I have a friend who is asking advice on something. Can someone help?

[Vollkommen Warrior]

Hi,

To make a long-story short, he does not know what to do about a situation and has asked my advice.

His wife's ex-boyfriend (a 2 week relationship from 18 years ago) has been in a supposedly (platonic) relationship with the wife's mom for 18 years. The mom has spoken with the ex-boyfriend nearly every day since then. My friend wants nothing to do with him and thinks the whole situation is strange and potentially harmful to the family. The wife's mom wants to have the ex b-friend over for thanksgiving dinner. My friend wants to do the christian thing and be accepting but has very strong feelings against letting this person in. He wants to know what he should do. I am thinking no but am not sure what to tell him. :confused:

[muguly]

Tell them the truth: he should let everyone know how he feels and let things happen. He has to trust that things won't go wrong.

[Bryan Cotton]

His wife's ex-boyfriend (a 2 week relationship from 18 years ago) has been in a supposedly (platonic) relationship with the wife's mom for 18 years.

first my answer then some questions.

My answer, let the ex-boyfriend come to thanksgiving dinner. If it was a "2 week" relationship that happened "18 years ago," what could possible happen. It was a 2 week relationship...18 YEARS AGO.

My questions.

1) Is your friend and wife Chrisitians. If so then a ex-boyfriend from 18 years ago should have THAT much power to do anything that would make the two fall into sin.

2) Why did the mother stay friends with her duaghter ex-boyfirned if it was a 2 week relationship? Did the ex-boyfriend know your friends wife a long time before the 2 week relationship.

3) did you friends wife stay in contact with this ex-boyfriend during the pas 18 years.

I ask these questions because it may change my answer to your question.

[Servant of Jesus]

Oh my goodness- if we excluded everyone from the past that might have some linkage to the present, we'd really be in trouble.

I don't think there is any harm in this- unless it becomes apparent that there is some ulterior motive here. But I wouldn't go on the assumption that there is- quite the contrary, I think it is important to have faith in human beings. 99.99% of them won't let you down.

[Vollkommen Warrior]

You guys are great. Thanks for the input!

Let me answer some of your questions:

1. My friend is Christian and his wife was raised jewish but opened minded to Christianity and Jesus and learning ..slow but getting there..
2. No. That is the weird part. Years ago she swore they had something going on and she stole the boyfriend. Now she denies it. and if there was something there before and he dumped the now wife for the mom..that might spell trouble.. I dunno.
3. Yes and no. He cut her hair and the moms hair (he was a stylist). My friend didnt like it but allowed it. They had no other contact than that but I think moving closer to the family makes my friend uncomfortable.

[Servant of Jesus]

Of course, there is always this silly little wonder about what might have been- but if you're grounded in your faith, and are happy in your relationship, then there really should be nothing to worry about.

I bet many people have met people from the past that they once had a fascination for- but who then, many years later, really weren't that appealing anymore.

The reverse seems to be true less often- I do have one friend, though, who had a high school sweetheart, then moved half way around the world chasing a job and lost track of her, but then met her again 30 years later quite by accident- and married her, and remains happily married to this day!

[Bryan Cotton]

He cut her hair and the moms hair (he was a stylist). My friend didnt like it but allowed it. They had no other contact than that but I think moving closer to the family makes my friend uncomfortable.

With that beinbg said, I see absolutely no harm in inviting him to Thanksgiving dinner. If he's not going to prompt your friends wife into cheating or something like that (which to me is a long shot at this point,) then invite the guy and have a good time.

[Vollkommen Warrior]

Sounds like good advice. Thanks everyone for your help.

[kellyc]

hey i was wondering if the wife's mom and the former bf are involved. i don't see it as a threat to the husband in any case.

[e. barrett]

If your friend is having this much angst about the relationship, he really needs to be honest with her and let her know (gently, kindly, and in a Christ-like way). My guess is the far greater risk is that your friend behaves jealously (or strangely, rudely, whatever :) ), and that creates more of a wedge than anything a boyfriend from 18 years ago could.

[little_tigress]

hmm wait... so your friend's wife's ex is interested in your friends mother-in-law and not his wife? if thats the case then i don't really see what the problem is :scratch:

it might be strange that her mother stole her boyfriend or that she's friends (or more) with him 18 years later but really assuming the mom and the ex are both single (if there's something more than friendship going on) and your friends wife has moved on since then (considering she's married i think its probably safe to assume she has) then i'm not sure how his presence at one meal could inflict any harm, unless your friend has decided not to be civil to him for some reason or something.

i would really wonder why it matters so much to your friend who his MIL chooses to be friends with.