Former atheist... struggling

[alexwylde]

I was raised in a Mormon family, but it just didn't click with me. So I kind of just distanced myself from practicing organized religion. And up until a few months ago, I was a pretty religious atheist ( ;) ). Now, I wasn't just the apathetic atheist, but I was quite interested in the spiritual realm. Because much of my thoughts were preoccupied with the nature of religion in general, I accumulated a multitude of very convincing reasons why it is very likely that no religion is true. I then realized that I can't really know for sure what is or isn't out there, so I began to call myself an agnostic. Then after an interesting experience, I became a theist. Since then I have accepted Jesus Christ as my savior. But now I'm just kind of struggling. So many of the reasons that I was an atheist in the first place are constantly filling my thoughts.

I mean... I just don't know whether I believe in God because I want to believe, or because he is actually there. And I'm constantly reminded of my atheistic arguments when I hear from my family. I mean, what makes the beliefs of my Mormon family wrong, and the beliefs of all of you right? (Mormons technically ARE Christians, but I'm betting most of you think they are wrong.) Why are THEY the ones being deceived, and you are the ones not being deceived? Mormons say born-agains (and other religious people) don't have the "true" gospel and are not listening to the "true" will of the spirit, while Christians say the exact same thing about Mormons (and other religions). Mormons are trying their hardest to please God, and so are you, but you are doing it in different ways and both claim to be doing the same thing. I pray all the time, and genuinely want to know the truth. Sometimes I think, There are so many people who don't even care whether God is there. And yet, I'm trying so hard to know his presence and I'm not even getting a response. You'd think if he was there, he'd let the ones who WANT to know, know.

I don't know.... I know some of those thoughts are kind of "not Christian", but isn't it convenient that any train of thought that contradicts Christianity, is "of the devil", or "of the world"?:confused::confused::confused:

Ugh... Sorry. These are just the things that go through my head when I try to know if God is there or not. All I want is the truth. Nothing more... nothing less. And I really am trying to find it out. But just seem to be coming up short. I'm just going on faith right now. I'm trying to believe in him. I hope he sees it.

Help/Advice if you have it. Prayers welcome:).
Your thoughts are genuinely appreciated.

[Bellicus]

I think there is no logical or scientifically reason to either believe or not believe, all of it got to do with faith. Even if you saw Jesus him self with your own eyes, even if you saw a miracle, then that might just have been in your head, something you made up, and a placebo.

So it all comes down to faith. If you believe in God, you should hang on to this, I don't think you ever will regret it. Read your bible instead of things that make you doubt. You reap what you sow.

God bless :)

[LilLamb219]

Have you asked God to keep giving you assurance of His existence? Sometimes, like Thomas, we need a little more proof for our doubt. He finds ways to give us that proof. I get mine by reading the bible (cover to cover helped greatly) because His Word changed my mind on many things.

[Also]

I will pray for you. Have faith in our Lord, he is there watching you now. Reading the Bible and talking with the Lord can help greatly. May God bless you.

[Criada]

All I want is the truth. Nothing more... nothing less. And I really am trying to find it out. But just seem to be coming up short. I'm just going on faith right now. I'm trying to believe in him. I hope he sees it.


I know what it's like to be there, brother.
The thing is, faith is a gift... you don't have to 'do' anything... and you are certainly not falling short in any way. Everyone has periods when they find faith hard... but, you will come through it.
You are seeking Him, and He promises that those who seek will find.
Try not to strive... take time to just sit quietly, and let God speak to your heart.
And remember, however you feel, you are infinitely precious to God, and loved unconditionally.

Praying for you. :hug:

[Radiata]

Yes, I know what it's like too. Fact remains, there are ways to answer any question one might have. You mentioned that you have found reasons why no religion can be true, but since then you have decided that you want to believe in something. Maybe a good step would be to tell us what is bothering you among this arsenal of doubt creating reasons and we would be able to help you. I remember people at work trying to debunk Christianity with their arguments over and over again, and there wasn't anything that I could not answer. This eventually led them to asking questions and trying to find out what the bible really does say and how it can help them. Perhaps it can help with you. Are there any questions you might have that we can help solve for you?

[alexwylde]

Yes, I know what it's like too. Fact remains, there are ways to answer any question one might have. You mentioned that you have found reasons why no religion can be true, but since then you have decided that you want to believe in something. Maybe a good step would be to tell us what is bothering you among this arsenal of doubt creating reasons and we would be able to help you. I remember people at work trying to debunk Christianity with their arguments over and over again, and there wasn't anything that I could not answer. This eventually led them to asking questions and trying to find out what the bible really does say and how it can help them. Perhaps it can help with you. Are there any questions you might have that we can help solve for you?


I guess one thing I wonder about is Hell and who is going there. I understand that we need to accept Jesus as our savior and develop a relationship with him. But I just heard a sermon on the radio the other day, in which the pastor was saying that there will be a lot of "Christians" who do things that are "Christian" but don't really know Jesus. He said only about 25% of people who call themselves Christians actually have a working relationship with God. He said there will be a lot of people who go to Jesus and he will reply "Go away from me, for I do not know you" (or whatever that scripture says). Let's say 25% of the 2 billion Christians today are going to live with God when they die. That is 1/4th of 1/3rd of the earth's population. That's 8.3% of the people on the earth at this moment. That's not even considering all the other people who have ever lived (I won't speculate as to what those numbers would be, but I'm guessing the overall percentage would be even lesser than 8.3).

