, "what would happen to the world wide spread of AIDS if EVERYONE followed this simple command?" AIDS and all the other STDs would virtually disappear. Maybe not completely but bring a halt to the epidemic. I realize that this is a *tad* idealistic but worth adding to this thread...

-DAllen

[Quentin]

I am not going to say what I voted. All I will say is...listen to yor heart

[Philippians 4:13]

No....after marriage definatly

[ilovechrist2005]

i said no

[lost_and_found]

NO.

[bill66man]

What's truly frustrating about this thread for me is that there are sooooo many 'No sex before marriage' responses without any scriptural justifications to back them up--Just knee jerk reactions like, 'Because God said it!', or 'It's in the bible!', or one of my favorite ones yet--'Check out the previous posts in this thread!' If you were studying for law and this topic came up, you'd have flunked the first day of class.

Regardless of whether or not you believe Sex before Marriage is right or wrong, there is no scripture in the bible that specifically says 'Thou shalt not have sex before marriage.' Someone please tell me where that scripture is. Anyone.

There are, however, a few scriptures that could be interpreted that sex before marriage is wrong, if you are willing to include the notion of sex before marriage is a type of fornication.

One indicator is in Hebrews 13:4, where it says: 'Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.' No mention of premarital sex there, unless you throw it into the 'immoral' category. The King James says, 'But whoremongers and Adulterers God will judge.' Does anyone know what a whoremonger is? It's a pimp and/or someone who regularly solicits prostitutes. That's a pretty drastic contrast--Your'e either married or your seeing prostitutes or having affairs.

Here's the one thing that people haven't really talked about on this thread: There is a big difference between sexual intimacy and lust. If someone is struggling with lust before marriage, they will likely struggle with it afterwards. Marriage is not a sexual cure all. Lust kills love and unless it is dealt with, will kill a marriage. If you really think about it, Paul--a single evangelist who insisted on staying single--is giving advice to married couples to do what? Stay Married. And too singles? stay single. Gee, that's pretty profound; well, not really--coming from a single person. But the last part--to those who can't contain themselves--go ahead and get married. Wait a minute--persons who can't contain themselves? In what way? If you can't contain yourself, sounds to me like you are struggling with something pretty serious, and marriage, honey, ain't the cure.

Paul's answer seemed to be more the cultural answer of the day back then for those struggling with lust issues. Get married--that'll fix it. I seem to recall other cultural issues of the day that Paul addressed that we today don't seem to give two hoots about--Long hair on men, no short hair on women, women keeping quiet in the churches, etc. Just something to ponder...
Sexual intimacy, on the other hand, comes from getting to know someone at a deep, emotional level and developing an attraction to them based on who they are, not what they look like. Chew on that for a while guys (and girls), it may be too big for some of you to swallow. My question is, having established that type of attraction in a relationship and not lust-based attraction (i.e. commiting adultery in your heart), is sex before getting married still wrong? I'm not so sure it is, but then again, I haven't yet completely made up my mind on this subject.

And then there are the consequences to sex, before or after marriage. Someone once told me, 'If you're ready to have a baby, then your ready to have sex.' Sex is a wonderful and quite often irresponsibly used gift. There is always a risk of pregnancy when having sex--regardless of whatever birth control method you choose. So if you're not ready for the ultimate consequences, then you should abstain.

So I said all of that to say this: I used to be very 'wait until marriage' minded--and still am in most cases. But the more I read the bible, the more I see that this is an issue that has long been more of a doctrinal/cultural 'tradition' in the churches than some kind of 11th commandment somewhere in scriptures that I haven't read yet. This is probably why there are so many people with knee jerk reactions like 'No--it's just wrong' on this thread without having any scriptures to back it up. They only believe it because that's what they were taught. I don't care which way you believe--at least give me a good argument your answer.

At the very least Sex IMO should be held off until the later stages of a relationship when 2 people have gotten to know each other at a deep, emotional level. And if that's after the wedding vows have been exchanged, more power to you.

Sorry for being so long winded, but after reading all 112 pages of this thread, you'd be that way too! :)

[MQTA]

great first post! Welcome to CF :)

[cowgirl chic]

it clearly states in the bible that sex if for the married couple...nothing else is accepted by God

[MQTA]

This guy Chrisbot keeps following me around!

I guess we'll see what happens when a Poll has more than 1000 replies now. Will the poll be carried forth to the splinter?


Great thread everyone.

I guess it all boils down to this: You make your bed, and sleep in it. :)

[ChrisBot]

This thread was split automatically after 1000 replies and this thread has been automatically closed.
The new thread automatically created is here: "Sex before, with or after marriage? (2)" (http://www.christianforums.com/t1240930)