So great--8.3% of us are going to Heaven. That means that 91.7% of us are going to suffer ETERNALLY. (unless there's something I don't understand, which is quite possible.) To me, that seems like an awful large portion of God's creation that is not going to live with Him in eternity. And if God knows everything, then he knew that this many people would not return to him. And, IMHO, if you are going to create billions of people, knowing full well that 90% of them are going to SUFFER ETERNALLY, you're not being so benevolent.

I guess that's just one thing I'm wondering about. I tell myself that God is a lot more benevolent than people give him credit for and that the atonement covers a lot more than most people are willing to admit. But these are just my own thoughts, which I'm sure very few pastors would agree with.

[Bellicus]

I heard a joke once: One day a guy came to heaven and St.Peter was showing him around in the many rooms of heaven: "Here is the room of the Catholics, and here are the Protestants, here's the Salvation Army, here is the Baptists, here is the Anglicans...." Then suddenly he got interrupted by a lot of noise from people that was singing and praying loudly. "What is going on there?" asked the man, "Shhh!" said St.Peter "That's where the pentecostal is hanging out, and they think they are here alone"

But anyway, I think many will be surprised about who is and is not in heaven. There will be more people then one can count (revelations). And if there's one thing I'm 100% sure about that is: There will be nothing to say about Gods judgment. He is love, so he can't do anything bad, including things that got to do with eternity. He is justice, so nothing unfair will happen. He is wisdom, so there will be no stupid decisions.

[heymikey80]

I guess I see it a little differently.

God made us, and we're the ones defying Him. Who's really responsible -- the 90% defying God's inestimable benevolence, or the One Who offers that benevolence to all, knowing that only 10% will receive it?

And would it have been better for 0% to receive God's benevolence?

Just looking at the numbers, it is amazing to me that God would give 10% of the murderers of His Son, eternal life. I wouldn't do that -- I wouldn't even do that to someone who killed you, and I barely know you exist. To me that's a profound, baffling favor.

[heymikey80]

Then after an interesting experience, I became a theist. Since then I have accepted Jesus Christ as my savior. But now I'm just kind of struggling. So many of the reasons that I was an atheist in the first place are constantly filling my thoughts.

I mean... I just don't know whether I believe in God because I want to believe, or because he is actually there.
This often happens following on a direct personal experience.

I've barely and rarely had direct personal experience, I come from a very cerebral, factual, mundane background into Christianity. I can tell you that the existence of non-physical reality is an easy case to make, even outside Christianity.

And the best, unbiased historical attribution I can make was that 2000 years ago, an itinerant preacher in Judea was crucified as an enemy of the Roman State -- and days later his body was gone, and his closest, most familiar disciples were overwhelmed with excitement that they'd seen him alive after death. There's very little to explain this event in history except these disciples' explanation: Jesus really had become alive after death.
And I'm constantly reminded of my atheistic arguments when I hear from my family. I mean, what makes the beliefs of my Mormon family wrong, and the beliefs of all of you right? (Mormons technically ARE Christians, but I'm betting most of you think they are wrong.) Why are THEY the ones being deceived, and you are the ones not being deceived?
Because we believe in a supernatural reality that is injected into this world. Mormons believe in an imaginary history and God of the New World, a reinstitution of this God's church, and some special privilege, as if it's real.
Mormons say born-agains (and other religious people) don't have the "true" gospel and are not listening to the "true" will of the spirit, while Christians say the exact same thing about Mormons (and other religions).
I'm sure you've heard plenty of quack doctors saying the same thing about real doctors as real doctors say about them. Who's right? The ones with the really critical points of reality behind them. Doctors may be wrong about a bunch of things -- but they're right on critical points, points that impact your life or death.

Supernatural reality is tougher to confirm than science reality. But it's reality nevertheless.
Mormons are trying their hardest to please God, and so are you, but you are doing it in different ways and both claim to be doing the same thing.
Uh, hm. I'd have to come back to this, but as a conservative Christian I'm sure, trying my hardest, but knowing it's not even making a dent in what God justly desires for me. We rely on God's grace -- always. Just in case ... hm, y'know what grace is?
I pray all the time, and genuinely want to know the truth. Sometimes I think, There are so many people who don't even care whether God is there. And yet, I'm trying so hard to know his presence and I'm not even getting a response. You'd think if he was there, he'd let the ones who WANT to know, know.
Yes, in fact God does. But there's a lot He's got to rebuild when He's addressing people who've been burned by religion. I know it's hard to be patient.

Plus, there are a lot of people intent on getting their own views across. God's working with that as well. There's more than you in this journey, so it can get confusing. God is able to unconfuse you though. Look to Him, and look to what He says.
I don't know.... I know some of those thoughts are kind of "not Christian", but isn't it convenient that any train of thought that contradicts Christianity, is "of the devil", or "of the world"?:confused::confused::confused:
ROFL! Yeah, don't stress over unChristian or even sinful thoughts. If you have them and recognize them, bring 'em to God and to your mentors.

Honestly, self-awareness of your state is a wonderful thing. You need work. We all need work, believe me. I know some of the answers because I've had some of the same problems. Answers come from problems.

The way out of a problem is normally not by ignoring, accepting, or suppressing the problem. The way out of a problem is by seeing something new about God, or yourself, or the problem. That new insight will redeem your problem into sheer gold for others with the same problem. So struggle with the problem. But look for redemption. Share it with God, tell Him you know it's in your way. Look for why.

These are great. I dunno if this is where the moderators want these questions asked, but they're great. Thank you for cracking them open.